Shimmers & Shrouds (Abstruse)

by Brukett, Scarlett

  After having a brunch, I jumped back to my bed unwilling to take a bath. The warm water reminded me of the number of showers I had with pearl. Oh heavens! I missed her like anything. I squeezed my eyes shut. I had to concentrate more on Diane now. I imagined us going for picnics, sharing our lunch and inviting people for the barbecue we would arrange once we were happily married. But somehow, no matter how hard I tried to ignore the fact that Oceana and Orpheus didn't fit well as much as Diane and Orpheus did, I failed, deliberately. It was because I knew that pretending to love someone else, knowing that you can't really fake it, was worse that remaining single all your life. I had been so close to her physically yet registering the subtle features of her face were difficult. I pictured her pink lips, the green eyes which had a tint of yellow I guess, a long nose and the marble white skin. I wasn't sure about her eyes since she loved wearing contracts. I imagined about our first night after the marriage which was inevitable now, since I had no objection to marry her. I closed my eyes and imagined her blonde hair flowing against my bare chest― No, this was so wrong. It couldn't be her. How was it supposed to be then? The soft music in the background. Oceana and I entwined with each other. My lips on hers, her black curls spread across my arm. And both of us making love.... yes.. A perfect love. A lovely beginning.

  The next sound that I heard was the sound of spoon cluttering against the China dish like something was being stirred with it. My eyes flew open. The bedroom had it's lights on and the window was closed, my eyes wandered off to the large cuckoo clock. It was six in the evening. I jumped from the bed, Mr. Sunross was making the evening tea for me. I was so engrossed in her thoughts that I didn't realize I was asleep for seven hours. It was very unusual. Mr. Sunross wished me and gave me my tea. I took a sip and noticed a three piece suit placed on the sofa. I wondered what the occasion was.

  "Mr. Sunross, do I have to go somewhere?" I hoped it wasn't a trip with dad.

  "Its your friend's engagement sir. You're supposed to be present there."

  "Oh." I suppose the conversation was pretty much over after that 'E' word.

  "I've got the mulsanne ready sir; taking a Reventon to such an occasion wouldn't be suitable."

  I shuddered on hearing a sudden announcement in his usual thundering voice.

  "Don't bother yourself with telling me this." I put the cup on the tray and picked up my suit. "I can walk six miles if needed, taking a car... any car.. It doesn't really create a difference to me."

  I didn't wait for his answer. I don't remember the last time I was rude to him like this. I was sorry, but I was mad... at everyone, even myself. My madness needed an exit. Unfortunately I got it out on poor Mr. Sunross. But I still had a lot of anger stored, so it could come out in the engage.... er... party, specifically on Diane. I really wanted to see how nice she was at handling me.

  It was very boring at the party, the rich blondes and brunettes tried to flirt with me and Diane seemed to like me struggling to break free from the trap. The only way I could see of getting rid of the flirting stuff was to pretend that I was already in love (well of course that I was... a stupid depressed lover, who loved a maddening girl) with Diane. The bimbos followed me to the end of the room where Diane was enjoying champagne along with my discomfort.

  "Hi. I was looking for you. Can we spend some time alone?" Because I can't imagine anyone helping me to get out of here. Its a freaking horror zone.

  My desperation gave way, and she agreed.

  "Mr. Albert, I was thinking if you could come to the charity function tomorrow, in Headington?" A blonde with hot pink lipstick and a same coloured dress shrieked impatiently.

  The mention of the last word derailed me. Headington? Oh yes.. Headington, Oceana, her apartment, avocado Margarita... the bed... 'No stop thinking stupid things brain.. Right now.' I ordered myself.

  "I wish it was possible. Actually my girlfriend and I are going to be out of the town tomorrow." I smiled.

  I felt Diane staring at me. "Are we?" She whispered. Thank god it wasn't audible for the others.

  "Excuse us, please." I ignored her question, and pulled her close. There was no way I was going out with her. It was just a lie.

  I dropped my hands the moment those bimbos were out of sight.

  "Champagne?" She offered her glass to me.

  "No thanks, I've stopped drinking." I looked towards the entrance, fearing that they might come again after another rich brat like me.

  "Since when?"

  "It's been a long time."

  "I see." She said quietly.

  Well... I didn't consider her my girlfriend or my fiancé or anything but she was one of my best friends, of course, and she had helped me again, without a thought.

  "Thanks Diane." I looked at her and tried hard not to think that she was the girl my grandma wanted for me, as my wife. That would definitely make things worse.

  "Anytime. Orpheus." She smiled back. The smile wasn't a usual I- love- you smile that she beamed at me. "How's Ashton?"

  This was the last thing I expected to hear tonight. She knew about Oceana? Okay, then she knew everything. I wondered if she was intelligent enough to make out that I was in love with Ashton's sister.

  "He's fine. Very busy like the other military guys." I wished she changed the topic.

  "You knew her.. Oceana." Both of us knew it wasn't a question.

  "No. I don't know her." I lied. "Ashton told me her name and I knew she was Theo's love." Apparently. Why was I even explaining? As if she didn't know how stupid I was.

