Be My Baby

by Airicka Phoenix

  Sometimes, Calla couldn’t help wondering if maybe her parent’s love for each other, the love she’d grown up seeing every day wasn’t the reason she had so easily fallen for so many lies. If it hadn’t somehow built her up to be destroyed. All her life, she’d had this picture in her head of what love was and she had been so desperate to feel it in her darkest moments that she had thrown herself into the first glimpse of possibility and been obliterated.

  Love had broken her.

  “But I’m leaving tomorrow.” Willa was forcibly shoved into the kitchen, breaking the silence.

  “Exactly.” Their mom followed her in. “We want to spend some time with you, too.”

  Grumbling, Willa took the stool across from Beth and began picking at the chicken and eating it until their mother smacked her on the back of the hand.

  “Ow!”

  “Stop that!” their mother scolded. “We’ll have nothing left if you eat it all.”

  Willa crinkled her nose, but stopped eating the chicken.

  “How’s school, Will?” Beth asked.

  Willa immediately perked. “Great!” she said excitedly. “We’re learning about lighting and how to get the perfect—”

  The doorbell rang, interrupting what was sure to be a long retelling of everything Willa had learned that semester. All heads turned to the open doorway looking out into the sitting area and the front door. Calla’s father answered it and for a moment, all they could see was the hulking figure silhouetted against the setting sunset. But Calla would have recognized that shape anywhere.

  “Jared’s here!” her father announced.

  Calla turned back to the cheese, her hands just a notch too unsteady.

  “Why does he keep showing up?” she mumbled to no one in particular.

  She knew even before the words hit the air that she was being stupid. Jared was always invited for Sunday dinner. Always. Yet it never made the situation any easier.

  “What do you mean?” her mother asked.

  Calla shook her head. “Nothing.”

  Her neatly shredded bowl of cheese was taken away, dumped into a bigger bowl and replaced in front of her to fill again.

  “Jared drove out to see you last night,” her mother said out of the blue. “He cut his date short with Denise and went all over town looking for you.”

  Calla fought not to react, to stay focused on the rhythmic motion of cheese raking over sharp ridges. But inside, her heart gave a hard kick.

  Beth glanced up, her eyes wide with interest. “Oh? Why’s that?”

  “Said he wanted to make sure Calla got home safely.”

  There was no missing the underlying spark in her mother’s tone, the amusement and evident wheedling. Even Beth looked impressed and interested.

  “Something you’d like to tell us, Cal?”

  “No.”

  “He saved a mom and her son that got stranded on the side of the road,” her mom went on. “He even insisted on driving me home so I didn’t get stuck in the storm.”

  “Well, that was nice of him,” Beth said.

  Willa wiggled in her seat, reminding Calla of a child who needed to use the bathroom. Her blue eyes darted from Calla to their mother and back.

  “What’s your problem?” Calla muttered.

  Willa groaned like she was in pain, but shook her head. “Nothing.”

  “I always liked Jared,” Beth remarked evenly.

  “Oh, I do too!” Calla’s mom said, like they were talking about a pair of pretty shoes. “I remember him bicycling all the way over to the house, panting and sweaty and asking if Willa and Calla could come out to play.”

  “He was such an awkward little guy as a kid.” Beth laughed. “All arms and legs, but he’s certainly grown into a very good looking and kind man.”

  “You need someone like that, Calla,” her mom said.

  “I’m focusing on the shop right now,” she muttered a little too tightly.

  “You can take a little time,” Beth encouraged. “You’re young. Now’s the time to explore all the things this world has to offer, that includes falling in love.”

  Her fingers gouged into the cube of cheese, leaving little crates in the surface. “I’m not interested!”

  “You said yourself Jared loves you,” her mom said. “Why not give it a chance—”

  “Stop it!” Calla snarled, making the trio jump. “What is the matter with you? He’s with someone. Have a little respect.”

  Shooting both women hard glares, she dusted her hands on her jeans and left the kitchen.

