Black and White

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by Ludivig, K. R.


  After the concert, I dressed into a pair of jeans and a camisole with my white, Stella McCartney jacket that I loved ever since I got it. I left on the matching shoes to my dress, and ran to Chris’s house to tell him the most awful thing that could have happened to me.

  Chapter Twenty-one: Surprise

  I drove to Chris’s house to go talk to him about what I had been dreading the whole few weeks I had know about this.

  I had to convince myself, Chris’s mother and Chris himself that I didn’t want him to start a war. When I went to find him, he was gone.

  “Oh hey Katie,” she said. “Looking for Chris.”

  “Actually I am.”

  “Oh he and Marcus went to the Michael’s place to converse.” She explained. I knew they weren’t just going to talk to Zack. Zack’s buddy Mike went over to back him up if things got ugly.

  “And…?” I asked. She shrugged.

  “Cinnamon roll?” she offered me one.

  “You want to split one; I don’t think I could eat a whole one.” The cinnamon rolls were the size of my fists. Normally I’m not so distracted so easily but cinnamon rolls were good.

  “Sure,” she said, so as we shared about Chris’s and my sex life. “So of course you’re doing it,” she said. “He is way too happy a guy to not be getting any right?”

  “Sure,” I agreed, laughing, weird that I was talking to his mom about this. She just gave me one of those looks like ‘I really don’t believe you.’

  “Okay, okay. Yes we have had sex a couple of times.”

  “Prom night?”

  “Yes on prom night.” I nodded.

  “So were you prepared?” she asked.

  “Yes.” I said. “I’m on birth control and he had a condom. Now that I think about it, he had two. He told me to pick one.” I lied.

  “At least he was prepared.” She said. “And it was responsible of you to go on birth control too.”

  “Lynn there’s something I need to tell you.”

  “Okay it isn’t that bad is it?”

  “I think it’s bad.” I replied.

  “What is it Katie?” she asked if I was sick a few times. Did I have smallpox or Polio?

  “I’m pregnant.”

  She sat in shock a moment. “I knew this would happen. I knew it would. If Zack doesn’t kill him for not keeping his nose out of it, then I will.”

  “It was an accident. The condom broke. That’s why. We looked at it and I wasn’t worried about until I knew I had a good three month reading that explained that I was definitely pregnant.” I lied.

  “How long ago?”

  “Prom night.”I tilted my head down. “Lynn, come on. Seriously at least I graduate in two weeks. It could be worse.”

  “How are you pregnant if you’re on birth control and he had a condom?”

  “It just happens sometimes, especially with my luck.” I replied. That put Lynn and me on edge.

  When Chris and Marcus walked in two hours later, Marcus looked all to cautious, as if he knew what I was about to spill to Chris.

  “You know.” I said. He nodded.

  “Lynn!”

  “Don’t look at me.” She said. “He guessed. I just complied.”

  “Know what?” Chris asked.

  I planted my tail end on the couch and relaxed.

  “Katie what is it?”

  “I’m pregnant.” I said, as if it were nothing.

  “What?” He gave me that look like, “You better not be messing with me right now.”

  “I’m pregnant.”

  “Yeah I heard you.”

  “Then why did you make me say it again.”

  “Because I needed to hear it again.” For some reason to me that makes no sense.

  “Wow.”

  “Boy or a girl?” He asked.

  “I don’t know yet. It’s too early.”

  “Prom night.” He said giving me that look of despair.

  “Do you hate it?” I asked, trying to be angelic. I really wanted him to say yes.

  “No.” He said. “What are we gonna do?”

  “We aren’t doing anything,” I said, emphasizing “we”. “No offense to you but I really don’t want you to be in my kid’s life, because of the broken hearts you brought me.” I paused, for legit dramatic effect.

  “Hey wait, Katie, what about me? I want grand kids some day.” Lynn interjected.

  “I didn’t finish,” I replied. “But I guess I’m stuck with you now.”

  Chris smiled in that, “I got what I wanted in a bad way” way. I just shrugged.

  Chapter Twenty-Two: Next September

  FUCK THIS SHIT! I thought. My parents didn’t even know I was pregnant. I wasn’t exactly mad at Ben for this job but I really at six months pregnant was not supposed to be doing this job.

