The Duchess Remembers

by Monroe, Jennifer

  He let out a loud laugh and she took a step back, though the sound was not one of mocking, but rather of happiness. “That is wonderful!” he exclaimed.

  “How can you say that jealousy can be wonderful?” she asked in amazement and confusion.

  As he pulled a stray strand of hair from her face, he smiled down at her once again. “For if you are jealous, that means you have some feelings for me, and that makes me happy.”

  Lucy wiped at her cheeks. “I wish I could remember more,” she said quietly.

  “You will soon,” he replied. “I know it. For now, however, would you care to have dinner with me?”

  “Of course, I would love to have dinner with you,” she said, but then stopped short. “But Hannah…I must speak with her, let her know…”

  “Come with me,” Andrew said, and he walked with her down to Hannah’s room.

  Hannah, who was lovingly hanging a dress in the wardrobe, sighed before spinning around to face them, fear on her face. “I will be gone before dinner, Your Grace,” Hannah said with a shaky voice.

  Lucy rushed through the door and pulled Hannah into a quick hug. “I told you before, you are to address me as Lucy.”

  “I-I’m afraid I don’t understand,” Hannah stammered into Lucy’s ear.

  “Let me explain, my friend,” Lucy replied and she sat her down on the bed and took a seat next to her. Andrew made a discrete exit and left the two women alone.

  After explaining the misunderstanding, Lucy searched Hannah’s face for any sign of forgiveness. Although she was a servant, a paid companion, Lucy saw her as so much more. Granted, Hannah could say she forgave her and then returned only to keep her high position in such a noble house, but Lucy knew she would be so much more than a servant.

  “There is no easy way to explain what happened earlier,” Lucy said finally, “not one that is dignified anyway. However, I wish you would forgive me and stay on as my companion. You have become an important part of my life, and I would be very sad if you were to leave.”

  “Yes, I forgive you,” Hannah replied with a happy smile that belied the tears that ran down her cheeks. “I suppose if it had been me seeing some woman getting such a nice gift from my husband, I’d’ve been pretty angry myself.”

  This made Lucy smile and she hugged Hannah again. “Come, dinner is waiting for us downstairs.” She glanced down at Hannah’s dress. “But let me help you change into something more appropriate.” Despite Hannah’s protests, Lucy chose a lavender gown with a dark purple sash under the bodice. She helped Hannah dress and felt humbled at being able to perform such an act for someone else, especially for the woman who typically did so for her.

  After Hannah was dressed, Lucy ran a brush through her own hair and they headed down to the dining room. As they took their seats at the laden table, Lucy realized two important things. The first was that Hannah was a great friend and one who could be trusted. As she glanced over at Andrew, she smiled. The second was that, for a handsome man, he could be trusted, as well. And the feeling of relief that washed over her was wonderful.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Lucy sat alone in the drawing room, a pillowcase in her lap. The needle in her hand moved deftly in and out of the fabric, leaving behind yellow, blue and deep red patterns. Why she was fixated on these colors, she did not know, but she felt compelled to use them.

  “Forget your lack of memory,” she whispered to herself. “It will only make you go mad.” A small laugh escaped her lips. She was glad that Hannah had gone upstairs to lie down, giving Lucy time alone and thus not bringing about embarrassment for talking aloud to no one in general.

  She laid her work on her lap and gazed out the window with a sigh. As she watched a goldfinch flitter from branch to branch of a laurel, she realized that time was passing quickly; it had been four months since she awoke from her long sleep, and no memories, save the recollection of Andrew tearing his coat sleeve, had returned. The thought of never remembering, of knowing she had missed so much when in reality she had not missed any of it, was excruciatingly painful. Whenever she saw the longing in Andrew’s eyes, for she knew he wished her to memory to return even as much as she if only to remember what they had, a sadness washed over her. Every step the man had taken to win her over once again had been wonderful, for he went out of his way to ensure all was perfect for her. Yet these actions had unfortunately brought about another wave of guilt upon her for what he had lost. And truth be told, for what they both had lost. He treated her as a woman desired, but much to her frustration she did not love him, at least not in the way he wished. She did have a deep affection for him, that much was true, and she found the few kisses they had shared over the last month pleasant; however, there was no passion that would lead to love, which was something she desired above all else.

