Just the Way You Are

by Lynsey James

  She looked taken aback. Her lips were pursed into a trout pout, her eyes were wide and wild and her square jaw was set into a solid line. In some ways, she reminded me of a demented mannequin.

  ‘Why are you being nice to me?’ she asked

  ‘Because we’re not eighteen any more.’

  Over a drink and a bag of crisps, Maddie told me about the problems she was having. Her mum and dad had just been through a very bitter divorce and were refusing to attend the engagement party if the other was going. Also, her mum was telling her she’d put on weight and that she’d look like a heifer on her wedding day if she wasn’t careful.

  ‘She’s suggesting this stupid juice diet,’ said Maddie. ‘It’s as if she’s forgotten that I had a bloody eating disorder for ten years!’

  My jaw dropped. ‘I-I didn’t know that…’

  She nodded as though she’d just told me her favourite colour. ‘Yeah, it started when I was eleven. When I went to high school, I saw all these skinny girls around me and I wanted to be like them. So I tried to be the only way I knew how: I stopped eating. My mum and dad didn’t notice for ages. They were too busy hating each other to pay attention to anything I did. It was only after I collapsed at school that they saw how bad I was. I’d dropped to five and a half stone, my ribs were showing…’

  Half of me wanted to hug her, the other half didn’t have a clue what to think. I’d always assumed Maddie was a cardboard cut-out Mean Girl with no substance. Just goes to show how wrong you can be, I thought.

  ‘It was all a massive inconvenience to my mum,’ Maddie continued. ‘She was embarrassed by the whole thing. While I was in the hospital, all she kept saying was “what will I tell people?” as if what our neighbours thought was the most important thing in the world. I’ve had relapses over the years, but when I was twenty-one I finally got it under control. I can actually look at a hamburger without gagging now!’

  She chuckled a little, which softened her features and made her look prettier.

  ‘Maddie, I don’t know what to say…’

  She waved her hand dismissively and I could see her defences start to restore themselves.

  ‘Tell anyone about this and I’ll let the whole office know about my little experiment with you and this Mr Writer bloke!’

  ‘Secret’s safe with me,’ I replied.

  She got up and walked out, cutting our conversation short. As I watched her tiny bird-like figure shrink into the distance, I felt a shift in our relationship. Maybe Maddie was more human and fallible than I’d given her credit for.

  Gwen and I stayed for a few drinks to mark the end of my search for Mr Writer. Every stone had been turned, every avenue explored and as far as she knew, I hadn’t found him. I didn’t have the heart to tell her it was really Max; she’d been besotted with him and it wasn’t fair for me to ruin that. I felt terrible and awkward about lying to her by omission. Despite a few snarky comments, she’d been nothing but helpful to me on my quest.

  ‘Can I borrow your phone for a second?’ she asked at the end of the night. ‘Mine’s dead and I want to phone a taxi for later.’

  I was only half-listening; I was too focused on getting served at the bar. I slid the phone out of my pocket and passed it to her, thinking nothing of it.

  I knew something was wrong as soon as Gwen came back in. Her face was milky-white and her eyes blazed with anger.

  ‘Why the fuck didn’t you tell me?’ Her voice barely rose above a whisper.

  ‘What are you talking about?’ My heart began to thump in my chest and all I could hear was blood pumping in my ears.

  ‘Don’t you dare play the innocent with me, Ava! When were you going to tell me that Max was Mr Writer?!’

  Blood froze in my veins and my mind went into overdrive, trying to work out how she’d found out. My first instinct was to start apologising ‘Oh my God Gwen I’m so…’

  ‘I don’t want to hear it, not this time. You finally found out who was writing all those amazing letters to you and you didn’t tell me about it! I wouldn’t have given a stuff that it was Max. Yeah I liked him, but if I’d known he was Mr Writer that would’ve changed everything! You’ve made me look like an absolute twat!’

  ‘How did you find out?’ I asked, dreading the answer.

