Scent of the Heart

by Parker Williams

  Mikhail threw himself on Casey’s chest, wailing about how sorry he was. How he didn’t mean for Casey to die.

  “Die? Dude, I’m so not dead.”

  “You were,” Jake said flatly. “I couldn’t revive you.”

  “Really? Trippy.”

  The low, deep growl from the Protector made Sev wish he was still in his beast form, the desire to protect Casey overwhelming. “This isn’t funny. What happened?”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about. I was out here with Vadim and Mikhail, and…we…what were we doing?”

  “You were going to show me my parents,” Mikhail prompted, then buried his face against Casey’s chest.

  “I don’t…where’s Hakiim?”

  Sev saw Jake’s expression grow grim. “He died six months ago, Case.”

  “Six months? That’s not…that can’t be right. I saw…something. I—I can’t remember.”

  “Maybe it’s brain damage from being dead?”

  “Don’t!” Sev snapped. “It wasn’t funny. My m—he was dead. How can you even joke?”

  The Protector’s eyes narrowed dangerously, but Sev refused to back down as he glared back. The corner of Jake’s lip turned up in a snarl, and still Sev would not allow him to joke about Casey’s death. When he’d seen Casey lying there, sallow skin, lifeless eyes, and the smell of decay wrapped around him, Sev had known true sorrow. The kind that would swallow you whole. He’d known it when his parents were murdered. And it nearly killed him then. With Casey, it was magnified ten, twenty, fifty times.

  Casey’s grumble broke through Sev’s ruminations. “Sev? Why are you holding my hand?”

  He glanced down, surprised to see that he was indeed stroking the back of Casey’s hand, heedless of the energy that flowed between them. A pit formed in his stomach when he let go and allowed Casey to pull his hand away. Sev wanted to grab it, lock their fingers together, and never let the man out of his sight again. He glanced away, not wanting anyone to see his despair, but when he found Mikhail tugging at him, he melted.

  “I’m so sorry,” he murmured. “I’ve been so angry with Mama and Papa, with you, and everyone in the enclave, I forgot all their lessons about what makes love and family. Please say you’ll forgive me.”

  Sev clutched his brother to him. “There’s nothing to forgive, I promise. I miss them too. But I have you and Vadim, the centers of my world.”

  Mikhail’s gaze shifted from Sev to Casey, then back. “Maybe not the center anymore,” he whispered, threading his fingers through Sev’s hair. “I’m happy for you, Tsvetok.”

  And a frisson of hope burbled, filling the hole in Sev’s heart.

  ***

  “I’m fine. Stop fussing,” Casey snapped. Jake, Zak, Sev, Vadim, and Mikhail had insisted on getting him home. They began working together preparing a meal for him, and putting him to bed, Sev pulling the covers up to Casey’s chin. He wouldn’t admit it, but he enjoyed the attention.

  “You will eat this and take this tea,” Zak instructed.

  Casey sniffed at the cup Zak handed him and turned his nose up. “Where the hell did you get this?”

  “I blended it. Is there a problem?”

  “What did you mix it with? Goat shit?”

  Zak’s expression clouded over and Casey’s face heated with embarrassment. He sipped the tea, then realized goat shit might have tasted better. When finally he’d finished his tea, which oddly tasted better when he had finally drained it, he was so tired. He lay back and his eyes fluttered closed.

  “Jake, I would have you stay with him this evening,” Zak murmured. “There is something…off, and I do not feel he should be left alone.”

  “’M fine,” Casey slurred, then giggled. “You drugged me, Zak.”

  “Something to help you sleep. That is all. I would never do you harm.”

  Jake pulled up a chair across from the bed.

  “No, you need to guard Zak. And he needs you to put some of that lotion on his ass. If you guys keep going at it like this, I’m going to have to make a tub of the stuff.”

  Zak’s gasp and Jake’s answering chuckle seemed so far away.

  “No, Protector. I will stay with him this evening. My brother assures me they can be responsible for one another this evening.”

  “I will send someone to watch them. I have no doubt that Mikhail’s change of heart is true, but I would feel better knowing they were not alone. There is something…wrong in the air.”