  “So, the rumors are true,” Andrew said, startling Lucy and breaking her from her thoughts.

  She looked over as he entered the room, the rays of the sun casting its light upon his figure. It was a handsome figure, tall, lean and well-muscled beneath the broad lapeled, blue and beige striped waistcoat and blue tailcoat with gold buttons lining the front. His beige breeches fit him quite nicely, and Lucy felt her face heat up as she quickly moved her eyes back to his face. This did not help, however, as she took in the chiseled jaw and perfectly shaped eyes.

  “And what rumors would those be?” she asked with the raise of an eyebrow.

  He sat next to her on the settee and smiled, which only made the heat radiate to her stomach, and though it was not an uncomfortable feeling, it was a bit unsettling. She found herself clearing her throat and reaching for her cup of tea to sooth her dry throat.

  “That you indeed do enjoy embroidery,” he replied with a wide grin. “I had dismissed those who spoke of your love of it, but now I feel the fool to see it there in your lap.”

  They shared in a laugh as she set her needlework on top of her sewing basket.

  “Well, I do have a small confession to make,” she said as she leaned in conspiratorially. “It is true, when I think no one is watching, that I might pick up a needle and thread and engage in such mischievous acts of embroidery. However, keep an eye on me, for I fear this rebellion will only lead to worse things.”

  “Oh?” he said in feigned astonishment. “Such as?”

  She lowered her voice to just above a whisper. “Flower arranging!” This brought on another round of laughter, and Lucy felt a sense of peace wash over her. Her memories might be elusive, but if she could imagine a life with another person, it would be much like this moment. The only thing that was missing was the love a wife desires to share with her husband. However, she pushed aside this thought, wishing to revel in what they shared now.

  “The shame it would bring me and my name,” Andrew replied, still laughing. “Make no mistake, I would have to leave the country. The house, my businesses, all of it would have to be hastily sold.” Then the laughter died down, but a smile remained on his face as he took her hand in his. “Although, I would still wish you to join me.” Lucy could not mistake the love that radiated from his eyes and wanted nothing more than share in his adoration.

  “I would join you,” she said, and realized that the words were true, for, no matter what was destined to happen between the two of them in terms of love, she was his wife. It was her duty to be by his side, and even if she would not have admitted until recently, she enjoyed his company.

  “Good,” he said. “I considered what you told me the other night concerning your frustrations over remembering.”

  She looked down at the hand that held hers and marveled at how such a strong man could be so gentle.

  “What if we hosted a party like no one has ever seen?” His eyes glittered with excitement as he spoke. “We can invite everyone we know—family, friends, acquaintances, everyone who is anyone!”

  She bit at her lip. A party? Would she be able to withstand such a function? She had helped her mother with minor details for dinners and wh
atnot, but never had she been entrusted to plan for everything. Plus, another thing worried her. “That sounds nice, but how will holding such an event help me?”

  He released her hand, which she missed immediately, stood, and leaned against the fireplace. “If the house is filled with people and conversation, perhaps a memory or two will deign to make an appearance. I must admit that I have been a bit greedy keeping you here while I am busy with business meetings and work. However, with the Season just around the corner, I believe I can take some time off. We shall have a grand party and then we can go away on a holiday after.”

  Lucy smiled and her heart soared. What he said was logical; if she was surrounded by people she knew, or people she was supposed to know, not only would it make her happy, but it also might stir up those memories that hid somewhere in the recesses of her mind, the memories she so desperately wished to return.

  She rose and placed a hand on his arm. “I will begin sending invitations immediately,” she said with a wide, excited smile. “When shall we hold this grand affair?”