  The reason I left Michigan as soon as I got my letter from Juilliard was one: they didn’t accept me; two: my parents wanted me to baby sit their house while they were somewhere in California without me. At least I think they were going to Cali. I wasn’t sure. So what did I do instead of watching their house? I left. I couldn’t stand to be there anymore.

  I emptied my college fund into my checking account. My $60,000 savings fund for Juilliard. Too bad I didn’t get accepted. Why did my mom and dad even ask me why I was going to Miami? Because I was actually good at something there, that’s why! I mean I did go down for an entire summer and work on cars and stuff. When I was there I learned all I could about engines and stuff. I was ready to try something different.

  I grabbed my French horn, my clarinet and all of my baggage and hit the road. Hell, who knows? I might use them someday.

  I had filled both of my Coach suitcases. I had the precious blanket I treasured so much, my grandmother’s pillowcase. I claimed the pillows off my bed also.

  Honestly when I thought about it, I was giving up. I really wasn’t the type of person to give up, but I needed something new in life. I needed to start over, I needed to learn from life or something. Being pregnant, I had to. I was going to Miami to have this baby, to get a job, to go to school for mechanics or something. I had nothing in Detroit for me. I had no job, no friends and no family that really wanted me here. I had Ella for a friend but she was going to be a sophomore, she needed to graduate high school first. There were too many memories of Chris, the shit I went through with him and Zack, the parties, the drinking, and death.

  I guess Marcus’s funeral was a week ago. He was the only friend I had besides Ella left after Chris pissed all of them off. It was a confusing situation but I was done with the bullshit. I was just done arguing with his stupid ass.

  So, I put all of my stuff in my Bentley and left.

  In my all black Gucci heals and Armani top, I pulled into Ben’s driveway.

  I’ll admit that my seatbelt was a lot easier to undo than do. Yesterday was damn near impossible. The baby bump felt bigger today. At least I could still put jeans on. In three months when I was six and a half months pregnant, I’d be wearing sweatpants and overalls.

  Holy shit was it hot in Miami. It was fricken September! Ben had me running parts all over the damn city in his old beat up Chevy pickup. I walked up to the garage, whipping grease off my fingers.

  “Katie come here!” I heard Ben call me.

  “What do you need?” I asked him. I still had ten NO2 tanks to deliver and it was really hot outside in this jumpsuit. Granted I was thankful because at least something fit me, I looked like a beached whale.

  “I gotta show you something.”

  “I have the NO2 tanks yet. I just came back to pee.”

  In living with my brother, who’s twenty-four, I had lost some of that rich girl edge.

  “Alright, do what you got and come straight back.”

  “Alright.” I wasn’t going to argue with that. I hated doing the running. It was almost five and I was dehydrated. Although, I wasn’t going to complain. Ben gave me a job, a home, a family. It wasn’t my dream but I had miss
ed my brother over the last few years I’d been in high school.

  Jerica, Ben’s soon to be wife, was having a baby too. I think she was having a girl. Honestly, I didn’t care what I was having. I was seriously ready to have this baby. Chris was ready for me to have it too. He hated to hear about how painful it was to grow so fast in nine months. I wasn’t due for three more which sucked! I know his mom wanted me to have the baby and she wanted to be a part of its life. So if I didn’t include Chris, she’d press charges because she wanted to see her grandson or daughter.

  The only downside to this place was that I was ‘Ben’s baby sister’ so no one was allowed to talk to me. Well they were but no one really wanted to because I had this huge pregnant belly, which the doctor said was healthy.

  I hurried back to the truck, attempted the seatbelt and put it in gear. I knew Ben and the guys would be outside so I just left it on in the driveway. On my way to my destination, I thought of Chris. I wondered what he was doing with his life right at this moment. Only because I asked him to he was going to send me child support. I figured he was doing what I would be doing after my kid was born, driving cars. I remembered prom night and the few weeks proceeding I enjoyed the freedom I had without the knowledge of growing another human being. Then I found out I was pregnant. It wasn’t all bad. I’d learn responsibility pretty quickly and the value of a dollar.

