The Reverians Series Boxed Set

by Sarah Noffke

  “So, you’ll stay?” I ask him.

  Zack nods. “I’ll stay. This is where I can make the most change. I’ll learn everything I can and I’ll leave messages with Nona’s. We’ll organize something grassroots, but it won’t stay that way.” Zack really looks angry now, but it’s a quiet anger that burns in his eyes. Makes his strategic mind seem to work faster. “We need to do something that will tear the current government out of Austin Valley. And it won’t be easy, but I think with planning we can do it.”

  I throw my arms around Zack’s shoulders. Usually I hate his political talk, but right now he’s appealing to me on a different level. He’s making me see why this interest of his has always mattered. He pats me on the back a little nervously, which gives me the cue to pull back.

  “Sorry, you just made me so proud,” I say, poking him in the shoulder.

  “Well, you’re right,” Zack says. “We can’t escape this problem. We have to find a way to fight it. I’ll figure out what Nona is working on and help. And before I leave here we should all strategize while we have the opportunity.”

  “You know, Zack,” Rogue says, “they didn’t put you on the Defect list because they didn’t see you as rebellious. But they’re wrong. You’re more rebellious and dangerous than all of us because you know how to hide. If anyone is gonna bring them down, it will be you.”

  I’m indescribably sad that I’m the one who convinced Zack to stay. It was an incredibly hard position to take. I kept picturing the three of us living off somewhere on Rogue’s farm, making a life full of laughter and fun to make up for everything else. But our happiness would always be plagued by the people we left behind, by the injustices we turned our backs on.

  ***

  For the next hour we strategize, the session led by Zack. He makes us set up every detail for our break-in tonight. He’s not happy until we’ve thoroughly planned out how we’ll search the labs and make our exit. Then we move on to what we can accomplish over the next few months, how we can start a rebellion. It’s more involved than I would have thought, but with Zack leading the initiative I should have expected this.

  “Zachariah, can you stick around camp for another hour or so?” Rogue asks, stretching to a standing position with a long yawn. With his hands stretched above his head I’m granted a glimpse of the underside of his long biceps. They intrigue me in so many ways, the most obvious being that the men of our society don’t have bulk muscle mass. Their jobs are not labor intensive enough to produce that. And the President maintains that walking and stretching are the most ideal exercises for Reverians. So again and again I find my curious eyes trailing the toned muscles of Rogue, wondering how he built that definition. I’m unaware that my eyes are trained on his movements so acutely until I catch Zack watching me.

  He darts his eyes down on his silver watch. “I’ve got a meeting this afternoon, and it will take me an hour to get back, but I can stay maybe a half hour. Why?”

  “I’ve got to check on my horse. Get her ready for the ride. Keep an eye on Em, will you?”

  “I don’t need a babysitter,” I say, knitting my arms across my chest, realizing after the fact that the gesture indeed makes me appear childish.

  “Of course you don’t. I’m the baby, and it would just make me feel better if Zack was here with you while I stepped out. Humor me,” Rogue says, winking at me over his shoulder as he pulls back the flaps to the tent.

  “Doesn’t it spook your horse when you dream travel around her, since she can’t see you?” Zack asks, a curious look on his face.

  “Used to,” he chirps. “But she knows me well enough now.”

  “How did you learn how to ride and care for horses?” Zack asks.

  “The same way I learned half the stuff I do. I watched experts while dream traveling,” Rogue says, staring at the far-off hills. “I stalked this one Middling ranch for months. A cute family-run one in East Oregon. Learned most of what I know from them.”

  “That’s genius,” Zack says.

  “Oh, no, it’s just what people who are free to dream travel do. They maximize their potential. And you, my friend, have more than most, so I look forward to you being set free,” he says to Zack with a wink.

  Zack smiles to himself. Seems to ruminate on the idea with his eyes pinned on the ground.

  “Well, I’ll be back in a few,” Rogue says and then shuts the flap.

  I set back to work, breaking down parts of the camp since we’ll be leaving it for good tonight. It doesn’t just feel strange to think about leaving the Valley, it’s absolutely mystifying. I realize I’m standing, not moving, holding a bag of rope and the first aid supplies. I’m frozen in place because my thoughts are frozen by this idea of leaving the only place I’ve ever known.

