“Kairi!” Dad calls me.
“What?” I shouted down the hall after him.
“Get dressed, we have to go!” It sucked having to go to my grandparents’ house every year on my birthday. Yes they were rich, had an indoor pool and pool house, and gave me money whenever I asked for it. I had to sleep in Mom’s bed while Dad went out and got drunk and cried himself to sleep every year because Mom wasn’t around anymore.
I pulled the blanket off my bed. It was blue with dolphins on it. It was fuzzy and warm, old but warm and I carried it with me everywhere. Uncle Ben, Mom’s brother, gave it to me. I’ve had it since age ten, when Ben came for my golden birthday.
“Dad, how old are you?” I asked him as I came down the stairs with my duffel bag, pillows and blanket. The pillow case on the pillow was also Mom’s.
“Did you forget?” He questioned.
“No.” I said. “I was just wondering if you remembered.”
“Haha very funny.” He said. “Out to the car you go.”
I liked to joke with him. Seriously, it was my only entertainment. “Why can’t I stay home with you and Grandma Lynn? Just this once Dad?”
“No, Grandma and Grandpa White want to see you.”
“Ugh!” I said.
Dad was always gone. He’s Army. He’s been deployed to Iraq six times and Afghanistan three since I was born. He’s always home around my birthday so he can do this shit. His next deployment is two years long, traveling the globe. He doesn’t even know what Detroit looks like anymore.
“Why do you always leave?” I asked. I was old enough to understand that he did it for the money to support me but he didn’t need to. I could get a job or something. I just wanted him to stay home.
When he was gone, I’d walk up to my room and crawl out my window and look at the stars and feel Mom shining down on me. She was my guardian angel I swear she was. I knew she’d always be there when I needed her, even if she wasn’t here physically. I had thought a lot about what Mom did as a kid. The kinds of stuff she liked to do at my age, like I don’t know, kick the can or something. Was Mom that old? Or did Dad say that was Grandma’s time era? I couldn’t remember.
“Aren’t you happy being with me Dad?” I resented him being gone all the time because I had no idea who my father really was. He was a great Dad but since he wasn’t around I only saw who he was when he had Lauren or Kate over. They were Dad’s girlfriends. Past and present. Awesome was all I could think when they were here, a very sarcastic and sly awesome. I hated it because that just meant he spent less time with me. Okay I understand that a man needs some lovin’ but that many times in a week? Really?
I did some research on teenagers because a lot of my friends at school are like, “I hate my parents!” “They suck!” or are just plain rude. Statistics show that most teenagers withdraw from their parents by age thirteen. The problem with me was that I didn’t have a parent to withdraw from since my only parent was always gone.
Dad then broke my thoughts and got me and my stuff into the car. The very precious Dodge Stratus RT that he said he’d never let Mom drive even if she came back from the dead and that was the only thing she wanted. I laughed when dad told me that. It was the one time I remember Dad laughing about Mom being gone. I didn’t have a lot of those moments with him. I remembered when Dad took me horseback riding on Grandpa’s ranch the first time he came home. I loved it more than anything.
“Grandma and Grandpa have a very expensive surprise for you.” He said in the dead silence and purr of the ancient engine. “I think you might be mature enough to handle it.”
“What is it?” I asked curiously.
“A car.”
“A CAR?!” I squeaked with excitement. “I mean, that’s cool I guess.”
Dad laughed. I loved to see that smile on his face. It only happened once in a great while and I took advantage of it every time I could.
“It’s very expensive and if you crash it you’ll never get another one because I can’t afford it.” He said. I was trying so hard to hold back the excitement. It was so exciting.
“Kairi,” I could see my hair fall out the window, blowing in the breeze in the mirror of my Dad’s car. He drove a 2005 Stratus RT, a V8 engine. He thought it was so cool but kids at school had cooler cars than that. Or hip or sweet, or whatever they said in 1964. I actually can’t say that because Grandma Lynn wasn’t born then. Dad was born in 1990, which is way too far back for me to imagine. I can’t imagine being born in the sixties! Dad said his grandparents were born in the forties. The forties! Grandpa White said that his grandmother was born in 1917. She lived to be a 106. I was ten at her funeral. She was my great-great grandmother. Anyways, thanks Dad to the short attention span.