  “I feel it too,” Jake agreed.

  The voices sounded as though they were being filtered through water. It was hard for Casey to concentrate and understand the words. He heard a farewell and the click of a door, and he believed he was alone. For a moment panic flared at the thought he was by himself, but when soft fingers threaded with his, Casey’s senses came alive. His toes curled as if he stuck them in an electrical outlet. Energy cascaded over his body, tickling, probing, and infusing him with desire.

  “Touch me,” a husky voice pleaded. “Please?”

  “Sleep, my mate. In the morning you will not remember any of this, and I would prefer we talk first.”

  “No, I need you.”

  “I’ll be here when you wake. I give you my word.”

  A gentle kiss brushed against his lips had Casey’s mind whirling, sparking thoughts and ideas. His world exploded into beautiful beams of light, each hue more brilliant than the one before. In that moment, Casey touched the gods, understood his place in the world, and realized the extent of his power. Then it all got sucked away as his mind rushed back to his body, and Casey slept.

  ***

  When their lips touched, Sev swore the earth moved. He hadn’t meant to do it, but almost losing his mate, and seeing him weak and hurting, drove Sev to try whatever it took to comfort Casey. His lips were dry, and his breathing was hoarse, but when his lips touched Casey’s, strength suffused him, making him feel more powerful than ever before.

  A knock at the door startled Sev. He cautiously approached it, ready to defend his mate, or shoo away anyone who sought an audience with the shaman. Casey wasn’t ready to receive visitors. He peered through the window to see Mikhail, shifting from one foot to the other, looking around. He opened the door and pulled him into the house.

  “What are you doing here?” he snapped. “You should be sleeping.”

  Mikhail’s voice cracked and his eyes were red and puffy. “Is he okay?”

  Sev’s anger drained away and he clutched his younger brother to him. “He’s fine. Why are you out? The Alpha said there would be someone with you.”

  “There…is. I might have snuck out. I had to see if the shaman was all right. I was so scared, Sev. He died in front of me.”

  “Tell me what happened.”

  “We were talking, and I told him that I was confused. That I wished I could talk with Mama and Papa again, because I didn’t know if I was doing the right things. He said he could help me. He touched my face and it burned. His eyes opened wide and they were black, Sev. Darker than yours even. And he screamed. I yanked away and covered my ears. I thought it was going to go on forever. I forced myself to look at him and there was something all over him. He just kept screaming. I killed him.”

  “Shh. No, you didn’t. I don’t know what happened, but you didn’t have anything to do with it. The Alpha said there was something not right, and I know it’s not your fault.”

  Mikhail burrowed his face into Sev’s chest, seeking comfort as he had before their parents died. It was a heartbreaking reminder that for all his bluster, Mikhail was still a kid. Sev kissed him on the head and spoke quiet, comforting words. They stood there, arms around each other for several minutes, until Mikhail drew back.

  “Is he your mate, Sev?”

  Sev doubted he could have been any more shocked. “What? Why do you say that?”

  “You challenged the Protector. You were very impressive, by the way.” Mikhail gave a cheeky grin, then added, “He would have killed you, but at l
east you would have put up a struggle.”

  “I could have taken him,” Sev said, then laughed.

  “But I could see it in your eyes. It was the way Papa used to look at Mama. Like he’s your whole world, and your beginning and end.”

  “You’re a smart boy, Mikky.”

  Mikhail’s smile blossomed. “You stopped calling me that so long ago.”

  “You threatened me if I didn’t. You said you were a big boy and that your name was Mikhail.”

  “It would be okay if you wanted me to be Mikky tonight.”

  “Yes, little one. Just for tonight. We should get you home.”

  “I want to stay here. Please? Casey’s become a friend to me, and if he’s your mate, he’ll be more. I want to help protect him.”

  “You can help him the most by going home and sleeping. Mikky, there is nothing to be done tonight. He’s resting comfortably. If you really want to help, rest this evening, then come by tomorrow and offer your services.”

  Mikhail frowned, then brightened. “Yes! I can do that. I want to help him out. Thank you, Sev.”

