Seems Like You're Ready: BWWM Romance

by Heather Rae

  Matt sighed heavily.

  “Imma need for you to not be so damn difficult from now on. Do you think you can manage that?”

  “Oh if you think this is being difficult, you obviously have not been around a woman in a long time, Matt Collins!” I laughed and walked off.

  “Fuck me…” he muttered under his breath.

  It didn’t require much effort to get along with Matt. He was an easy-going, laid back person; friendly, casual, yet professional. He made you feel comfortable and at ease. The women in his classes, me included, were able to relax around him.

  In the coming weeks, Matt and I mapped out lesson plans for his classes. At the house, we worked out the kinks. His basement had long ago been converted into a personal gym with not much equipment when you compared it to others. As he explained to me, most were just high priced and unnecessary.

  “I want you to come at me and put everything you have into hitting me,” he said as we stood on the padded floor one evening.

  “I’m not going to hit you!” I shook my head.

  “I know you’re not cuz Imma put you on your ass, now come on.”

  “Why would I do that if you’re gonna knock me down?!”

  “Nikkia, consider this one of your private lessons and practice for what we are going to do next week in class.”

  “I am not doing anything that will have me on the floor, Matt.” I fisted my hands on my hips.

  “You need to swing at me so that I can show you how to avoid; also, to use your assailant’s momentum to your advantage. Now come on!”

  Matt stepped backwards while waving his fingers at me.

  “Scared?”

  “No.”

  “You ain’t tough!” he taunted. “You ain’t shit! Ain’t never gonna be shit!”

  “Whatever.” I rolled my eyes at him.

  “Uppity bitch! Don’t anybody owe you shit! You’re nothing!” he continued to goad me.

  “Fuck you.” My jaw clenched.

  But Matt continued on with his belittling words. I could hear the pressure of my blood build, whooshing in my ears. My breathing increased as did my heart rate and I could feel myself becoming angrier at Matt’s downgrading tirade.

  I rushed at him with my hand balled into a fist. I cocked my arm back as I thought it within my power to break his jaw…and then I saw stars as my back hit the mat. I blinked, momentarily dazed. Matt stood looking down at me, a cocky smile on his face.

  “Now are you paying attention?”

  “I think…you broke my spine…” I exhaled sharply.

  “Not at all.” He caught my wrist and hauled me to my feet. “Lesson one, never lose your head over words spoken.”

  “Yeah, okay.” I shook my head then nodded.

  “Take a step back. Firmly plant your feet.”

  Under his direction, we repeated the process over and over again. That night, I submerged myself into the tub full of hot water. In the morning I felt as if I had been run over by a truck. Every inch of my body ached and screamed at me in protest.

  “Ready to go?” Matt asked with a grin as he filled his mug with coffee.

  I replied with a grunt and a one-finger salute.

  Nearly three months to the day that I left the city with Matt, he had received a call as we were working on dinner together. It was the long-awaited call I had been dreading.

  “Hey Unk, how’s things? Um yeah, she’s right here, hold on.” Matt handed me his cell phone then walked out of the kitchen to give me some privacy.

  “Hey there Mr. Michaels,” I said as I cradled the phone with my shoulder.

  “Hi my darling. How are you doing up there in the wilderness?”

  “I’m actually doing pretty well. How’s everything with you and your wife?”

  “We are well, thanks. Your attendance has been requested Monday morning at 10:00 am, courtroom 5 B.”

  “I, um, I see.”

  “I just got the call today. We can work something out for the weekend so that you are prepared when you go in there. There’s a possibility that you won’t make it to the stand on Monday; 50/50 is the best I can give you right now.”

  “I understand.”

  “How’s Saturday?” the older man suggested.

  “That will be fine.” I chopped the carrots with a vengeance. “I will see you then. You want to talk with Matt again?”

  “No, just tell him we will see him this weekend. Don’t worry, Nikkia.”

  “Yeah, okay.”

  That week I worked myself extra hard at the gym and in my sessions with Matt. Fueled by anger and fear, I pushed myself. I exceeded anything Matt had ever expected. He was even more surprised when I managed to flip him on to his back Friday night at home.

