Nightly Howls

by Madeline Blake

  “Don’t tell me what’s in my best interest or not,” I growl, and he takes another step back.

  “Answer the question, Nico. Don’t be difficult.”

  “I suppose, run from you. And the rest of the Council.” I don’t really know what I would do. That’s a thought provoking question, which brings me back to the central question I asked myself a few minutes before. I start to drown in my doubt, struggling to stay above the water.

  “You know you can’t run for long. And inwardly, you know Ella is safer here than she ever was with you.”

  I feel as if I have been kicked in the gut. I want to shout at Griffin for saying such lies, but then I remember that I basically admitted the same things to myself earlier. I’m not stupid, no matter how obstinate I want to remain at this point.

  “You know, we haven’t even addressed Ella’s feelings here,” he says slowly, carefully. “I never planned to get into this big discussion with you, but while we are here, might as well cover the most important issue here as well.”

  “I love her. And I know she feels at least a little love towards me in return.”

  “I know you do. But the problem here is not what you think.” He nods his head slightly, “she holds too much affection for you. You may have been better off if she hated your guts.”

  My hands grip the bars, holding them so tightly that my knuckles turn stark white. “What do you mean by that?”

  “The Council is not going to let you live, you know. They absolutely cannot allow you to be with Ella. And this only makes things harder for her.”

  “How come?!”

  “They need someone they can control, Nico, and you are a very strong werewolf who has bended the rules time and time again without reaping the consequences. They are afraid of an uprising. If you were allowed to be with Ella, members of our community would start to look up to you, not the Council. That was the first thing they realized while discussing this issue, for their minds are all focused on power. They wish to keep their power at any cost.”

  I am nearly frozen with shock. I never thought myself to be a threat to the Council. In fact, I never meant to break any of the rules in the first place. How could they possibly think I was trying to… hoard Ella for some kind of rebellion?

  “I’m easier to control,” Griffin says softly, looking at his feet. “I’m a shameful crossbreed who happens to be born in a position of power. They can rip away my status and give it back to me on a silver platter. I can’t be much more of a puppet than I am now. Even my father thinks of me only as a tool to be used.”

  Yes. You do have a nice sob story. I get it. You are so unfortunate to be stuck with Ella. It is really quite a shame.

  “But what about Ella, Griffin?” I ask in frustration. “Why is it harder for her?”

  “Well, think about it. The Council is faced with quite the dilemma here. They can’t just pry you two apart, because they know Ella will be seriously messed up as a result. They can’t keep you two together, because of the reasons I mentioned earlier. It helps matters a little bit because I am also her mate, but doesn’t eliminate the issue by far. She obviously likes you very much and makes this problem impossible to ignore. If only they had a way to make Ella forget all about you, to forget this whole escapade with your pack so she and I can be together…”

  “No.” Jake instantly says, snapping up from his seat. “They won’t.”

  “They can’t.” Wes protests almost in unison. Everyone turns to me to see my own reaction.

  “Sharuken?” I ask, my whole body trembling. They wouldn’t dare.

  “They will… with or without Ella’s permission. They are making it seem like she has a choice, but she really doesn’t.”

  I am about to explode with anger. They seriously are not going to do this to me. To us.

  “But anyway, we are getting off topic. What I wanted to tell you was that you need to accept it and move on. It will make everything better for the two of you. Just try to forget about each other.”

  “That’s impossible! You know I-“

  “I know. I probably understand you more than anyone.” Griffin looks straight at me, stepping so close that I can feel each strained breath. “I hate this. I hate having to say this to you.”

  Silence echoes through the hall as I stare at him in disbelief.

  “Maybe, if you wish, the Council could perform the ritual upon you as well-“

  “No. No. I couldn’t,” I fiercely turn away, “I… never want to forget her.”

  “That’s what I thought,” Griffin smiles slightly, almost wistfully, in satisfaction. “I like you, Nico. You are the sort of wolf I aspire to be like.”

