by Nikki Ashton
“Fuck off,” she shouted over her shoulder and galloped off.
“Shit!”
I untied Dillinger, jumped into the saddle and kicked at his flank to chase after her.
I was five minutes into the forty minute ride back to the ranch, and I still hadn’t come across Millie. There was no way she could have gotten so far ahead; there were too many low hanging branches to make it easy or safe for an inexperienced rider like her to go at any speed other than a trot.
“Fuck it, Millie. Where the hell are you?” I muttered.
I looked up through the canopy of trees and could see that the sky was darkening. I had about an hour before it went dark. Pulling Dillinger up, I stood up in my stirrups and looked around. I couldn’t see anything except the dark green and brown of the trees. I knew then what she’d done. The path that we followed forked about half a mile back and I was betting that she’d taken the wrong route. The route that would take her deeper into the woods and would eventually incline up into the hills and then up to the mountains.
As I thought about her lost and alone, my gut clenched with fear. Thank God I’d brought a radio with me, because my cell would be useless out here. I reached behind me and pulled it from the saddle bag. Forgoing our usual radio protocol, I selected our main channel and pressed the call button.
“Someone fucking answer me, now,” I snapped.
Within seconds I heard the buzz of someone on the other end. “Hey boss, what’s wrong? Over.”
It was one of my men. “Zak, I’m out in the woods with Millie, but she fucking rode off without me and I can’t find her. Over.”
“Ah shit,” he groaned. “How long? Over.”
“She was ahead of me three minutes at most, but I’m five minutes or so in and haven’t seen her. I think she might have taken the wrong route where the path forks. I’m going to go back that way, but I need a couple of you out here with flashlights. We’ve got a little less than an hour of daylight left. Over.”
“Okay, boss. I’ve just come back in with Marty. We’ll be with you as soon as we can. Over.”
“Make it quicker than that, Zak!”
I quickly steered Dillinger around and sped off back down the path.
Millie
I wasn’t sure how long I’d been riding, but I did know that the woods were getting denser, to a point that I almost couldn’t go any further. I didn’t recall it being like this on my way in, but then I’d been concentrating on Jesse’s rear end for most of the way.
“Oh God, Miss Daisy,” I groaned, leaning forward to rub her ears. “I’m really sorry, I think I’ve got us lost.”
As I looked around me, there was nothing familiar for my memory to grab onto, plus there was now a chill in the air. The light had definitely dimmed and I wondered how much daylight there was left. I’d been stupid and not brought my mobile phone or even a jacket with me. But, I hadn’t expected Jesse to be such a dick head that I would want to run away from him. Admittedly, that hadn’t been the best decision I’d ever made. I should have just followed him back to the ranch and then unloaded my crazy onto him.
I tried to think back to any survival programs that I’d ever watched, wondering what the best plan of action was, but the only thing I could remember was to pee on a Jelly fish sting; not helpful in this situation. What should I do; double back, or stay where I was and hope that someone found me? The problem was, I’d been so red with rage that I hadn’t taken any notice of my route back out and so didn’t have a clue which way to go even if I decided to. I was pretty sure that I had veered off the path quite drastically. No, the best plan would be to stay put. Then it occurred to me that Jesse may not even be aware that I was missing. Knowing him, he’d have gone back to the ranch and gone straight to his cabin to sulk, or even worse, gone into town to meet Angie at Rowdy’s.
That thought made me feel sick, and messed with my head as much as his words had earlier. He’d said that he had feelings for me and that I was making him question those he had for Melody. Words, that in any other circumstance, would have me giddy with happiness, but then he’d burst my bubble good and proper. Plus, what use were those words when I’d probably die out here, eaten by some weird forest creature.
Not sure what to do, I looked aimlessly around, searching for shelter of some sort. There was nothing, except for a fallen tree, but that looked decidedly uncomfortable and was probably home to all sorts of creepy crawlies.
“Looks like you might be my bed for the night,” I whispered to Miss Daisy, giving her head a rub.