  “Are you mad at me?” his eyes were filled with laughter.

  “Nope.” I brushed back my hair with my arm then stuck out my hand to him.

  He rolled his shoulders as he stood. I walked away from him to grab a towel.

  “I like you, Nikkia.” The tone of his voice made me stop. “From the second we first met I thought, damn this is one bad ass woman.”

  “I’m not in the market for a man, Matt,” I glanced over my shoulder at him. “Especially…”

  “One whose skin is white,” he finished my sentence. “Yeah I get it, Nikkia. You ain’t ready…it’s cool.”

  Matt passed by me, shaking his head.

  “I think you have a strong spirit, Nikkia. I admire you, respect you, and I consider you a friend, even if you don’t see me the same way.”

  I closed my eyes for a moment only to find myself alone in the basement. I had been rude and ignorant. Granted I hadn’t actually said those words Matt had, but I didn’t deny or disagree with them either. Wrong.

  “Shame on you, Nikkia,” I muttered to the empty room.

  Matt could obviously make a person feel like shit, in the nicest of ways, me included. I wanted to go to him to apologize, but I couldn’t. I had too much pride, which again was wrong.

  It wasn’t that I was opposed to the idea…not exactly. I just had never been approached by a white man. The thought of dating one, whether casually or seriously, never crossed my mind. Truth be told, I didn’t have much interest on being involved with ANY man - white, black, brown or purple polka dotted. I wasn’t the best choice, or safest, to date or be interested in. I stared out of my bedroom window with my feet curled up underneath me. I had no clue why I was even thinking about any of this. It was a misunderstanding. Besides, I had too much on my mind as it been.

  The following morning it was obvious that Matt was keeping his distance and minimizing any interaction between the two of us. When Mr. Michaels arrived early that afternoon, Matt entertained his aunt while we discussed strategies. It had been great seeing them, considering the circumstances of their visit. We had made plans for spending “real” time together as soon as other matters were taken care of. The sun had set hours ago yet sleep eluded me, still. By the time Sunday rolled around, I was miserable and unbearable to be around.

  I had to give Matt credit though; he toughed it out until I had succeeded on getting on his last damn nerve.

  “How about enlightening me on what the hell is going on?”

  “Huh?”

  “I know you are concerned over court tomorrow. I am sure it is weighing heavy on your mind,” he said as he dug two beers out of the fridge. “If you are upset over any of the shit I said the other day, I just wanna squash it all.”

  “We’re cool.”

  “Oh yeah, we’re cool alright. I’ve been avoiding you and you’ve been extra bitchy.”

  “What in the HELL are you talking about, Matt? I’ve stayed out of your way as well.”

  I leaned against the counter and folded my arms over my chest. He shot the caps off the icy cold beers then handed me one. He downed half of his in one drink then slammed it onto the countertop.

  “Honestly?! You’ve been a bitch for over a week, more so than usual. You don’t have to tre
at a man like shit!” He shook his head.

  “Tell the truth and shame the devil, Matt! You were the one intent on making a person feel like shit,” I said, staring into the bottom of my beer bottle. “And you succeeded.”

  “I can’t hear you.” He took a swig of his beer, almost finishing it, and went for another. “Quit mumbling…TALK to me, Nikkia!”

  “Last time I checked, we weren’t in a relationship, Matt. I don’t owe you shit. You made me feel like garbage, and I’m NOT mad at you.”

  “That’s some bullshit!” He shook his head.

  “Bullshit? You came at me out of left field.” I chugged from my bottle. “Then you didn’t give me any time to respond!”

  “You said all that was needed, love. Anything more would have been irrelevant. You had plenty of time to dispute my comment but you didn’t. That alone spoke volumes.”

  Matt wretched the fridge door open and snagged two fresh beers by the neck. He kicked the door close and flipped off the caps again.

  “If it is irrelevant, why are we even discussing this now?” I swallowed the remains of beer number one and cocked my eyebrow at him.