  He threw his arms about Sev’s waist for a moment, then hurried out the door. Sev watched until he couldn’t see anymore, then he blew out the lamp and went back to Casey’s room. He intended to keep a vigil all evening. No harm would come to his mate ever again.

  ***

  Aches and pains from toiling in the garden weren’t uncommon, but today Casey’s joints hurt, his knees throbbed, and even his bruises had bruises of their own. A soft buzzing noise caught his attention and he opened his eyes. It was still dark, but Casey was aware that someone was in the room with him. He reached over and picked up a charm from the small table at the side of the bed. He’d warded it to prevent evil from coming into his house, but that didn’t stop beasts or other villagers from entering.

  He sat up cautiously, the silhouette near his bed appeared to be…asleep. A whispered word and the lantern fire blazed. Sev sat next to his bed, his dark eyes closed. Deep even breaths told Casey the man was asleep. He used this opportunity to examine him. Casey was secure enough to say when a man looked good, and Sev was absolutely stunning. In lamplight his features were ethereal. It took Casey’s breath away to be near such a beautiful creature. He reached out with trembling fingers, desperate to touch, to prove to himself that it wasn’t a fevered dream. He hesitated, knowing instinctively he shouldn’t be doing this, but he wasn’t able to stop himself.

  “I’m glad you’re awake, Casey. I think we need to talk."

  CHAPTER FIVE

  Casey jerked his hand back. Sev opened his eyes and stood.

  “How did you know I was awake?”

  “Shifter senses. I could feel the air around you change as your breathing increased.”

  “Oh.” Casey wasn’t sure why his heart sunk at that answer. “Why are you here?”

  “I asked the Alpha to let me stay so I could watch over you. It’s not often that someone comes back from the dead.”

  “I still don’t remember it. I mean I believe what you’re telling me, but I don’t understand how it’s possible.”

  “You’re the shaman. They’ve done some pretty amazing things in our history. I mean you’re able to see beyond the veil, so that makes it a lot less impressive that you came back from the other side.”

  “Is Mikhail okay?”

  “Yes, thank you for asking. He came by earlier to check on you. I think he’s developed a bit of hero worship.”

  “Yes, because the hero always dies in the end, right?”

  “No, because the hero always comes back to those who need him. Like you did for me.”

  Casey turned away. The rush of blood to his face would be a beacon for anyone looking. “I’m not gay,” he whispered softly. “We can’t be mates.”

  “I’m not gay either. The spirits don’t care. They’ve chosen us for each other. It isn’t something we can decide not to accept. It’s fated to be.”

  Fingers ghosted over Casey’s cheek and he leaned into the touch. How he’d longed for someone to be with him like this. No girl had ever made him feel this way. He should draw away, run from the room, do something. But there was a rightness when Sev sat beside him. Every instinct screamed that this was wrong, but Casey no longer cared. They would navigate this together. He turned toward Sev, who pulled him in closer. Casey could feel the breath, warm on his face, and he trembled.

  “Please.”

  “What, my mate? Do you want me to stop?”

  “I don’t know what the answer is. I shouldn’t want this, but it’s more than I’ve ever wanted. I don’t know how it could happen, but I don’t want it to end. I’m very confused.”

  “Perhaps this will ease your confusion.”

  Sev pressed their lips together and Casey moaned. He’d thought kissing another man would be weird, but Sev went slowly, not jamming his tongue into Casey’s mouth. He coaxed, teased, led. When he pulled back, Casey longed for him to return. Sev pulled him down on the bed until they lay next to each other, then he started kissing Casey again. Strong fingers stroked over his back, touching spots that made Casey wish Sev had a dozen more hands, touching him everywhere at once.

  Casey reached out, tentative at first. What would it be like to touch Sev? Would he be hairy? If he was, would Casey find it weird or gross? Would he be smooth? Could Casey close his eyes and pretend Sev was a woman? He inhaled deeply. Sev wasn’t a woman, and Casey couldn’t ever think he was.

