A Stranger in a Strange Land

by Robert Anson Heinlein

  "I know damn' well you have. But you will never again in your life crawl in with one who is not your water brother."

  "Hmm."

  "You'll see. Let's cheek it a year from now and you tell me. Now Mike may decide that someone is ready to share water before that person reaches even Seventh Circle. One couple we've got in the Nest, Mike picked, and offered them Water, when they had just entered Third Circle and now he's a priest and she's a priestess� Sam and Ruth."

  "Haven't met 'em."

  "You will. Tonight at the latest. But Mike is the only one who can be certain, that soon. Very occasionally Dawn, and sometimes Patty, will spot somebody for special promotion and special training� but never as far down as Third Circle and I'm pretty sure that they always consult Mike before going ahead. Not that they are required to. Anyhow, into the Eighth Circle� and sharing and growing closer starts. Then, sooner or later, into Ninth Circle, and the Nest itself - and that's the service we mean when we say 'Sharing Water' even though we share water all day long. The whole Nest attends and the new brothers - usually it's a couple - becomes forever part of the Nest. In your case you already are� but we've never held the service for you, so everything else is being pushed aside tonight while we welcome you. They did the same for me." Duke got a faraway look. "Ben, it's the most wonderful feeling in the world"

  "But I still don't know what it is, Duke."

  "Uh�it's a lot of things. Ever been on a real luau of a party, the kind the cops raid and usually ends up in a divorce or two?"

  "Well� yes."

  "Up to now, brother, you've only been on Sunday School picnics. That's one aspect of it. Have you ever been married?"

  "No."

  "You are married. You just don't know it yet. After tonight there will never again be any doubt in your mind about it." Duke again looked faraway, happily pensive. "Ben, I was married before� and for a short time it was pretty nice and then it was steady hell on wheels. This time I like it, all the time. Shucks, I love it! And look, Ben, I don't mean just that it's fun to be shacked up with a bunch of bouncy babes. I love them - all my brothers, both sexes. Take Patty - and you will! - Patty mothers all of us� and I don't think anybody, man or woman, gets over needing that, even if they think they've outgrown it. Patty� well, Patty is just swell! She reminds me of Jubal� and that old bastard had better get down here and get the word! My point is that it is not just that Patty is female. Oh, I'm not running down tail-"

  "Who is running down tail?" The voice, a rich contralto, came from behind them.

  Duke swung around. "Not me, you limber Levantine whore! Come here, babe, and kiss your brother Ben."

  "Never charged for it in my life," the woman denied as she glided toward them. "Started giving it away before anybody told me." She kissed Ben carefully and thoroughly. "Thou art God, brother."

  "Thou art God. Share water."

  "Never thirst. And don't ever pay any mind to what Duke says - from the way he behaves he must have been a bottle baby." She leaned over Duke and kissed him even more lingeringly while he patted her ample fundament. Ben noted that she was short, plump, brunette almost to swarthiness, and had a mane of heavy blue-black hair almost to her waist "Duke, did you see anything of a Ladies' Home Journal when you got up?" She reached past his shoulder, took his fork and started eating his scrambled eggs. "Mmm� good. You didn't cook these, Duke."

  "Ben did. What in the world would I want with a Ladies' Home Journal?"

  "Ben, stir up a couple of dozen more exactly the same way and I'll scramble 'em in relays. There was an article in it I wanted to show Patty, dear."

  "Okay," agreed Ben and got up to do it.

  "Don't you two get any ideas about redecorating this dump or I'm moving out. And leave some of those eggs for me! You think us men can do our work on mush?"

  "Tut, tut, Dukie darling. Water divided is water multiplied. As I was saying, Ben, Duke's complaints never mean anything - as long as he has enough women for two men and enough food for three, he's a perfect little lamb." She shoved one forkful into Duke's mouth, went on eating the rest herself. "So quit making faces, brother; I'm about to cook you a second breakfast. Or will this be your third?"

  "Not even the first, yet. You ate it. Ruth, I was telling Ben how you and Sam pole-vaulted from Third to Ninth. I think he's uneasy about whether he belongs in the Sharing-Water tonight."

