by Heather Wood
Shattered Love
A Novel by Heather Wood
SHATTERED LOVE
Copyright: Heather Wood
Published: February 1, 2012
Kindle Edition
The right of Heather Wood to be identified as author of this Work has been asserted by her in accordance with sections 77 and 78 of the Copyright, Designs and Patents Act 1988.
All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in retrieval system, copied in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise transmitted without written permission from the publisher. You must not circulate this book in any format.
This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are products of the author's imagination or are used fictitiously.
Cover Photo: D Sharon Pruitt
Chapter One
Alice ran through the woods in a rush of fear and adrenaline. She had really done it this time; things had gone too far. She paused and made the brave decision to look behind her. Thankfully no one was there. She stopped her flight and sat down on a nearby tree stump. She had to get a hold of herself and try to make sense of the things that had occurred over the past few hours. How did she end up here with blood dripping down her arms? Where the hell was she going to run to? As these thoughts raced through her head, she felt herself slip back in time to when she first encountered Peter in that dingy little bookstore on Main Street.
***
“Excuse me, miss?” the voice erupted into Alice’s fuddled brain.
“Yes?” she whispered, unsure of whom she was replying.
“You’re next, I do have a line,” the cashier replied looking at her with annoyance. She took an uncertain step forward before a voice behind her spoke into her ear. “You would think they would teach their employees’ basic customer service or at the very least some manners.”
She turned around and noticed that she felt an instant familiarity with the man. She did not know him, but he gave her an easy smile like they were old friends. His eyes were a deep green and he obtained dark hair with a slight curl to it. He looked about five years her senior; she placed him in his early thirties. His voice betrayed the slightest hint of an accent, possibly he hailed from New York. The clothes he wore were expensive, a designer cream colored sweater and brown corduroys was his attire. Instantly, she felt insignificant in her tracksuit from Target. She took in every detail of him within seconds before she turned without a reply and piled her books on the counter in front of the cashier. As she paid, she could feel his eyes boring into her back. She felt exposed and self conscious, she began to worry whether her dirty blond hair looked unkempt or whether her clothes hung awkwardly off of her gaunt figure.
Hastily, she gathered her purchases and made her way out of the store. Her black Nissan Altima was parked curbside and as she hit the button for the keyless entry she saw the man exit and take an uncertain step towards her. He gave her another disarming look and paused for a minute. She knew that she should speak, break the awkwardness that was developing every second that they stood there. Finally, she broke eye contact and opened her car door. He cleared his throat. “ I know I should just leave you alone, it’s just that I noticed you in the store and you looked so sad, I just wanted to….I don’t know, I guess what I’m trying to say is that I wanted to make sure you were okay….”
She willed herself to look at him and raised her hazel eyes to his face. “I’m sorry, it’s just one of those awful days, and I swear this isn’t my normal behavior. It was very kind of you to check on me, most strangers would sense my discontent and quickly look the other way as if unhappiness is contagious. I’m Alice, by the way.”
“My name’s Peter or Pete, whichever you rather call me, I go by either. It’s really nice to meet you. Actually I moved here only last month, so I haven’t met too many people except through work. Do you live around here?”
Small talk wasn’t her thing and she was starting to get restless, but she did not want to appear rude, especially since he’d been so nice to her. She gathered that her nervousness arose from the fact that she had sensed his growing attraction to her, something that she was unsure of how to handle. “I grew up in Hillside, never lived anywhere, but Connecticut. I’m a few miles down the road off of Maplewood. You’ll really like it here, it’s a great town. Its small too, so I’ll probably see you around.” She figured this was her out, an opportunity to leave this strange conversation and head back to her one bedroom walk-up and wallow in the self-imposed solitude that had been her life over the past several weeks.
“Sorry for holding you up, I’m sure your boyfriend is waiting for you….”
She couldn’t help, but smile at his obvious attempt at fishing around for her availability. “No boyfriend, just a dog waiting to be walked and pampered. I promised him my undivided attention today and if I don’t fulfill my end of the deal who’s to say what pair of shoes he’ll destroy in his quest for vengeance.”
He stuffed his hands in his pockets and looked at her with a thoughtful expression. His green eyes darkened with intensity. “Okay, Alice, I realize that this is the part when I say what a pleasure it was to meet you and then we go our separate ways and then I go home and kick myself for not asking for your number. Well I rather live without regrets so I’m going to ask you out instead.”
“I would love to say yes, but the thing is that I’m sort of recovering from a really horrible breakup and I’m not quite ready to date yet. I was with Ryan for a long time and well our breakup was kind of sudden to say the least. So, I’m not at the point yet where I’m ready to start the whole dating thing again.” Immediately, she felt foolish for sharing too much with a man she had only met minutes ago. If her odd behavior in the bookstore had not scared him off, this surely would do the trick.
“Fair enough, well I do hope I see you around, I’m from North Jersey, so my friends aren’t exactly around the corner, it has been sort of lonely these past few weeks. I’m really sorry about your breakup, maybe we’ll meet up again when you’re ready.” He shrugged and she felt flattered by his obvious disappointment.
