Maya's Choice

by Earl Sewell

  “You hear me talking to you! Answer me!” my mother snapped.

  “No,” I quickly said before she decided to do something more drastic.

  “Then what were you thinking?”

  I honestly didn’t know what to tell her. But then, in the back of my mind I heard a little voice whisper to me, Tell her you’re in love.

  “I love him, Mom, and love makes you do crazy things.” I felt as if I’d given her a rock-solid answer that could not be challenged.

  “Love! Honey, you’re only sixteen and haven’t lived long enough to understand love. Love is what’s keeping me from putting a bullet between your eyes right now.

  “You’re in lust,” she concluded with a tone full of disappointment. My mother exhaled and combed her fingers through her hair. She then placed her hands on her hips.

  “Anna, leave. Go to your room. I’ll be up there soon.” Anna looked at me and rolled her eyes before leaving. My mother sat next to me and leaned back, resting her arm on the back of the chair.

  “Look at you. You think you have the world by the tail. You believe that you’ve got everything all figured out. I’ve always known at some point I’d have to deal with you and the adult decisions that you think you’re ready to make while you’re still just a child.” My mother got up and walked over to the refrigerator and opened it. She reached inside and pulled out a bottled water. She opened it up, took a sip and said, “You’ve planned out your entire life and you know exactly what is in store for you, right?” My mother awaited my response.

  “Yeah,” I boldly declared, because I knew for certain that I wanted to marry Misalo, have four children, live in a beautiful house and have the perfect life. “I want to be like you and Dad. Misalo will be the perfect father and husband.”

  “So, if I were to tell you that he’s only interested and fascinated with the diamond at the meeting of your thighs, you’d say—”

  I glanced down at my thighs trying to figure out what she meant, then I suddenly got it.

  “Misalo isn’t like that, Mom. He’s very special and nothing like boys were when you were young. He doesn’t want to have sex with every girl in town.”

  “If he’s that honorable, why doesn’t he come to the front door like a respectable young man, instead of having you creep around like some tramp?” My mother placed her right index finger up to her temple. She looked at me sternly as if she wasn’t going to believe a word I said and was clearly judging me and what her next move was going to be.

  “I am not a tramp. Misalo is going to marry me one day, probably as soon as we graduate,” I said, refusing to concede defeat to the battle of wits I was having with my mother.

  “Do you know that for sure? Are you absolutely convinced that at the age of eighteen with his entire life ahead of him, he’s going to trade in all of his freedom for a job, four children and a mountain of debt? The same question applies to you, Maya. Are you going to be willing to find a place to live, buy furniture, pay rent, get pregnant and sit at home all day with four babies who cry all of the time? Are you willing to stop shopping for the latest designer fashions that you love to wear and trade them in for clothes out of Walmart? Are you emotionally ready to deal with the possibility that he may grow tired of you and want his freedom back? Can you handle it if the fairy-tale love story you’ve concocted in your mind turns into a nightmare?”

  Admittedly, I had not considered any of the things my mother was bringing up. All I knew was that love conquered all, and Misalo could do no wrong and he’d never do anything to hurt me. “Misalo and I are soul mates. I’ve read articles that have said once you find your soul mate nothing can tear you apart.” My mother laughed and it really upset me. I was being serious and she thought I was joking.

  “Why won’t you give him a real chance? Why don’t you think I know how to make good decisions when it comes to my love life?” I knew I was really pressing my luck with that comment, but I just couldn’t allow my mother to have this victory.

  “Misalo seemed like a nice enough boy when he took you to prom, but his behavior lately doesn’t reflect well on him. He’s still just a boy, Maya. He is nowhere near being the successful man that he has the potential to be. Strapping him down with your fantasy of marriage and children at such a young age will only make him resent you.”

  “You’re wrong, Mom. Misalo wants the same things I do.” I raised my voice as I felt my emotions getting away from me. My mother was making sense, but I didn’t want to hear her words. Loving Misalo was my choice. I wanted to prove her wrong. I wanted to show her that I was right.

