The Reverians Series Boxed Set

by Sarah Noffke

  Rogue has come so far and allowed me close when I find him suffering from the pain. He allows me to pull him into my arms and hold him tight against my chest and whisper comforting words into his ear. But his surrender to my help comes at a cost that I spy in the defeated looks he gives me afterwards. I know he doesn’t want me to see him like that, but there’s no avoiding it. And I can’t allow him to suffer alone. I almost wished at times I had the headaches too, so he could return the affection and support, but for some reason they haven’t beset me.

  For the longest time I actually thought the headaches were why Rogue kept his distance from me. Sure, he allowed me close, but never close enough and never for long. Too many times he put a halt to a passionate kiss, one that made me crazy for him. He’d back away, an unreadable expression in his eyes, and then he’d make an excuse, leaving me feeling rejected and confused.

  I knew for a long time he was hiding something. I could feel it between us when he’d dart his eyes away as I’d approach him with a flirtatious look in my eyes. I really thought it had to do with the headaches. One day I snuck up on him while he was building the chicken coup. I’d promised to be working in the garden. And as soon as he spied me he jumped into hypermode, whipping his shirt over his head. Then he dashed for the tool shed, pretending he hadn’t seen me coming. It was always the same strange behavior, covering up, keeping a distance, pushing me away when things got too intimate. And I was tired of it. I wanted answers. I wanted to know if he had changed his mind about me being there. Maybe he didn’t want me anymore and didn’t know how to say it. Maybe he felt obligated to me because I didn’t have anywhere else to go.

  “Rogue,” I said, a scold in my voice. “Why do you do that?”

  “What? Work hard to make this place amazing?” he said, grabbing the pliers.

  “You hide from me and I can’t figure out why,” I said, stepping closer than I knew he wanted me. He brushed me off as he pinched part of the wire. “Tell me why you rushed to put on your shirt. Tell me why you keep such a distance from me. Tell me why you push me away.”

  Rogue’s sobering eyes searched me. Then he shook his head with a deliberate force. “No, Em,” he said, going back to his work. “Please don’t. You know you have all the advantages in this relationship, so please don’t force this one on me.”

  So he was avoiding me. I wasn’t imagining it. My heart suddenly felt full of stones. I studied him. He truly looked scared, one thing I didn’t want him to be. I was certain he was again hiding another of his demons. Whatever he was hiding I didn’t want to expose from him like this. Yes, I was tired of being put at a distance, but whatever he needed I’d give him. Again and again. No matter what.

  “Fine,” I breathed, backing away. “But I want to say one thing. You’re not obligated to have me here. If you want me to leave, if this isn’t working for you”—I motioned between the two of us—“then just say so.”

  His face pinched with acute pain. His mouth popped open and he stared at me with utter disbelief. “That’s what you think?”

  I pressed my lips together, shook my head. “I don’t know what to think. No one has ever loved me like you do, with all your heart and then also with such strange reservation.”

  “Em, I don’t know what to say…”

  And my heart twisted, tightening my chest, stealing my oxygen. “Don’t say anything then. I’m going to go deal with caterpillars.” I turned, my long flowing skirt catching briar patches and everything else. An ache caught in my throat. I wanted to be alone with the dirt and vegetables and my tears of confusion.

  “Em,” Rogue said as I scampered back to the garden, away from him.

  “What?” I said, giving him a dissatisfied look over my shoulder.

  He had his hands on the hem of his shirt, pulling it up as he spoke. “Please don’t leave me once you see this. I can explain. Or I can’t, but don’t leave me.”

  Then he yanked his shirt over his head to reveal it all. I had never seen him with his shirt off. To finally spy the lines of his well-defined muscles was stunning. He was indeed more beautiful than I imagined but that was not what grabbed my attention. My eyes darted to a single spot on his chest and everything became clear. I knew with such certainty his reason for keeping distance between us. Over his heart there was a tattoo. In greenish ink were two letters about an inch in height. One was uppercase, the other lowercase. Both in cursive. There on Rogue’s sculpted chest, right over his heart, was my name. Em. My feet brought me to him without my realizing it. His cautious eyes were trying to read me, searching mine, which must have been full of wonder. After a nervous sigh he said, “I’m sorry for pushing you away. I wasn’t ready to show you this. Didn’t know how you’d take it. I was afraid of what you’d think.”