  My mom said it served me right for sleeping around. Too bad she’s wrong, AGAIN, like she always is. Which serves her right in return because now she has two grandchildren she’ll never see.

  I hurried to the garage I was taking the parts to. I was tired and thirsty.

  “Hey Katie!” said Al. Al was a friend of Ben’s. Her real name was Aleksys Stone.

  “Hey Al.”

  “Wow, you’re getting big.”

  “I got that. Thanks.” I said.

  “What do you have for me?”

  “Ten NO2 tanks,” I replied, resenting the big comment.

  “I’ll get the guys to unload them.” She was only gone a minute.

  “Thanks,” I said once she returned.

  “Sit down a minute,” she led me to the waiting area. “You look in pain.”

  “A bit,” I replied. “Let’s just say I’m ready to have the kid.”

  “Do you know what it is yet?”

  “I thought it would be pertinent to wait until it’s born. There’s so much technology now that you can find something out by just looking at a picture. There’s not that many surprises left in life. Finding out the sex of the baby was one way back when. I thought I’d keep the tradition.”

  “True,” she said. “I’m glad you’re kinda old fashioned. There’s not that many people that would want to wait until the baby is born. Do you have names yet?”

  “Kairi Lynn for a girl. Christopher David for a boy.”

  “Cute,” She said. We sat in silence not knowing what else to say. When the guys came back in she excused herself. “I’ll see ya for supper at seven.”

  “OK.” I was tired and didn’t want to walk back to the truck. I just wanted to pass out in this chair.

  “Thanks guys.”

  “When you gonna have that baby?” said one of them.

  “Not soon enough.”

  “Later Katie.”

  I drove home and met Ben in the doorway at the bottom of the stairs.

  “Hey,” He said.

  “Hey, I replied.

  “Let’s go see your surprise.” I agreed and hobbled up the steps after him.

  After we got to the top of the stairs we turned right and into the spare room. It was painted a blue and yellow. Jerica knew she was having a girl. I hoped to have a boy. Boys were easy. No drama. Two cribs in the middle of the nursery, which I assumed Ben made. Two rocking chairs and a bookshelf were on the south wall behind the chair to my left. A toy box on the wall to my right.

  “Aww… Ben.” I hugged him. “Thank you. It’s sweet.”

  “Thanks Katie.” He said. “Go clean up and take a nap before supper.”

  “Thanks.” I showered after that, put a pair of Ben’s shorts on and drank a big glass of water. I took to the bed in my room and passed out.

  Ben came up to get me at seven when they had the table set. I got up to go to the bathroom. As soon as I sat down, my water broke.

  “Ben!” I screamed my brother’s name.

  “Katie what’s wrong?” he came running up the stairs into the bathroom.

  I looked at him with panic in my eyes. “My water just broke.”

  “Oh my god.” He said. “Andy! Start the car!”

  “Why, what’s up?”

  “We gotta go to the hospital.” Ben looked frozen.

  “It hurts Ben.”

  “Oh my god you’re having contractions!”

  “What?!” screamed Jerica downstairs.

  “Just go I’m coming.” I said. “And call Chris. Get him here now!”

  Twelve hours after Katie told me she was in labor, I was walking into the Mercy Hospital in Miami, Florida. I literally could hear her from the emergency room entrance way and now I was entering the room she resided in. I wished I had ear plugs.

  “Ahh!” she screamed, probably writhing in pain. My mom came in right behind me. “Look at what you did to me.” Obviously she’d seen me. Katie had found me in the room without even taking a breath.

  “Katie.” I went to the nearest side of the bed. “I’m here.”

  “UGH!” she was screaming at me. Cursing even.

  “Here comes another contraction Katie.”

  “Try pushing again.” Said the woman I assumed was the midwife and the doctor. Yes I knew what a midwife was. Katie was having a baby, I needed to know the lingo.

  “Again?” I asked.

  “I’ve been in labor since I called you, you idiot!” She lectured.

  “She can’t push hard enough to dilate herself.”

  “Ready? One… Two… Three…”

  She screamed again, pushing as hard as she could, squeezing the life out of my hand.