  My mother moved closer to me and met my gaze. “I’m your mother, and I know you better than you know yourself. You know that I’m right and you’re not going to win this argument.”

  “I am right!” I said with fire in my voice. I refused to break eye contact with her as I held my ground.

  My mother snappily replied, “You can’t hide those lying eyes of yours, Maya. You know you’re not right. You can lie to yourself your entire life, but honey, one thing you’ll never be able to do is lie to your mother.”

  I remained silent as a few tears surfaced and spilled over. Humiliated, I quickly smeared them away from both of my cheeks. My breathing became sporadic. I was trying to keep from having a total emotional breakdown in front of her.

  “I see that I’m going to have to save you from yourself.” My mother turned her back to me, walked over to the kitchen window and looked out of it. “Your father is home.”

  I turned and looked in the same direction. I saw my father pulling his car into the garage.

  “What do you think love is, Maya?”

  I thought about her question before I answered with a trembling voice. “Love is when two people can’t see living without each other. Love makes you miss them whenever they’re not around and love makes you think about the person all of the time.” I felt that I’d provided her with a reasonable and truthful answer.

  “You’re not in love. You’re infatuated.” It was clear she didn’t like the answer I gave.

  “Isn’t passion part of being in love?” I asked.

  “Yes, it is, but love is about so much more.” My mother paused in thought. “Do you want to become a teen mom and turn your father and me into grandparents?”

  “No,” I quickly responded.

  “But you want to have four children?” My mother threw my own words back at me.

  “Well, not right away,” I said.

  “Maya, do you realize all types of sexually transmitted diseases are out there that you can get? Some have a cure and others don’t.”

  “I know that, Mom, but it’s not like that.” By the pitch of her voice I could tell she was growing angrier.

  “Oh, really? Then what is it like, Maya? Please enlighten me. Explain to me why you’d purposely break the trust that your father and I have in you?”

  “I didn’t think about that, okay? I just wanted to see Misalo and spend time with him.” I admitted more than I had wanted to.

  Dad walked into the kitchen and heard every word I’d just said. Our eyes met and in his I could see a mixture of pain and disappointment. He didn’t have to say a single word to me; his eyes were speaking for him. I felt as if I’d wounded him in the gravest of ways. The tears I’d been desperately trying to contain swelled in my eyes. I felt as if he thought I was no longer his innocent baby girl.

  “Do you hear yourself, Maya? You were hanging out with this boy and came home with a broken leg!” my mother barked, then threaded her fingers through her hair. She looked at my father and said, “I’ve got this one. Anna is in her room. Please go talk to her.” Without getting involved in the conversation I was having with my mother, Dad left to go deal with Anna.

  “He didn’t break my leg. It was an accident. How many times do I have to explain that?” I raised my voice, suddenly feeling incredibly crappy. I didn’t want to hurt my dad. Somehow his pain transferred over to me and I felt his heartbreak. I tried to ho
ld on to the emotional swell, but I couldn’t. It was too powerful, like a tsunami. My head slumped and I burst into tears.

  My mother pulled out the chair next to me and sat down. “You listen to me and you listen good. I don’t want you near Misalo. You need to end your relationship with him, Maya.”

  “Are you serious?” I stood and walked over to the countertop and removed a few paper towel sheets to blow my nose. Once I’d cleaned myself up a little I sat back down.

  “I’m certainly not playing around.”

  “I don’t think I can do that,” I said, crying uncontrollably once again.

  “Sure you can. You just need a little time away from him. I think spending some time with your grandmother will help you get over him. Plus, now is the perfect time. She’ll love the idea of you coming to visit for a little while.”

  “Oh, God!” I groaned before burying my face in the palms of my hands. At that moment I would have preferred to run into a burning building than be trapped with my quirky grandmother.