She nodded and began to enter her car. “Maybe. It was great to meet you, Peter. Goodbye.” She was about to close the door, but his deep baritone stopped her.
“Alice, I hope he’s worth putting your life on hold for, because in my experience I’ve found that people spend too much time mourning relationships that aren’t worth the effort in the first place.” His tone was insistent and his words resonated inside of her. She felt an attraction to him as well, so why was she letting Ryan control her life when he had made it perfectly clear that he did not want any part of it? She grabbed a pen from her console and scribbled down her phone number on the back of her receipt. Walking over to him, she placed the crumbled paper in his hand. As their hands touched, she felt her body come alive for the first time in many dormant weeks. He was gorgeous, it was hard not to be drawn in by his sculpted features and piercing eyes. He stood a full head over her and must have been at least six feet tall.
“So, I’ll call you and we can hang out and see how it goes. I’m not an asshole, I know this may sound trite but you can trust me.”
“I believe you.”
***
Alice entered her apartment and was greeted by Junior, her two year old Pug. Lately, he’d been her lone companion. After Ryan had left, she discovered how much of an enormous part of her life he had been. Over the past few years as their relationship had developed, high school and college friends had gradually begun to disappear from her life. She knew that this was her fault; she had been so involved with Ryan that she’d taken them for granted. After countless unreturned phone calls, they had stopped calling a
ltogether. Now, she felt foolish to be only calling them because she was single and did not dare try to reconnect with them. She had no siblings and her mother had remarried a few years after her father’s death and had relocated out west.
“So Junior, I met a guy today,” she said bending down to greet him. He responded by rolling onto his back and begging for a belly rub. She conceded and continued on. “I know that you miss your daddy, but we have to accept the fact that he’s not coming back. I’m only twenty-seven; you don’t expect me to live out the rest of my days as a social pariah, do you?” He responded by hopping back on his four legs and bounding off to sit on what use to by Ryan’s favorite chair. “Fine, be that way, but if you keep it up, you can forget about that walk.”
She placed her bag on the table and noticed the insistent light of the answering machine. Inwardly she cringed as she hit the button and her mother’s voice filled the apartment. “Alice, pick up the phone if you’re there.” She commanded, waiting a minute before continuing. “Fine, but if you don’t start returning my calls, I might plan something drastic like drop in for a surprise visit some time in the near future.” She hit the delete button but her mother’s threat still hung in the air. She figured it was in her best interest to return her call and without delay dialed her California number. She picked up on the first ring.
“Hi, Mom, it’s me. Sorry it took so long to get back to you, I’ve been really busy.”
“Well, I don’t want to make you feel guilty for not calling me, but it’s not like I’m going to be around forever. Especially since we live on different coasts we need to keep in touch through frequent phone calls.” This was characteristic of Roxanne Barrie, master of guilt trips and unsolicited advice.
“I know,” Alice conceded. “It has just difficult sometimes with the time difference. How are things?”
“Everything’s fine. Daniel has been busy with work, as usual. It will be nice when he can finally retire. We’re going to start saving for a big vacation, maybe Tahiti for three weeks or something equally fabulous.”
“Wow, Mom, Tahiti. I’m really excited for you.”
“Well, enough about me; how is everything? I know these past few weeks must have been hard on you. You know that you can call me whenever, no matter what time it is, honey. Have you spoken to Ryan?” Alice marveled at the fact that she didn’t instantly ask about Ryan. His leaving seemed to hurt Roxanne almost as much as Alice. She was sure Ryan was the proxy son Roxanne never had.
“No, not since he came to get his things. He’s called me since then, but I haven’t returned his calls. I am a firm believer in the clean break. Why drag things out when we both know that it’s over?”
“Well, maybe he’s calling because he wants to try and work things out?” she suggested with undisguised hope.
“No, I think the real reason that he’s calling is because he feels guilty about the way things happened.” She sat down at her kitchen table and warmed to the idea. “It’s an ultimately selfish gesture on his part; he wants me to relieve him of some of the blame. I think the best thing that I can do for myself right now is to avoid all contact with him. Otherwise, the process of getting over him is going to be all the more difficult.”
“If you think that’s for the best than I’m not going to argue with you. You sound a hundred times better than the last time that I spoke to you, so whatever you are doing must be working. I would like you to consider coming out for a visit soon though. I am only working part-time at the hair salon now so I would have plenty of time to spend with you.” If Alice decided to leave Connecticut and head to live out on the west coast, her mother would probably have a coronary from sheer happiness.
“Okay, Mom, I’ll check my work calendar and see when I can come out. I’ll give you a call in the next couple of days. Thanks for not giving me a hard time about Ryan. I love you.”
“I love you too, sweetie. I’ll talk to you soon.”