  I flicked my eyes up to his and offered an embarrassed smile. My hand rose, fingers a few inches from his chest, and then I gave him a look, one asking for permission. He nodded and my fingertips touched his chest, which was warm and smooth. I traced the letters permanently marking his skin. But my brain was having trouble understanding what had transpired. He clapped his hand over mine, pressing it more firmly into his chest.

  “When did you do this?” I said, looking directly up at him.

  “Last year. On my seventeenth birthday.”

  “What? Why?” I said.

  “I did things over the years to keep me connected to the parts of my past that I cherished. And you always weighed on my heart. It felt fitting. I didn’t think I’d ever see you again. And when I did, I couldn’t figure out how to explain it to you.”

  “And what if someone else saw it? How would you explain it to them?” I said.

  “No one was ever going to see it,” he said with a confident tone.

  “Rogue, were you always planning on living alone?”

  A dark shadow fell on his face. A haunting expression. “Yes, but then you found me.”

  I traced my fingers over my name again and smiled, one of relief. “I thought you didn’t want me.”

  “That’s the craziest thing you ever thought,” he said in a low voice, a tiny smile tucked at the corners of his mouth.

  I snaked my arms around him, exploding with excitement to finally be this close to him. My face rested against his bare chest as I hugged him into me, enjoying his warmth as the sun set over the hills.

  “You really don’t mind that I had your name tattooed on me?” Rogue asked into my hair.

  “Mind?” I pulled back and peered up at him.

  “I thought you’d think I was obsessed with you.”

  “Well, you are, aren’t you?”

  “More than a little bit,” Rogue said, a cute coyness in his voice.

  “Good. Then we’re even,” I said, pulling him back to me.

  He brought my chin up with a single finger and kissed me, breathing me in with relieved breaths. And I kissed him back, reciprocating the same intensity. To know his distance wasn’t because of the headaches or because he didn’t want me took a huge burden off my heart. And to know he’d loved me so much, for so long, that he was afraid of scaring me away tied my heart to his with pure devotion. That’s why that night I left him.

  Chapter Ten

  With the aspirations of actually getting some sleep, I set up Rogue’s tent like he had it when I first found his campsite. The fall winds rattle the branches and cause the leaves to dance around, making it impossible to rest. I keep jerking upright, afraid someone has discovered the old camping area. This is an unrealistic fear since it’s so far off the current paths and these hills are protected by the forestry department. It’s actually illegal to trespass on these grounds due to the rare vegetation growing here. When I’d camped in this spot three months ago, I’d been with Rogue. I’d felt safer then because he knows how to get around his father’s hyper-senses, which can probably smell me a mile away right now. Anxiety makes it impossible to relax so instead I station myself outside the tent and watch for any signs of someone invading my camp. />
  Zack isn’t supposed to meet Nona and me until five o’clock, which is why he startles me when he shows up an hour early. I’m drawing up a map of the warehouse section of the labs when I spot his bright blond hair through the trees. Our eyes collide as he approaches. I dart my head down, trying and probably failing to act like I haven’t seen him some twenty yards away. I scurry into the tent. From inside this shelter I can pretend to be organizing supplies or gathering more paper for the maps I’m creating. From the tent, I don’t have to watch Zack approach. I don’t have to know he’s watching me as he nears.

  I’m sitting crossed-legged, pulling rations out of my backpack when Zack kneels down and pops his head into the tent. “Hi,” he says, failing to cover up the awkward expression on his face.

  “Hi,” I say absentmindedly, as I pile the things I just took out of the bag back into it, pretending to be mindful about its organization.

  “You were gone when I woke up this morning,” he says, sounding disappointed.

  “Oh, well I left you a note. Thought I’d get an early start,” I say, my face burning with frustration.

