The Wrong Kind of Love

by Lexi Ryan

  “Veronica is the sister of your nanny, right? She’s the sister of the girl you’re in love with?”

  I pinch the bridge of my nose. “Do I want to know how you know any of this?”

  “You know how information spreads in this town.” I can hear her clicking her pen—a typical Kyrstie nervous habit. Click-click. Click. “If the sister wants you to be her doctor, see if she can help you. Maybe there’s still hope for you and Nic.”

  “And now I’m supposed to believe you care about my happiness with another woman?”

  Click-click. Click. “Well, it’s true whether you believe it or not. Just because I didn’t want to see you trapped by some girl looking for a meal ticket doesn’t mean I don’t want to see you happy. I always had your best intentions at heart, whether you believe that or not.”

  I blink and straighten in my chair. There’s a good chance I underestimated Kyrstie. “I appreciate that, but listen, I have a patient waiting for me.”

  “Go get her, Ethan.”

  I hang up the phone, grab my chart, and go into exam room two.

  “Good afternoon, Ms. Maddox. How are you today?” I look up from my clipboard and do a double take when I realize Veronica isn’t here alone and I recognize her companion. “What are you doing here, Teagan?”

  “She needed a doctor’s opinion on something,” Veronica says.

  I fold my arms. “What’s that?”

  “You’re a fucking troll who needs to get over himself and go after the girl,” Teagan says.

  “For which part of that did you need my opinion?”

  “None of that. Those are the facts. The symptoms, if you will. The question is, should I sit here and try to talk some sense into you, or should I just kick you in the nuts?”

  I lean back against the counter and study Nic’s friend.

  “The latter probably wouldn’t change the facts at all,” Veronica chimes in, “but it would feel amazing.”

  My gaze shifts between the two women, and I shrug. “I probably deserve the kick in the nuts, but you don’t need to talk sense into me. I already know I’m an idiot who threw away the best thing that ever happened to him.”

  Veronica’s shoulders sag. “Does that mean I don’t get to give my big speech about how you will never—and I mean never—find another woman half as good as my sister?”

  “I fucked up. She never wanted a relationship, and she really doesn’t want me. I’m trying to respect that.” Even if every second I don’t go after her hurts like hell.

  “Respect . . . what?” Teagan sputters. “Oh my God, I thought you had some balls in those pants.”

  I sigh. “Fine. You two want to help? I’m working on something and I could use some extra hands.”

  Veronica smiles slowly. “That’s more like it. What do you have in mind?”

  “I’m cleaning out some closets at home. You two up for it?”

  Nicole

  “Did you know Marcus calls his penis Henry?” Veronica asks.

  Teagan coughs on her wine, and I snort. “Don’t remind me.”

  We’re all in Teagan’s living room. Teagan and I are drinking wine, and Veronica’s drinking sparkling apple juice. Honestly, Veronica’s lucky Teagan even let her in the door that first day, but she managed to plead her case, and the three of us having been living here together for the last week.

  “How desperate was I to have a family that I was willing to marry him?” I ask. “Seriously, every time I fall in love, I think it’s the real thing, and I’m always wrong.” But I still don’t think I was wrong about Ethan. It felt different. But I can’t deny I fell into the same old patterns. Always searching for love. Always willing to sacrifice anything to have a family.

  “I’ll be single forever before I marry a guy who names his dick,” Teagan says. “Please hold me to that.”

  My phone buzzes, and I look at it. Shay’s texting about some plans for this weekend and who’s getting Lilly when.

  “You know what I miss about having your cell phone instead of mine?” Veronica asks when I put my phone down. “I miss the ego strokes. Getting random texts from all your adoring fans made me feel warm and fuzzy inside.”

  I roll my eyes. “What do you mean, my adoring fans?”

  “You know, all the people you’ve bent over backward for over the years. Everyone loves Nicole and her big heart.”

  “Okay, Grinch,” Teagan says. “Can you blame them?”

  “Of course not. It was legit nice to see what it was like. But I’m back to being me, and that’s kind of nice too.” She rubs her belly. “Not sure what I’m doing about this, though.”

