by Sian Ceinwen
Heather stood up, went to the bathroom, and grabbed a box of tissues before coming back to pick the letter up again. She got a tissue and wiped the tears from her eyes. Ariana had always had a way with words, but this description to sum up how she’d hurt them was such an apt one that it stung.
If you can ever forgive me for what I did, I would love to be friends again.
Of course, she wanted to be friends again. Gabriel was right. She needed a fucking friend right now, and reading this letter was good for her.
I had been hoping that we could catch up out here at Galena, I would much rather tell you all of this in person.
Heather had been wondering when she’d written it. Obviously sometime in October, then.
Unfortunately, with work, I can only be here during the week, and Harrison said you’re busy with Serenity and can only come out on weekends. It sucks; I really want to see you, even if you think I’m Yoko Ono and breaking the band apart!
Heather laughed out loud again. Wow, she and Sebastian had been pretty fucking mean to Ariana that night. Harrison had said it at the time, but she did owe Ariana an apology for that. Just thinking about Harrison brought a pang of hurt to Heather, she’d forgotten about him and everything that was happening for a minute or two, there.
If you’re still reading this, Heather, thank you for giving me a chance to say my piece. If you can’t forgive me, I will do my best to stay out of your way. I won’t come between your friendship with Gabriel, and I certainly don’t want to be the cause of any kind of drama with the guys.
Ariana had always been sweet. The way she’d behaved since returning to their lives was equally no different to the way she’d been before, whilst also being completely different from the way she’d been before. She was still the same, lovely and thoughtful Ariana. She just also braved paparazzi bullshit now, too.
I also want to say that I’m so proud of you and of Serenity. Your fashion show was amazing, I wish that I could’ve been there, but I watched the video, and it was brilliant.
Heather felt a glow of pride as she read this. It was nice to get this feedback from someone whose opinion she valued so highly.
If you can ever see your way to having a friendship with me, again, I am open to it. I hope that you are, too.
With all my love and affection,
Ariana
Heather put down the letter, grabbed a tissue, and blew her nose. She was glad she’d read it. She was even kind of glad that she’d waited to read it until now. Reading this letter was exactly what she needed today. She headed back out to the kitchen, picked up her phone, and saw five missed calls from Ariana and multiple texts.
PLEASE don’t read it.
There’s stuff in there that you don’t need to read right now.
I want you to read it, just not today.
Heather? Are you reading it?
Heather laughed; poor Ariana. She must’ve been so stressed at her lack of replies. She found that she really wanted to see her and talk.
You silly cow. Are you free? Can you come over?
It was about thirty seconds before Ariana’s reply popped up on her screen.
Absolutely. See you soon.
Chapter 16
AFTER TEN A.M.
HEATHER WENT BACK INTO the bedroom, retrieved the letter, and read it again while she waited for Ariana to get there. It really was, without a doubt, the loveliest letter she’d ever read. Heather was looking forward to getting a chance to clear the air with Ariana.
It wasn’t long at all before Callum was showing Ariana into her living room. She looked nervous, and there was a tall man who looked to be in his early forties trailing behind her. He looked around the room, seeming to assess the situation, and Heather assumed that this must be Ariana’s bodyguard.
She saw Heather, followed her gaze, and smiled, “Heather, this is Ross Weber, my bodyguard.”
“Nice to meet you, Ross,” he nodded at her, “you guys met Callum?”
Ariana nodded, and both men disappeared into the hallway. Heather had felt odd when Callum first started working for her and would spend hours just sitting near the door, but she’d gotten used to it. He would sporadically do checks of the apartment, both inside and out, and liaise with the doormen and security downstairs in regard to any comings or goings in the building.
“Did you want a coffee or something?” Heather asked Ariana.
“How about something stronger?”
“It’s a bit early in the day for alcohol, isn’t it?” Heather raised an eyebrow at her.
“Hey, I believe it was you who once told me that cocktails were fine as long as it was after ten in the morning,” Ariana shrugged at her, and Heather grinned.
She went to the kitchen and grabbed the orange juice out of the fridge, got two big glasses, and went to the bar, coming back with a bottle of vodka. Ariana smiled when she saw what she had in her hands.
“You haven’t forgotten.”
“It’s practically the only thing you ever drink,” Heather grinned and poured them each a vodka and orange before putting the orange juice back in the fridge, “here.”
Ariana took the drink from her. They made their way to the sofa, sitting down and facing each other, and there was silence for a few moments.
“So, where do you want to begin?” Ariana took a big swig of her drink.
Heather laughed, “Am I that scary that you need Dutch courage to have a conversation with me?”
“If you’d asked me the night we were at Sebastian’s house, yes,” Ariana grinned at her as she said it, though.
“I’m sorry for that night, Ariana. I was a major bitch to you. I…” she paused, trying to collect her thoughts and remember how she’d been feeling at the time, “…well, to be honest, I was tired and stressed and still really fucking hurt by the fact you left the way you did.”
“I get it, Heather. I wish I hadn’t left the way I did. I can’t change it, but if I could go back, I would definitely do it differently.”
