by Sian Ceinwen
“How did he react?”
“I’ve never seen someone so heartbroken. It was like watching him break in half right in front of our eyes as he realized what he’d done. Madeline was just as horrified. We could barely get Harrison to stop crying long enough to get out of the hotel and into the car. Not that it would’ve mattered—there was nothing to hide. The paparazzi were out the front of the hotel to ask us all questions and showed us the picture.
“Harrison kept trying to call you and send you texts, but he also knew that you were on the plane. He just kept calling, over and over. He didn’t want you to find out the way you did. When we all saw the pictures of you at the airport, he was devastated. He knew that they had told you, and he was terrified that you wouldn’t forgive him.”
What Ariana was telling her was awful. Knowing that Harrison had experienced that level of pain, she felt guilty that she still couldn’t find a path to forgiveness within herself right now. She was looking for it, hearing how terrible he’d felt about cheating should have illuminated it for her, but she still just felt broken and empty.
“He said that he discharged himself against medical advice. He’s lucky Cooper was in intensive care; he’d have lost his mind, otherwise!” Heather gave Ariana a wry grin.
“Yeah, oh my god, it was a massive drama. They called in the head of the hospital to try and talk him out of it, then literally had a lawyer come in to oversee him signing the discharge papers. We tried to get him to stay, but he said that Callum had told him you were going to hurt yourself, and he had to get back to you.”
“Okay, that’s not exactly what Cal said. He was just concerned that I’d do something stupid. I told him that I wasn’t going to commit suicide because Harrison stuck his dick in another woman, and his exact response was ‘talking that way isn’t helping, there are plenty of ways to be unsafe that don’t go that far,’” Heather rolled her eyes, “then I told him to leave, tried to fire him, and he told me that Harrison was his boss. So I texted Harrison to make him leave, and he called him, and Callum told him that he was ‘concerned about what Miss York might do if she’s left alone’ and that he’d only leave if he was fired or a friend or family member took his place.”
“Did he have good reason to be concerned, though, Heather?” Ariana asked her gently.
“Well, yeah. I mean, I wasn’t going to hurt myself, but I might very well have set my world on fire, metaphorically.”
“Okay, I have to ask,” Ariana said, “what was the worst thing you considered doing that day?”
“The worst? Revenge sex. One hundred percent. I thought about just getting trashed, finding some random guy and fucking him,” she admitted quietly.
Heather sighed, as a wave of guilt crashed over her for even having thought of doing something like that. What Harrison had done was a terrible mistake, but for her to do that on purpose would have been unconscionable.
“I’m sure as shit glad I didn’t. It just hurts so badly to know that Harrison had sex with someone else.”
“You guys were with other people before, weren’t you?” Ariana asked.
“Not really; I think he got head from some chick, might have fingered a couple of girls, but I was his first. Same for me; I gave my high school boyfriend head…while pretending it was Harrison, I might add!”
“High school Heather had the hots for him that badly?” Ariana actually laughed.
“I really did, he’s always been the man of my dreams. The first night we actually hooked up was one of the best nights of my life, and it’s only been better since,” Heather said wistfully.
“So, why are you letting this terrible one-off mistake come between you?”
“I wish that I could explain it, Ariana. Even hearing all of this from you, it doesn’t make it better for me. Harrison has been mine for so long, I have never doubted his love for me. I don’t even doubt it now. It’s the fact that he took pleasure from someone else; it hurts me so much to think about. Some of the stuff you said in your letter about your aunt was cutting as well, like, if we get married and have kids, those pictures will always be there.”
Ariana cringed, “Yeah, I definitely regretted some of the stuff I wrote in that letter. When Gabriel told me that he’d convinced you to read it, I was horrified.”
“I bet he was proud of himself, too!” Heather laughed.
“He really was,” Ariana laughed as well, “he was, like ‘hey, Ari! I told Heather to read your letter, and she’s going to do it!’ with this big, dumb grin on his face, and I’m just, like, ‘nooooooooooo!’ He couldn’t understand, but I had never told him exactly what was in it.”
“I’m glad I read it, though. Look, some of the stuff was hard to read, but a lot of stuff right now is hard for me. Getting to hear your side of the story and why you did some of the shitty, stupid things you did,” Heather poked her tongue out at Ariana, then continued, “was actually really good. It explained a lot, and I accept your apology, and in case you hadn’t guessed, of course, I want to be your friend again.”
Ariana drank the last of her drink, put the glass down on the table, then moved over to give Heather a massive hug.
“I really missed you so much, Heather!”
“I missed you, too, darling. Gabriel is one of my favorite people ever, and you make him happy. I have to trust that you won’t leave him again, but from everything you’ve told me, I’m a lot less scared now that you will.”
Heather finished her drink as well, grabbed Ariana’s glass, and headed to the kitchen to pour them another. They spent the next few hours talking, drinking, and catching up on the last two years.
Heather was sad to hear that Ariana had stopped writing when she’d left the tour. “Oh, I really enjoyed reading what you were writing, darling. Why did you stop?”
“Because it was pretty much all about Gabriel, and I was trying to forget him,” Ariana laughed.