  “You’ll be fine,” I say. “We’ll find you a job and an apartment, and I’ll help with the baby as much as I can.”

  “I’ll help too,” Teagan says. “You just can’t live here and cramp my style.”

  Veronica’s eyes water. “I don’t deserve you two.”

  “Those are the truest words that have ever passed your lips,” Teagan says.

  I take my sister’s hand and squeeze. “Even the Grinch needs a family.”

  “Let’s get that homework out, Lil,” I call from the kitchen. “We need to get it done if you want to watch the Christmas special at seven.”

  “Okay,” she calls from upstairs. “I’m on my way.”

  I dig through the pantry to find a snack. I find some crackers and grab the cheese from the fridge. Shay’s been staying here since I moved out, and she’s awesome, but not the cook or baker I am.

  When Ethan first asked if I’d be willing to do afternoons at the house with Lilly, I agreed but wasn’t sure I wanted to. I mean, I definitely wanted to see Lilly, but I thought being in Ethan’s house might just be too hard. It turns out that girl makes even a little heartache totally worthwhile, and it’s been working. I’m grateful for that. It was bad enough to deal with my own broken heart; I didn’t want to be responsible for Lilly’s, too.

  “I have to show you something so special,” Lilly says. She races into the kitchen.

  “I thought we were doing homework?”

  “We are, but first I want you to see . . .” She reaches into her pocket and pulls out a necklace. “My beautiful necklace.” The chain has a silver charm that looks like a mother carrying a baby. “Isn’t it pretty?” she asks. “It was my mommy’s.”

  “Yeah, baby. It’s gorgeous.”

  “I have a whole box now of stuff that was Mommy’s.” She tugs on her scarf. “This was hers too. And the blanket on my bed. Daddy let me go through her stuff and choose what I wanted to keep. Since she isn’t here anymore, he’s donating the rest, but he wanted me to have some keepsakes first. This is one of them.”

  “I’m so glad you have those things,” I tell her. And I truly am. My heart swells with love for Lilly and pride for the man I love. I know it wasn’t easy for him to take this step. “You treat them with care, okay?”

  “I will. But Nicky, I need to ask you a favor before we do homework.”

  I laugh. It’s always one more thing before homework. “What’s that?”

  “Can you take me to the ice-skating rink at the lighthouse tomorrow night? Daddy usually takes me, but he has a date.”

  I open my mouth to reply, but I can’t for a minute. It feels like someone has their fist in my gut. He has a date. And he’s finally getting rid of his wife’s things. “Of course I’ll take you, Lil.”

  “Really? Oh, you’re gonna love it so much. They turn the street where cars drive into a skating rink, and they have music and there are Christmas lights. It’s really the best.”

  “I can’t wait.” I mean it. I love my time with Lilly, and I love Jackson Harbor. Instead of accepting a job hundreds of miles away, I’ve put in applications at all the preschools in the area. This is where I want to stay.

  I’m sure tomorrow night will be amazing, but right now, I’m trying to get around Ethan having a date and clearing out his wife’s things.

  It’s not that I wanted the traces of Eth
an’s wife to be washed out of the house, but I thought he might better be able to move on if he didn’t keep her things right where she’d need them if she suddenly came back from the dead.

  Maybe that means he’s ready to move on now. Maybe I at least did that for him.

  Ethan

  The weekend before Christmas every year, Jackson Harbor closes part of Lakeshore Drive and turns the street in front of the lighthouse into an ice-skating rink. Lilly likes to go after dark. The big houses along the water are decorated for Christmas and the lights sparkle on the ice. She says she feels like a fairy princess skating in the moonlight.

  This year, when I suggested Nic could take her, she squealed with delight. I knew Nic wouldn’t deny her when she asked. So that brings me here, to the edge of the skating rink, watching the two girls who own me, heart and soul, skate hand in hand.

  It’s not long before Lilly spots me and drags Nic in my direction. “Daddy!” she says, launching herself at me across the ice. “How was your day?”

  I stoop to my haunches and wrap her in a hug. “It was a good day, Lillypad. How was yours?”