  My mother walked over to the countertop where she’d placed her purse when she’d walked in. She opened it and searched for her cell phone. “I’m going to give your grandmother a call. You can go to your room now, and don’t come out unless I call for you.”

  I excused myself and ran upstairs to my bedroom. I walked past Anna’s room and saw her crying a bucket of tears, as well. Whatever our father said to her didn’t make her feel good at all. I wanted to slam my door shut, but knew that I’d only extend an invitation for my father to come in, so I didn’t.

  I thought I’d at least have a few days before my mother shipped me off for an extended stay with my grandmother, but I was wrong. As soon as my mother got off the phone with her, she came into my bedroom and told me to pack because I’d be leaving first thing in the morning.

  “What about Anna? Is she being forced to go, as well?” I asked, hoping to drag her along with me.

  “No. She is not going with you,” my mother said curtly. It wasn’t the answer I’d hoped for.

  “Well, I have to do some laundry. Can I come out of my room to do that?” I asked, surrendering to the fact that my mother had won.

  “Yes,” my mother answered as she shut my door. I wanted to scream, but knew that would only get me into deeper trouble. The sound of my phone buzzing on my bed caught my attention. I thought it was Misalo calling, and I couldn’t wait to share with him the horrible news of my departure. When I picked up the phone I noticed the incoming call was from Keysha.

  “Hello,” I answered tearfully.

  “What’s wrong with you? Why do you sound like you just took a pregnancy test that came back positive?” Keysha immediately picked up on the sorrow in my voice.

  “Ha, ha, very funny. I got busted today,” I answered.

  “For real?” Keysha asked.

  “Yeah, thanks to my sister.”

  “Anna? What did she do?”

  “She was born. That’s what she did.”

  “Okay, besides being born, how did she wreck your afternoon with Misalo?” Keysha asked. I laid it all out to her and she couldn’t believe how low-down my little sister was.

  “I’m sorry, but what Anna did was inexcusable. My brother, Mike, and I barely get along most of the time, but he’d never throw me under a bus the way your sister did you. Why is she like that?”

  “I think she was dropped on her head or something as a baby. That girl has mental issues.”

  “Why can’t your parents just ground you for a few days or something? Why go to the extreme of sending you to live with your grandmother?”

  “I don’t know. This was my mother’s grand idea,” I said, utterly exasperated.

  “So, what are you going to do now?” Keysha asked.

  “I really don’t have a choice in the matter,” I said glumly.

  “Well, where does your grandmother live? Maybe I can come visit you or something. Is your grandmother going to keep you under lock and key?”

  “She lives in Pilsen on the lower west side of Chicago. Not too far from the University of Chicago.”

  “Okay, I know where the University of Chicago is. I’d have to take a bus to the Metra train station and then take a train downtown to Roosevelt Road. Then I’d have to catch a bus over to the Pilsen area.”

  “Keysha, that sounds like a lot of traveling. Heck, by the time you reach me half of the day will be gone. Besides, my grandmother isn’t going to let me out of her sight. She thinks everyone in the world has gone crazy,” I grumbled.

  “There isn’t even a slight chance that we’ll get a chance to hang out?” Keysha was still hoping.

  “I don’t know. When I get there I’ll have to let you know. It’s been a while since I’ve spent some time with my grandmother, and I have a feeling that she’s going to want to spend every waking moment of the day with me.”

  “Wow, that sucks. Have you spoken to Misalo? Does he know what’s gone down?”

  “No, not yet.” I sighed loudly. “Oh, I almost forgot to mention that my mother and my father don’t want me to see Misalo anymore. They want me to break up with him.”

  “No way! Are you serious? Why?” Keysha seemed more upset about that one than I was.

  “They believe Misalo is bad news and blah, blah, blah. But I don’t care what they say. I’m still going to see him. There is no way I’m going to let my folks rip us apart.”

  “Wow, Maya. I never thought your parents would turn on you like that. I thought they liked Misalo.”