  “One month’s time—the sixteenth of November,” he replied.

  She nodded, raised up on her toes, and placed a small kiss on his lips. “Thank you, my husband,” she whispered. He nodded and a wide smile crossed his lips. “And why do you smile so? The kiss?”

  “No,” he replied. “It was the first time you have referred to me as your husband without a scowl.” This brought on another shared laugh. “I will finish up my work and then see you at dinner.”

  Lucy watched as he walked away, and as he went to close the door behind him, he glanced back and gave her another smile, which she readily returned. Once the door was shut, she returned to the settee and resumed her needlework. Her heart fluttered as his words echoed in her mind. Yes, she had referred to him as her husband, a fact she was found brought on a sense of pride. Now, if she could remember that she loved him, all would be well.

  Sighing, she looked down at the images on the pillowcase. Blue, red, yellow. Their significance tugged at her heart, though she still could not place their meaning. Perhaps that would come later, but for now, she had a party for which to plan.

  ***

  Thunder rumbled in the distance as Lucy removed the pins from her hair. Two nights had passed since she and Andrew had spoken in the drawing room, and Lucy had kept herself quite busy writing out invitations and developing her plans for the party. Hannah had been a wonderful help, taking notes as Lucy paced the length of the rug while spouting ideas as they came to mind. Granted, she did not plan to keep all her ideas, but it was nice to have choices since she felt as if she had no idea what she was doing.

  “The party is going to be wonderful,” Hannah had assured her on more than one occasion. “It’s not like you haven’t gone to enough yourself to have no ideas like me.”

  “Oh, rubbish,” Lucy had assured the woman. Granted, Hannah had not had much personal experience with hosting, or even attending, parties such as the one they were planning, but the woman had served enough to make several suggestions. “Did you not suggest we include a harvest theme as part of the decorations?”

  Hannah laughed. “And you think that’s something you couldn’t have come up with yourself?”

  “Well, perhaps, but I did not, did I? Therefore, take credit where credit is due.”

  Sometimes Lucy would set aside her invitation writing and steal down the hallway to peek in at Andrew as he spoke with business partners or sat hunched over his desk going over his ledger. Whether she took a moment to sit with him while he was working, or he came to share in a cup of tea with her in the drawing room, she enjoyed being in his company. She found his presence uplifting, and it gave her light on the darkest days.

  Lightning lit up the room and another rumble of thunder made the house shake as Lucy ran a brush through her hair. Her mind moved to the party, and she felt a sense of anticipation for seeing friends she had not seen for quite some time. She hoped her friend Charlotte would be able to attend, for if anyone could help her fill in the missing pieces of her past, Charlotte could. They had shared everything together up to that last memory of sneaking off to drink brandy, so there was no reason the woman could not be helpful.

  She set the brush back onto the table and made her way to the bed. Slipping beneath the covers, she felt a twinge of guilt as she silently wondered what it would be like to have Andrew beside her. The thought excited and scared her at the same time. He was her husband and she his wife; he could enter her bedroom anytime and do what he wished at any time, but he continued to be a gentleman. This fact frustrated her all that much more, for he was a Duke. If his peers knew he slept in a different room and was denied his wife’s bed, he would be shamed. However, though she did not enjoy causing him pain, how could she have a man she did not love in her bed? This compounded her confusion, and as she turned over in her bed, she watched the sky light up and listened to the sounds of the rain pelting the window, the rhythmic sound lulling her into a deep sleep.

  ***

  A haziness hung over Lucy, who laughed as she climbed the steep hill. Andrew worried too much in her opinion. Yes, she was a woman, but that did not make her instantly clumsy. She shot him a smile as she inched toward the outcropping of rocks, one stone in particular gleaming brightly in the sun. So fixated on that stone she was that she did not realize that the ground had moved beneath her, leaving her standing on air.

  Soon she was screaming for Andrew, and though he rushed toward her, he quickly diminished in size as she fell away from him.