  Suddenly I feel Zack by my side. He tugs on the sleeve of my shirt, well, Rogue’s shirt. It’s an endearing gesture he hasn’t done in a long time. It’s how he used to try and get my attention when I was giving him the silent treatment. I turn and face him. Looking at his familiar eyes makes my heart ache suddenly. I’m leaving him behind. My best friend. It suddenly feels all wrong, but I have to do it. I need Zack here working, watching over Nona.

  “Come sit down with me. We don’t have much time left together,” he says.

  I nod, setting the supplies down. I take a seat on the ground, leaving the rock for him so he doesn’t get his khakis dirty. However, he sits down on a patch of pine and crushed leaves beside me.

  “I always thought that we’d have all this time,” he says, his words slow and robotic. “That you’d always be here in Austin Valley. I never considered a reality where you left.”

  “Me either.”

  “I’m sorry for what they did to you. I’m sorry for what they’re making you do.”

  I nod and lean my head on his shoulder. “I know.”

  “What I was trying to say earlier,” he begins and pauses. I sense he’s waiting for me to look at him. I pull my head off his shoulder and when I do, he smiles at me. “I was trying to say that there’s no two people I want to be happier than you and Rogue,” Zack says, his voice firm. “If you’re happy together then that’s even better. It just surprised me, I guess. That’s the reason for my reaction.” And because I know him so well, I spy the crack in his voice, and the disingenuous smile he flashes.

  “It just kind of happened. Rogue and me. I don’t even know how,” I say, a little embarrassed.

  Zack laughs dryly. “You were born, that’s how.”

  I give him a confused look.

  “He’s had a crush on you since forever,” Zack says, shaking his head at me like I’m clueless. “Why do you think he always threatened to kiss you? He was hoping in your rebellious nature you’d call him out on it.”

  I smile inside. That’s exactly what happened.

  Zack continues. “We used to arm wrestle and the winner would marry you and the loser would marry Dee.” He stares off like he’s fallen back into the memory. “I lost every time.”

  “What?” I say with a giggle. “You did not! Why would you arm wrestle over me?”

  He looks at me askance. Shakes his head. “I guess it’s because I like a challenge.”

  “Wait! That’s why you wrestled or why you wanted to marry me?”

  He laughs again. “We were just kids fooling around.”

  I nod. And strangely, I deflate a little. “Yeah, and there’s not many girls to wrestle over in Austin Valley.”

  “You know, Em, you’ve always been the tie between Rogue and me. The reason we became friends and stayed friends. We bonded watching you make a fool out of yourself trying to get the ball during keep away.”

  I scowl at him. “I hate that game.”

  “I bet you do, Shorty.”

  “I’ll have you know, I’m average height.”

  “Well, you didn’t play games with average height people, so you always put yourself at a disadvantage.”

  “I always preferred you over people my own height,”
I say.

  “You mean gender.”

  “Girls are…girly,” I say like it’s a disgusting thought.

  An abrupt laugh pops out of Zack’s mouth. “And the sun is sunny and air is airy. I think what you mean is some girls are a bit more prissy.”

  “Don’t tell me what I mean.” I plant a soft blow on his arm.

  It feels like we’re saying all this right now, reminiscing, because it’s all ending. That makes me want to stop, but I can’t. I need to hear Zack talk for as long as I’m afforded. I want to store every memory, in case we never get another one.

  I look directly at him and spy the sentimental expression on his face. It makes me want to punch him again. Instead I lay my head on his shoulder so I don’t have to see his false smile and regretful eyes.

  “Em, I’m glad you preferred us over other friends.”

  Tears press at the back of my eyes. Burn and creep closer to the surface. I nod into his shoulder, but don’t trust my voice to speak. Zack has seen me cry dozens of times, but right now I can’t. I want him to see me strong in this moment, or at least not as a sobbing baby.

  “As I was saying before,” Zack continues, “if it wasn’t for your insistence then Rogue and I’d never be friends. You always invited me, and dragged me out of my house when I was resistant. I never had much confidence to be the President’s son’s friend. The idea intimidated me for years, although my father had encouraged it.”