When Dad pulled up in the drive, Grandma and Grandpa’s Mercedes and Roles Royce were sitting outside. I got out of the car and grabbed my stuff from the trunk. Walking up to my grandparents house was always intimidating. It made me think, if Mom were alive we’d be rich. Then I thought about how rich we’d actually be because Mom would be an amazing musician along with me. I wondered what Mom would have been.
I hoped for a Mustang or a Camaro, something sporty and cool looking, something that would top all of the pieces of junk sitting in the lot at school. I rang the doorbell.
“Hi Kairi!”
“Grandma!” I said. I dropped my stuff on the step and gave her a hug, forgetting about the blanket. “What’s for supper?” Until this point, I had forgotten I was hungry, when I smelled the food inside the house. She picked up my stuff and sat it inside the door and stepped out after our hug.
“How has your birthday been so far?” she asked.
“Good.” I said like always.
“What did you get?”
“A gift card to the bookstore down the street and a card with fifty bucks in it.”
“Okay. Great.” I could tell so clearly that she was pretending. “What about boys? Do you have a boyfriend?” Dad came up behind me.
“No.” I said. “Just focusing on school.” I replied.
“Okay so we have something for you Kairi.” Grandma said. “Follow me.”
She opened the garage behind the house. The car was covered in a sheet and like in the movies, Grandpa uncovered the car, appearing from nowhere. Before me sat, in mint condition, a Premier Limited Edition 4509 Bentley Continental GT Coupe.
“It looks just washed.”
“She doesn’t miss a thing, does she?” Grandpa asked.
“Nope,” said Dad. “She’s got an eye for perfection.”
I walked carefully up to the side of the car to peer into the windshield. “Detailed too?” I asked.
“Yep,” Grandpa voiced again.
“Daddy can I drive it?”
“Sure,” He said.
Grandpa handed me the keys and I raced over to the drivers’ side door and unlocked the door. As I got into it, I took a deep breath of the interior. It smelled of detail wax and like it had been sitting in a garage for most of its life, but there was another smell too. Something sweeter.
“Dad,” I said rolling down the window only a smidge careful to not let the smell out. It was only vague but maybe Dad could detect it.
“Yeah?” he asked leaning towards the window.
“Come in here and sit.” I said unlocking the door.
“What’s this smell?” she asked.
“Detail wax.”
“No, the other one.”
“Kairi, it’s been sitting in a garage for sixteen years.”
“No Dad it’s the girlie one.” I demanded an answer.
While waiting for an answer, I saw my father lean back, kiss the air and see one tiny tear stream down his face.
“Katie,” His voice squeaked.
“Mom,” I almost didn’t have a voice.
“It was her perfume.” His eyes began to water, heavily.
“I’m sorry Daddy. Did I kill Mom?” My eyes were watering too.
“No Baby Girl,
you didn’t kill her. She killed herself.”
I was horrified. “Mom killed herself? Why didn’t you tell me?” I was crying by now.
“She refused to have a hysterectomy. She bled out while you were in NICU. She bled out cold and just passed, Kairi. It wasn’t your fault that she signed a DNR order.” He looked at me differently just now. “You look so like your mother right now.”
“Mom.” I closed my eyes and hugged the steering wheel.
“Mom,” she said, hugging the steering wheel. I realized this was the closest she and I would ever be to Katie ever again. I wondered if she cried at night because she didn’t know what to do because she didn’t have a mom. I wish Katie were here. I really did right at this moment. I wanted her to be in my arms and to hold me. I got up and out of the car and ran to the street. I sat on the curb, put my head in my hands and ran them through the little hair that I had.
Tears streamed down my face and Katie’s face came to mind. For a minute I thought I was hallucinating because she was so clearly in front of my face and then I realized it was my daughter.
“Daddy.” She said crying.
She bent down to hug me still smelling of the car, then sat on the curb next to me. The grass was cold.
“I love you Kairi.”
“I love you too Dad.” She said. We both lay, looking up at the stars. Somewhere I could see her face and I knew she’d always be watching.
Acknowledgements
First, acknowledgements go to my editor: Mr. Dale Neuschwander. It was you who told me about CreateSpace and led me to the next publishing aspect of my life. Another grand achievement could not have been done without you. Next to Christopher, to whom this book without your support could not be possible. And to my husband Logan, for your love and belief in me that kept me going no matter what the world threw at me.
I want to thank all of you and give you one of the greatest gifts I can give. Thank you for your tolerance and thank you for your support.
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