  A hot mouth clamped over Casey’s neck, sucking hard. He mewled and clutched Sev’s head, trying for more suction, more friction, more of everything. Sev’s hair amazed Casey. Gossamer wasn’t this soft, this delicate. When Sev’s tongue touched Casey’s lips, he pulled back. It was one thing to kiss him on the lips, but how far was he really willing to go? Ashamed, he said, “I-I can’t. I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t be sorry. The fact you’re still here means a lot to me.”

  “I kinda have to be here. It’s my house.”

  Sev chuckled. “So it is.”

  “Listen, I don’t know what’s happening, but I don’t think I can—”

  Sev touched a finger to Casey’s lips. “Whatever we decide is enough. You’re my mate, and I don’t have a problem waiting. And it’s not like I have experience in this. I just know that being with you isn’t an option for me. My beast gets stronger each time it scents you, and it’s not easy to tell him no.”

  “Oh, yeah! Why did you spray me? Three freaking times.”

  “My beast was…I was jealous. When I saw you with the Protector and Alpha, I didn’t know who they were. I saw men with my mate and flew into a rage.”

  “Why…oh gods, I can’t believe I’m going to ask this question…why didn’t it stink to me? I thought Jake and Zak were going to pass out, but after the second time it started to smell good.”

  “You’re my mate,” Sev replied, like that answered everything.

  “I don’t know that I understand that logic.”

  “A skunk sprays to ward off enemies. I had no wish to drive you away. I wanted you to be closer. My scent is supposed to be pleasurable to you.”

  “It was like lying in a field of wildflowers.” Casey laughed. “I think I’ll call you Flower.”

  Sev cocked his head. “I don’t understand.”

  “We need to bring movies here. You people don’t know what you’re missing,” Casey grumbled.

  Locking an arm around Casey’s waist, Sev kissed his shoulder. “I’m missing you. Sleep for now. I will hold you.”

  Thoughts about pulling away or refusing to sleep in the same bed went out of Casey’s head as quickly as they came in. They weren’t doing anything. He and Jake had slept in the same bed before. Admittedly they had been nine, but the concept was the same. He snuggled in close to Sev and closed his eyes. Sleep came moments later.

  ***

  His mate’s breathing was music to Sev’s ears. The kiss they shared was beyond anything Sev had ever experienced. The fact
that Casey trusted him to lead made Sev’s heart sing. He had appeared needy before, but only because he assumed he was broken. With Casey, everything fell into place. Sev still wasn’t comfortable with the fact his mate was male, but as he held the man in his arms, that detail seemed less and less important.

  What difference does gender make? Does the fact that Casey is a man change the meaning of love? Or does it simply encompass the truth of the word?

  Sev found he no longer cared.

  When he was growing up, his parents tried to explain the concept of love to him. He thought there was only one kind of love, but he was wrong. He loved his parents and brothers, a familial bond. He loved his friends, a shared bond. The way his heart soared while his stomach plummeted when he thought of Casey went beyond those.

  Sev closed his eyes and an entire lifetime with Casey unfolded. They would see his brothers marry their own mates and raise strong children. He and Casey would tend the earth together, tilling the soil, creating gifts of wonder for the enclave. There would be a young boy, lost in the wilderness. Casey and Sev would take him in and adopt him as their own. They would raise him to be a good man, a strong shaman, and upon their death at a ripe old age, he would continue to fill the role.

  The dream was lovely. He’d never had such a perfect dream of his life, but now with the shaman at his side, perhaps they could make their fantasies into a reality.

  ***

  A rainstorm heralded the dawn. Winds blew in from the mountains, bringing a sharp chill. The wards around the town could only offset the temperature so much, so beyond them it must have been frigid indeed. Sev wanted nothing more than to lay in bed with Casey and be lazy for the entire day. As lovely as the thought was, Mikhail would be coming over at some point, and though he loved his brother, he didn’t want him to find Sev and the shaman in bed together.

  Grudgingly, Sev got to his feet. Even fully dressed and with his natural shifter warmth, the house was chilly. He went to the hearth, wanting to build a fire to warm his beloved, but could find no kindling. As he searched the cabinets, he sensed Casey stir. A moment later, flames flickered in the fireplace, and he turned to find Casey with a smug smile.