  In the bathroom, she snapped the lock into place and threw herself at the sink. Her fingers shook as she twisted on the cold water and ran her hands under them before splashing her face. Some of her senses were jarred back, but not enough. Her insides continued to heave and writhe with guilt and shame. While she wanted to blame her mother, she knew the flicker of excitement that rose every time she felt his eyes on her had nothing to do with meddling. But it was wrong. So wrong. She shouldn’t want him looking at her. She shouldn’t enjoy seeing the yearning there, the desire and want. She shouldn’t want to feel him against her, on her … in her. God, but she did.

  She dropped limply onto the toilet and cradled her face in her wet hands.

  “No…” she sobbed quietly. “Please not again. Please.”

  It felt like forever before she had her emotions back in order. She was still unsteady, but managed to keep most of the tremors hidden when she wrenched open the door and found herself face to face with the center of all her problems.

  “Jared?”

  He stood leaning against the wall opposite the door, arms folded. Even with the bulky sweater, his muscles strained the wool around his shoulders, arms, and chest. She briefly wondered how the skinny kid she went to school with turned into a specimen of naughty dreams. Maybe it was him working at her uncle’s moving company. Maybe it was in his genes. Maybe he worked out. Whatever it was, he was delicious and he made her want to step into his chest and get enveloped by all those muscles.

  “What’s wrong?”

  Calla blinked out of her fantasies. “What?”

  He shouldered away from the wall and stood looming like a dark force over her. “You were crying.”

  “No, I wasn’t!” The lie came automatically and too quickly.

  “Something isn’t right,” he mused slowly, ignoring her protest. “I don’t know what it is, but I can feel it.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

  “Who hurt you?”

  Her insides quivered. The urge to crumble into inconsolable tears tightened her jaw. She bit the inside of her cheek until the pain in her chest dimmed to a dull roar.

  “Let me pass.”

  He ignored her demand. “I want to know what happened to the girl I knew, the one who had a comeback for everything and laughed like she didn’t give a shit.”

  “She grew up!” she snapped, her chest heaving. “She realized what a spoiled, selfish little bitch she was.”

  “No, she wasn’t. She was strong, confident and amazing.”

  It crushed her to hear him say it. She had fought so long and so hard to destroy that person, to burn her to nothing and scatter the ashes. The person she had been was egotistical, so arrogant in her own self-worth. She had been a princess in a glass fortress. It had only taken one stone to shatter her entire world to shards of nothing.

  “Maybe she realized that life sucks and love doesn’t exist,” she mumbled.

  “You don’t believe that.” His confidence momentarily stole her thunder. The delicate glide of his fingers over the slope of her cheek shocked her into silence. “You don’t believe that,” he repeated so quietly, she almost couldn’t hear him over the rampage of her heart. “I won’t let you.”

  Her hand caught his, stopping him from touching her again. Her blue eyes clashed with his gray ones in a battle of wills.

  “You need to stop,” she whispered. “Whatever you’re hoping to find
in me, it’s gone.”

  He shook his head. “It’s not. I see it sometimes. It’s faint, like the blurred picture of a ghost peeking through a grimy window. But it’s there and I’m going to find it.”

  With that, he stepped away, pivoted on his heels and disappeared down the short hallway to join the others. Calla considered leaving. She considered faking an illness and making an escape, but her mom would see through her. So would Jared and possibly Beth and the whole gang. It was the downfall of being so close to so many people. They knew everything about her and all her energy was usually reserved for pretending she was fine the majority of the time. The only thing left was to steel her spine and face the music.

  “Hey there sweetheart.” Her father came up to her the moment she stepped into the sitting room and slipped an arm around her shoulder. “Everything okay?”

  Calla forced a laugh. “Why does everyone keep asking me that?”

  Her father’s intense blue eyes bore into hers, seemingly searching her soul. Calla dropped her gaze and pretended to straighten her thick, purple sweater over her jeans.

  “You haven’t been yourself lately,” he murmured. “We worry.”

