London's Best Kept Secret

by Anabelle Bryant

  “I know what you did.”

  Those weren’t the first words he’d expected, but it didn’t signify. Better to delve straight into the matter than waste precious minutes with meaningless chatter. “But you don’t know why.”

  He stepped closer and she didn’t move. If he could draw her into conversation, he could lay bare his soul.

  “Does that matter?”

  “Very much so,” he answered, not knowing where he stood in the conversation.

  She huffed, her expression one of hopeless distress, perhaps torn between listening to him or heeding her own objections.

  He stepped within a stride. “May I sit with you?”

  “I’d rather walk.” She notched her chin. How strong she appeared. And resolute.

  “Then may I walk with you, Charlotte?”

  The briefest flicker of emotion showed in her eyes and she nodded consent before she followed the slates. She didn’t spare him another glance nor touch him, and he fell into stride.

  “I never meant to hurt your family.” It was as good as any place to begin.

  “But you did.” Her tight-lipped answer urged him to continue.

  “Yes, that’s true. Since that moment, I’ve rectified every account. Every cent that was ever earned from the transactions has been set aside, separate from personal profit.” There was comfort in discussing fact instead of the scalding emotion yet to come.

  “Why?” She darted her eyes from his face so swiftly, he felt the loss of her attention like a thorn in his chest. Would she not look at him?

  “Because of you, Charlotte.” He stopped walking in hope she would do the same, and when she turned, he could see unshed tears in her eyes.

  “I don’t understand. You went to great lengths to cause my family grief and then come to our rescue. You proposed marriage when I’d never met you and I complied because my family’s future hinged on that decision. And yet you stand here and tell me you had no reason for any of it aside from wanting me? Couldn’t the same have been achieved through an introduction? A courtship?” Her brow furrowed, and she looked away before she met his eyes again.

  “I heard your music first and fell in awe of your remarkable skill. But then I saw you and realized whatever I’d experienced previously paled in comparison. All at once I understood why I’d been put on this earth. Why I drew breath and my heart insisted on beating. I was taken with you from that first moment and I’ve never recovered. But my inquiries met with concern. You were admired by many. Several esteemed gentlemen vied for your favor, and while I attended a few functions and sustained a respectable reputation, I possessed nothing in comparison to centuries of blue blood and societal respect.”

  Her expression softened, though a hard gleam remained in her eyes, whether from anger or hurt he couldn’t know.

  “I saw you and I wanted you. At any cost.”

  “At my family’s cost,” she answered in a harsh whisper. “At this cost.” She waved her hand through the space separating them.

  “I admit, I became obsessed. I needed you. Is that an unforgivable sin? To want someone’s company so badly you ache from the inside out? To yearn for one touch or smile, the promised glory of a single kiss?” He breathed deep. “I wanted you in entirety.”

  “Those are pretty words.”

  “They are the truest truth.”

  “You expect me to believe that despite our hardly knowing each other, you saw me and became so consumed with the idea of seducing me, you were blind to logic?”

  “There’s no right answer to that question, Charlotte.” He wanted to reach for her. If only he could pull her into his arms. “If I answer yes, you’ll accuse me of selfishness and perverse infatuation. If I answer no, you’ll be offended and never understand the depth of my sincerest emotions.”

  “But you didn’t tell me what you’d done. Even when—” She paused and appeared to force herself to calm. “Even when we began our life over again. These past weeks, when you knew I wished to come to your bed, you said nothing.”

  “No. By then, the risk of losing you was too great, and I feared I would. We’d just begun to discover happiness. Instead one lie led to another.”

  “That’s how lying works.”

  “I’d already spent the first portion of our marriage racked in guilt, paralyzed by the atrocity of my deeds.”

  “Rightly so.” Her anger was justified. “Omission is the most dangerous lie because it destroys everything without revealing itself.”

  She glanced to where her fingers gripped her skirts. He watched as she relaxed them against the fabric while her response carved a hollow space in his chest, each word anxious to tear at his heart.

  “We promised to have no secrets.”

  “That promise happened too late.” He offered a reminder of a sweeter time. “After a kitten, as well. I’m so sorry, Charlotte. I never wished for this to become what it has. I only wanted you in my life.” Emotion clogged his throat and his words came out husky and broken. “For always.”

  Still she didn’t react.

  “Did you assume you could confess and be forgiven? That an apology would somehow erase the deed? Was your affection these past weeks a means to guarantee my understanding?”

  A tear broke free and slid down her cheek, and it was all he could do not to reach for her. To wipe away her tears and somehow find the words to convince her of his sincerity.

  “No.” His answer sounded useless and insufficient.

  “You didn’t just manipulate my family. You manipulated me. You trammeled my future and forced me to make a decision I’d otherwise have time and reason to consider.” She closed her eyes in a long blink and then exhaled soundly. “What about the railway stock?”

  “It means nothing, no more than a convenience when society assumed it spurred my interest, but the opposite holds true. As soon as I saw you, I could no longer imagine my life without you. I wanted you at any cost.” He would fight for her understanding.

  “As you’ve said.” She shook her head in the negative. “I need to think, Jeremy.”