  “I woke up at five. How early of a start did you need?”

  I manage to pull my eyes up to his. He’s stupidly smiling. And for some reason looking at him right now makes my throat ache. He has no idea how mad he’s made me. I’ve always felt fragile when it came to Zack, maybe because in his well-meaning ways he’s overly critical of me. But I can’t take back what I said, and the awkwardness it created. I used to wish I could make myself more proper, one of the socialites who caught his attention. Now I wish that I never cared, didn’t feel his rejection like a needle under my skin. I always knew if I was honest with him about my feelings for him, he’d reject me. And I thought I wouldn’t care now if he did, because I have Rogue, but it hits my ego. If I would have just kept my mouth shut…

  “Why did you leave so early?” Zack asks, after waiting for my reply and not getting one.

  I crawl out of the tent, dragging more paper with me, and take a seat next to my map drawings. Zack moves back to make room for me. I throw a contemptuous glare at him as I pull the drawing pad onto my lap. “You know why,” I say. The only advantage of fighting with Zack about this is that I’m used to patronizing him and I can just act like this is another one of those times. “Why did you wake up at five? Is that what time you rouse to ensure your hair is perfect by seven?”

  I imagine he rolls his eyes at me and my childishness, but I won’t dare chance a glance at him. I do hear the tired sigh that rolls out of his mouth. “Do you know why I said what I did last night?”

  I match his sigh with my own, but mine reeks of annoyance. I’m really good at fighting with Zack. It’s like a hobby of mine. “Because you totally don’t get when I’m joking, which I was,” I say. “Not in a million years would I a) like you in that way or b) do anything to jeopardize our friendship.”

  Feeling somewhat lighter, having gotten all those words out with the perfect degree of snark to my voice, I bring my eyes up to meet his. He gives a slow nod, his jaw flexing several times. “Right,” he says, his voice tight. “Strange after all this time and I don’t get your jokes.”

  “Totally strange,” I say, not liking the look of disappointment he’s giving me.

  “Are these the maps of the labs?” Zack says, picking up the drawings that lay on the ground between us.

  “Yes, Nona wants them to be as detailed as possible.”

  Zack studies the first map and then flips through the stack. “You saw a lot of the labs the night you and Rogue broke in there.”

  “Well, we had to find the stupid meds.” Then angrily I add, “Which don’t work.” I crunch up a piece of paper and throw it at the burnt out campfire. “But most of these drawings are the areas we ran through. There were dozens of lab rooms, warehouses, and a huge server room.”

  “The warehouse seems like the ideal place for storage,” Zack says, handing the maps back to me. His gaze is less heavy than it was a minute ago. Zack and I have never been able to stay mad at each other for long. I give him a forced smile.

  He reciprocates with a similar smile. And if one look can say a million words then it’s the expression Zack is giving me right now, but I have no idea what it means. I’ve never spoken his language.

  I nod at the maps. “Are these accurate based on the blueprints you’ve seen of the labs?”

  “Yes. I wish I could have taken them, but I think I can fill in some blanks here,” he says, scratching his head and turning one around to look at it more closely.

  “And now the question remains where do they—” The words disappear from my mouth as my thoughts are stabbed with an assaulting disruption. I scramble to my feet, backing up as I do. Zack’s face explodes with worry as he registers the shock on my face. He darts to a standing position and turns around, shielding me with his body, ready to protect me from what’s coming. His shoulders release at once and he relaxes, taking a steadying breath.

  Rogue’s only fifteen feet away when he slows to normal human pace. He takes each step deliberately, his chin tucked into his chest, brow low. I imagine each of his hulkish steps making a thunderous sound. He looks madder than hell.

  I’m still backing up. Still searching my mind for how I’m going to deal with him. “Rogue?” I finally say, a worried question in my voice.

  “Rogue, are you all right?” Zack asks as Rogue stalks past him not even glancing in his direction.

  “Later, brother. Em and I have to discuss something,” he says, his mouth pinching together, eyes ready to burn me alive.