  “They did, but now they don’t,” I said, getting angry about it all over again.

  “So, how are you going to continue to see him?” Keysha asked.

  “I don’t know. I haven’t figured that one out yet, but I do know one thing—my parents can’t be with me all the time, so whenever I do see him again we’ll have to make the best use of our time,” I said, thinking about a way to slip away from my grandmother’s house to meet up with Misalo somewhere in the city.

  “Enough about my drama. Just thinking about what’s in store for me is giving me a headache. So, what’s up with you and that guy who came to the swimming pool? Did you get his number?” I asked, figuring that was one of the reasons for her phone call.

  “You’re talking about Cocky Carlo. Nah, there was no love connection there. He just moved into the neighborhood. He seems okay, but as far as the attraction thing goes, I just wasn’t feeling him. Besides, there was something about his eyes. He looked at me as if he was trying to hypnotize me or something. It was really strange. I felt as if I could see what he was thinking.”

  “And what was he thinking?” I asked.

  “About how to have sex with me,” Keysha answered.

  “I think you’re just being cautious because of all the stuff you went through with Wesley, Antonio and Jerry,” I said, playing the role of psychoanalyst.

  “I don’t know. The lack of my attraction to him may be something a little deeper,” Keysha said cautiously.

  “Wait a minute. Why did you say it like that? Something is up. Come on, spill it. What’s going on?” I asked.

  “Okay, I know this is going to sound crazier than a Lady Gaga outfit, but I sort of miss Wesley.”

  “Oh, Lord, Keysha that does sound crazy,” I said, over-exaggerating my words.

  “I know, but I can’t help it. I don’t know why my heart has decided to do a 180-degree turn on me.”

  “Have you been talking to him again?” I asked.

  “No comment,” Keysha said.

  “OMG! What have you guys been talking about? How could you keep this from me?” I asked, slightly upset.

  “It’s nothing, really. I’ve only spoken to him like three times. We were just talking about general stuff, but I liked having a conversation with him. He’s even started writing his poetry again and shared a few of them with me. They were really good poems. I suggested he submit them for prize money, or try to attend a poetry slam, or even get on that show called Brave New Voices.
Lord knows he’s been through enough to write a really good socially conscious spoken-word piece.”

  “Wesley sounds like he is the one who really makes you happy,” I said.

  “He’s just a friend, that’s all.” I knew she wasn’t ready to admit that she still had a thing for him, but I wasn’t about to push the issue.

  “Girl, let me call you back. My head is starting to kill me, and I still have to do laundry and pack,” I said, wanting to end the conversation.

  “Okay. Call me when you feel better,” Keysha said.

  “I will. I’m just a little depressed right now,” I admitted.

  “Well, if there is anything I can do, just let me know,” Keysha offered.

  “I will. TTYL,” I said before hanging up.

  nine

  VIVIANA

  I awoke to the sound of my mother and Martin having an argument. I didn’t know if they had come home late last night while I was asleep or first thing this morning. What I did know was that he sounded like a grizzly bear howling in the wilderness. From what I could gather, he was angry with her because some other guy in his motorcycle club had started flirting with her and she appeared to enjoy it. My mother was just as angry, speaking to him in rapid Spanglish, which is a mixture of Spanish and English languages. That was a sure sign that she was just as ticked off. As always, I felt a deep need to be my mother’s backup in case Martin decided to get physical with her. Reaching underneath my pillow, I grabbed the knife. I placed my bare feet on the cold floor and walked over to the door. Before I opened it, I pulled the drawstring tighter on my turquoise shorts that I’d slept in and knotted it. I stepped out into the hall and noticed their bedroom door was slightly ajar. Taking a deep breath, I approached the door, pushing it open a little farther, and saw that Martin had ahold of my mother by the wrists. He looked like a giant towering over her.

  “You belong to me. You need to remember that. If you even dream about being with another man you’ll regret it.” Martin shook my mother violently.