“Ugh,” Heather said, involuntarily, then continued as Ariana looked mildly offended, “sorry, not you. It’s just that it’s not the first time today that I’ve wished someone could go back in time and change some stuff.”
“Harrison, I’m guessing?” Heather grimaced and nodded, as Ariana hit the nail on the head, “How are things with you guys?”
“Terrible. Truly awful. We’ve been going to counseling every Saturday, and I was a major bitch to him today, too. Apparently, it’s just my go-to move.” Heather sighed.
“I’ve seen Harrison,” Ariana said quietly, “he’s come to our place a couple of times. He seems so unhappy.”
“Your place?” Heather raised an eyebrow, even as her heart ached at the confirmation that Harrison was as miserable as she was.
“Yeah, Gabriel and I moved in together when he got back from Galena.” Ariana smiled.
“I’m so happy for you guys.”
“Do you care, Heather?” Ariana asked with a wicked grin.
“Oof! Okay, I deserved that. All right, you wanted to talk that night, and I should have. There’s something in your letter that I wanted to ask you about”—Heather got up and grabbed the letter from the kitchen bench so she could refer to it—“okay, why the hell did you think that you should leave without saying goodbye to anyone? I don’t think anyone’s ever hurt me as badly as that…well, until now,” Heather corrected herself, and a feeling of sorrow washed over her.
“That whole thing with the news stories happened, and I was reading the shit online, and all of my insecurities just hit me at once, it was a perfect storm. I had already been feeling like I wasn’t strong enough to lead this life, and suddenly everyone knew about me.
“I knew that they didn’t have my real name. I thought if I could just leave, Gabriel could find someone who was stronger than I was, and I could go back to the real world. I stupidly thought that I was doing the right thing, even though I
obviously wasn’t.
“I knew that if I spoke to anyone, I’d crack and come back. I missed you guys all so damn much. I listened to everyone’s voicemails over and over again,” she confessed, “whenever I missed you, I’d listen to your voicemails just to hear your voices. In some ways, it was masochistic, though. It killed me every time I did it, but I don’t think I was in a healthy place, mentally, at all.”
Heather thought about what Ariana was saying. Some of it was painfully relevant to herself right now. Was some of this any different than her dwelling on the picture of Harrison and Maddy? She was guilty of letting the stories online about Harrison cheating on her get to her, as well.
“Gabriel was right,” Heather said.
“Right about what?” Ariana smiled, just at hearing his name.
“You’re different. Like, you’re still you, but you just seem…different.”
“God, Heather, if I weren’t different now, I’d literally want to slap myself. Even when I saw Gabriel at the meet and greet, I ran away from him. I’m still dumb sometimes, but yeah, I did a lot of growing up and even some therapy in the last two years. It’s helped me a lot, I think. At the end of the day, I’ve lived through the worst thing imaginable. If Gabriel ever leaves me, at least I won’t have the knowledge of it being my own fault to torment me,” she shrugged.
It was an interesting take on it and, oddly enough, very close to what Harrison had said to her about accepting Ariana back into their lives.
“I like New Ariana,” Heather grinned.
“Me, too. I’m so glad you’re being nice to me again. I think being back with Gabriel and not getting to just be friends with you again was probably worse than being away from you.” Ariana cringed.
“This is nice. I’m sorry I was a bitch, and fucking hell do I need all the friends I can get right now.” Heather finished her drink off and raised her empty glass to Ariana, “Do you want another?”
Ariana finished her own drink quickly and nodded. Heather got them a second round, possibly putting a little too much vodka into the drinks.
“Here’s the thing,” Heather said as she handed Ariana her drink and sat down on the sofa again, “the things that you’re saying are very close to home. I know that I should forgive Harrison; it’s not his fault that he cheated on me.”
“But you’re not going to forgive him?” Ariana asked her.
“I really and truly don’t know. Everyone keeps asking me that. I want to, so badly. I want everything to go back to the way it was, hashtag couple goals,” Heather rolled her eyes, “but I keep having nightmares about him sleeping with her. The rare occasions where he’s touched me, I feel sick knowing that he touched someone else. I don’t know how your aunt has done it.”
“I was wondering when we’d get around to the topic of Uncle Darry,” Ariana smiled, but it didn’t reach her eyes, she was obviously concerned about what Heather was saying to her.
“Oh yes, that helped everything to make a lot more sense. Why didn’t you just tell me before? We talked about this shit so often; it would’ve helped me to understand.”
“They’re not my secrets to tell,” Ariana said, “you’re the only person I’ve ever told all of that to, other than Gabriel.”
“So he knew? When?” Heather’s mouth dropped into an ‘O’ of surprise.
“Before the tour. I don’t know if you remember, there was a night that a picture of us was taken, at April Conway’s birthday party.”
“Holy shit, yes, I remember! So, he knew all along?”
Heather finally understood why Gabriel had always been so patient with Ariana and her fear of celebrity. He’d been firm in them making accommodations for her and, privately, she knew that at least Harrison and Sebastian had wondered why but they’d never really questioned it and had just done what was asked of them. She’d loved Ariana and tried to talk her around, but ultimately gone with the flow, herself.
“Yeah, he did. Heather, can I ask you something?” Ariana bit her lip and looked nervous.