The problem with that was I was already feeling saddle sore, despite the adequate padding on my behind. It was also cruel to expect her to stand all night with me on her back. Chewing down on my bottom lip, panic started to set in, and tears brimmed at my eyelashes. I’d been totally stupid and irresponsible by leaving Jesse, so this was my own fault.
I started to shiver through the tension in my body, and desperately wanted to cry, but I knew that if I did I wouldn’t stop and getting hysterical wouldn’t help me to think straight. Taking a deep breath, I thought about the consequences of going back, and decided to stay put. Even if Jesse didn’t realize I was missing, someone at the ranch would. I didn’t know how big the woods were, but he’d told me that they skirted most of the Connor land and that was pretty vast. This was going to be a long night.
With some trepidation, I dismounted from Miss Daisy and led her over to the fallen tree and tied her up. I would sit there for a while, and then, when it got darker and scarier, I’d maybe get back up on Miss Daisy to avoid any creatures scurrying around my feet. I swallowed, thinking of what might live out here, and shivered.
Darkness had fallen and every noise had me jumping out of my skin. Miss Daisy seemed pretty calm about it all; totally cool and collected. I on the other hand had now started to cry; silently so as not to alert any animals or creatures that may fancy me for dinner. I hadn’t even shouted for help as I wasn’t sure if it was the right thing to do. I made a mental note to research survival methods in woods before storming off on my own again.
It had also occurred to me that there may be snakes in here, so I had my knees up with my arms wrapped around them, trying to stave off the cold. With the darkness had come a drop in temperature, and while it wasn’t freezing, my tank top really wasn’t adequate. I was just grateful that I had jeans and boots on. I thought about getting back on Miss Daisy and maybe using her to keep warm, but she was so quiet and still I wondered if she was actually sleeping. With what little bravery I had dying with each passing minute, my mind wandered back to my earlier conversation with Jesse.
The fact that he’d been honest about his feelings for me had given my heart some relief, but he was pretty adamant that he wouldn’t be doing anything about it. I tried to see it from his point of view. There were times when I forgot what my dad sounded like, or what he smelled like, and it petrified me. I’d get all panicky and anxiously put on the DVD I had of him doing a speech at his and mum’s Silver Wedding party. Just hearing his voice and seeing him living and breathing, albeit on the TV, calmed me, allowing me to carry on for a few more months without the grief suffocating me. That must be exactly how Jesse felt, but maybe worse. Melody had been his wife, she had been young and vibrant and that in itself would be difficult to come to terms with. Plus, he was right, he needed to keep the memories for Addy’s sake. She needed to grow up remembering things about her mum. Things that only Jesse could tell her.
With a deep sigh, I realized that Jesse and I were never going to happen. If he couldn’t let go now, two years on, and after admitting those things about me, then he never would. I had to accept that, work out the rest of my contract, and then move on. I had no doubt that I would always think of him, he would always be special to me, but my time with him would just be a memory; something to smile fondly about when I was old and grey.
With that miserable thought in my head, I laid my head on my knees, closed my eyes, and even though it wasn’t late, tri
ed to block out my fear and get some sleep.
Jesse
“How long has it been now?” I asked into the receiver.
“An hour and ten. Over,” Marty replied, almost on a groan.
I’d been asking him the same question every five minutes for the last hour and ten, since he and Zak had got to me with flashlights. That meant it was just under two hours since I’d seen Millie.
I’d gone back to the fork in the path, and scouted around there while I waited for Zak and Marty, not going far off the track, though, because I didn’t want to miss them. Once they’d gotten there, we’d split up; each of us with a radio, a flashlight, and luminous chalk to mark our routes. Zak and I had grown up playing in these woods, but over the years it had grown a lot denser, and with the dimming light, even we weren’t confident about not getting lost.
“You see anything? Over.” I knew I sounded desperate, but I was and I didn’t care who knew it.
“Nope, sorry Jesse. I’ve shouted until I’m hoarse but either she’s deaf or she ain’t anywhere near where I am. Over.”