  “I can see the head. One more and we should have birth.”

  “Oh my god.” She said, out of breath.

  I kissed her sweaty cheek. She glared at me when I pulled away.

  “Sorry.”

  “UGH!”

  “Alright. Katie one more.”

  She took a deep breath and began to push, screaming the whole way.

  “Wow.” My mom replied. “That’s… Wow.” My mom was standing between the doctor and the midwife.

  “Thanks Lynn.” Katie replied. “I need you to say ‘wow’ right now.”

  “It’s a girl,” replied the midwife.

  Katie sighed, the pain obviously gone. “Sew her up,” said the midwife. “You’re Dad, I assume.” She asked me.

  I nodded scared. “Would you like to cut the umbilical cord?”

  “S-sure.” I stuttered. A baby girl? Katie was drinking some water. The midwife was wiping off the baby, putting a diaper on her and handing her to Katie.

  “Wow.” She said, crying.

  I cut the cord and sat down next to Katie afterwards.

  “Do you have a name?” the doctor asked.

  “Kairi Lynn Black.” Katie said.

  I gazed at her. “Can I hold her?” She handed the baby to me.

  “I’m a grandma.” Said Mom.

  “Wow.” I said.

  “We’ll hook you up to the machines and wait for you to clot out,” Said the doctor.

  “Alright.”

  “It usually takes up to a half hour.”

  “Thanks Doc.” Katie said. They hooked Katie up and we waited. Time went by slowly. She held the baby and let Kairi sleep in the bed. An hour later we were still waiting for Katie to clot out, whatever that meant.

  Ben walked in. “Hey, Katie I heard you had it.”

  “What’d you have?” Jerica asked.

  “A girl.” Katie replied. “Kairi Lynn.”

  “This must be Chr
is.” Said Ben to me. “Hey.” He stuck his hand out for me to shake.

  “I’m tired.” Katie said.

  “You can’t fall asleep.” Said the doctor, who’s name I never bothered to learn.

  “Why?”

  “You might not wake up.”

  “UGH.” She said, leaning her head back on the pillow.

  There was a lot of blood in the machine.

  “Is there anything you can do?”

  “We can take your uterus out.” He said. “But we’d have to send you to surgery right now.”

  Katie frowned. “I don’t want that.”

  “Katie, you could die.” I said, concerned.

  Katie sighed. She just gazed down at our miracle.

  “Alright we gotta take the baby to the NICU.” Said the nurse.

  “Why?” Katie asked.

  “She’s premature.” She said. “Kairi isn’t big enough to sustain herself.”

  “OK.” Katie kissed her.

  That was the last time Kairi would ever see her mother.

  Epilogue: 2026

  When I’m dreaming, I can see everything, including my dead mother. Well she’s who I assume is my dead mother. She looks the same as in the pictures Grandma Lynn and Dad have of her. Her hair is long dark and brown in the dress with her French horn. She was beautiful. Dad said she had eyes the color of the ocean, a dark blue and sea green and her smile was so pretty he’d melt every time she’d smile.

  He also said I’m just like her. Dad said that I’m stubborn and pigheaded like she was. At sixteen, what can I say to that? No, I’m not? I know I’m stubborn, challenging, ignorant and a milestone away from being eighteen and in college. Dad says to not wish your life away because that’s like wishing your parents’ lives away. Well Dad, Mom’s dead. Too bad you can’t have your dreams given to you. Even I knew that. Instead of saying that, I just laugh at him every time.

  I’ve recently realized that if I wish my life away, I’ll only just want to be eighteen, then twenty-one, then twenty-five. After that what is there to look forward to? Not much aside from marriage, kids, grandkids and getting old. I couldn’t imagine myself at Dad’s age but I don’t think he imagined himself at his age either when he was my age. I realized at sixteen you get your driver’s license; at seventeen you can see R-rated movies without parental supervision; at eighteen you can buy all the cigarettes you want (ew), porn and other fun novelties you want including scratch off tickets and gambling g. At twenty-one, you’re legally old enough to drink. What’s left after twenty-one to look forward to? When you’re twenty-five you’re old so car insurance drops a bundle. That’s about it.

 

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