“Sure, what?”
“How bad was it when I left?”
Heather’s heart dropped; she didn’t want to be the one to have this conversation. She understood now why Harrison had balked at her asking the question of him the night of their engagement party. Heather pushed away the feeling of hurt that she got from remember that night and sighed before answering.
“Really bad, Ariana. About as bad as it could ever get. I don’t want you to dwell on it, and I don’t particularly want to relive it, myself, with everything that’s going on with me at the moment,” it was a bit of a cop-out, but at least there was some upside to this shitty situation, “I guess if you really want the honest truth, with no holds barred, you know who you should ask.”
“Sebastian,” Ariana cringed, “do you think he’ll ever forgive me?”
“Honestly?”
“Yes, it’s something I’m freaked out about.”
“Then, yes. I do think he will. He said that Hell would freeze over first,” Heather laughed, “but it must be cold down there right now because I think he will if I know him as well as I think I do.”
“Why do you think that?” Ariana looked at her with curiosity apparent on her face.
“Because, darling, you’ve got me on your side now. If you hadn’t been able to convince me, you wouldn’t have been able to convince him. Plus, you’re different now, like you said. After we heard what that reporter did to you, I think both of us softened toward you. Seb might take a little longer, but he’ll get there.”
“Well, I’ve got all the time in the world for him to come around. I’m not going anywhere.” Ariana grinned.
“I’m glad about that, can I ask you something now?” Heather was unsure if she actually wanted to ask her question.
“Sure,” Ariana had no idea what she was walking into right now.
“The night you guys were drugged, what do you remember?”
Ariana sighed heavily, “Are you sure you want to know?”
Heather took a moment to think about it, while she sipped some more of her drink. Yes, she wanted to know as much about that night as she could find out, so she confirmed this to Ariana.
“Okay, what exactly do you want to know?” Ariana squeezed her eyes tight and seemed to be bracing herself to have this conversation.
“Everything that happened from the time you guys got off the phone to me,” Heather said it so quickly, she hadn’t realized how much she wanted to ask this.
“Well, we just hung out until it was time to go downstairs. We went to the ballroom and found our table and sat down. Cooper’s team was already there with him at the table when we arrived.” Ariana wrinkled her nose.
“Harrison was sitting next to Maddy, wasn’t he?” Heather interrupted Ariana to ask this.
“Yes, he was sitting in between Gabriel and Madeline. Cooper brought her to fill your seat,” Ariana looked sad. Like she didn’t want to be the one to tell Heather any of this and confirmed it when she asked, “Are you really sure you want to know?”
Heather nodded, so Ariana continued, “We were all having a good time. Nothing was strange with the first few bottles of wine. We had our entrées; there were some speeches and a charity auction. Harrison was not flirting with Madeline at that point. They think it was in the bottles we were served during the main course.
“About, I dunno, half an hour or thereabouts after we ate, I started to feel weird. It was like everything in the world was perfect. Gabriel literally glowed to me. I think that was when I noticed Harrison flirting with Madeline.”
Heather felt a familiar wave of nausea hit her. She could practically see everything that Ariana was telling her.
“They were giggling and being really handsy with each other. Part of me thought that it wasn’t okay, but a huge part of me thought that it was perfect and everyone should love everyone,” Ariana’s eyes were downcast and she looked like she felt guilty for not
stopping them.
“It’s not your fault,” Heather said, “what happened then?”
“I can’t remember the timeline exactly after that. Sebastian went to the dance floor and started basically fucking some chick. Hayden said he wasn’t feeling well and went to his room. Harrison and Madeline disappeared together,” Ariana cringed, and Heather wanted to cry.
“Do you have any idea what time that was?” Heather asked her.
“Not a clue; I’m really sorry. I wasn’t with it. Gabriel and I left after that before Cooper even had his seizure. They think he had an extra glass of wine and ingested too much of the drug. Luckily, Helen had only had one glass, and they were still at the event when it happened, so she was with it enough to get help, which was basically right there.
“The amount of the drug that was in our bodies when they tested was incredibly high. We’re lucky that nobody else ended up in the ICU, to be honest. Gabriel and I didn’t figure it out until the morning; we had all these calls from Helen asking us to get to the hospital. Once they figured out that both she and Cooper had been drugged, they wanted us all to get tested.”
Having these details filled in for her was bittersweet for Heather. Finding out exactly how everything had happened was incredibly painful; it mixed with the feelings of regret that she hadn’t just been there with them.
“When did you find out about Harrison? I saw pictures of you guys leaving the hotel, together with Maddy.”
Ariana looked incredibly uncomfortable now like she didn’t want to answer this question.
“Tell me, Ariana.” Heather caught her gaze, and Ariana sighed again.
“We couldn’t get on to him, so we went to see if he was there and take him with us to the hospital. He wasn’t answering his phone, and we couldn’t get in, so Gabriel went down and convinced the hotel manager to open his room.”
“You saw him in bed with Maddy.” Heather felt tears spring to her eyes, as Ariana nodded her confirmation.
“Whoever took the picture had already been and gone. We woke Harrison…” she trailed off, looking distant.