Wicked Impulse (ALFA Private Investigations #3)
Page 12
“Janice,” he said with a sad, soft voice. “I’m so, so…”
“I know, Dad.”
“No, baby, you don’t.” His hand moved away from her stomach to her face. He cupped her cheek in his palm, rubbing his thumb against her cheek.
Her eyebrows drew together, but she did nothing to move away from his touch. I didn’t dare move or intrude on their moment. They needed this time. Their relationship had been severed, and words needed to be spoken without me in their presence.
“Let’s sit.” He guided her toward the couch, his hand gripping her elbow in case she tripped. “We need to talk about something that I’ve put off for too many years.”
I looked back at the lasagna and shrugged. It could wait—that was the best thing about this type of meal. It was pretty hard to fuck up and only got better with time. So thankfully, it would still be edible.
Even though I knew it wasn’t right to eavesdrop, I did anyway. I couldn’t drag my eyes away from them. She looked like him with eyes that were the color of gray clouds on a rainy day. Her dark hair shimmered in the sunlight, streaming through the window behind her. He still had a smattering of the identical shade in his, but the white had started to overtake the darkness. Even the roundness of their cheeks matched. Somehow, even though they had so many similarities, she was feminine and petite while Bear was big, burly, and hard-looking.
She sat down, smoothing her dress down with her palms. “What’s wrong, Dad?”
“Nothing, Jan. We’ve never had a talk about what happened, and I need to talk to you now before it’s too late.”
Her hand flew to her mouth, and her eyes widened in horror. “Are you dying or something?”
He shook his head with a faint smile visible beneath his beard. “Not today, but I’m getting older.” His large hand pulled hers down from her face. “I don’t even know where to start.”
“You don’t have to say anything.”
“No. This needs to be said.” He pulled in a shaky breath and then began to speak. “Your mother and I had you when we were young, probably too young to really be parents, but we made the best of it. We loved you so much and never let you leave our side. God.” He took another deep breath. “I loved Jackie so much. I couldn’t imagine my life with anyone else. We were crazy for each other. So much so that Ret came less than a year after you were born.”
Janice placed her hands over his. “I heard that from Aunt Caroline. She said you two couldn’t keep your hands to yourself. She called it undignified.”
“She would say that,” he grumbled just loud enough for me to hear. “We loved you so much we couldn’t wait for another baby. My world revolved around my family. I can’t describe how much I loved your mother, because I’ve never felt that way about any woman in my life.”
My eyes suddenly filled with tears. I shouldn’t be jealous of Jackie and the way Bear loved her, but a tiny, greedy piece of me was and probably always would be. It was hard to compete with the memory of someone taken too soon, even if it was almost thirty years ago.
“Your mom and me had big plans. We wanted to have at least four kids. The more, the merrier because you were such a great baby. We wanted an entire house full. We wanted to build a house in the country and just have our own piece of heaven with no one else but us.”
“That sounds…” Her voice trailed off.
“Yeah,” he said in the sweetest voice, and I could almost feel his longing and heartache. “When she went into labor, it never even crossed my mind that she could die.” His voice cracked.
Seeing him like that, choked up and in pain, wasn’t the Bear I’d always seen. He was so full of life and jokes that no one saw the pain hidden beneath the surface. Only in fleeting moments when we were lying in bed would he confide to me all the regret and sorrow he had about his past. He missed Jackie and loved her to this day, but his biggest regret was his children—Ret and Janice. He never got the chance to be a father, to teach them how to do things, and to be there for many of their biggest life firsts.
He clutched her hands tighter, and his shoulders slumped forward. “When it happened, I was in shock. I refused to believe she was really gone. I barely remember the following days. They passed in a blur because my mind couldn’t comprehend that she was actually gone.”
“I wish I could remember Mom,” Janice said to him, her face softer than when they had first started talking.
“I saved a box for you.”
“You did?” Tears welled in her eyes and quickly trickled down her cheeks.