  “Because we have to live with one another!” he retorted.

  I shook my head at him.

  “I’ll pack my belongings tonight. After court tomorrow I’ll come back and retrieve all of our things; easy solution.”

  I tipped my beer bottle to him in a mock salute and strode out of the kitchen.

  “Fuck him,” I muttered as I made my way up to my bedroom.

  I flung the door to the walk-in closet open and grabbed one of my suitcases. I threw it onto the top of the bed and dragged the zipper open. I sighed heavily, took a long swig of beer then proceeded to empty my drawers.

  “I’m so fucking tired of packing my shit!” I angrily tossed clothes into the case with each word I spoke.

  “Then don’t.”

  I glanced over my shoulder at the man whom took up every inch of space the doorway had to offer. I shook my head and rolled my eyes at him.

  “I really don’t have much choice, Matt.”

  “I didn’t ask you to leave, Nikkia.”

  I tugged a drawer open as I continued to shake my head. Never had I known a man that was so exasperating and frustrating. I didn’t understand, and I was unsure if I even wanted to.

  “It would be in everyone’s best interest if I leave you to live your life in peace,” I said. “You shouldn’t have to be uncomfortable in your own home. And I won’t remain in a place where I am not wanted.”

  “I never said any of those things, Nikkia.”

  “I’ve upset your world enough, Matt. I will never be able to repay you for all you have done for me and my children,” I spoke, concentrating on emptying the drawers. “For that alone I am eternally grateful.”

  “I’d have never taken you for a runner,” he laughed.

  I rolled my eyes but refused to look at him. I was sure he had some cocky sarcastic grin on his face. I was tired, both physically and emotionally.

  “Nikkia.”

  I groaned in frustration and turned around to find him sitting on the edge of my bed. He pointed to the space next to him as I rolled my eyes again at him and refused to move.

  “Nikkia, please.”

  I exaggerated a heavy sigh, crossed the room and plopped down in the space next to him. He glanced down at the silky material I had clutched in my hand. A playful smile spread across his lips as his shoulder bumped into mine.

  “Say what is on your mind, Matt,” I said tightly.

  “I don’t want to fuss with you, Nikkia. I’m just trying to understand; to help you, if I can.”

  “Gotcha. I’m good, really.”

  I went to stand as his hand wrapped around my wrist. He pulled me back down next to him. Why couldn’t he just leave me alone?

  “Is it what I said the other day that has you so upset? Or, is it about having to go to court tomorrow and testify against your son’s father? Let’s be honest.”

  I fell back against the mattress. I flung my arm over my face and grunted in an unladylike way. I could feel his chocolaty eyes boring into me.

  “Both.”

  An uncomfortable silence fell over us.

  “You do realize one is nowhere near as bad as the other,” Matt finally spoke.

  “Yeah I do. Both make me very uneasy though.”

  “I make you uneasy now? Wow…” He sucked his teeth as his thumb softly caressed my wrist.

  The mattress shifted. I turned my head and found myself staring right into Matt’s eyes.

  “I…yes…” I ignored the faint tingle that filled my fingertips.

  “I’d never hurt you.”

  Oh no…I sat up and scrambled to my feet tugging my wrist free from his grasp. Space was what I needed to keep between Matt and myself. If I remained within an arm’s distance of those warm, kind eyes of his, I’d do something stupid for sure.

  I returned to the drawer and began concentrating on the task of packing. I threw the handful of underwear at the suitcase. This was beyond crazy to me! I wanted to push every ridiculous thought I was having from my brain.

  “Nikkia.”

  I spun around and tossed the handful of silk and lace at him.

  “GO! PLEASE!” I shouted at him, all the while he backed me into the chest of drawers.

  “No,” he replied, voice thick.

  “Why must you be so damn hardheaded?!” I snapped. “I don’t want…”

  “Bullshit,” he growled.

  One hand disappeared into my hair while the other framed my face, just below my ear. I stared into the depths of his warm eyes, my own stretched wide. His fingers tightened in my hair, and forced my head back just enough for my lips to part.