  "That's impressive." She finished the champagne. Oh wow.. She bought my stupid explanation? That was news.

  "Where's Theo?" not that I cared about him being invisible, I just took the initiative of taking the conversation into a different direction, because she wouldn't mind continuing with the subject of our present discussion at all. For me, it was a bunch of sad and hurting memories, nothing else.

  "He's with her. I wish he's alright." She giggled. What made her giggle?

  "Why do you wish something like that?"

  "Because he is usually hyper ventilates around her. Didn't I tell you the mindless gawking he does?" She smiled. Oh yes... my Pearl made everyone crazy, what was new about it?

  "You did." I put my finger on my chin. "Maybel's fiancé is stunning." Mayble was our mutual friend, the star of this event, the girl who was going to get engaged. Change of the conversation... again... In fact the second time within a minute.

  "Oh. Yes. Thank you for joining, Orpheus. I'm so happy you came." she was earnest.

  Diane considered Mayble as her best friend and nothing was more important to her than this engagement party tonight. She knew I didn't attend such parties and was convinced that I wouldn't attend it. But by some miracle, I showed up.

  "I'm happy as well." For other reasons obviously. This party was no less than a distraction for me, something that I was in need of. I wanted to forget about her altogether, and somehow this trick was working, even if the chances of it failing were ninety nine percent

  "But you look the opposite."

  Oh no.. Was the grief of staying away from her so visible on my face?

  "The face that I am wearing can be just a disguise." I sighed. "Its easy to look sullen than happy."

  "Yes. With those forty muscles doing the job of frowning for you? How can I forget that you are easy with tough things."

  "You know me." This was the first time I smiled, truly. I smiled like this after so many days.

  "Nobody else has the audacity to do that Orpheus."

  "Good point." I nodded. There was always an exception when it came to me. She needn't know that.

  "You know Maybel has asked me to become the maid of honor."

  So?

  "That's great." I ignored the thought of marriage.

  "How am I looking?" She turned around to give me a better look of her dress. It was a beautiful magenta sheath dress. Formal yet dazzling.

  "Stunning as ever Diane." I appreciat
ed.

  "Thank you." She blushed. Oh no.. why did she blush?

  The engagement took place and the party carried on. Sleep was nowhere near me and I couldn't make an escape from the event since my supposedly girlfriend was host's best friend. It was almost quarter past one and Diane looked like she was going to pass out. She had a lot of alcohol. I was holding her straight so she wouldn't drool. Just then my cell phone pinged, it was a message. I excused both of us to obtain seats right behind the others. It sincerely felt as if both of us were the last benchers of a class. I made her sit and got a place for myself right next to her. I took the cell phone out, truly wondering who it was to text me so late.

  My heart slipped into a coma. It was a text message from Oceana.

  Diane was still leaning on me, but her whole body seemed to crush me with its weight. Having her in my arms and receiving texts from my love was the oddest thing I could imagine. More than odd, it hurt me to get into a situation like this. I took a deep breath, rationalizing the entire atmosphere for a moment. I screamed at her, destroyed her self esteem, ditched her after proposing her for a marriage. Jeez!!! A girl like her would never get into a conversation with the bastard who did all the things listed above. But if she was sending him a text, which was extremely unusual, it would simply mean that she was in an emergency.... a vital emergency! The world needs to wake up!

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath again. I wanted to remain calm and not hyperventilate because of the text in any case.

  I let out a long sigh of relief. It was Theo. What the hell was he doing with my girl at such an hour?

  With one hand around Diane to prevent her from falling, I typed a quick reply. A reply that would strengthen his confidence that I hardly knew her.

  I must admit that Theo was a bit fast with the typing.

  Oh.. This was going to be hilarious. I offered Diane to take her to one of the rooms in the hotel but she opposed saying that she preferred to stay in my arms. Christ! What in the world did you think before creating her?

  I ignored her cheesy attempts to get me into the bed with her and concentrated more on Theo and the reason why he was punched by non violent Oceana.

  Theo:

  Oh heavens.. This girl... I snickered, she did throw the keys didn’t she? Fearless lass. I dialed on my driver's number and asked him to do the required job as soon as he can. Then I called Mr. Sunross and asked him to do the paper work in ten minutes if possible or we could do that in the morning. After five minutes, I replied back.

  Theo:

  Okay. This wasn't as serious as I thought it would be. So practically, there was no need to make an imposter of his fake brother.

  Me:

  Theo:

  I got a call from Mr. Sunross that the formalities were taken care of. I was happy to be of some help to Theo. He was really having a hard time.

  Me:

  Theo:

  My heart drooped low. I was the reason why she acted this way and I knew that telling him this would only lead me into deeper complications.

  Me:

  Theo:

  Me:

  Oceana was finally going to spend some time with the person who was going to remain loyal to her. I should have been happy at the realization but I felt like crying.

  Theo:

  Uh―oh this was turning out to be a question session that was making me lie to the guy who was actually helping me out.

  Me:

  Theo:

  I smiled. This was certainly something that he deserved. I loved him for whatever he did tonight.