  ‘Just as I was about to phone the taxi, Max called. He must’ve thought I was you and he started pouring his heart out down the phone to you, saying how sorry he was that you found out about him being Mr Writer like you did. He said he knows you guys are friends again and he’s beyond happy about that because he wants you in his life, but he felt like he still had to apologise.’

  ‘Gwen, I swear I only found out after Max finished things with you.’ I reached out to touch her but she wrenched herself away from me.

  ‘Are you seriously telling me you had no idea before then?!’

  ‘What, and you did?’

  ‘I had my suspicions at uni, yeah. I didn’t say anything because I knew you’d pull the old “we’re just friends” card. After a while, I just…forgot about it, I guess. Then after that whole thing with Tom, I thought there might be something there between us. God, how stupid was I?!’

  She ran outside and I took off in hot pursuit. As I did, the door swung open and in walked none other than Gary from Stockport! He was holding hands with a girl who had brown ringlets, glasses and slightly buck teeth.

  ‘Ava! How are you, it’s been ages!’

  Yup, the speech impediment was still very much alive and kicking.

  ‘Hey Gary, you look…all right!’ I replied. I craned my neck to look out the window to see if I could see Gwen going down the road. I saw her heading in the direction of our flat. All I wanted to do was run after her and make things right.

  His hair still had far too much hair gel in it and the smell of his aftershave hit me like a sucker punch. He was wearing a suit that looked like it belonged to his dad and a tie tied far too tight.

  ‘Thanks, this is Robyn by the way.’ He gestured to the girl beside him who didn’t look happy to see me.

  ‘Wobyn Wiley, nice to meet you.’ She extended a hand and I shook it, trying to suppress a smile. They were perfect for each other.

  ‘Well you two have a fun night. Nice to see you, W…Robyn!’

  I dashed off into the night, leaving Gary and “Wobyn” to carry on with their evening. I had to catch up with my best friend in the whole wide world before I lost her forever.

  ‘Gwen, wait! Just stop and listen to me!’

  I sprinted along the street, trying to attract her attention. For someone who was only five feet tall, she didn’t half walk fast.

  ‘Gwen, stop!’

  ‘Go away! How could you keep something like this from me?! I thought we were best friends!’ she yelled.

  She stopped suddenly and spun on her heel to face me, narrowly avoiding a collision with two drunk girls walking along the street. An icy wind whipped my face and made goosebumps rise on my arms. Groups of girls passed us as we stood in the street, arms linked and giggling at shared stories. I wanted nothing more than to do the same with Gwen.

  ‘We are, I just didn’t know how to tell you! I knew you really liked Max and I knew you’d be devastated if you found out he was Mr Writer.’

  I stopped to catch my breath and luckily, so did she. She turned around and glared at me, her eyes sparkling with tears. Her shoulders had slumped, like she’d admitted defeat about something.

  ‘You’re right; I did like Max. He was kind and funny at a time when I really needed someone to be those things. I even thought I was in love with him but I wasn’t, not really. I was more in love with the idea of him: someone kind and sensitive who maybe didn’t have loads of money but had something different to offer instead.’ She pursed her lips and linked her fingers together. I’d never seen her look so sad before. ‘It was nice spending time with him and being coupley together but that’s it. I’m not pissed off at the fact Max is Mr Writer; anyone can see how crazy he is about yo
u, even me and I’m a complete dipshit at times! The thing that’s really pissed me off is that you lied to me. We’ve never had any secrets from each other in the whole time we’ve known one another and I was really proud of that.’

  ‘I’m sorry, I just didn’t want to hurt you,’ I explained.

  ‘Ava, this whole Mr Writer thing has been one crazy event after another! It’s made you crazy, mostly in a good way – except you’ve lied and you never normally would. You’ve finally got excited about love again and it’s brilliant, especially after what you’ve been through. If you thought I’d be mad because Mr Writer turned out to be Max, then you’re wrong. We had fun together but it was like square peg, round hole. You and him on the other hand… Anyone can see you’d be perfect together!’