  He watched her every emotion and steeled himself when she said his name. Would she send him away? Had he destroyed the very thing he’d yearned for from the start?

  “I spoke to your father yesterday. I told him all of it.” He’d almost forgotten to mention the worth of her family’s assurances. “Your father accepted my sincere apology and wants for you to be happy. Nothing more.”

  “I might have found happiness. I have strong feelings. But this, between us . . .” She shook her head again, and another tear escaped.

  A cloud rolled over the sun to cast them in shadow, and though they stood only an arm’s length apart, they might have been across an ocean on different continents.

  “Can you find it in your heart to forgive me?” He waited, his teeth clenched so hard his jaw ached, but she remained silent. “We’re married, and despite my despicable methods in forcing our vows, it was with the intent to love and cherish you for as long as you’ll have me.”

  The unanswered question, of how long that would be, hung in the air between them.

  * * *

  Charlotte looked at her husband and her heart squeezed tighter. He was handsome and heroic, contrite and infinitely saddened, terribly dashing and likewise vulnerable, all at the same time. She believed every word of his surprising truth, his confession a flattering reality. Yet it did little to assuage the storm of emotion within her.

  Could she trust a man who manipulated countless people to achieve his goal? Who’d kept a devious secret? Perhaps it was her hand and heart he was after, though the romantic notion was better left aside for later consideration.

  “I worried for so many reasons when our marriage began. I doubted myself in every way, unable to understand your unexpected shifts in behavior. You left me to wonder how I’d failed, or if I’d forced you to spend hours in your study without so much as a word passed between us.” As the accusations clipped out, her voice and anger g
rew stronger.

  “I’ve wronged you, Charlotte, and for that I’m infinitely sorry. I can’t undo my poor decisions. I don’t expect you to excuse them. Even though I achieved my goal and married you, I’ve never been more ashamed and mortified at the methods I committed to claim you. Still, despite your rightful hostility and anger, if this same course led me to you, I won’t regret my choices, only the pain I’ve caused you and your family.”

  The tender note in his voice reached beyond her temper and touched her heart. His sincere declaration caused more tears to well. Hope, translucent and ephemeral, pulled her toward forgiveness. The first sob caught her unaware, but then there was no way to stop her emotion. She’d worried he’d found her lacking. That she’d never have an intimate bond with her husband and a loving family of their own. Never that he’d utilized the most extreme method to ensure she would be his wife. Relief rushed in and overtook anger as she wiped at her cheeks, her heart free.

  The skies opened in kind.

  He didn’t move. Neither did she. And the rain fast became an onslaught. It drenched them in a matter of heartbeats, and with belated awareness, he reached for her to provide protection from the downpour, curling her into his body as they moved toward the side of the house.

  It might have been laughable if so much hadn’t happened before the rain. When at last they reached the shelter of an awning near the rear wall, they were both out of breath, their exhalations a misty cloud of exertion between them. Her clothes were soaked through and the wet silk clung to her skin. Wisps of hair, loosened from the hurried escape, were plastered to her temple and neck. She blinked away a stray raindrop in her lashes, her first thought that she must look a fright. But then she glanced at Jeremy and her heart seized.

  Rain dripped from his tawny locks, the droplets lending his skin a glistening sheen, while his velvety brown eyes glittered with unspoken emotion. Behind him, water sluiced off the awning and created a curtain to seclude them from the rest of the world. She didn’t know when their breathing evened, when the air changed from cool to warm, when they moved significantly closer, but as they did, pain, loss and unanswered frustration transformed into another ache altogether.

  She’d married this man. She’d come to love him and glimpse the future they could share. She wouldn’t deny now what she wanted with every fiber of her being.

  They fell into a kiss with reckless surrender, aware of the inevitable and the unrelenting desire to feel each other’s touch. Their clothes were soaked through, but beneath, their bodies heated. And when he gathered her into his embrace, she knew her heart was given. There was nowhere else she belonged.

  Chapter Twenty-Three

  Rain splattered against his back, dripped from his hair, ran from his forehead, but he didn’t pause to wipe it away. In the shelter of his embrace, her scent wrapped around him and lured him closer. The force of his kiss raised her to tiptoe and sent his senses reeling, much as they had the day he’d first seen her, and his internal compass spun out of control. But this was now, and she knew his grief and still allowed his kiss.

  He slanted his mouth hard over hers in a mixture of words and deep, lingering caresses.

  “What have you done to me, Charlotte?” He nibbled a path from her lips to her ear, where his whisper induced a shiver. “You’ve ruined me. Caused me to become besotted and lust-addled, delirious with want.”

  “Jeremy,” she whispered against his mouth.

  “What is it, my love?”

  She gasped at his question, then drew him closer. Her hands grabbed his shirt and formed fists to hold fast.

  “Let me come to you this evening, Charlotte,” he murmured the intimate plea. He didn’t want to wait. For all the wrong reasons, he’d waited too long already.

  “To my rooms? I don’t know,” she stalled against his mouth, though she didn’t break their contact.