  “Matt…” I heard my voice quiver…unsteady…unsure.

  “I wanted to taste your mouth since the first day we met,” he said as his mouth hovered over mine.

  “This…is…” I blinked my eyes rapidly. “NO!”

  I tried to back away but couldn’t go anywhere. My spine was flush with the dresser and Matt was a mountain that was not to be moved. Then the pad of his thumb traced over the fullness of my lower lip as his breath mingled with mine. Just that intimate touch alone had me believing I would melt into a puddle.

  “Reconsider…” he whispered across my lips.

  “I…”

  My brain stopped working then as his teeth caught my lip. His nip stirred something deep inside of me that had been lying dormant. He used his tongue to soothe away the initial shock of his bite. I was thrown off balance and gripped his tee shirt in my clenched fist in an effort to remain upright.

  “Matt…I…we…” I couldn’t think straight.

  “Hush woman.”

  I wasn’t ready for what his tongue could do. I wasn’t expecting the ferociousness in his search for every inch contained within my mouth. I hadn’t anticipated seeing stars explode before my eyes, or the loss of brain function as he kissed me senseless... and I never would have imagined kissing him back with just as much intensity.

  “So damn sweet…” His voice was deep as his hand slid down my neck and across my shoulder.

  “Matt…” I breathed heavily. “Slow down, I…”

  He trailed his lips over the curve of my jaw then pressed a soft kiss to the corner of mouth. His fingers caught mine then laced them in his. He brushed his lips across our entwined knuckles then tugged me towards the bed.

  “Don’t look at me like that, Nikkia.” He shook his head. “Making love to you would be amazing, but it is not what I want right now.”

  “What do you want, Matt?” I asked craning my neck to look at him.

  “Right now? To lay across that bed and hold you in my arms, talk about what just happened and maybe do it again.” He gave me a lopsided grin. “But mostly I just wanna hold you.” He sank down onto the side of the bed.

  He tugged me by the hand to stand between his knees. To me it was a very intimate sta
nce. I looked down at him for a brief second just before he flung me onto the bed. I landed unceremoniously with a flop alongside of him.

  “Really?!” I shrieked.

  “Live and laugh.” He winked at me and lay back onto the mattress.

  “Why do you wanna hold me if I’ve been such a bitch?” I turned my head and was met by his warm coffee gaze. “Why do you even want to be around me at all?”

  “I think you could benefit from it, and I’m sure you’d feel pretty damn good; plus, I like you.”

  His lips pressed a soft kiss to the center of my forehead. I closed my eyes as he tucked an arm under my neck and drew my body close to his. His huge arm wrapped around me in a protective embrace as I sighed then rested my head atop his hard chest.

  “Can I ask you something?” I asked after several minutes passed.

  “Yup.”

  “I…never mind. It would be awkward.” Instead I cuddled up closer to him, liking the feel of him.

  “I was in the military for many years, Nikkia, stationed all over the world.” He spoke quietly. “I find all women, regardless of shape, size and color, beautiful.”

  I nodded; surprised but not so much, that he knew what I was thinking about; the question I wanted to ask. His hand splayed across my hip and gave it a squeeze.

  “But I am more appreciative of a woman with some meat on her bones. Those dangerous lush curves are the perfect bait for a man like me,” he had gone on to explain.

  “Hmmm, and what kind of man are you, Matt Collins?” I asked, curious.

  “A simple man, with simple tastes and a healthy appetite, Nikkia Miles,” he answered as he met my gaze and winked. “I have an addiction for decadent chocolate as well.”

  I couldn’t contain my amusement at his description, nor could I control my laughter. He joined in then rolled on to his side, towering over me. His fingers, strong and steady, skimmed across my cheek as my eyes filled with tears.

  “What’s the matter, Nikkia?”

  “I’m scared, but I can’t afford to be weak,” I blinked carefully, hoping the tears wouldn’t spill.

  “Being scared does not make you weak. Neither does crying. You should not feel guilty or ashamed of any of those things,” Matt said.