  I shook my head. ‘No we wouldn’t. We’ve agreed to just stay friends and I think that’s for the best. We’d be a car crash together.’

  No you wouldn’t, a little voice in my head piped up.

  ‘If you say so,’ Gwen replied. ‘But if you ask me, I think he’d get together with you right now if you asked him.’

  ***

  ‘So you two, tell me a bit about how you got together.’

  My insides shrivelled up as Maddie’s face took on a smug, cat-like grin. She looked every inch the blushing bride: dewy skin, natural make-up and bright keen eyes. Her blonde curls were piled away from her face in a chic up-do and she was wearing a cream shift dress with black court shoes.

  ‘Well, I was at a speed dating event a little while ago – I was covering speed dating for my hugely successful dating column – and there he was! Of course, I fancied him as soon as I saw him. Who wouldn’t, I mean look at him!’

  She pinched Craig’s cheeks and made them flush even brighter than they already were. He chuckled and ran a hand through his neatly styled brown hair.

  ‘Yeah it was love at first sight,’ he said. ‘I couldn’t believe my luck when she left me her number after the speed dating night. We had a few dates and… well we just knew really, we wanted to spend the rest of our lives together. I wanted to make it special for her, so I hired a town crier and dressed up in a really nice suit. Maddie was thrilled.’

  ‘How romantic.’ I tried to muster some enthusiasm by looking them in the eye as I hastily scribbled notes down on my writing pad. ‘So which jeweller’s did you buy the ring from?’

  Maddie threw her head back and laughed falsely. It was painful to listen to. She patted Craig’s knee as some kind of display of affection and stared hard at me.

  ‘Oh Ava, you silly goose! He had the ring designed especially for me by a bespoke jewellery company. This isn’t some mass-produced ring you can buy out of a high street jeweller; this is a one-of-a-kind piece.’

  She extended a long, tanned arm to reveal the rock in question. It was exquisite: three emerald-cut diamonds on a platinum band. It looked pretty and elegant; not like some women’s engagement rings that were the size – and price – of a small country.

  ‘It’s… it’s beautiful.’ The words caught in my throat and I had to quickly compose myself before continuing with my questions.

  ‘Ava’s never been engaged, have you darling?’ Her eyes met mine and I noticed they glittered with a macabre happiness. It was as though the nice moment between us in the Dog and Duck had never happened. She seemed to have restored her icy defences.

  ‘No, no I haven’t… What would you say are the best qualities about each other?’

  Maddie’s grin widened and she wrapped her arms around her fiancé’s waist. How tight her grip was became evident when he gave a little cough and tried to prise her away.

  ‘Apart from being amazing in bed – I’m not giving away any details but let’s just say ten inches is more than enough – he’s kind and thoughtful and sweet. He arranged for ten bouquets of roses to be delivered to my flat after our first date because he wanted me to know how special I was!’

  Bile flavoured my mouth but I swallowed it, wincing as it burned my throat. This was far and away the worst assignment I’d ever done. She was obviously enjoying the opportunity to flaunt her newfound happiness in my face.

  ‘Lovely. What about you Craig, what would you say is Maddie’s best quality?’

  He rubbed the back of his neck and chuckled awkwardly. I noticed a blush creeping onto his creamy skin as he bit his lip.

  ‘Come on darling, tell Ava what my best quality is!’ she said through gritted teeth and a painted-on smile.

  I saw him wince in pain as she dug her fake French-manicured nails into his arm. He looked like a rabbit caught in a trap.

  ‘Um well, where do I start? She’s beautiful obviously and she’s got a heart of gold. She’s so good at giving back to others through the charity work she does…’

  My ears pricked up at the words “charity work”. Maybe this interview could turn out to be very interesting after all.

  ‘So Maddie does charity work, does she? What kinds of causes does she support?’

  I felt a grin work its way up from the tips of my toes to the top of my head. I couldn’t wait to watch my nemesis squirm for a change.

