She nods, with a full heart and takes the offered gift from John’s hand.
“It’s got Landslide, Crazy On You and a few more. It is fantastic to hear your voice Lynn. You are incredible.”
Lynn is speechless. John gives her arm a squeeze.
“Don’t tell my parents anything, okay? We need to tell them in person.”
Lynn agrees, even though she has never admitted to having a relationship with John’s parents. When John called to let her know he was taking the house for the summer, of course Lynn had called his parents. It is their house after all. Jane had begged Lynn to keep an eye out for John and Lynn took that request very seriously. People don’t ask much of Lynn these days. She worked to find John the perfect neighbor and made arrangements with Jane to get Anna into 517. Lynn couldn’t leave it at that though. She switched their keys so they would meet the very first day. John doesn’t need to know any of this, of course, and he won’t learn it from Lynn.
“Will you reconsider coming to Austin for the wedding?” John asks.
Lynn shakes her head. She doesn’t travel. One more hug and John and Anna walk out the door.
"Lady, we did it!" Lynn tells her disinterested cat. She will play the CD at the cemetery on Sunday.
Six
John and Anna fly to Austin together, pick up a rental car, and drive straight to the Halloway home. Tree-lined Matthews Street in West Austin is popular with older, more affluent residents. Despite the close proximity to downtown Austin, there is a feel of a much greater distance from any urban community.
Anna nervously spins her ring as John pulls into the driveway. She turns it so the diamond faces in without mentioning it to John. His parents are sitting under the covered porch of the stone house, waiting. Anna glances at John and can see he is nervous too. She gives his hand a reassuring squeeze and whispers, “I love you.”
“I know,” he answers absentmindedly.
“Very Han Solo.”
“I knew you’d get that one,” John says just as Jane runs the long slate walk toward the car. John gets out of the car and hugs his mom hard.
Jane can’t hold back her tears. After John does introductions, Anna is pulled right into Jane’s arms like a long-lost daughter. "Anna we are just thrilled to meet you.” Anna can feel Jane’s silent gratitude and is happy for it. They will need a lot of goodwill in the coming days. They have decided to keep news of the baby until much later. They need time to adjust to having John back. The thought of getting to know John’s family is daunting enough without the complication of a rushed pregnancy.
“Come on inside, let me get you something to eat and we can get acquainted,” Jane takes Anna’s hand, with all of the warmth Anna could have hoped, and leads her into the house.
Conrad and John follow behind, discussing a new high school football coach. Inside Jane serves roast chicken, salads, breads and a platter of fruits. They sit comfortably at a small, red, wooden table in the bright sunroom. Anna notices John sitting back in his seat, already visibly more at ease than when they arrived ten minutes earlier. She can see how much he likes being here.
"This is wonderful. I can see where John gets his passion for food," Anna says to Jane. Anna desperately wants to be liked here.
"Does John cook for you Anna?" Jane asks.
"Literally every night. He is absolutely fantastic.” Anna bats eyelashes in John’s direction for effect.
"Fantastic huh?" John smiles at the compliment.
Jane smiles with pride.
Conrad watches the interaction bounce around like he’s watching a tennis match very intently. "You can really hear the differences in their accents in that one word. Fantastic. Anna emphasizes the second syllable and John is very heavy on the first. It is interesting."
"Yes darling, it is fascinating," Jane humors her husband. "Anna, I don't want to interrogate you. Tell us what you would like us to know about you."
"A tall order indeed..." Anna proceeds to tell them about coming to America, floundering professionally after college and taking up photography. "It really changed my life."
"Have you been able to get anything published?" Conrad asks.
"Quite a few actually. I’ve done covers for an assortment of fashion magazines and Time, Life, Newsweek." Anna smiles shyly.
"She was on 60 Minutes," John adds proudly.
Jane and Conrad share a glance. “We actually watched too, Anna,” Conrad admits. “What a wonderful segment! Stephanie mentioned it and, of course, Meredith told Stephanie about it. That’s how it goes around here. News travels through the women.”