  “He’s just Rogue,” I say. “There’s no one more down to Earth.”

  “That’s what you said before when I asked if there was something going on with you two,” Zack says, nodding his head. “I think that’s why he’s always had a crush on you. You never treated him differently because of who his father is. You liked him for who he is. I don’t think many people did that. And he isn’t just Rogue. He’s a guy who left here when he was thirteen and survived. He built a house. Runs a farm. By himself.”

  “Wait, do you have a crush on him?” I say, grateful for the laughter that breaks up the constriction in my throat.

  “No.” I feel Zack shake his head. “I admire him. He has everything I want.”

  “I never took you for the ‘farmer’ type,” I say.

  Zack gives an impatient sigh and again I feel him shake his head. I wrap my arm around his, careful not to wrinkle his shirt.

  “Make sure that Dee doesn’t antagonize Nona,” I say.

  Zack cinches my arm in closer to him. “I’ll tell her it’s a real turn-off.”

  “That’s genius. That will work for sure.”

  “It’s difficult to know that after today we’ll live in different worlds,” Zack says, and for the first time I hear regret in his tone.

  “I’m coming back, Zack.”

  “I know, but you’ll be gone for a while and you’ve always been here. Even when Rogue disappeared you were here. I’m not sure what my world looks like without you in it.”

  “Probably a lot less chaotic,” I say with a fake laugh. “And you’ll be so busy that you won’t even miss me.”

  “There’s no wa—”

  The hum of the zipper pulling back interrupts Zack’s words. Rogue pokes his head through the tent, spies us on the ground, and smiles—one so big I squeeze Zack’s arm tighter. In a few strides Rogue takes the place on the other side of Zack.

  “Ugh,” Zack groans. “You’re not as light as Em.”

  I lift up my head to see Rogue with his head on Zack’s shoulder, his arm tied around his, the same as mine.

  “I wish mean ol’ Em would let you go with us, instead of electing you to fix and inherit the society,” Rogue says in a whimpering voice.

  “Shut up, Rogue,” I say, tucking my head back into place.

  “How’s the horse?” Zack asks.

  “Ready to go,” Rogue says. “I guess then we should let you go too.”

  I pull my arm out of Zack’s as he stands up. Rogue is already on his feet, a hand extended to me. I take it, but keep my eyes on the ground.

  Don’t cry. Don’t cry. Don’t cry.

  “I’m sorry, brother, that I never told you goodbye before and that I made you think I was dead,” Rogue says, standing in front of Zack.

  I bring up my eyes to see Zack’s eyes twinkle. “Don’t be absurd. I’m just happy you’re alive.”

  Rogue nods. Extends his hand and when Zack takes it he pulls in, hugging him with the other arm. Slaps him on the back, a loud sound that makes Zack sound hollow inside.

  From over Rogue’s shoulder I catch a look in Zack’s face, a determined sturdiness. And it makes my insides break apart.

  Rogue holds Zack out at arm’s length. “Don’t you worry. I know you will, but try and not.” And then he leans in and whispers something in Zack’s ear, which he nods to before stepping away.

  I feel small as I step up beside Rogue and stare at Zack, knowing what I’m expected to do now. I shake my head. “This is dumb. We’re all going to be back together in a few months. I don’t know why you two are acting so sentimental.”

  A flat smile forms on Zack’s face. “Be careful tonight, Em. Don’t get caught.”

  “Have a little faith in me.”

  “I do, believe me,” he says with conviction.

  “Fine then, shut up and give me a hug so you can get out of here. If you’re late, they’ll get suspicious.”

  Zack nods and leans down, wrapping both his arms around me. I unabashedly bury my face into his shoulder. “You be careful too. Don’t take too many risks.”

  He pulls back and gives me a shaky smile. “You know me well enough to know I’d never do that.”

  As I press my lips hard against each other one bandit tear escapes my eyes. It races down my cheek and lands on my collarbone.