  Her eyes go big, and she grins. “It’s about to get better,” she whispers.

  I pinch her nose and swallow hard. “I hope so.” I stand up to greet Nic. “How are you?”

  She dodges my gaze and pastes on one of her obligatory smiles. “Fine. I hope I’m not ruining your plans. Lilly said you had a date, but I didn’t realize you’d be here.”

  I shrug. “It’s not like you’re in my way.”

  She swallows. “Right.”

  “I saw your sister at the clinic again today.” I tuck my hands into my pockets. “So, you two made up?”

  She shrugs and turns to watch Lilly, who’s returned to skating circles on the ice. “She’s the only family I have.”

  “That’s not true.” My voice is husky. “You have my mom and Lilly; you have my brothers and Shay.” You have me. “They might not be your blood, Nic, but they are your family. They will be regardless of what’s between you and me.” I swallow hard. “And regardless of where you live.”

  She still doesn’t meet my eyes as she speaks. “You have no idea how lucky you are to have your family. I know it’s a cliché to say, but they’re amazing.”

  My brothers and Shay and I have had our own issues, but there’s a reason we’ve all settled down in Jackson Harbor when jobs could have pulled us all over the country. “I don’t take them for granted.”

  “Good.” She closes her eyes for a beat, and then finally looks at me. “Thank you, Ethan. I mean it. I think it’s good that you let Lilly go through her mother’s things. I’m sure it wasn’t easy to let go of the rest either.”

  “It was time. Past time, really.”

  She nods then looks back to the ice, desperate to get away from me, as always. “Have a good time tonight.”

  After she skates away, my sister comes to stand by my side. “Are you ready to do this thing?” she asks me.

  I nod. “I’m ready.”

  “You look like you want to throw up.”

  “That’s because I’m afraid she’s going to reject me. Again.”

  “She won’t.” She smacks me on the back. “You’ve got this, brother.”

  “Thanks, sis.” I take a breath and walk out to the lighthouse, where I slowly climb up to the top.

  Nicole

  “Nicky!” Lilly shouts, wrapping her arms around my legs. “Will you climb to the top of the lighthouse with me?”

  I turn in that direction and frown. “I don’t know, sweetie. It’s late. Are we allowed up there after dark?”

  “Sure we are! Daddy takes me every year so I can see the Christmas lights. And all the people ice skating look like miniature dolls.” She tugs on my hand, a movement that makes us both wobble in our ice skates. “Please, please, please?”

  “Of course. That sounds great.” I really don’t know that I’m capable of telling that sweet face no.

  We change out of our ice skates and head to the lighthouse. As I slowly start to climb the stairs, Lilly races past me. “Come on! Don’t be a slowpoke now!”

  “Looks like I’ll get my workout in today after all,” I say with a laugh, picking up the pace.

  Her enthusiasm is contagious, and I chase her up the spiral staircase. There’s a door at the top, and Lilly stops in front of it. “I need to tell you something important.”

  “I thought we were going to look out the windows at the Christmas lights,” I remind her.

  She nods and holds up a finger. “Whatever happens in there, you and me are always gonna love each other. Daddy promised. Me and Nic, to the moon and back.”

  My heart fills so completely that it shoves all the tension from my limbs. “Of course, Lil. You’ll always be my girl.”

  She grins. “To the moon and back?”

  “To the moon and back.” This. Girl. “Can we go in now?”

  “Sure thing,” she says. She swings the door open, and Ethan’s standing inside. He’s not staring out the windows at the lights or out across the water. He’s looking right at us, as if he’s been waiting the whole time.

  I bite my bottom lip. “What are you doing up here? I thought you had a date.”

  He shrugs. “It might have been a little premature to call it a date. I haven’t asked the girl yet, and between you and me, she’s way out of my league.”

  Behind me, Lilly giggles, and I hear Shay call her name from below. She must have followed us at least partway up the stairs. “Come on, Lil. Leave your daddy and Nicole to talk.”

  Lilly waves to us and scurries away, pulling the door shut behind her.