“Well, you should start writing again,” Heather told her with a wink, “you can write all about how he was so in love with you that he ditched Elena as soon as you were back in the picture.”
“Sorry about that, I know you guys were close to her,” Ariana said.
“What the fuck?” Heather was confused, “did Gabriel tell you that?”
“No,” Ariana cringed, “I read it online the day he told me he was dating someone.”
Heather rolled her eyes, “Do you believe everything you read online?”
“Well, no, I know I shouldn’t. Now that I think about it, I can’t believe I still thought that, actually. It said she’d met his family, and they were planning to get married,” Ariana laughed.
“As far as I know, she never met his family,” Heather said while shaking her head, “and they definitely weren’t engaged. You know how news articles are, though. Mostly bullshit and half-truths.”
They were still sitting there when Harrison walked in about thirty minutes later, with Michael trailing behind him.
Immediately, the air in the room became thick with tension. Harrison looked as beautiful as ever; he was wearing his regular jeans and T-shirt, and Heather longed to be in his arms.
“Hello, Ariana.” Harrison smiled politely at her.
“Hi, Harrison.”
He looked at Heather, then back at Ariana, “It’s good to see you here.”
“It’s great to be here,” she said to him, “Heather and I have been catching up.”
“That’s wonderful,” he smiled a genuine smile at her, then looked at Heather, “Hi, angel.”
“Hello, Harrison.”
The smile fell from his face immediately. She really wasn’t doing it intentionally, but she still couldn’t bring herself to call him ‘honey’ anymore. It killed her to know that she was hurting him; she could see how it tore him up whenever she used his name, and she wished that everything could be different.
“I’ll leave you to it,” he said, then walked away in the direction of their bedroom.
Ariana let out a breath of air, once he was out of earshot, “Fuuuuuck, you could cut the tension with a knife. Is that what it’s like all the time?”
“Pretty much,” Heather cringed.
“How do you stand it?” Ariana grimaced.
“I barely can. We hardly ever spend any time in the same room anymore. I miss him.” Heather felt like she might cry with the admission.
“As someone who blew up her life and wasted two years that I could have spent with Gabriel, I feel like I should warn you that you might be heading down the same path.”
Heather glared at her, “This is not the same thing, Ariana. Gabriel never cheated on you; you were just stupid.”
“I’m going to let that slide because I know you’re hurting,” Ariana raised an eyebrow at her, “I know it’s different, Heather. I’m just saying that, well, remember you telling me time and again that I needed to get over my fear of celebrity? You need to get over this Madeline thing, or you’re going to blow up your life.”
“Let’s not forget that ‘this Madeline thing’ is Harrison fucking another woman!” Heather yelled.
Ariana smiled sadly at her, “I haven’t forgotten. I’m not saying you need to get over it today, or even any time soon. Just that if you don’t, it’s going to fester and become infected and poison your relationship. Ask me how I know.”
Heather didn’t say anything to this; she knew that Ariana was right. All of the tension seeped out of her body at once, and she flopped back on the sofa, looking in the direction of the bedroom where Harrison had disappeared to.
“I really don’t think I can.” Heather’s eyes were downcast. “I’ve been trying to finish off my wedding dress, but it’s too painful to even look at, Ariana.”
Ariana gave her a hug and left not long after that, with a promise that she would see her again soon. She sent Heather a text shortly after she left, and they continued to text back and forth as Heather made herself dinner. Harrison didn’t come out of his room all evening.
It had been an emotional day, but it was nice to have Ariana back. Even when she was yelling at Ariana for daring to give her some home truths, having her back in her life was a relief for Heather. How cruel it was that she got Ariana back just as she was sure that she was losing Harrison.
~JANUARY~
NEW CRUISE CONTROL SINGLE GOES OFF!
We are not the only ones rocking out to Cruise Control’s new single, ‘Rules to Break’! The band dropped the song over the weekend, and the video quickly became the most viewed new video of all time on YouTube with more than 100 million views within 24 hours of it going live.
Rumor has it that the video was only recorded last month, and is it just us, or does there seem to have been tension between Harrison Fletcher and Sebastian Fox on the set? The band released a behind the scenes ‘making of’ video which we loved, but Harrison and Sebastian definitely seemed frosty with one another.
There has still been no official word on whether or not Harrison’s May wedding to his fiancée, Heather York, is still on or not. The lead-up to their wedding has been rife with rumors of Heather cheating and proof that Harrison definitely did. We don’t know what to believe anymore. I guess we’ll see what happens come May…
Chapter 17
DEATH BY A THOUSAND CUTS
HEATHER WAS SITTING IN the comfy armchair at a late-night show in New York. It was Friday night, and she was being interviewed about Serenity’s official release in department stores. Somehow, despite the insanity of the last two months, Heather had managed to keep everything on track with her business. This was something of a miracle, given that there were times that she didn’t care if everything fell in a hole. Without her amazing staff, it wouldn’t have been successful. Heather no longer really cared about anything but went through the motions for something to do.
“How are things with you and Harrison?” the host asked her with a cheeky smile near the end of their interview, and Heather wanted to slap him, this had been on the list of ‘do not ask’ questions that her PR firm had given them.