“I did, babygirl. I had to save some of your mom’s stuff so that someday you’d have a piece of her with you.”
“Dad,” Janice whispered and placed her hands over his.
“I was a shit father. I know it. I’m not making an excuse for how I acted, but I want you to understand the depths of my despair. Seeing you now, with that baby in your belly… It should be a happy time for me. But it’s not. I’m scared for you. Frightened that you’ll be like your mother, and I’ll lose you too.”
She smiled softly before wiping away a tear before it fell from her jaw. “I’m fine. The doctor said everything is good, so don’t worry.”
“Aunt Caroline watched you right after it happened. She knew I couldn’t look after you two because I could barely take care of myself. I thought I’d heal and be able to move on, but I couldn’t do it. I wasn’t strong enough,” he admitted. “I was mad at the world. I hated God and couldn’t fathom why he took Jackie from me…from us.”
“Things happen. We can’t control them.” Her hands twisted in her lap as she stared down at them. “But why didn’t you come back for us?” She dragged her eyes to his, and the pain in them was heart-wrenching.
He grimaced. “I wish I had a reason that sounded right, but I don’t. Nothing can justify what I did. I went off the deep end when the dust settled. You kids were being taken care of, and I got mixed up in some bad shit. I had a death wish after losing your mom. I wanted to be with her so bad that I didn’t care if I had to die to do it.”
“Dad,” she gasped. “That’s horrible.”
“But you kids would’ve been fine. Or at least, that’s what I told myself. Not long after, I ended up in jail for a bit, and when I got out, I didn’t see a point in coming back into your lives. Caroline told me how well you both were doing, and we both decided it was best I stayed away. I couldn’t argue with her either.”
The tears in my eyes dropped down my cheeks as I plastered my back to the wall. I couldn’t imagine walking away from Morgan, but I also couldn’t imagine the pain Bear went through losing the love of his life.
“It’s my biggest regret in life—not being there for you kids. I should’ve been a stronger man. I should’ve been a better man. But your mom made me better. I don’t know how to make it up to you and Ret for being a shit father.”
I peered around the corner, unable to stop myself.
She scooted closer and placed her hand on his arm. “You can be here for us now, Dad. We’re always going to be your kids. Just because we’re grown doesn’t mean we don’t need you.”
“Babygirl, what do you need me for?”
“Everything. Jeff left me. I’m all alone with the baby on the way. I’m so lost with no one to lean on. Aunt Caroline is great, but you know how she is.”
“I’ll kick his ass,” Bear barked, his body growing rigid.
“Don’t bother. He’s not worth the jail time. I need you more than I want his ass knocked out.”
“Whatever you want, Janice. I’ll do anything you want or need as long as you give me a shot at making up all our lost years.”
I smiled, still hidden behind the wall as they embraced. When I invited her over, I’d hoped they’d make up, but I never thought it would be this great. I busied myself in the kitchen, tinkering with the table settings until they were done. Luckily, the lasagna was still warm, safely covered by aluminum foil and ready to be devoured.
When they entered the kitchen
“Ready to eat?” I asked, transfixed by the image of them together.
“I’m starving, Fran. Thanks for having me today.” Janice glanced up at Bear and rested her head on his chest, leaning against him. “I finally feel like I have my dad back.”
“Awww, honey. He loves you.”
Her smile widened. “I know.”
“Sit down, and I’ll serve everyone,” I said, grabbing the spatula.
Bear helped Janice sit and then came to my side. “Thanks, sweetheart. I’ll have to thank you later.” He waggled his eyebrows, and I giggled.
“Not in front of the kid,” I whispered and glanced at her out of the corner of my eye.
“How do you think she got that way?” he smirked and grabbed my ass.
I swatted his stomach with the hard plastic utensil. “Behave, big boy.”
“I will for now, but when the kid goes, all bets are off.”
“Salad?” I asked with a strangled voice, unable to hide my excitement.
“No, I’m craving meat,” Janice replied.