  “Andrew!” Lucy sat up with a start, her heart racing as she tried to remember where she was. The sound of footsteps outside the door came to her ear just before the door flew open and Andrew came rushing in.

  “Lucy?” he asked. “What is it? What is wrong?”

  She immediately burst into tears, and a moment later, he was beside her, his arms pulling her against him.

  “I remember…I remember falling,” she sobbed and his arms held her tighter. “The hill…I was ahead of you…you warned me, but I did not listen. Then I saw…then…” She could not finish for the memory was so vivid, she feared she would fall again.

  “You are safe now,” Andrew said, his voice soothing bringing comfort she so desperately needed. “You are here at home.”

  Once the sobs subsided somewhat, she pulled herself from his embrace and wiped at her eyes. Then she caught a movement from the doorway and saw Hannah standing there, a concerned look on her face.

  “Is everything all right?” Hannah asked.

  Lucy nodded as she tried to compose herself. “Yes, thank you,” she replied as she used the handkerchief Andrew had given her to wipe her nose. “It was just a nightmare. Please, go back to sleep.”

  Hannah nodded, though the concern on her face did not lessen before she turned and left the room.

  Andrew pushed a few strands of hair from Lucy’s face. “I am so sorry you dreamed of it,” he said quietly.

  Lucy smiled and then took his hand in hers. “I should have listened to you that day,” she said. “You warned me, did you not?”

  Lucy had not expected a Duke to cry, and Andrew did not; however, when he did speak, his voice was choked and the pain on his face was deep. “Every day I have cursed myself for not being able to catch you before you fell,” he said. “Then, while you slept, they told me there was a chance you would never awaken, and I found myself wallowing in guilt. Please forgive me, I beg you.”

  Lucy shook her head. “My husband, there is nothing to forgive,” she assured him. “It was my own foolishness that led me to that cliff. The blame lies with me, not you.”

  He gave her a small smile. “Yet, I cannot help but think…”

  She placed a finger on his lips. “You cannot prevent what you cannot predict,” she said and then squeezed his hand. “Let us move on from this unfortunate memory.”

  His smile widened. “Not only are you beautiful, but your wisdom amazes me, as well.” He searched her
eyes as if to exam her as a doctor would. “Are you feeling better?”

  Lucy nodded, though the fear from the dream still resonated within her, and she worried the nightmare would return once she fell asleep again. However, she could not abide the look of concern that continued to etch his face, so she lay back down again and allowed her head to sink into the pillow.

  Andrew leaned over and kissed her forehead. “Get some rest. If you need anything, simply ask.”

  She nodded, but as he turned to leave, her hand shot out and grabbed his arm. “Would you sit with me for a few minutes? Just until you are certain I am sleeping soundly?”

  He sat on the edge of the bed and took his hand in hers. Once again, he brushed back a strand of hair from her face. “Sleep now knowing that I am here for you,” he whispered, his strong hand giving hers a gentle squeeze. “Tomorrow is a new day, and no matter what it brings, we shall face it together.”

  She nodded, closed her eyes, and a sense of peace came over her, for she knew, whether in dreams or when awake, through the good and the bad, he would always be by her side.

  Chapter Twenty

  A week went by and Lucy was thankful the nightmare that had plagued her that stormy night had not returned. She had woken to find Andrew asleep on the chair, having kept his promise to protect her through the night. Now she was in a carriage with Hannah on their way to tea with Eliza. The rain had subsided several days earlier, but the weather was cold and the skies gray.

  “I want to thank you again for the new dress,” Hannah said as she brushed the tips of her fingers to the dark blue skirts as if the fabric would disintegrate if she were to touch it with her entire hand. “It is the most beautiful thing I have ever owned.”

  “There is no need to thank me,” Lucy replied with a smile. “The dress suits you so well, I am afraid a suitor may ask to court you at our party and that I will lose you as a companion.”