“Zak? Over.”
“Nope. Same as Marty, been shouting but nothing. I reckon we should maybes think about coming back in the morning. It’s gonna get dangerous out here, last thing we need is to have to shoot a damn horse because it’s broken a leg. Over.”
Zak sounded beyond pissed. His folks lived on a farm a couple of miles down the road, and he still lived there with his wife and twin boys. This time of year was real busy and we worked all hours, so when the guys got an opportunity to finish early, they grabbed it with both hands, which was what Zak had done. Today was his wife’s birthday, so he was at this minute supposed to be sitting down to dinner and birthday cake. Guilt pricked at my conscience.
“Zak, buddy, you go home. Get Garratt to come out here instead. I know it’s Sarah’s birthday. Over.”
He sighed on the other end of the receiver. “I already called home before I came out to you. Sarah’s cool, although its cost me a damn new, expensive as all shit, designer purse. Over.”
I couldn’t help but smile. That was what it was like working on a ranch; you knew that you could rely on your men, your buddies, even if it got them into shit with their women.
“Well you let me know what that expensive as all shit purse costs and it’s on me. Over.”
Zak chuckled. “Fuck, Jess, you might just regret that. You know Sarah and how she likes the good stuff.”
I did know Sarah, and she did like the good stuff, but unlike Melody, she didn’t go out and just buy what she wanted. I knew from Zak that if she saw something she liked, she either saved the money for it or asked her family to get together and all of them buy it for her as a gift at Christmas, or on her birthday. So for her to ask for the purse, meant that, although Zak had said she was cool, she was probably real mad that her birthday dinner had been ruined. She was a great girl though and I knew she wouldn’t be angry at Zak for too long.
“Okay guys,” I said, opening both channels. “Let’s give it another half hour and then we’ll rethink what we do. Over.”
They both agreed and I was left with silence once again.
“Millie!” I shouted, moving Dillinger forward. Nothing except the scurrying of some animal that I’d startled. “Millie!”
Again, no response. Now I was real scared. The three of us were searching a wide span of the woods and she should have been able to hear at least one of us. If she couldn’t, then maybe she was hurt. Bile threatened my gut as my fear spiked. We were about three miles from the edge of the mountains, but that distance was nothing to a hungry Mountain Lion on the prowl for food.
I had to find her. I couldn’t leave her out here, alone, all night. Zak and Marty could go back if they wanted to, but I wasn’t giving up. I wouldn’t give up until she was in my arms, safe and secure.
I carried on along my route, numbering trees as I went and shouting out her name. Not having a watch on, and my cell having died a while back, I guessed it was almost time to meet up with the guys. I was just steering Dillinger back around when the receiver buzzed at the waistband of my jeans where I’d clipped it.
“Jesse? You there buddy? Over.”
“Hey Zak, what’s up? Over.”
“I’ve found her. We’re about two miles in. How the hell she wandered off the path this far I don’t know. Over.”
I heaved out a huge sigh of relief. “Fuck,” I groaned. “Is she okay? Over.”
“Yeah, a little scared and cold, but she’s fine. Over.”
Zak had a smile in his voice, so I knew he was telling the truth, but my stomach was still knotted.
“Let me speak to her, Zak. Over.”
There was a few moments of silence and then I heard that sweet, sexy, British accent.
“Jesse, it’s me. Do I need to say over?”
I heard Zak’s laughter and then some muttered words.
“Over.”
“Are you okay?” I breathed out. “You hurt? Over.”
“No, I’m fine. I just feel stupid. I’m sorry, Jesse, I shouldn’t have left you like that. Over.”
I shook my head and smiled. “No baby, you shouldn’t. I’ll see you soon and do not, I repeat, do not lose sight of Zak on the way back. Over.”
There was silence and I wondered whether I’d lost transmission.
“Millie, you there?”
“Sorry, Jesse,” she said quietly and then sniffed.
