Just the Way You Are

by Lynsey James

‘You’ve got a good one there, Ava,’ she said. I noticed a tiny hint of resentment in her voice but ignored it. The whole thing with Tom had knocked her for six so reading love letters from her best friend’s admirer probably wasn’t top of her list of favourite things.

  ‘Thanks, just a matter of time before he does the Big Reveal hopefully.’ I took a final mouthful of cereal then took my bowl over to the sink. ‘I don’t know why he started writing to me again but I’m bloody glad he did. I was starting to think nice, decent guys were an urban myth; you know, like the Loch Ness Monster or Bigfoot.’

  ‘Don’t hold your breath, you haven’t met Mr Writer yet!’ said Gwen. She joined me over at the sink and dumped her bowl in the hot soapy water. ‘Most guys are liars, cheats, psychos or all of the above. Look at Tom: he was a liar and a cheat. That James Kelly you went to meet was a cheat and a bit of a psycho; Mr Writer might be all three.’

  I heaved out a weary sigh. It was odd to hear her being so cynical. Of the two of us, Gwen was usually the happy-go-lucky optimist while I was the pessimist pretending to be a realist.

  ‘Well I’d like to think he’s reasonably sane,’ I replied. ‘Not every guy’s got a hidden agenda or a wife and two kids.’

  Gwen pushed herself off the worktop and headed towards her bedroom.

  ‘That’s good coming from the one who didn’t believe in love until those crazy love letters started again.’ There was an edge to her tone that I didn’t like. Usually, she was light and happy and carefree. Now she seemed to have taken on the bitterness that came when you were hurt by someone you loved.

  ‘I did believe in it, I just hadn’t found it till Mr Writer came back on the scene. You know what happened when Dave left for that job…’

  ‘Don’t we all?’ Gwen walked into her bedroom and slammed the door behind her.

  ***

  The Halloween-themed wedding took place in a Gothic church on the outskirts of the city. Miranda had assigned Nate to do the photography so he drove me to the wedding in his sleek Audi A4. We took our seats and waited for the ceremony to begin.

  ‘Dean, you’re the Jack to my Sally, the Freddy to my Krueger and the Jason to my Voorhees. I want to be your number one pumpkin forever and create Paranormal Activity with you from now until eternity.’

  The tiniest ripple of laughter came from the gathered guests as the bride Lisa, dressed as the Bride of Chucky, stared lovingly at her werewolf husband-to-be. They’d really gone to town on their Halloween theme, even though it was early November. Tiny carved pumpkins with tea lights in them lit the way up the aisle and every effort had been made to make the hall look as spooky as possible.

  The groom, a strapping six-foot-three man who currently looked a bit like Chewbacca, looked as though he was about to cry. He sniffed loudly before pulling a piece of crumbled paper from the breast pocket of his black suit jacket.

  ‘Lisa… You’re the Wendy to my Casper and the Norma to my Norman Bates. I promise to always be your wolf man as we start our very own Blair Witch Project together.’

  I hit Nate on the arm as he sniggered while they exchanged rings and I applauded as they walked down the aisle to the theme music from The Omen. As weddings went, I knew I wasn’t likely to go to one stranger than this!

  Once the ceremony was over, we made our way to the reception, which was taking place at what was apparently Manchester’s most haunted pub. Although I wasn’t a fan of Halloween, I had to admit it looked cool. The haunted house theme had been milked to its full potential; there were sweeping cobwebs on the ceiling, chair covers that looked like gravestones and lights that made it look as though bats were flying around the room.

  ‘Look at this!’ Nate said. His voice sounded a bit funny because of his vampire fangs. ‘Talk about naff eh?!’

  I hit him again. ‘Shh! You can’t say that, it’s their big day! They’re obviously into all this stuff and I think it’s kind of cool in a way. Anyway, let’s go and find the newlyweds.’

  Nate stepped in front of me and loosely slung his arms round my waist.

  ‘Not so fast,’ he said with a lazy smile. ‘First I want to know when I’m finally going to get to take you on a date.’

  ‘Um… I-I thought we said another time?’ I reminded him. The scent of his aftershave circled my nostrils and he was giving off an allure I didn’t think I was powerful enough to fight.