Anna shrugs; there isn’t much to say.
“You have been quite a jet setter as a world famous photographer. Are you going back to it?” Conrad asked. John had told her Conrad was direct, but he is very kind too. His question does not feel accusatory, just curious.
“I’ve done quite a bit of writing too. I’m thinking of going back to it,” Anna says.
John looks surprised.
“John, have you really still not Googled me?”
John shakes his head. “Have you me?”
“Of course I have.” Anna smiles innocently at John, but she has known everything the Internet had to offer about him since she first met Clara.
Conrad stands and offers Anna his arm. “Can I show you around? We can give John and his mother a moment to catch up and I'll give you the grand tour."
"I'd love that," Anna takes his arm and they walk the house, through spacious rooms with high ceilings. The home is older and solidly built but has been modernized in recent years. They are three blocks from the Colorado River. The main level has an enormous kitchen with a stone fireplace opening to a dining room with an old worn, well-loved wooden table big enough to seat twelve without adding on. The sunny living room is full of overstuffed sofas and chairs. The lower level is a music room with a piano, a few guitars, drum kit and amplifiers. There is a vinyl collection and top of the line stereo equipment. The top floor has five bedrooms furnished as elegantly as five star-hotel suites, but warm and homey.
"Which room was John's?" Anna asks, starting to relax. She can see that Jane and Conrad are wonderful people. They are warm and welcoming, interesting and intelligent. They obviously adore their son. John is blessed to have parents like these.
"They've all been done over, but this one was John's. Would you like to stay in here?" Anna loves the pale grey walled room with crisp white trim and high bright ceilings. The bay window seat overlooks the pool and gardens below. The dark wooden poster bed is covered with a silken grey bedding trimmed in black. Anna looks at the bed and suddenly needs to sleep. She is overcome by exhaustion, yawning, eyes red.
"It’s been a long day Anna. I'll have John bring up the bags. Get some rest." Conrad says.
"But I want to hear more. All about John growing up and you and Jane. John mentioned you are a writer. I must hear more about that. I'd love to read your work."
"I have plenty of time to bore you to tears later," he says giving her arm a squeeze. Anna is asleep before her head hits the pillow.
Conrad joins John and Jane by the pool. “Did you two get a chance to talk?” His question is met with nods. “Anna is just wonderful.”
John debates cluing them in while he has them alone. He thinks giving it to them slowly is probably best. “I’m glad you think so. I’m marrying her.”
The shock shows on both of their faces. Jane speaks first. “I don’t know what to say John. You’re a little old for the third degree, but I have a thousand questions. I’ll ask just one. Are you happy together?”
“Yes, we are happy. I know it is fast. I am going to be very honest just this once because I think you need to hear it. It was never like this with Sarah. Sarah and I cared for each other, but I’m not sure we were ever truly in love. I know that now with Anna. She is a remarkable woman.”
Conrad pats John’s leg and lets his admission pass without judgment. “Stephanie told us a lot about Anna. She adores h
er and our Stephanie is a hard ass. I, for one, am so happy you found each other. We all think Anna brought you back to us. Did she?” It’s obvious Conrad wants to get a better handle on John’s state of mind.
John thinks back on the summer. Anna taking his hand that first day on the beach leading him to her kitchen. Taking his hand walking the streets of Charleston. Taking his hand when she found him on the beach during the storm. Taking his hand leading him drunk from the bar. Taking his hand guiding him to her bedroom again and again. Anna quite literally pulled him back.
“She did,” John answers honestly, even though it probably isn’t what his father wants to hear.
“Then we are in her debt.” Jane says.
“When are you going to tie the knot?” Conrad asks.
“Funny you should ask. I want to check on Anna. Can we talk more, later?”