  She pursued the last bite on Duke's plate, then moved over and started preparations to cook. "Duke, you run along and I'll send you out something other than mush. Take your coffee cup and skedaddle. Ben, I was worried, too, when my time came - but don't you be worried, dear, because Michael does not make mistakes. You belong here or you wouldn't be here. You're going to stay?"

  "Uh, I can't. Ready for the first installment?"

  "Pour them in. Then you'll be back. And someday you'll stay. Duke is correct - Sam and I pole-vaulted� and it was almost too fast for a middle-aged, prim and proper housewife."

  "Middle-aged?"

  "Ben, one of the bonuses about the discipline is that as it straightens out your soul, your body straightens out, too. That's a matter in which the Christian Scientists are precisely right. Notice any medicine bottles in any of the bathrooms?"

  "Uh, no."

  "There aren't any. How many people have kissed you?"

  "Several, at least."

  "As a priestess I kiss a lot more than 'several,' believe me. But there's never so much as a sniffle in the Nest. I used to be the sort of whiny woman who is never quite well and given to 'female complaints.'" She smiled. "Now I'm more female than ever but I'm twenty pounds lighter and years younger and have nothing to complain about - I like being female. As Duke flattered me, 'a Levantine whore' and unquestionably much more limber than I was - I always sit in the lotus position when I'm teaching a class, whereas it used to be all I could do just to squat down and straighten up again� hot flashes and dizziness.

  "But it did happen fast," Ruth went on. "Sam was a professor of Oriental languages at the University here - the city U., that is. Sam started coming to the Temple because it was a way, the only way, to learn the Martian language. Strictly professional motivation, he wasn't interested in it as a church. And I went along to keep an eye on him� I had heard rumors and I was a jealous wife, even more possessive than the average.

  "So we worked up to the Third Circle, Sam learning the language rapidly, of course, and myself grimly hanging on and studying hard because I didn't want to let him out of my sight. Then boom! the miracle happened. We suddenly began to think in it, just a little� and Michael felt it and had us stay after service, a Third Circle service, one night and Michael and Gillian gave us water. Afterwards, I knew that I was all the things I had despised in other women and I knew that I should despise my husband for letting me do it and hate him for what he had done himself. All this in English, with the wont parts in Hebrew. So I wept all day and moaned and made myself a stinking nuisance to Sam� and couldn't wait to get back to share more water and grow closer again that night.

  "After that things were steadily easier but not easy, as we were pushed through all the inner circles just as rapidly as we could take it; Michael knew that we needed help and wanted to get us into the safety and peace of the Nest. So when it came time for our Sharing-Water, I was still unable to discipline myself without constant help. I knew that I wanted to be received into the Nest - once you start, there's no turning back - but I wasn't sure I could merge myself with seven other people. I was scared silly; on the way over I almost begged Sam to turn around and go home."

  She stopped talking and looked up, unsmiling but beatific, a plump angle with a big stirring spoon in one hand. "Then we walked into the Innermost Temple and a spotlight hit me and our robes were whisked away� and they were all in the pool and calling out to us in Martian to come, come and share the water of life - and I stumbled into that pool and submerged and I haven't come up since!

  "Nor ever want to. Don't fret, Ben, you'l
l learn the language and acquire the discipline and you'll have loving help from all of us every step of the way. You stop worrying and jump in that pool tonight; I'll have my arms out to catch you. All of us will have our arms out, welcoming you home. Now take this plate in to Duke and tell him I said he was a pig but a charming one. And take this one in for yourself - oh, of course you can eat that much! - give me a kiss and run along; Ruthie has work to do."

  Ben delivered the kiss and the message and the plate, then found that he did have some appetite left� but nevertheless did not concentrate on food as he found Jill stretched out, apparently asleep, on one of the wide, soft couches. He sat down opposite her, enjoying the sweet sight of her and thinking that Dawn and Jill were even more alike than he had realized the night before.

  He looked up from a bite and saw that her eyes were open and she was smiling at him. "Thou art God, darling - and that smells good."

  "And you look good. But I didn't mean to wake you." He got up and sat by her, put a bite in her mouth. "My own cooking, with Ruth's help."