  “I don’t like you.” I snap, though inwardly wondering at the lack of arrogance on his face. He won. He gets her for the rest of eternity. How come he is acting so nice to me?

  “Try to think of it this way. The Council consists of arrogant, greedy werewolves, but they do have some basis in morality. Ella isn’t going to live a life of servitude. She will have all the riches she could ever desire, as well as extraordinary honors and privileges. In addition, she will be trained in her Spier abilities to fulfill the prophecy and our race’s destiny. What more could you want for her?”

  “Happiness. I wish for her to be happy.”

  “I’ll do my best. I can’t guarantee that she will be, but I promise I will try to make her the happiest woman in the world.” All of us almost laugh at Griffin’s expression, full of intensity and fervor.

  “If you can make her happy, by all means… do it,” I choke softly, my face twisted with hidden mirth. He glares at me, obviously noticing our barely-hidden chuckles.

  Ella? Happy? What a joke. It’s impossible. She isn’t exactly easy to please, to say the least.

  “Well,” he looks at his watch awkwardly, “Looks like I’m needed in a few minutes in the meeting room. I’ll come back later and tell you the verdict. They are trying to decide what their final proposition to Ella will be.”

  I watch him start to walk away with a resignation that shocks me. Everything he said makes perfect sense. There is really no point in trying to save Ella.

  Griffin stops for a second, and then swivels around to face me. “I’m sorry,” he whispers, then quickly retreats up the narrow stairs at the end of the hallway.

  Why did things have to end up like this? Now even a cowardly crossbreed is feeling… pity towards me. I feel like the lowest of werewolves—a criminal. Now that my fighting spirit has been sucked away, nothing is left except a big, gaping hole in my heart.

  “Hey, I finished another hole!” Asher shouts, showing us proudly the new dot he had made. I shake my head in dismay.

  “Nico, what are you going to do?” Jake asks me in low tones, the serious one of the bunch. He calmly takes in my misshapen appearance as a tear starts to fall slowly from my eye. Embarrassed, I brush it away.

  “I don’t know, Jake. I just don’t know anymore.”

  “Ella seems to be getting along pretty well with Griffin,” Asher comments obnoxiously. The others start to glare at him but he doesn’t notice, delirious from the long hours in a dark cell. “She seems like she will be fine here.”

  “Seems so.” I reluctantly admit, though anger is building within me. Asher is really getting on my nerves today. He always knows the best ways in which to annoy me.

  “He seems to act like a real mate. Someone who is responsible and caring. I think you can rest easy, Nico.”

  “And I wasn’t?!” I exclaim, starting to shift into my wolf form. Wes and Jake start to laugh, for reasons unknown. This has happened so many times today.

  “Uh… do I have to answer that?”

  I pounce on him mid-shift, biting his ear and clawing his fur. He yowls in pain as I start to draw blood. We growl at each other as he rips away and completes the shift, now a wolf that is larger than I.

  The fight continues for several minutes, mostly consisting of risky moves and stupid decisions. I knew I shouldn�
�t have gone for his tail, and I did it anyway, leaving my back open for attack. I really need to brush up on fighting tactics in this form.

  “Guys…” A familiar voice interrupts our tussle, and we instantly stop. A slinky form materializes outside of the cell, leaning against the back wall.

  “Yi!” we basically shout in unison. He looks around anxiously then turns back to us with one finger on his lips.

  “I’m here to bust you guys out of this cell. Danae’s posing as one of the maids here at headquarters but it won’t last for long. She is getting so many wrinkles that she needs a trip to the laundromat.”

  “Where have you been?” I ask him, completely shifted back to human form. He smiles and winks.

  “They never captured me at the mansion. Seems that they forgot I even belonged to the pack. Funny how much a Stealth talent can manage, huh?”

  “How did you get in here?” Jake queries.

  “The front door,” he winks, “It is the greatest experience, walking around and not even having one cute girl wink at me. So liberating.”

  “I still don’t get how you did it. That’s impossible. They must have noticed you.”