  Me:

  Theo:

  Me:

  Theo:

  Me:

  Tragedy

  I stood at the front of her apartment. After promising myself that I wouldn’t step inside, I couldn’t help but break it. That girl in there was in a miserable condition because of me.

  I was sure that Theo hadn’t taken her his home because of her impossible behaviour after gaining her senses. But I wished she wasn’t inside. I couldn’t face her after all what I said to her. The damage I’d done to her, I just wished if it was repairable.

  I took my pair of keys and unlocked the door. It was dark inside. I managed to reach the bedside without making any sound. By the edge, I felt her hand stuck out of the covers. I switched the lamp on and found her sleeping soundly. Her face was peaceful and her breathing, even. I sat there, on the floor, staring at her. Even while sleeping, she looked captivating. I raised my hand to touch her face but withdrew pretty soon. Touching the face of the person I’d ruined to an impossible extent was a courageous task. I lacked the nerve to do it.

  Despite hurting her and the promises to never show up, I ended up here at four in the morning. Solace, she was my solace. She was like a drug to me, something that would destroy me if I didn’t stop consumption, but the craving of her was having an upper hand at this.

  With emotions held back, I started speaking to her as if she would really hear me saying all what I was going to say. “I’d promised that I would never come in front of you. But here I am, and yet you can’t see me. So I am pretty much sticking to this promise, aren’t I? Theo says you were singing in Italian. You never sang to me.”

  I remembered the times when she played with her hair just before scolding me. “You know, I never told you this but I love your hair, and the way you behave. You remind me of my mom.”

  Taking a curl in my finger I tucked it behind her ears. The eyeliner she’d applied was marred. She had been crying secretly and Theo missed it. The wretched feelings got better of me. I continued speaking to her in my gruff voice. “Did you cry today? Looks like you did huh? Then why are you looking so unruffled now? Does that mean you’re not dreaming of me? I’m glad that at least in dreams, you are in a better place, somewhere you are happy. Oceana Viera, lady of principles, what made you drink when you were so against alcohol? I am the reason for this reckless behaviour of yours, right?

  I told you that you were nothing more than a toy and it kills me every single second. But how can I tell you the truth? How can I let you cling on to me when I am not strong enough to stand on my own? Tell me. If it were you, wouldn’t you have done the same thing? You would have. I know, because you love me as much I do. I did this so you can let go off me, because instead of you hurting―”

  I couldn’t contain the tears anymore. Teary eyed, I carried on. “Instead of you hurting, its better that I hurt. Forget me and live happily because I am not worth your memories.”

  I traced the deep cuts that she made with the glass piece on her wrist. She hadn’t taken care of the wound. It had swelled.

  “Take good care of yourself. Don’t break things when you’re angry. Keep the keys of your house with you, not under the eaves. Don’t drink now, and go to the orphanage more often. Date Theo, he is a better man. Let people make you laugh. Be brave… don’t be in pain, Miss Viera. It will hurt me to see you in pain anymore. You deserve to be happy.”

  I was gazing at the pictures of her that I'd taken. I'd been doing that all night, even when I was with Diane. Mr. Sunross arrived with the morning tea, as usual, but didn't wish me today. I ignored it as well.

  While he prepared the tea for me, I continued to admire the pictures. Her smile really did lighten the background. The smile that was now a mere impossibility. Will she ever smile now?

  "I was afraid of this. I've ruined her, Mr. Sunross, I don't think she's ever going to forgive me for this." I murmured, still looking at her picture where she was teasing me by sticking out her tongue.

  "She will, in time. Sir, it’s been such an honor to know you thoroughly, and she knows how much you love her. She will realize it someday that all you did was just to make her life less miserable, not caring about how you will end up being tormented."

  "I hope she doesn't." Tears were now brimming in my eyes; I looked up to meet his gaze. "I hope she doesn't realize anything like this. If she's going to think of me as a player, I'm fine with it as long as she
is going to forget everything about me and start anew." With that last sentence, I knew I'd sealed my fate along with her's. I deleted the entire folder that had her photos and our videos, hoping that she could erase everything about us from her mind this easily.

  Grandma had assigned me the job of preparing a speech for yet another charity event, so I was caught up behind the desk to do something that I was so not good at.

  After the lunch, I resumed my work, writing down a complete speech and tearing it, then writing it again and tearing it yet again. No wonder the break up thing was truly new to me, but it messed up with my brain and that was unimaginable.

  I was drafting a new speech when my phone buzzed to life. It was Theo calling me.

  "Hi."

  "I want to see you orpheus."

  What? No greetings? Is this guy in his senses?

  "I'm a bit busy with some work Theo, what is it?"

  "I want to meet you."

  His grave tone indicated towards something negative. My dark mood suffered a rapid downfall to the darkest.

  "Is everything fine? How's oceana?" I asked, concerned. I hope she was fine.

  "O-" He emphasized, it was a harsh voice addressing a tender angel. "is good. I need you to meet me. It is more than urgent."

  I sighed. O... That's what her friends called her. she was Oceana Veira for others, O for people she considered to be her friends , but for me,she was my Pearl, how would I be able to admit this to Theo?