  ‘All sorts, right babe? You volunteer down at the local animal shelter at the weekends and help out at coffee mornings for the old folks down at the day care centre.’

  A giggle built inside me; it was all I could do to keep it from bursting out. Maddie McQueen was about as likely to do charity work as I was to run for Prime Minister.

  ‘Really, that’s fascinating.’ I flashed her a grin identical to the smug one she’d given me at the start of the interview. ‘You know, that’s given me an idea. We could do an animal-themed photo shoot to feature in the magazine! I mean, it would be a lovely accompaniment to the interview wouldn’t it? We could get stoats and foxes and hedgehogs and do a kind of woodland theme. Or we could get some of the cats and dogs you help look after at the shelter? That’d be incredible, wouldn’t it Maddie?’

  Her face curdled and she shot me a murderous glare whilst still clinging onto Craig.

  ‘Yeah that’d be great, but unfortunately most of them have gone off to loving permanent homes. I worked hard with a lot of them to get them re-homed. I did behaviour training with one dog that was frightened to death of men. He lives with a gay couple in Somerset now.’

  Her confidence unnerved me a little bit but I wasn’t about to give up that easily.

  ‘Surely the shelter keeps records though? We could contact them, find some of your favourites and get them all together for the photo shoot. What did you say the shelter was called again?’

  All the muscles tightened in Maddie’s face; I was so delighted to have thrown her off balance. I’d never seen her lose control before, even when she’d confronted me in the pub. She’d maintained a steely demeanour that was seemingly impossible to crack. However, it looked like I’d found her weak spot.

  ‘I-I don’t think I mentioned a name.’

  ‘Well why don’t you tell me what it’s called? I want to mention it in the article; oh what about the day care centre you help out at? We could interview some people who go to that and who help out with you!’

  It looked like Maddie was about to explode. Her mouth quivered dangerously and her eyes were wide and angry.

  ‘I tell you what, how about I email the details over? Is that all right with you?’ Her voice was wobbly and she looked like a cat about to pounce on an unsuspecting mouse.

  ‘It’d be useful to have them now.’ I kept a straight face with just a little hint of a smile at the corners of my mouth.

  ‘Fine. The animal shelter is called Morning Oak Animal Sanctuary and the day care centre is part of St Matthew’s Church.’

  My earlier confidence shrank slightly but I was still determined to catch Maddie out, even if it took the whole interview.

  By the time I’d finished all my questions, a total of eight lies and inconsistencies had been said about my arch-rival. Aside from the volunteering bullshit, she’d also told her husband-to-be
that she was a vegetarian, liked long bike rides in the country, foreign cinema, art and alternative theatre. The best one, however, was that she’d been nominated for – and won – Manchester City Council’s Volunteer of the Year Award.

  ‘It sits pride of place on my mantelpiece, alongside my dancing trophies and journalism prizes!’ she’d gushed.

  After forty-five hellish minutes, I’d neatly wrapped up the interview and driven home. My head was pounding from a lethal combination of Maddie’s bullshit and the fact the central heating in the interview room had been cranked up full blast. All I wanted to do was to curl up into a ball and die. Overall, the day had been a total disaster. I’d been stuck in a room with Bridezilla, had a stinking headache and I couldn’t stop thinking about a certain Max Burrows.

  Great, ten out of ten, magic.

  I got into my flat and collapsed onto the couch.

  ‘Could my life get any more screwed up?’ I asked the empty room.

  No answer was the loud reply.

  Chapter 25

  On the day Ivy and Leo were due to meet, I went to the hospital a couple of hours beforehand to help her prepare. When I arrived, Carolyn was there helping her put the finishing touches to her make-up.

  ‘Hey you! How are you feeling?’ I asked.

  ‘My stomach’s doing somersaults but apart from that, I’m wonderful!’ There was colour in her cheeks and a gleam in her eyes. She also looked healthier than I’d seen her in a while.

  ‘It’s good to see you so excited,’ I said. ‘I’m glad the hospital thought you were well enough to meet him today.’