  “I’m fine.” She lied. “Mom and Beth say you have the website all done up. Can’t wait to see it.”

  Her sly maneuvering didn’t go unnoticed by him. He arched an eyebrow, but let her get away with it.

  “It kicks ass,” he declared. “If I do say so myself. It might not get hits with all the younger kids, but your clothes aren’t meant for them anyway, right?”

  Calla nodded. “Right.” She turned to him, went up on her toes, and kissed him on the cheek. “Thank you, Daddy.”

  But rather than let her retreat, his arms went around her and she was crushed into the warm scent of fabric softener and something spicy. His lips grazed the top of her head.

  “Anything for you, baby.”

  She let herself get cuddled. Let her daddy hold her and, for those few seconds, make the hurt stop. Then he drew away and she forced herself to smile.

  “I should go help finish.”

  With a kiss to her forehead, he let her hurry away.

  Dinner was the usual stream of chatter of voices and clatter of dishes. Calla tried to listen and contribute, but the man across from her made every effort seem strenuous and impossible. Even while his conversation was with Damon, she could feel his attention on her, could feel him listening and analyzing everything she said. His unwavering scrutiny was wreaking havoc on her nerves and exhausting her in a way that made her want to cry all over again.

  Toby sat on her right, showing her the new hand game device he’d modified and upgraded to some super pack something or other. Calla tried to listen, but even if she understood half the things he was telling her, her mind kept wandering back to the conversation she’d had with Jared outside the bathroom, which wasn’t fair to Toby.

  “So what does it do now?” she asked, genuinely trying to get interested.

  Toby shrugged. “It’s mostly just space,” he told her. “I have more room for more games and stuff.”

  Calla nodded slowly. “That’s good!”

  Toby stuffed his device away before his mom spotted it at the table. “I think this’ll do great things for my business.”

  There wasn’t a single moment where Toby didn’t have some type of scheme going. He reminded Calla a lot of herself at that age, without the overconfidence and bitchy attitude. She hadn’t been lying to Jared when she’d said she’d been a spoiled bitch. She had known it, and loved it. But Toby was more graceful about it. He had an eye and nose for business. There were those he’d told her about, like the marble arena he’d put together, which was basically a gambling ring and fight club but with marbles; kids would flock to the dead stretch of nothing just beyond the gates of the school so they weren’t on school property, but close enough to run back when the bell rang. Then Toby would take bets to see which kid’s marbles could stay in the ring the longest. The cost of marbles had skyrocketed that summer. He’d been ten at the time. Then the school found out and called Beth, who had made Toby give nearly nine hundred dollars in lunch money back.

  “So, what’s the plan this time?” Calla asked.

  Toby stole a glance towards his mother before leaning in close and lowering his voice. “Modification of systems,” he hissed. “For twenty bucks, I’ll hack your device to get unlimited downloads.”

  Calla burst out laughing. “I love you.”

  Toby grinned.

  He looked almost identical to their dad, same blond hair, same blue eyes, and same impish grin. But he had Beth’s nose.

  Leaning in, Calla kissed him soundly on the top of the head. “Don’t get caught this time.”

  “Dude, right?” He rolled his eyes. “I was sure she was going to kill me!” He shook his head. “I learned my lesson. But technically, the school had no right to get involved. We weren’t even on school grounds. If I could afford a lawyer, I’d take them to court. I asked Dad, but Mom gave him the look.”

  Calla hissed through her teeth. “Tough break.”

  “Yeah.” He shrugged. “Lesson learned. Now I do my business down by the old quarry, which reminds me…” He tilted his head around Calla. “Dad? Can I get new wheels for my bike?”

  Pausing his conversation with Willa, their dad glanced over with a frown. But it was Beth who spoke.

  “Didn’t we just put new tires on that thing?”

  Toby shrugged with the most innocent expression Calla had ever seen. “I’m a kid. I ride rough.”

  Calla smothered a laugh by mashing her lips together.