  He pulled me closer and lowered his head so his lips were inches away from mine.

  ‘I like you a lot Ava, but I feel like your head’s somewhere else. If you give me a chance, you might find I’m actually a nice guy. Unless you’ve got someone better lined up?’

  I bit my lip as Mr Writer worked his way to the forefront of my mind. He wasn’t just better; he was the person I’d been dreaming about since I was twenty years old. I’d built him up in my mind so much that I wasn’t sure anyone else could measure up to him. Maybe I had him too high up on a pedestal, maybe I was setting myself up for a disappointment when he finally revealed who he was. Maybe I wouldn’t like him in human form complete with flaws, strengths and weaknesses. Maybe it wouldn’t be such a bad idea to let someone real into my heart. Too many bloody maybes, I thought.

  ‘My head’s here!’ I lied with a far-too-bright smile. ‘We’ll definitely go out for dinner sometime soon! How does that sound?’

  ‘Sweet,’ said Nate. ‘Fancy a dance?’

  The corners of his mouth curved into a smile but he didn’t look particularly happy. I felt bad; I hadn’t really given him a proper chance because of Mr Writer and that wasn’t fair.

  ‘Sure!’ I started walking towards the dance floor.

  ‘On second thoughts…’ Nate caught my wrist and pulled me back into him. ‘I’d quite like you to myself for a while.’

  ‘Nate, we’re working!’ I gently pushed him off and scanned the room for Lisa and Dean.

  ‘Who says you can’t mix business with pleasure?’ He grinned wolfishly and pulled me back to him but I managed to extract myself.

  ‘I do, now come on! You’ve got photos to take and I’ve got an interview to do. I’ll meet you back here in about half an hour.’

  Lisa and Dean were about as bonkers as their wedding theme suggested. Both graphic designers, they’d fallen in love after meeting at a horror film marathon at their local cinema.

  ‘It was love at first sight when I saw her dressed as a zombie bride. I knew right there and then I had to marry her,’ said Dean.

  ‘Aww Wolf Man!’ His new wife pulled him over and kissed him.

  I took that as my cue to leave ‘Right, well that just about wraps up everything! I’ll call if I need any more information for my article!’

  I made as hasty an exit as I could and went back to the dance floor. Nate was nowhere to be seen; I assumed he was off somewhere taking photographs of guests or decorations. I slowly cut a path through the crowd, hoping to reach the bar and grab myself a well-deserved drink. As I squeezed past a group of zombies and vampires, an arm snaked round my waist and drew me backwards.

  ‘Nate, stop mucking about!’ I laughed.

  I tried to push the arm away but whoever was holding me wasn’t letting go that easily. They spun me round and I found myself standing face to face with a man dressed as Frankenstein’s monster.

  ‘Hey gorgeous, fancy having some fun?’ he slurred. His hands moved from my waist to my bum. ‘Ooh very nice, like two peaches in a bag.’

  ‘Get off me!’

  I tried to get free but his grip was too strong. I frantically scanned the crowd for Nate but couldn’t see him. People milled in and out of the packed hall, some just joining the party and others going outside to the terrace for a smoke. I saw heads bobbing up and down, ducking under the low door to go outside, but no Nate. Just then, a vaguely familiar head appeared at the door. A little bubble of hope rose in me until the head disappeared out of sight.

  Where is he?

  Frankenstein grinned nastily, the lurid green face paint cracking slightly as he did
. His eyes looked as though they were sunken into his head; they weren’t kind like Max’s.

  Where’s Nate?

  He grabbed my wrists so I couldn’t run away and dragged me over to a secluded corner of the room. I prayed one of the guests would help me but they didn’t. They were all too busy making the most of the free bar. Frankenstein used his weight to pin me to the wall and held my wrists down by my sides. Every part of me urged me to scream but I was too terrified to make any noise. His face was just inches from mine. I felt sick; what was going to happen to me?

  ‘Now, where were we?’

  His head tilted to the side and edged closer, his awful breath making me gag. I struggled to work my hands free but he held onto them tighter.

  ‘Please… Please let go of me!’

  ‘Come on love, don’t be like that. I bet you’re an animal in bed, aren’t you? I can’t wait to find out.’