“Me too,” I mumbled, catching Bear’s eye.
He smiled easier, and his entire being felt different…lighter. Usually, my meddling brought headaches, but for the first time in a long time, I did fuckin’ good.
Chapter Fifteen
Bear
“Talk to your brother lately?” I asked after we’d finished dinner. Janice had forgiven me, but Ret wouldn’t be so easy.
He was too much like me for that to happen.
“I talked to him yesterday. I told him I was coming here for dinner.”
I hadn’t been able to take my eyes off Janice. She looked so much like Jackie that my heart ached. It was bittersweet. At least a piece of my wife lived on in our girl. “What did he say?”
“He wished me luck.” She laughed softly and wiped her lips.
“Funny guy,” I whispered and shifted in my chair. “Where’s he at?”
“Near Miami, but he’s ready to make a move as soon as he finds the job of his dreams.”
“What’s he doing now?” What kind of shitty father am I? I didn’t even know what the hell my kid did for a living. After he got out of the military, we lost touch.
“He’s a bounty hunter.”
My entire body rocked back in the chair. “No shit?”
“Yep. He’s been doing it for a few years. He gets restless though and moves around a lot.”
My kid, the bounty hunter. “Is he married?”
“Well,” she said with a grimace. “He lives an…” Her voice trailed off, and she looked at Fran. “Alternative lifestyle.”
“He’s gay?” My mouth fell open.
Janice snorted. “No, he has a girl.”
“A girlfriend?” Fran asked, saving me the awkwardness.
Janice scrubbed a hand across her face, but she couldn’t stop her laughter. “Yeah, I guess you can call her that.”
I looked at Fran, and she shrugged. “Well, what is she?”
“They met at a club.”
I held up my hands. “Stop.” I couldn’t discuss this with my kid, no matter how old she was.
“Like Izzy and James?” Fran asked me.
I nodded. “Just tell me he’s the boss, at least.”
“Yes.” Janice snorted again with the rosiest colored cheeks. “She calls him sir. It’s kind of sickening.”
“I like the sound of that.” My fingers tangled in my beard as I stared at Fran.
“Never going to happen, big boy,” Fran replied quickly and swatted my arm.
“A guy can wish.” I smirked.
Janice placed her hands on her belly and stared at us. “It’s nice to see you’re at peace, Dad.”
“I am,” I said with a smile and placed my hand over Fran’s on top of the table. “For the first time since your mother died, I am.” Fran sucked in a breath and made a weird, throaty noise. “She’s a good woman.” I clutched her fingers tighter.
“You’re an amazing cook, Fran. Thanks for a wonderful meal.”
“Isn’t she, though?”
“Oh, stop. All I did was make lasagna. It’s not a big deal.” Fran blushed before leaning over to kiss me.
Warmth flooded me. Having Fran and Janice with me felt better than I could ever dream. I finally felt at peace with my daughter. So much of her life I’d been gone, but I wasn’t going to let that happen again. I had a lot to make up for, and I planned to be around to be the father I never had been to her.
“When are you due?” Fran asked as she started to clear the table.
“Three weeks, but I’m hoping it happens sooner. The Florida heat is killing me.”
“Three weeks?” I felt sick. I knew it was irrational to worry that she’d meet the same fate as her mother, but I couldn’t stop myself from worrying.
“I’ll be fine, Dad. Calm down.”
“I can’t be calm. In three weeks, I’ll be a grandpa. Jesus, fuck.” Suddenly I felt dizzy. “Oh, God.”
Fran turned around from the sink and rolled her eyes. “You’re such a baby.”
“That’s easy for you to say.” I held my stomach, trying to wrap my head around that little nugget of truth. Grandpa. I was going to be a motherfucking grandpa.
I wasn’t ready for it.
When I looked in the mirror, I saw an older version of myself, but not a grandfather. Those men were hunched over, half-crippled shells of their former selves. I wasn’t that. I still had life. I still had strength. Fuck, my dick still stayed hard without the help of that little blue pill.