  “Details, details. We will get to them later.” Yi yawns, and then pulls out a slender key. “I got this from the red-head that just left.”

  “Griffin? So you have been in here the whole time?” I ask in annoyance, “Why didn’t you tell us?”

  “How much fun would that be? And it’s only been a few minutes. He walked out, I walked in. And he had his key dangling from his belt loop as if he wanted it to be stolen. I could have sworn I saw him grin on the way out.”

  That sly dog—quite literally. I can’t help but like him now, no matter how aggravated I am at my present situation.

  “So like Jake asked, what are you going to do?” Yi asks me slowly. “Are you going to stay here and try to save Ella? Or are you going to leave with the rest of us?”

  “Wait. All of you are going to leave?” I turn and look at the other pack members. They all make weird expressions that I can’t possibly decipher.

  “We want to support you Nico. But we all think it is a lost cause… a lost cause that is going to get us all killed. Griffin explained the situation pretty well.” Jake explains. He looks guilty… as he should.

  “I just can’t,” I whisper, “I can’t give up on her.”

  I remain silent while Yi glides over to the door, placing a key in the lock. There is a click as it turns, and the bars are finally open. I am finally free.

  “You have a choice. You can either come with us now, or you can stay here and fight for her. But I promise you… if we leave, we are not coming back. This is your one and only chance.”

  Everyone stands and starts to exit the cell. Yi, however, comes in and sits by me on the wooden bench. He tries his best to look comforting, and fails miserably.

  “I saw Ella in her room. She looked happy. I really do hate this for you, Nico, but we will help in any way we can. If you truly want to fight, I’m sure we can convince the others to try.”

  I am barely listening to Yi, immersed in a tidal wave of memories; Ella’s smiling face after I saved her in the forest, her adorable expression of annoyance that I had come to know so well… her look of pure elation after the first kiss we shared. I can’t bear this. I can’t lose her.

  Ella grins at me as I give her steak. She yells at me in indignation after I kiss her cheek. And somewhere, in the back of my mind, she sleeps in Asher’s arms, soaking wet in a large fountain.

  That’s right… I almost forgot about that incident. I was so keen on getting her back, so eager to get on her good side that the reason why I got mad at her slipped my mind. Even though I am not mad at her in the slightest now, the main message hits me like one of Asher’s punches in the stomach.

  She doesn’t need you. She doesn’t need you like you need her.

  This is the final straw. I sever the last remaining bond with my emotions and stand up like a robot. I have no hard feelings towards her, but I have to let her go.

  She was never mine to begin with.

  No wonder she never felt the attachment I did. No wonder she never loved me in return. Even though Griffin said otherwise.

  She was never mine.

  The last tear I plan on shedding in a long time escapes my eye as I firmly take the first step outside of the cell door. It is over… forever.

  I only wish I could say good bye.

  ~ Ella ~

  I stare at Griffin in disbelief. “What?”

  “He’s gone. He disappeared from his cell a few days ago. We have been trying to find him and the rest of his pack, but they are nowhere to be found. Yi, your friend, is a very clever Stealth talent. He must have helped them escape.” He sees my tears before they start to fall and pulls me close. “I’m sorry Ella. I wish you didn’t have to deal with this. You don’t deserve it.”

  “I wanted to talk to him.” I say, still frozen by the news Griffin delivered. “I wanted to see him again.”

  “I know you did.” He squeezes me tight, though careful to avoid touching my skin. The true impact of his words seems to hit me at this moment.

  He left me.

  He abandoned me.

  Pain blossoms in my chest, swallowing me entirely. Am I even a person anymore? What am I? All I can see is pain… hurt, sorrow, and betrayal.

  I should have run after him when he tried to leave last week. I should have held on to him and never let him go. And now he’s... gone. Leaving me with this awful disease that makes me feel such desire.

  I am choking from lack of air, for it feels like he has taken away my willingness to breathe along with my heart. It is strange to think—that he has stolen my heart—but in this state of insanity it is easier to believe.

  All I really know right now is that I need him, for reasons that are unclear. I need him like no one else I have ever met before.