  I struggled again but my wrists stayed where they were. My heart hammered in my chest as I frantically searched for a way out. I looked down at my feet and a lightbulb went off in my head. I took the opportunity and thrust my knee straight into his crown jewels. He folded like a birthday card, cursing loudly. I ran out of the hall as fast as I could, tears streaming down my face and my legs shaking.

  There was a fleet of taxis outside, waiting to take the guests home. I jumped into the first one I saw.

  ‘Where to, love?’ asked the driver.

  ‘17 Church Street please,’ I wept.

  There was only one person I wanted to see right now.

  Chapter 13

  I rang the buzzer to Max’s flat, praying he was up and not round at Amira’s listening to her bullshit apologies.

  Hello?’ He sounded like he’d just woken up.

  ‘It’s Ava, can I come up?’ My voice and body trembled as I struggled to compose myself.

  Moments later, the door opened and I rushed inside. A little part of me was scared that Frankenstein’s monster had somehow managed to follow me, though I knew it was daft. I was on the third flight of stairs when I saw Max running down to get me.

  ‘Ava, what’s happened? Are you all right?’

  I shook my head, every inch of me shaking. I couldn’t remember a time where I’d ever felt so scared.

  ‘I-I was at the Halloween wedding and there was this bloke dressed as Frankenstein’s monster. A-At first he put his arm around my waist but when I tried to walk away, he got nasty. H-He dragged me off into this really dark corner and I-I thought he was going to hurt me. I tried to get away but he grabbed my hands and…’

  Max bounded down the last few steps and cupped my face with his hands, searching it with his large dark eyes.

  ‘Did he hurt you?’ His voice was soft and gentle.

  I shook my head ‘No. I-I managed to kick him in the balls and run away, but Christ knows what he would’ve done to me!’

  ‘Oh God, come here.’

  Max wrapped his arms tightly around me; we stood on the second-floor landing while he stroked my hair and held me close.

  ‘It’s OK you’re safe now. I’ve got you,’ he whispered in my ear.

  I breathed him in; he smelled like freshly laundered bed linen. Gradually, my racing heart slowed down and I began to feel safe again.

  ‘Come on; let’s get you a coffee or something.’ Keeping a protective arm round my shoulders, Max led me up the remaining flights of stairs to his flat. The door was wide open but he shut it and locked it once we were inside.

  ‘How come you left the door open?’ I asked.

  ‘I was more interested in checking you were OK than remembering to close a bloody door!’ he replied with a smile. ‘You look freezing, d’you want a jumper or something?’

  ‘Please.’ I rubbed my icy arms to warm them up and silently cursed myself for not wearing a coat with my flapper dress.

  ‘No problem; wait here a sec.’

  Max disappeared into his bedroom and came back a few seconds later with his favourite red sweatshirt. He chucked it over to me and I slipped it on, loving how soft and cosy it was. Around the neck, his signature scent lingered.

  ‘Fancy that coffee now?’ His hand slipped into mine and our fingers gently laced together. He gave it an affectionate squeeze; the small gesture meant a lot after what I’d been through that night.

  ‘Yeah, that’d be brilliant thanks.’

  We went into the kitchen and he began preparing some strong coffee in his fancy percolator. Max absolutely loved his gadgets.

  ‘I’ve never known how to work that thing!’ I chuckled weakly and allowed myself to fall back against the black granite counter.

  He left the coffee to do its thing in the percolator and came over to stand beside me.

  ‘What’s happening with you and Amira then?’ The words were out before I could check or edit them. I hadn’t wanted to ask about his relationship status but a part of me was dying to know.

  Max shrugged. ‘No idea, she phoned again tonight but I told her I didn’t know what I wanted to happen yet. I thought about what you said; living your life wondering when things are gonna end isn’t a way to live my life. If I get back with her then no matter what I do, it’ll never be enough for her and I’ll always be wondering when she’s going to leave me for someone better. Anyway, enough about her; are you OK?’

  I felt a fresh well of tears brew as horrific images of what could’ve happened crossed my mind.

  ‘No… no I’m not OK!’ I admitted. My voice cracked and, despite my best efforts, I started to cry again.

  Without hesitation, he pulled me close to him and lightly kissed the top of my head.