“Hey, don’t cry,” I soothed, not waiting to hear whether she’d finished speaking. “You’re going to be okay, Zak will take care of you, I promise.” Silence again. “Millie?”
“I was waiting for you to say ‘over’.”
I started to laugh and the relief that she was okay brought a lump to my throat and I couldn’t speak.
“I’m so over this over thing.” I heard her hiss at Zak.
“Jesse? Over.”
“I’m here,” I sighed. “I’ll see you soon. Over.”
“Okay, bye…oh alright, Zak. Over.”
“Tell Zak, to meet me at the fork. Over.”
“I heard ya. Over.” Zak replied.
I let Marty know that Millie had been found and then headed back to the fork, desperate to see her, and I knew then that whatever was happening between us was far from over, no matter what I’d damn well said.
Millie
As Miss Daisy trotted behind Zak’s horse, I could see a beam of light through the trees.
“Looks like Jesse’s waiting for you,” Zak called over his shoulder.
“I am sorry, Zak,” I replied, trying to quell the feeling of nausea rolling around my stomach. “Tell your wife I’m sorry, too.”
“Stop stressing about it, maybe you could go to Rowdy’s with her one night. She don’t get out much, so it’d be good for her and you could buy her a few of those damn sugary sweet cocktails that she likes.”
“It’s a date,” I agreed. “And all on me.”
“Jesse.” Zak gave him a chin dip. “One English lady for you buddy.”
“Thanks, Zak. Really appreciate your help, and don’t forget about that purse for Sarah.” Jesse got down from his horse and held a hand up to Zak.
Zak took it in some kind of hand clasp/hand shake and nodded. “Well I’ve told Millie here that maybe she can take Sarah to Rowdy’s one night. She’d like a girlie night out, I reckon.”
Jesse nodded and then said something that almost had me falling out of my saddle.
“Yeah, maybe the four of us could go. Kinda like a double date.” He growled out the words, his eyes never leaving me as he said them.
“Sounds good to me,” Zak replied without any surprise. “Guess I’ll be off. Maybe Sarah will still let me have some birthday cake.”
“Thank you again, Zak,” I said, feeling terribly guilty.
“No problem, but please, Millie, next time you’re mad at Jess, just slap his face like any other woman.” With a chuckle he rode off, urging his horse to go a little fast
er.
Jesse watched him go and then turned to me. He lifted a hand and with one finger, beckoned for me to get off Miss Daisy and go to him. If I didn’t think I was already in trouble for causing so much worry, I would tell him to get lost. I would not be bossed around by him and certainly not by using a damn accusatory finger. Aside from which, it was really hot the way his jaw was clenched and he had one hand at his hips.
Slowly, I slid out of the saddle and landed on the ground. I didn’t move, but stood and watched Jesse cautiously.
“Here,” he growled, pointing at a spot in front of him. “Now.”
God, he was so sexy when he was being bossy, and my whole body went on high alert.
I walked towards him and stopped exactly where his finger pointed.
“What the fuck was that all about?” he ground out.
“You know what it was about,” I replied defensively. “I was giving you the space that you wanted.”
“Bullshit, Armalita.” Jesse removed his hat and pointed it at me. “Do you have any fucking idea what could’ve happened to you out here?”
I shrugged and looked down at the floor. This was worse than being hauled into the headmaster’s office at school. The anger was positively seeping from every single pore of his body; you could almost smell it.
“Damn well look at me when I’m talking to you,” he hissed.
That made my head shoot up. “Who do you think you are, speaking to me like that?”
“I’m the fucking man that’s been searching these woods for nearly two hours, looking to save your damn ass from a freezing cold night out here. That’s who I think I am.”
“I know, and I’m sorry, but you can’t speak to me as though I’m a child.”
“I damn well can, especially when you behave like one. I should fucking smack that ass for what you did.”
My hand went instinctively to my bottom, but at the same time, my breath hitched.
“You like the sound of that, don’t you?” he asked, his voice still laced with anger. “Well I can certainly oblige if that’s what you want.”