  Zack takes a long blink. Tries again and fails to give me an encouraging smile and then nods. “Bye, Em.” And then he turns and walks away.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  After Zack left I retreated to the tent, volunteering to clear it out. Rogue nodded, not questioning the few clipped answers I gave to his questions regarding packing up camp. I did clear the tent while I was in there, but I also cried a flood of quiet tears. Each one a token of the loss that seared my heart. Each tear labeled with a different hurt. My father’s betrayal. The lies I’d been fed my whole life. The unnecessary pain of the injections. My mother’s indifference. Dee’s heartlessness. Leaving Nona behind. Leaving Tutu. And letting Zack walk away. Each of my tears felt full of my pain, so much so that they fell as fat drops on my cheeks and soaked one of Rogue’s T-shirts I used to dry them time and time again.

  While I cried I listened to Rogue work outside the tent. From the noise he sounded to be tearing the camp into pieces, but maybe he was just working fast. The sun would set in an hour and we’d agreed to have everything done before then. I was half grateful for the noise he made, doing whatever he was doing, hoping it drowned out my sobs. And then suddenly the noise died completely and I wondered if Rogue had gone, maybe to the stream or somewhere else.

  When I’m certain that no more tears will leak from my eyes I exit the tent. I find Rogue stationed right outside it, reclining against the rock, his head back, eyes closed. He has my iPod in his hands, the buds in his ears. He smiles at me when I squat down next to him.

  “I hope you don’t mind me borrowing this,” he says, plucking the buds from his ears.

  “Not at all.”

  His hand reaches up, but pauses beside my swollen cheek, and then he strokes his thumb along it. The gesture brings tears I thought had dried up to the corners of my eyes. The look of hostile sadness on his face triggers them to flow again. “Come here,” he says, pulling me into his lap. “Gods above, I’d love to kill everyone who’s hurt you.” Rogue cradles me against his chest and suddenly I don’t cry. I breathe him in. I tremble in his arms. I wrap my arms tighter around him, but I don’t cry. He rubs his stubbled face along the top of my head and draws me in even closer, so I’m sitting across his lap.
<
br />   We sit like this for what feels like a long while. I count the time by his heartbeats and can’t fathom pulling my ear away from his chest. This closeness seems to fix me somehow and I fear that as soon as our embrace is broken, the pain will storm back. Still, I pull away after maybe a thousand heartbeats, maybe more. We’ve lost most of the remaining sunlight when I peek my head up from under its hiding spot below his chin and find his eyes. “Hi,” I say, my voice sounding frayed.

  “You know, your crystal blue eyes are even more intense after you’ve cried,” Rogue says, looking at me intently, studying my eyes.

  I don’t know what to say so I drop my gaze to the ground.

  Rogue’s fingers find my chin and angle it up, drawing with it my focus back on him. “Do you want to go with me still? After we get the meds? Have you changed your mind?”

  And it hits me so acutely that I feel like my chest has hollowed out. He thinks I don’t want to leave. He doubts my commitment. The uncertainty he feels laces around my heart like a vine and begins to constrict it. Before I lose any more breath to this suffocating feeling, I sit up and straddle him, one knee on one side and the other on the other side. His eyes widen slightly. Now he knows I mean business, because I do. “No-no-no-no,” I say in a rush. “I’m going with you and I’m not doing it because it’s my only option. I’m doing it because I want to be with you.”

  He stares at me, skepticism marking the corners of his green eyes.

  “Rogue, I want to go with you for so many reasons. Some are obvious, like I want to see where you live, the place you’ve made your home. But I also have less practical reasons, ones that are harder to explain.”

  I hold his gaze as he seems to process me and my words. I wait for him to ask, but he doesn’t. He just stares back at me, like we’re playing the quiet game. I fear I might lose this round. Finally, after too long, he guides my head down and whispers in my ear. “Will you try and explain?”

  I actually smile, feeling victorious somehow. I flip my face up so it’s directly in front of his, only a few inches away. Then I hoist myself up so I’m looking down at him slightly. “I can’t let you go. If you leave, I’m leaving too. If you stay, I will. Hell, if you march into your father’s house I’ll be right behind you, because I’m absolutely, terrifyingly in love with you.”