Anna wakes five hours later to John sitting and reading in the window seat. "What are you reading?" she asks stretching like a cat. John tosses aside a copy of a self-help book he found downstairs.
"There you are." He ignores her question. "I was getting worried."
"What’s happening?" She starts to rise, alarmed.
"No, not a thing, just relax. You've been out for five hours. That's not like you."
"Are you joking? Five hours? Did I miss dinner? I'm so embarrassed. You might have woken me."
"Mom wouldn't hear of it. She and Dad went to a movie. I think they want to give us a little space." He looks concerned, feeling her head for a fever.
"Really, I'm perfectly fine. Just exhausted. All that time lazing on a beach killed my stamina for travel.”
“We need to get you to a doctor. You need vitamins and blood work, and…”
“Shush you. Join me in here.” She holds back the blanket.
He ignores his anxieties. "I thought you'd never ask."
Later, John makes panini and they sit outside by the pool. The night air is still hot and dry. The scents of dozens of flowers he cannot name fill the air. Being here feels good. Being with his family is a relief. Being here, finally, he thinks he must have been out of his mind for staying away for so long. He has the sense that he is re-inflating in his own skin. Glancing at Anna, smiling back at him, he feels more present to love her than he did just one day before. He is more whole. Still he worries about her.
"You are okay?" He asks for assurance because he desperately needs it.
"Truly John, never better. Not a thing to worry about." She smiles and bites into her sandwich with pinkies extended.
John takes her hand, holding it tightly, maybe too tight.
"What is it?" Anna asks.
"Nothing rational. Nothing worth giving words to.”
"I am fine." She tries to meet his eyes.
He kisses her gently and slowly, trying to memorize the feel and taste of her.
"No regrets?" she asks.
"I have few regrets,” John admits. “I need to say something.”
“Oh no. These never end well,” Anna says, losing her smile.
He ignores her comment. “Being here has me thinking about how much you helped me get back here. I was really close to done and gone…”
Anna interrupts, tossing her sandwich onto her plate. “No John, you really weren’t done and gone.” She shakes her head vehemently.
“Anna that isn’t true.”
“Thirty minutes after we met, you fucked me senseless on my kitchen counter. You were hardly done and gone,” she says seriously.
John can’t help but smile at the memory. “Fair enough, but deciding not to kill myself wasn’t the same thing as deciding to live. You showed me how to live again. I keep thinking about your Raindrops on Roses list. It was a roadmap back for me.”
“John, we don’t need to pretend that you were the mess and I am the living example of perfect sanity.”
John looks at her straight. “I accept you Anna, as you are. Perfect sanity is probably not going to be a big part of our lives. It doesn’t mean we can’t have full lives. We’ll just have full lives, riddled with anxiety, depression and maybe a little PTSD.” He jokes, even though it is probably the truth.
“Well aren’t we a pair,” Anna says sarcastically.
“I want you anyway and every way I can have you. This baby too,” he says.
“And I love you John. This is exactly where I want to be right now.” Even as she says it, he can’t believe she is leaving.
“John, when should we tell your parents about us?” she asks.
“I got the ball rolling this afternoon. I told them we are getting married. We can do the rest together.”
The next morning, John and Anna go for an early run. Jane and Conrad rise early too. Jane makes crepes while Conrad brews coffee.
“Speak up old man. I know you have something on your mind,” Jane says as she expertly swirls batter, coating the hot pan.
Conrad says nothing. He knows as sure as the day is long that Anna is pregnant. Sleep overtook her like a freight train when she got near that bed yesterday. He remembers that look on his own wife’s face. He’s not going to be the one to get the talk started though.
“I’m just feeling lucky we have John back is all,” Conrad lies, but he doesn’t like lying.
“Are you sure? You look very serious.”
They hear Anna and John come in the garage door, blessedly saving him from further lies.
“Anna we are so happy with your big news!” Jane says enthusiastically. Conrad knows she is desperately trying to sound sincere.