“Bear, snap out of it.” Fran waved her hand in front of my face as I sat there like a zombie. “For shit’s sake,” she muttered before touching my cheek with her hand. “You’re still you, babe. You’re still my Bear.”
“Grandpa Bear,” I whispered, my eyes bouncing between Janice’s belly and Fran’s tits. “Grand. Pa.”
“Maybe we’ll get the baby to call ya Pops,” Janice said.
“Pops. Fuck.” I hung my head and thought about it. It wasn’t as bad as Grandpa and hell, maybe people would think the kid was mine. I sighed heavily. “It’s fine. As long as its healthy and you’re okay, I’ll be just fine.”
Janice stayed for a few more hours and left just before dark. I insisted on her leaving because I didn’t want her on the road and driving in the sticks. It wasn’t safe, and she had precious cargo on board.
As soon as Fran closed the door, I slammed her against the wall, using my body as the ram. “I want you,” I said against her neck, running my lips up the side.
“What got into you?” She wrapped her arms around me, tipping her head back to give me better access. “Have something to prove, old man?” She laughed softly before moaning when I sank my teeth into the corner of her neck where it met her shoulder.
I pulled back, staring into her dark brown eyes. “This old man can still fuck until you pass out.”
“I was just tired—”
I pressed my lips to her, devouring her words and her bullshit. I knew I still had it. Her lips opened, giving me her sweet softness as I kneaded her breasts in my palm. When she moaned, I knew I had her.
When our lips disconnected, she stood against the wall and panted. Backing away, I narrowed my eyes and took in her beauty. “Strip, Franny. I need to be in you.”
“Right here?” she asked, using the wall as an anchor.
I pointed to her and motioned to her clothing. “Right here. Get naked.”
She swallowed hard and nodded. Slowly she pulled her shirt over her head, exposing her red lace bra and beautiful tits, and tossed it to the floor.
I drew in a shaky breath, but I kept my eyes pinned to her. “Pants too.”
Without hesitation, she yanked off her skintight pants, letting them pool near her feet before kicking them away.
I turned my fingers in a circle. “Face the wall,” I told her, taking in all of her beauty and softness as she moved.
“You sure you don’t want to go in the bedroom?”
“I’m sure, sweetheart. Stop talking and put your hands against the wall.”
I took off my clothes at warp speed, giddier than a kid at Christmas and needing to prove my virility—still not over the fact that I was about to become a grandfather.
Pressing my front to her back, I placed my mouth close to her ear. “Who’s your daddy?”
“Tom,” Fran said with a bit of chuckle.
But her laughter died when I tangled my fingers through her raven hair and pulled her head back. “A smartass and greedy, but I know how to shut you up.”
My lips crashed against hers, stealing her breath and her words. My hand drifted down her body, cupping her ass gently in my rough palms before sliding between her cheeks and checking her readiness for me.
She moaned softly in my mouth and pushed her body against my hand. My fingers moved to her front, coated in her need, and slowly rubbed her clit in a circular motion.
Breaking our kiss, I growled. “Do you want me?”
“Yes,” she said in an airy, wanton tone.
“Bend over and touch your toes.”
Her eyebrows drew together. “Do you know how old I am? Fuck me, Bear. I haven’t been able to touch my toes for twenty years.”
“Fran,” I said, trying to hold in my laughter. I hadn’t even thought about her age as a factor in the scene I had playing out in my mind. “Bend over and hold the door handle.”
“That, I can do.” Gripping the door handle tightly, she bent at the waist, pushing her ass against my body.
Wrapping my hands around her hips, I pulled them out, bending her farther to give me better access. Before she had a chance to say anything else, I pushed my cock inside and shivered in ecstasy.
“I love your greedy pussy. So fucking good,” I growled, pushing myself deeper until there was nowhere else to go but pull out and ram back into her.
“Fuck me,” she moaned and met my thrust with enough force that she caused me to rock backward on my heels.
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