  ‘I wish I’d been there,’ he said, his voice heavy with regret. ‘I’d have kicked the living shit out of him. The thought of someone hurting you…’

  ‘Don’t, it was my own fault. I went off on my own to do that bloody interview and told Nate I’d meet him later.’

  ‘Oh Nate was there, was he? Fat lot of good he was, letting that happen to you! I knew there was a reason I didn’t like him.’

  ‘He was taking photos for the feature we’re running on the wedding. Like I said, it was completely my fault…’

  Max shook his head and hugged me tighter. ‘No it’s not. He should’ve been looking out for you and now look what’s happened! And as for the piece of scum who tried to hurt you; if you ever see him again, point him out to me and I’ll sort him out.’

  ‘That’ll be easy, he was dressed as Frankenstein’s monster!’

  ‘I can’t make him much uglier then!’

  I giggled and buried my face in his chest. I felt so much calmer being beside Max. He had a unique way of making any fear I had melt away. Just then, the percolator pinged to let us know the coffee was done. Max pulled away from me and poured two cups for us then reached into the cupboard just above him.

  ‘Are dark chocolate digestives OK?’ he asked, offering the packet to me.

  ‘They’re perfect!’ I gladly took them and followed him to the living room.

  Max turned on one of the large chrome floor lamps and pulled the thick cream blanket off the back of the couch. He stretched out along the length of it and patted a space on the inside for me to join him. I climbed over his long legs and made myself at home snuggled up in his arms with my head resting on his chest. He pulled the throw over us and tucked it in at my back. Our coffee mugs stood side by side on the table and the packet of biscuits towered over them.

  ‘Why do I get the feeling I’ve made that coffee for nothing?’ he asked with a smile.

  ‘Because I’ll probably fall asleep before I get a chance to drink it? Listen, thanks for looking after me; you’ve been brilliant as usual.’

  He turned round onto his left-hand side and cuddled into me. ‘It was nothing; I’m just glad you’re all right. You sounded so scared when you buzzed to get in; I didn’t know what had happened to you. You don’t half know how to give a guy a fright!’

  ‘I’m sorry,’ I replied with a little ch
uckle. ‘You got down the stairs pretty sharpish! I just can’t stop thinking about what could’ve happened…’

  My chest began to constrict and a lump formed at the base of my throat. The whole experience had shaken me up more than I’d thought. Max began caressing my cheek and held me in a warm, secure embrace. I allowed myself to curl into him and cried into his rumpled white T-shirt. I held onto it like I was clinging on for dear life.

  ‘Don’t think about that,’ he said gently. ‘I’m here and I won’t let anything happen to you.’

  I drew back a little bit and became very aware of just how close Max’s face was to mine. A million thoughts raced through my mind as the atmosphere between us shifted. It reminded me of when we’d stood outside my flat the night I’d bought my costume. Max licked his lips and let out a loud sigh. The tension between us was unbearable.

  ‘Ava, I…’

  ‘Don’t,’ I whispered.

  I sat up and wiped away some stray tears from my face, grabbing my coffee mug to give my hands something to do. This was the second time someone real had presented themselves as a replacement for Mr Writer and made me wonder what the hell I was doing pinning all my hopes on him.

  Max sat up as well. ‘Look, I didn’t mean for things to get weird between us. I don’t know if you’ve noticed but that’s been happening a lot lately.’

  I nodded. ‘Yeah, something’s definitely changed hasn’t it? I don’t like it; why can’t things just stay the bloody same for a while?! Everything has to change just when I’m getting used to it. I’d gotten used to living with Dave when he buggered off, I was starting to be OK with having feelings for Mr Writer till Nate decided to ask me out and now I’m losing my best friend too.’

  He reached over to wipe another tear away with his thumb. His touch was so light and delicate; I knew he’d never hurt me. Although he looked OK, I could see a sadness behind his eyes. He must be missing Amira a lot, I thought.

  ‘You’re never going to lose me Ava, I promise. Who was it that came up to me on my first day at school and gave me her bar of Caramac? I’ll never forget that; I was six years old and me and my mum had just moved here from Leeds. I was so bloody terrified till I saw you with your bunches and that gap in your teeth. You were so kind to me that day and no amount of weirdness is going to change that.’