  I hate this feeling of dependence, but it overtakes my body until it is impossible to deny. And now I can never see him again... feel his warm lips, or hear his musical laugh. I miss it all, every single obnoxious, insolent part of him that makes him so special.

  This pain.

  “Please help me,” I start to sob, hanging onto Griffin like I am never going to let go. I accidentally make contact with his skin, and the pain causes me to rip apart from him. I stumble across the floor, holding my arm where I had touched Griffin. A large red mark stretches across it.

  I can’t deal with this anymore.

  I try to wait until the pain subsides, wait until I gain some semblance of sanity. “I will do it.” I choke, softly spitting out the cursed words. How I wish I didn’t have to say them… but I must escape.

  “Do what?” Griffin gently asks, his voice full of concern. It seems to be the tone of voice he always uses with me lately.

  “Anything. Anything that gets rid of the pain. Sharuken, I think they called it.”

  “Ella, are you sure?”

  I lean on the stone wall, not quite sure what is happening. I think the Council has gathered around me from the sound of the heavy cloaks that are swishing across the floor. I know this is it. I can’t take my words back.

  I think of Nico, of the happy times we experienced together. Of the joyous feelings in my heart that I have anxiously tried to suppress. It all means so much to me. I don’t want to lose it.

  But, I don’t want to experience this. Nothing amounts to the anguish of having a heart ripped apart and left in pieces. I… don’t want to be hurt in this manner. I must become stronger.

  “Yes.”

  One's Dream, Another's Nightmare

  I have honestly tried to change myself.

  It has been difficult, of course. I have been struggling to prevent myself from snapping at my teachers, but the way they chastise me about my lack of progress over the last few days has really gotten on my nerves.

  It isn’t like I haven’t been in the garden for countless hours, forcing my restle
ss mind to meditate just like the rude Spier master suggested. It isn’t like I haven’t been poring over the books on basic werewolf etiquette that Lady Miranda had commanded me to read. And most of all, it isn’t like I haven’t participated in the daily assignment of scouring the prophecy that I am supposed to be a crucial part of about a million times. I hate Analysis class the most.

  That is the worst. I hate looking for things that just aren’t there.

  I’m not really sure what Mr. Vigilance is hoping I will find. He has told me to do everything; from sweeping my thumb over every letter in the original text to sleeping with a copy of the prophecy beneath my head. Supposedly I have been, as the old baldy would say, “blessed with a superior insight that could lead to a greater understanding concerning the details of my mission if applied in the correct manner.” Or something like that. I stopped listening to him after the very first day. For that matter, I stopped listening to pretty much everybody.

  So it probably is my fault that I haven’t learned anything of substance since I began these cursed tutoring sessions. I think my teachers aren’t used to a student that just can’t learn and progress, so that’s why they are going crazy. I am sure to them I seem like a normal kid, with nothing to set me apart from anyone else.

  But honestly. I did try. I’m still trying.

  It is just difficult when Mr. Vigilance is breathing over my neck, his angry face too close for comfort.

  “Ella, do you even understand the point of this class? It is not all fun and games, you know.”

  I sigh, fingering the rugged parchment upon which is written that awful paragraph that supposedly defines my life. “I never considered this class to be fun and games, Mr. Vigilance.” That much was true. Very true.

  “Then have you not been studying the document? Tell me at least one thing that you learned since yesterday.”

  He twists around to the front of the table where I sit, glaring at me like a ferocious animal. Admittedly, Mr. Vigilance is rather handsome. Everyone around here pretty much is. I have almost gotten sick of the attractive facial features, the long, glowing hair, and the perfect bodies that surround me daily. It is as if each of us looks like a china doll, living in our own little world that is ethereal to me even now. Mr. Vigilance is probably one of the least handsome werewolves I have seen, with a light gray buzz cut, sharp, pointed looks, and an athletic body. His muscles are nothing compared to some of the frightening Hulk look-a-likes prowling around the premises. I have seen a few that really put the green monster to shame.