  "I know. And good, too. Duke told me to stay out of the kitchen because Ruthie was giving you a good-for-your-soul lecture. You didn't wake me; I was just lazing until you came out. I haven't been asleep all night."

  "Not at all?"

  "Not a wink. But I'm not tired, I feel grand. Just hungry. That's a hint." So he fed her. She let him do so, never stirring, not using her own hands. "But did you get any sleep?" she asked presently.

  "Uh, some."

  "Enough? No, you got enough. But how much sleep did Dawn get? As much as two hours?"

  "Oh, more than that, I'm certain."

  "Then she's all right. Two hours of sleep does us as much good as eight used to. I knew what a sweet night you were going to have - both of you - but I was a teeny bit worried that she might not rest."

  "Well, it was a wonderful night," Ben admitted, "although I was, uh, surprised at the way you shoved her at me."

  "Shocked, you mean. I know you, Ben, maybe better than you know yourself. You arrived here yesterday with jealousy sticking out in lumps. I think it's gone now. Yes?"

  He looked back at her. "I think so."

  "That's good. I had a wonderful and joyous night, too - made free from any worry by knowing you were in good hands. The best hands - better than mine."

  "Oh, no!"

  "Hmm. I grok a few lumps still - but tonight we'll wash them away in water." She sat up, reached toward the end of the couch - and it looked to Canon as if a pack of cigarettes on the end table jumped the last few inches into her hand.

  "You seemed to have picked up some sleight-of-hand tricks, too."

  She seemed momentarily puzzled, then she smiled. "Some. Nothing much. Parlor tricks. 'I am only an egg,' to quote my teacher."

  "How did you do that trick?"

  "Why, I just whistled to it in Martian. First you grok a thing, then you grok what you want it to - Mike!" She waved. "We're over here, dear!"

  "Coming." The Man from Mars came straight to Ben, took his hands, pulled him to his feet. "Let me look at you, Ben! Golly, it's good to see you!"

  "It's good to see you. And to be here."

  "And we're going to twist your arm to keep you here. What's this about three days? Three days indeed!"

  "I'm a working man, Mike."

  "We'll see. The girls are all excited, getting ready for your party tonight. Might just as well shut down services and classes for the rest of the day - they won't be worth a damn."

  "Patty has already done any necessary rescheduling," Jill told Mike. "She just didn't bother you with it. Dawn and Ruth and Sam are going to take care of what's necessary. Patty decided to slough the Outer matinee - so you're through for the day."

  "That's good news." Mike sat down, pulled Jill's head into his lap, pulled Ben down, put an arm around him, and sighed. He was dressed as Ben had seen him in the outer meeting, smart tropical business suit, lacking only shoes. "Ben, don't ever take up preaching. I spend my days and nights rushing from one job to another, telling people why they must never hurry. I owe you, along with Jill and Jubal, more than anyone else on this planet - yet you've been here since yesterday afternoon and this is the first time I've been able to say hello. How've you been? You're looking fit. In fact Dawn tells me you are fit."

  Ben found himself blushing. "I'm okay."

  "That's good. Because, believe me, the hill tribes will be restless tonight. But I'll grok close and sustain you. You'll be fresher at the end of the party than at the start - won't he, Little Brother?"

  "Yes," agreed Jill. "Ben, you won't believe it until you've had it done for you, but Mike can lend you strength - physical strength, I mean, not just moral support. I can do it a little bit. Mike can really do it."

  "Jill can do it quite a lot." Mike caressed her. "Little Brother is a tower of strength to everybody. Last night she certainly was." He smiled down at her, then sang:

  "You'll never find a girl like Jill.

  "No, not one in a billion."

  "Of all the tarts who ever will "The willingest is our Gillian! - isn't that right, Little Brother?"

  "Pooh," answered Jill, obviously pleased, covering his hand with her own and pressing it to her. "Dawn is exactly like me and you know it - and every bit as willing."

  "Maybe. But you're here� and Dawn is downstairs interviewing the possibles out of the tip. She's busy - you ain't. That's an important difference - isn't it, Ben?"

  "Could be." Caxton was finding that their unself-conscious behavior was beginning to embarrass him, even in this uniquely relaxed atmosphere - he wished that they would either knock off necking� or give him an excuse to leave.