“Don’t keep her all to yourself woman. Let me at our soon to be daughter-in-law!” Conrad pushes past Jane for a hug.
“Anna, do you want to tell them?” John asks.
“I do, yes. I will ask them though. Jane, Conrad, would it be okay with you if John and I got married at the September Shindig?”
John adds, “You’ve got a caterer, band, tables, flowers and a big old crowd. We just need an…”
“Oh yes! Susannah can officiate, unless you are religious Anna? Do you need a priest, minister, rabbi?” Anna shakes her head. “Susannah will be over the moon to do this John.”
“I know I already asked her,” John confesses.
“Really?” Jane marvels. “Is she getting discreet in her old age? She didn’t breathe a word.”
John is glad that Susannah has kept their discussions private. His parents only need to know so much. He’d rather spare them the details of the extent of his mental state.
“Susannah will be here late on Friday. Are you sure about this Anna? We don’t want you to feel pressured to do this here. What about your own family?”
“One question at a time Jane,” Conrad sits Anna down at the table with a plate of crepes and berries.
“Yes, we would love to get married here. If it isn’t too much trouble?” Anna says.
“Good Lord no girl, we are honored to have your wedding here,” Conrad is relieved they’ll have an opportunity to be a part of the wedding this time around, even if it probably isn’t the best time for John to be considering another marriage. Conrad would like to see John re-assimilate with the family, Clara especially, get into a home, start working, and just get back to his life before making that commitment. John might not be coming back if it weren’t for Anna. So they will smile through and support this marriage and do anything they can to bring John back into the fold. “And your family, Anna?”
“I have no family at all,” Anna says quietly.
Conrad tries to stop the expression of shock on his face. Jane sits down into a chair hard. John is marrying another woman with no family. Women without families can make complicated wives.
“Anna, I speak for Jane and myself when I tell you that we will do everything within our power to help you feel a part of our family.”
Jane nods emphatically in agreement, but doesn’t speak.
“Thank you both, for opening your home and your hearts to me. You are such wonderful people. I am the one who is hon
ored to be a part of your family.” Anna takes their hands in hers.
“What about a cake,” John asks lightening the mood.
Later John and Anna explore Austin. John takes her to his favorite galleries. They choose the simplest wedding cake possible at a renowned local bakery. There is an intern who can do a cake in a few days instead of the usual month’s long wait. Not surprisingly she is an English major at the university and a student of Conrad's. The cake includes about twelve kinds of chocolate and raspberries. They selected the colors of their beach houses for the outer icing, cocoa and Wedgewood blue. For lunch, they order ribs from Franklin Barbeque, John's favorite. John is happy to be back in Austin.
"Anna, I have to tell you something. I was hoping to surprise you, but it isn't working out," he says licking his fingers.
"Mmmhmm?" Anna asks chewing.
"I sort of stole your phone to get Pemberley's number. I was trying to fly her down here to surprise you for the wedding."
"Oh you are a darling! I have been wondering where she has gone off to. We haven't spoken in weeks. I have emailed a few times but I’ve gotten nothing back from her."
"Could she be in some far corner of the globe with no service and no Internet?"
"Yes, but she usually doesn't go off the grid for this long. I'm sure she is just taking remote back-to-back assignments."
"I'll keep trying."
"Thank you for thinking of this. Can I lick that sauce off your chin?" He leans in for it.
“When will you tell them that we won’t be living together?” Anna asks.
John sighs and wipes his hands with a napkin. “I would, but I keep hoping you’ll change your mind and come to Chicago with me.”
“John, you must give me space, as we agreed. I need to be on my own for this pregnancy and you need to get back to Chicago with Clara and get some help, so we can survive the postpartum flashbacks that are undoubtedly ahead for us.”
“My god, we are so fucked up.”
“Speak for yourself. I am the portrait of sanity,” Anna says wiping her fingers.
John smiles, but he is desperate to change her mind.
Circling The Shadows Page 17