  “Let me see if I can’t patch it up first,” their dad said.

  Toby nodded and leaned back. His blue eyes met Calla’s.

  “Sharp rocks are murder on tires,” he said. “And the quarry’s full of ‘em. Someone should really look into that. It’s not good for business if kids can’t get to me.”

  “The old miner’s bridge,” Calla said. “That’s where I used to go when I didn’t want to get caught.”

  Willow Creek had never had miners, but back when people got around by horse, someone had built a rickety old bridge just near the edges of town. It was walking distance from the school and the perfect place to make out. Calla had taken a few boys there back in the day, but she had never let them go past second base. There had never been anyone she liked enough to get fully naked with, except Jared. But he’d been too busy tumbling every girl that glanced sideways at him that she never even allowed herself to consider it. She’d gone to university a slutty virgin, which was irony in itself. She had known all the ways to drive a guy crazy without ever having had a cock. She’d been flirtatious, brazen, and utterly inappropriate and the boys had loved it.

  Then the whole thing had come around and smacked her in the face.

  “Nobody goes there anymore,” Toby was saying when she focused again. “A bunch of kids trashed the place and then there were the squatters and all the drug stuff … it’s really gross now.”

  “That sucks,” Calla muttered.

  “Meh.” Toby shrugged. “I’ll figure it out.”

  Calla had no doubt that he would.

  “Is anyone else going to Ali Cho’s wedding next weekend?” Her mom cut through all the conversations.

  “I was invited,” Willa said. “I declined. I have exams next week and I need to study.”

  “We were,” Beth added. “But I’m still not decided. The invitation says no kids and I’m not sure what to do with Toby.”

  Next to Calla, Toby’s head came up. “I’m not a kid. I’m getting my driver’s license in four years.”

  Beth’s mouth twitched. “I know, darling. But you’re still considered a kid until you’re eighteen.”

  “We’ll watch him,” Calla’s mom offered. “Sloan and I probably won’t be going.”

  Beth wrinkled her nose. “I’m not overly sure I want to go. I only get two days out of the whole week to spend at home and I don’t
want to waste it getting all dressed up.”

  “What about you, Calla?” Willa asked. “You and Ali were sort of friends in school, right?”

  Calla grimaced even as her shoulders moved in a shrug. “Sort of. We weren’t close, but yeah, I guess we were friends.”

  “Did she send you an invitation?”

  She had. It was sitting on Calla’s dining room table along with all her other mail.

  “Yeah, she did.” She nudged a piece of chicken across her plate with the prongs of her fork. “But like I said, we weren’t that close so I’m not sure it would be right for me to go.”

  “Jared’s going,” Willa declared. “You should go together.”

  Calla shot her sister a hard glare. “I’m sure Jared will be taking Denise.” Which was all the more reason for Calla not to go.

  “Actually…” Jared began and was cut off by Beth.

  “Well, someone from this family has to go,” she decided evenly. “It would be rude if none of us show up.”

  “Why can’t Damon go?” Calla offered, and earned a death glare from the guy that she returned with a grin. “You can take Bambi. She’s been dying to get you into her pants for years.”

  The moment it left her mouth, Calla cringed. The look of hurt in her sister’s eyes tore her open with guilt

  “I’m sorry,” she said quickly. “I didn’t mean it…”

  Willa shook her head. “It’s fine.” She mumbled to her plate. “You should go,” she said to Damon. “It might be fun.”

  “The only way I’d go is if you were,” Damon said firmly. “And even that is iffy. You know I don’t like suits.”

  Despite the gloom Calla had put into the younger girl’s eyes, Willa chuckled. “But you look really good in them.”

  Damon pursed his mouth, but there was no impatience in his eyes when he said, “I look good in everything. That’s just beside the point.”

  Willa’s laughter was less tense this time. It actually shimmered off the blue surface of her eyes like sunlight off a lake. But Damon was another matter. He shot Calla a pissed off glower when Willa wasn’t looking and Calla knew she’d hear about her slip up later.