  Instead Mike went right on cuddling Jill with one hand while keeping his other arm snug around Ben's waist� and Ben was forced to admit that Jill encouraged him, rather than otherwise. Mike said very seriously, "Ben, a night like last night - helping a group to make the big jump to Eighth Circle - gets me terribly keyed up. Let me tell you something out of the lessons for Sixth, Ben. We humans have something that my former people don't even dream of. They can't. And I can tell you how precious it is� how especially precious I know it to be, because I have known what it is not to have it. The blessing of being male and female. Man and Woman created He them - the greatest treasure We-Who-Are-God ever invented. Right, Jill?"

  "Beautifully right, Mike - and Ben knows it is Truth. But make a song for Dawn, too, darling."

  "Okay - "Ardent is our lovely Dawn;" Ben grokked that in her glance - "She buys new dresses every morn. "But never shops for pants!" Jill giggled and squirmed. "Did you tune her in?"

  "Yes, and she gave me a big Bronx cheer - with a kiss behind it for Ben. Say, isn't there anybody in the kitchen this morning? I just remembered I haven't eaten for a couple of days. Or years, maybe; I'm not sure."

  "I think Ruth is," Ben said, untangling himself and standing up. "I'll go see."

  "Duke can do it. Hey, Duke! See if you can find somebody who'll fix me a stack of wheat cakes as tall as you are and a gallon of maple syrup."

  "Right, Mike!" Duke called back.

  Ben Caxton hesitated, without an excuse to run an errand. He thought of a trumped-up excuse and glanced back over his shoulder.

  "Jubal," Caxton said earnestly, "I wouldn't tell you this part at all if it weren't essential to explaining how I feel about the whole thing, why I'm worried about them - all of them, Duke and Mike as well as Jill and Mike's other victims, too. By that morning I was myself half conned into thinking everything was all right - weird as hell in spots - but jolly. Mike himself had me fascinated, too - his new personality is pretty powerful. Cocky and too much supersalesman� but very compelling. Then he - or both of them - got me rather embarrassed, so I took that chance to get up from the couch.

  "Then I glanced back - and couldn't believe my eyes. I hadn't been turned away five seconds� and Mike had managed to get rid of every stitch of clothes� and so help me, they were going to it, with myself and
three or four others in the room at the time - just as boldly as monkeys in a zoo!

  "Jubal, I was so shocked I almost lost my breakfast."

  XXXIII

  "WELL," SAID JUBAL, "what did you do? Cheer?"

  "Like hell. I left, at once. I dashed for the outer door, grabbed my clothes and shoes - forgot my bag and didn't go back for it - ignored the sign on the door, went on through - jumped in that bounce tube with my clothes in my arms. Blooie! Gone without saying good-by."

  "Rather abrupt"

  "I felt abrupt. I had to leave. In fact I left so fast that I durn near killed myself. You know the ordinary bounce tube-"

  "I do not."

  "Well, unless you set it to take you up to a certain level, when you get into it you simply sink slowly, like cold molasses I didn't sink, I fell and I was about six stories up. But just when I thought I had made my last mistake, something caught me. Not a safety net - a field of some sort I didn't quite splash. But Mike needs to smooth out that gadget. Or put in the regular sort of bounce tube."

  Jubal said, "I'll stick to stairs and, when unavoidable, elevators"

  "Well, I hadn't realized that this one was so risky. But the only safety inspector they've got is Duke� and to Duke whatever Mike says is Gospel. Jubal, that whole place is riding for a fall. They're all hypnotized by one man� who isn't right in his head. What can be done about it?"

  Jubal jutted out his lips and then scowled, "Let's see first if you've got it analyzed correctly. Just what aspects of the situation did you find disquieting?"

  "Why�the whole thing."

  "So? In fact, wasn't it just one thing? And that an essentially harmless act which we both know was nothing new� but was, we can assume rather conclusively, initially performed in this house or on these grounds about two years ago? I did not then object - nor did you, when you learned of it, whenever that was, in fact, I have implied that you yourself have, on other occasions, joined in that same act with the same young lady - and she is a lady, despite your tale - and you neither denied my implication nor acted offended at my presumption. To put it bluntly, son - what are you belly-aching about?"