  “Do you remember the night we met?” Ethan asks.

  “Yes,” I manage. “Of course.”

  “You didn’t want to exchange names at all. And when I pointed out that I already had your name, you quoted Romeo and Juliet.”

  I swallow the emotion building in my throat. I can’t get ahead of myself and assume this is something it isn’t. “I was pretty tipsy.”

  “I liked it,” he says. “I feel like fate planted us there that night. As if we were destined to meet in that moment—when you needed to feel beautiful because Marcus had broken your heart, and when I didn’t know enough about you to realize you could so easily steal mine.” He reaches into his pockets and pulls out a stack of papers. “I’ve been cleaning the house and finding all these notes Elena left behind. She liked her notes and she liked her platitudes. When she was having a bad time and was especially angry with me for . . . whatever . . . she used love notes like Band-Aids. She left them for me everywhere, and sometimes they were her words and sometimes they were quotes.”

  “I found some while I was staying there,” I admit. “I never knew what I should do with them.”

  He smiles. “I guess that makes two of us. I always left them where I found them. After all, you shouldn’t pull off the bandage when the wound hasn’t healed.” He takes a step toward me, and I stiffen—not because I don’t want him close, but because I do. So badly. I’ve missed him. I’ve thought of a thousand ways to throw myself at him—crawling into his bed, showing up at his office, joining his gym, anything that would put us in the same room again. “After you left, I realized I was done grieving for my wife and it was time to gather up the notes, time to take off the bandages. As I did, I realized something.”

  “What’s that?”

  “I like to think fate got us in Jake’s bar together that night. That was your wedding night, right?”

  I nod. “Yeah.”

  “You could have been with Marcus or even crying in your bed at home, but instead you followed an unlikely path that brought you to me. Forgive me for saying so, but I’m fucking grateful your sister screwed around with your fiancé. Because if she hadn’t, you wouldn’t have changed my whole world. You came here and taught me joy. You freed me from grief I didn’t believe I’d ever escape.”

  I hold my breath and wrap my arms around myself so I don�
��t go to him. He’s clearly planned this out, and I don’t want to miss anything he has to say. Not a single word.

  “So many stars had to align to bring you to me. More had to align to get a stubborn-ass grump to open his heart. But they did.” He hands me three slips of paper. “I think maybe my wife played a part in that.”

  “What are these?”

  “Notes I found in Elena’s bedside table.”

  I read them in order, immediately recognizing the loopy script as Elena’s.

  “Call me but love and I’ll be new baptized.” – Romeo

  I look up at Ethan. “That’s what I said to you, isn’t it?”

  He nods, and I tuck the note on the bottom of the stack and read the next one.

  “Have courage to trust love one more time and always one more time.” – Maya Angelou

  My eyes fill with tears as I slide it to the back and read the final note.

  Ethan, never doubt your love is enough for me. – Elena

  I blink at him through my tears. “What are the chances?”

  “It’s like she’s trying to tell me something.” He draws in a big breath. “I’ve been spending a lot of time with your sister.” When I gape at him in surprise, he laughs. “Crazy thing, though? I’m not in love with her.”

  I blink. “What are you talking about?”

  He tucks his hands in his pockets and tilts his head to the side. “If I only fell for you because you were pretending to be her, she should be my dream girl, right?”

  “Ethan—”

  “No. I get it.” He holds up both hands. “She’s hot, I won’t deny that. And she’s been an amazing help getting Elena’s things sorted for me.” He lowers his voice. “But her blush isn’t as pretty and her smile doesn’t make her eyes dance. The smell of her doesn’t get my gut in knots and turn me on.”

  I draw in a breath and it comes in shaky, as if the air itself has jagged edges. “Ethan.”

  “I know you, Nic—maybe better than you know yourself. I know how to make you laugh and how to turn you on. I know you like the same sappy books Elena did and that you take in coffee like it’s oxygen.” He steps forward and cups my face in his hand, wiping away a tear with his thumb. “I know that you warm up every room you’re in and you love taking care of the people around you.” He swallows hard. “And I know how you feel about Lilly.”