After placing the phone back on the cradle, Alice took her books over to the mahogany bookshelf. Her apartment had an open floor plan with open doorways between the kitchen, dining room and living room. She grabbed the last couple of books from the top shelf and replaced them with her newest acquisitions-Rebuilding When Your Relationship Ends, Can your Relationship be Saved? and How to Heal a Broken Heart. She hoped that Peter had not noticed that she practically cleared out the self-help section. She guessed that he had not or he would have been crazy to ask her out. Maybe he was deranged; he did ask her out when she looked as if she hadn’t seen a brush in days. She took the removed books to the wastebasket and tried to look away as she discarded them. Taking a final glance at The Girlfriend’s Guide to Pregnancy and Your Pregnancy Week by Week and was immediately transported back to a mere two months ago when she and Ryan were expecting a child.
Chapter Two
The pregnancy was not planned, but she found herself ecstatic nonetheless. Ryan and Alice had been together for three years and had cohabitated for the last year of their relationship. They had met at a mutual friend’s party and had been inseparable ever since. She figured marriage and children were the obvious next step in the timeline that she had created in her mind. Ryan took the news fairly well with all things considering. He did not run out and buy her a huge diamond ring, but he was supportive and accompanied her to all of her early doctor appointments. She was eager to discuss marriage with him, but she did not want to pressure Ryan into a shotgun wedding. He had a difficult childhood; his parents had a messy divorce, so she knew that he was wary of becoming another divorce statistic.
She forgave his caginess over commitment because he had so many other wonderful qualities that made this glitch seem trite. Extremely good looking, his hair was a light brown and he obtained piercing blue eyes. From regular runs and the occasional visit to the gym, he was in phenomenal shape. He was a physician’s assistant in a private practice within town. His job paid well and she knew that he was a hit with his patients. Who wouldn’t want to make an appointment with a young and good lucking guy who actually cared about his patients?
Looking back, she wondered if she had been diluting herself the entire time into thinking that they were happy. Were there signs of discourse that she had subconsciously chosen to ignore? They always seemed to be in tune with each other, she never imagined anything was wrong. Now she wished there was something, some sort of sign that could have possibly prepared her for their relationship’s ultimate demise.
It was on a rainy Sunday when her world was irrevocably changed. She had light cramping that started about mid-day; she mistakenly thought it was indigestion from her heavy breakfast. By early evening, the cramping had worsened accompanied with bleeding. They had rushed to the emergency room, but nothing could be done. She had miscarried. Initially her depression was overwhelming; she took the week off from her administrative assistant job to recuperate from the ordeal. As her sadness began to subside, she noticed that Ryan did not seem to be as upset about the loss as she expected. She didn’t anticipate histrionics, but he showed little emotion and seemed apt to move on from the whole thing straight away. If she was not mistaken, he almost seemed relieved.
It was precisely one week from the miscarriage that she gathered the nerve to confront him about the feelings she was too afraid to say out loud. They had just finished dinner and they sat silently next to each other on the sofa. He worked on a crossword while she flipped carelessly through an entertainment magazine. She used to love this ritual-it made her feel as though they were truly at ease with one another. Now she felt as this was their way of avoiding conversation. She sighed and tossed the magazine on the coffee table. “Ryan, I think we should figure out where we go from here.”
“What do you mean?” He lowered the crossword puzzle and gave her an inquisitive stare.
“I just feel very confused right now about everything. We haven’t really talked about what we want out of this relationship and how losing the baby has affected our future plans. I mean, do we wa
nt to try again any time soon? Do we want to get married?” She moved closer to him but she could see the noticeable stiffening of his body.
He did not meet her eyes. “I think the best thing is to concentrate on making sure you are both physically and mentally well. The other stuff can wait. We don’t need to figure out our relationship directly after you’ve been through such a trying ordeal.”
“I’m fine, you know that. The doctor told us both that there is a good chance that my next pregnancy won’t have any complications. Also, I was sad about our loss, but I know it’s nothing that I can change, so I rather just move on from the whole ordeal and focus on us.” She placed her hand over his and gave him a hopeful smile.
He finally looked into her eyes and her heart sank. The look he gave her was a mixture of guilt and misery. In that second, she knew that all her doubts and fears were not unfounded. “It’s not that I don’t love you, Alice that has never been the problem. You know that, right?” When she did not answer, he persisted on, “I thought I had always been upfront about my doubts when it came to the whole marriage thing. I’m not ready to become a husband or a father just yet. I think we need to slow down a little bit, I mean we’re still in our twenties.”
She snatched her hand away. “Slow down? We’ve been together for over three years. What do you want to do, all of a sudden start casually dating again?”
“I don’t know….maybe,” he jumped off of the couch and turned his back to her. He nervously ran a finger through his hair.
“Are you joking? How long have you felt this way?” She remembered thinking in her head that this could not actually be happening. She had been in relationships before that had collapsed, but she had always suspected ahead of time that something was wrong. Yet with Ryan she had not seen this coming at all.
“Alice, I don’t want to do this right now. There is no right answer to that question.” He hopped off the couch and began to pace.