She bit her tongue, wanting desperately to answer with ‘absolutely fucking brilliant, remember that time he fucked another woman? Wasn’t that fun!’ It would make for a great headline tomorrow if she did.
“Great,” she smiled widely, hating the lie.
“Is the wedding still on for May?” he pressed her.
“Sure is,” as if she’d tell him if it wasn’t, “unless you know something I don’t know?”
“Well, we all know what happened…” he trailed off and had the grace to look embarrassed.
“Do we? Why don’t you fill me in on the finer details?” She smiled at him, put her elbows on his desk, and rested her chin in her hands, apparently waiting for an answer, and the audience all laughed.
“Okay, I see your point,” he laughed as well, and she sat back in her chair, “but I had to ask,” he shrugged.
“Well, I’m not running away with Sebastian, if that’s what you were wondering,” she smirked at him.
“Are you sure? We all saw Saturday Night Live.” He raised an eyebrow.
“Ah, yes, a well-known source of truth if ever I came across one,” she quipped, and the audience laughed again.
“Well, all the best for the wedding. Heather York’s clothing line, Serenity, is available in all major department stores from Monday. Heather York, everybody!”
The audience applauded, Heather shook his hand and left the set. Hayden and Ally met her backstage, with grinning faces.
“Way to put him in his place, bitch,” Ally laughed.
“Thanks, he was out of fucking line. Cooper will be pissed. They weren’t supposed to ask about Harrison.”
“I like the way he waited until the end of the interview, so if you stormed off, he’d still filled out the slot,” Hayden rolled his eyes.
“Classic move. Okay, let’s get the fuck out of here and go dancing,” Heather grinned.
Callum escorted them all out of the building along with Hayden’s bodyguard, Jesse Howell. The got into a waiting limousine, and it headed to a trendy nightclub in Chelsea. On the way, Heather got a text from Sebastian.
You looked good tonight, lover. You won’t reconsider running away with me?
She laughed and told Ally and Hayden about the message.
“You guys still joke around like that?” Ally asked her, “Even with everything that’s going on between you and Harrison?”
“Yeah, why would the shit with Harrison make a difference?” Heather asked.
“Well, I mean…” Ally trailed off and looked at Hayden.
“You mean, what?” Heather raised an eyebrow at her as she texted Sebastian back.
I was just saying that for the cameras. Of course I’ll run away with you.
“Your relationship with Sebastian is bordering on inappropriate at the best of times. I would’ve thought that Harrison would have a real problem with it, now that everything’s so shit with you two.”
Heather gave a hollow laugh, “Harrison fucked somebody else. He literally wouldn’t dare step to me about my friendship with Sebastian. Besides, I’ve told you, it doesn’t mean anything. Right, Hayden?” Hayden nodded his confirmation, “We’re just taking the piss.”
“What the hell does that mean?” Ally looked confused.
Hayden laughed, “Kip Soundly taught it to us when we were first in Australia, it means they’re just joking.”
Heather laughed, remembering their very drunken night with the Australian pop star when Cruise Control was over there for the Australian version of the Grammys.
“My point is,” Heather said, “you’ve seen us in person; surely you can see that there’s nothing there?”
“What I’ve seen is you two saying wildly inappropriate things to one another that nobody ever calls you out on, it’s completely bizarre to watch, to be honest,” Ally shrugged.
Heather smirked at her, “Jus
t wait until the next time you’re around us. I’ll show you how ‘wildly inappropriate,’ I can get!”
Ally laughed, “Oh god, what have I done?”
“You’re going to regret this, Ally!” Hayden laughed, as well.
The limousine pulled up outside the club. They entered amidst camera flashes and questions from reporters. They all went to the bar and got drinks before hitting the dance floor. It was a great night; Heather hadn’t realized how tense her life in Chicago had gotten until she was here in New York and able to let loose.
She realized, with sadness, as she was lying alone in her hotel room later that evening, that it was the first time in her life that she’d been glad to be away from Harrison. When she was at home with him, now, it was tense and awkward. They still weren’t making any progress in their therapy sessions. Brendan kept trying to guide her to the path of forgiveness, but she couldn’t get there.
Heather had started seeing her own therapist separately. Her goal there was purely to stop the nightmares that she was still having daily, but she wasn’t having any more luck with Zoe than she was having in her joint sessions with Harrison and Brendan. She’d managed to cut down on the amount of time she spent actively dwelling on what had happened, but couldn’t control the things that her subconscious threw at her when she slept.
It made her resentful and, most of all, tired. When she woke in the middle of the night from these nightmares, she struggled to get back to sleep. The nightmares frequently removed the being drugged aspect of Harrison cheating, and she was subjected to dreams about him and Maddy in pure, sober lust with each other.
It was the times that she woke from these dreams, that she would fall back into the nasty habit of looking at the pictures and stories online again. She ached to have Harrison in bed with her and had considered going to his room many nights, but she never did. Aside from a few brief hugs here and there, he hadn’t touched her since she’d been out at Galena with him for Hayden’s birthday, and she didn’t want him to, despite the all-consuming desire that she still felt for him, frequently.