  I back up until I meet the rough assault of the bark of a tree. I straighten against it and offer my sweetest smile. “Hi, babe.” My voice breaks on the last word.

  He grips the tree on either side of my shoulders. Brings his head down low so he’s hovering just over me. “Em?” he says, his face right up against mine. His breath hot.

  “Yes, sweetie?” I say, my hands pinned by my side. My heart racing in my chest.

  “You stole my horse and ran away.”

  From behind Rogue Zack chokes out a laugh. “You did what?!” Zack says in astonished amusement. “Why?”

  Rogue, who hasn’t taken his eyes off me, leans in an inch closer, a burning in his eyes. “Yes, ‘why’ is the question. It’s the one I’ve been asking all the way here.” He doesn’t look hurt, which is good, but he looks angry enough to roast me right now.

  “I put it in the note—”

  “Oh, Em, you left him a note…” I spy Zack to the side, shaking his head.

  “Yeah,” Rogue says, flipping his head around to Zack, giving me a small respite from his seething stare. “She left me a note and snuck away in the middle of the night. Oh, and did I mention, she stole my horse.”

  Again Zack laughs. Then he slaps his hand over his mouth. “Sorry,” he says, backing up. “I’ll be over here.” But he only reverses two steps, his interest hinged on us.

  “I had to sneak away,” I say, and Rogue turns his gaze back on me. “You wouldn’t come to and see Parker so I was going to bring him to you. But you’re here now. So—”

  “Yes,” Rogue growls. “It took forever. Zack is slow.”

  “What?” Zack asks, having been listening.

  “It’s his other horse,” I say, angling my head at Zack, looking at him with a pleading expression, hoping he will soften Rogue up a bit for me.

  Instead, Zack narrows his eyes at me with confusion. “Wait, Em, you said Rogue was too weak to get here, not that he wouldn’t come and see Parker.”

  Rogue’s head flips too quickly over his shoulder at Zack. That superhuman speed still catches me off guard. “Oh, did she?” Slowly, like he’s gauging how he’s about to react, he turns around. His scowling eyes are enough to punish me for eternity. “Too weak, huh? Is that what you told Zack about why I wouldn’t come with you?”

  I slide down on the tree an inch, but Rogue makes up the distance easily, leaning down over
me. “I might have said that,” I say, chewing on my lip.

  “Too weak, huh?” he repeats and then in a flash he picks me up at the waist and slings me over his shoulder. “Too weak, huh?”

  I slap him on the back, unable to control the laughter that falls out of my mouth as blood rushes to my face from being upside down. “Rogue, let me down,” I plead, again smacking him on the back.

  “Oh, I will,” he says, turning around and stalking in the opposite direction. “But when I do, it won’t be because I’m too weak. Damn your lies, Em.” He stalks past Zack, who’s giving me a wide-eyed expression. “We’ll be right back, brother.”

  With his crazy grace Rogue somehow ducks into the tent with me on his back. He lays me down gently, not an ounce of brutality in his actions, although I know he’s still mad. He pins both my hands to the ground beside me. Then he slides his face close to mine.

  “Em…” he says, and I feel the hurt and frustration in his voice and it assaults me like a rollercoaster to the heart.

  “Don’t be mad,” I say. “I knew you needed help and you’re too stubborn to come see Parker.”

  “So you ran off to fetch him and lied to Zack?”

  I nod. “Yes, that’s what happened,” I say, with no way to defend myself. “If Zack knew I’d gone behind your back he would have been less likely to help. And Parker would be more likely to help if he thought you couldn’t travel.”

  “Zack would always help,” Rogue says.

  He allows me to wiggle my hands out of his. I cup his face and instantly sense the anger seep from him. Seeing Rogue right now feels like warm sunshine has been poured into my being, healing me and gracing me with abundance. My chest seems to expand from this lightness, all the burdens of the past few days whisking away like smoke. “I didn’t think you’d come after me. It’s so good to see you,” I say.

  Rogue turns his face into my hands, relishing my touch against the stubble of his cheeks. He runs his lips against my palms, kisses my fingertips. “You didn’t know I’d come after you?”