  “What don’t you know?” He withdrew the slightest and wiped raindrops and tears from her cheeks, no more than mist between them now. “So many times I almost told you what tormented my mind and lived in my soul. You’ve had my heart since the first moment you turned your blue eyes in my direction. I’ve made many poor choices and I pray you’ll forgive me because the one thing I know above all else is that we belong together.”

  She melted against his chest and he wrapped her tighter. The rain continued, but they stayed blissfully unhurried, captured in the moment. Still, he needed her to know, to believe. His kiss became a declaration of possession, empowered by a cherished memory.

  “I remember the moment I saw you. You’d finished playing a masterful selection and a dozen guests gathered near the pianoforte to compliment your skill. A few dashers vied for your attention, and I stood across the ballroom on the fourth step of the marble stairs. A ridiculously thick crush of a hundred people or more celebrated with champagne and laughter, though beat by beat my heart eliminated distraction. First conversation, then melody.” He inhaled against her temple, taking in her musky floral scent. “The bidding of servants, the clinking of glassware, and the nearby tapping of heeled slippers. One sound after another vanished, my entire existence reduced to breathing and taking you in. I was changed in that timeless moment, forever altered. I don’t know how long I stood there, if anyone noticed, what forced me from that undeniable alteration, but I’ve fast concluded whenever I see you, the results are the same.” He withdrew the slightest. “You’re not in my heart, Charlotte. You are my heart.”

  He tilted her chin with his forefinger and lowered his mouth, licking his way into the kiss, finding her hot, sweet and equally anxious. Their tongues tangled, every twist and rub drawing them deeper into an erotic spell, as if they lived in a dream, cut off from the world by the weather and any intrusive emotion. Pressed tight to a blanket of ivy against the house and buffeted from the weather on the other side by a sheet of water, he held her firmly and offered lovely pleasure. His kiss, the slide of his tongue against hers, became a sensual assault meant to convince her they were meant to be.

  He cradled her face and somehow reduced all sensation to where their mouths connected. In the past, unspoken words had built walls between them; now, he aimed to topple them all. He nipped at her lips, kissed her possessively, wooed her, worshipped her, all in the span of this moment.

  The rain drummed down, the heavens opened and they were soaked to the skin, heated from the inside out. He wouldn’t have her catch a chill. He forced himself to break contact, holding her close as their mindless desire abated.

  “We should go inside.”

  “We should.”

  Neither of them moved.

  “I’ll get you inside.” His voice was rough.

  “I’ll come to you this evening.” She placed a hand upon his chest, over his heart. “It’s better that way.”

  He wondered for the briefest flicker if she wavered but likewise knew she needed to control the decision after having so many taken from her.

  They hurried to the kitchen door, located at the rear, and scuttled inside, startling the busy kitchen staff.

  With apologies and exclamations about the inclement weather, they maneuvered through the work area and back into the main hall, no longer dripping water on the tiles.

  “I’ll not be down to dinner.” He couldn’t sit there and wait for nightfall while she made polite conversation across her soup.

  “I rather wish you would. I want Amelia and Scarsdale to see how truly charming you are.”

  “So I’m to be charming?” His mouth twitched with amusement.

  She returned a grin of mischief. “It’s a natural quality if only you’d allow yourself. With our disagreement aside, I would think it’s no effort at all.” She moved past and took the first few stairs. “I’ll see you later.”

  He raised his eyes to watch her go. “Until then.”

  * * *

  Charlotte looked in the cheval glass over the mahogany armoire. Jeremy preferred her hair unbound. She combed her fingers through the lengths an
d then cinched the sash of her silk wrapper. An eager pulse of anticipation urged her to hurry, but she meant to savor the moment of what would occur tonight, the loss of her virtue and the beginning of her future. She allowed a secret smile. Jeremy waited. They would share a bed, the night and most importantly each other. Effervescent hope tingled through her and she welcomed the feeling as she unhooked the latch and left her room.

  “Oh.” Amelia stood in the hallway two paces from Charlotte’s door. “I was coming to check on you. You seemed unusually quiet at dinner. Was it because Scarsdale spoke to Dearing frankly or because your husband took a tray in his room instead of coming down to the dining room?”

  “Neither actually.” She folded her lips inward to conceal an anxious grin. “I’m going to his room now.” Again, the shimmer of expectation coursed through her. “He’s waiting for me.”

  “I see.” Amelia’s eyes danced with understanding. “Then I certainly won’t detain what’s long overdue.” Her final words were thrown over her shoulder. “I’ll instruct the maids to leave you undisturbed.”

  Charlotte hurried off in the opposite direction. She breathed deep and knocked, relieved when the door opened without delay.

  * * *

  “You’re here.” He spoke, his voice soft and serious, though his heart thudded in his chest.

  He dropped his arm from the frame and she entered, her hair unbound in a blanket of silk around her shoulders, glistening strands of brown and amber against her white silk wrapper.

  She looked at ease, but when she didn’t reply immediately, he wondered if she’d changed her mind.

  “Of course.” She turned to face him. The open draperies on the far wall set her against the night sky and created a masterpiece, Charlotte swathed in moonlight, a familiar midnight dream.