Indestructible Desire

by Danielle Jamie

  Feeling torn and confused, I don’t answer him. I just lay there a shattered in his arms, and cry. With my heart telling me to believe him, and my head shouting at me not to believe him. I don’t know what to think, I know he loves me. But he’s a man, being away on business trips, what’s to say he won’t give in to temptation and sleep with someone. This woman is gorgeous; she’s a model for crying out loud. How do I compete with that, her body makes me look like a plain Jane.

  “Savannah, please talk to me.” Running his fingers through my hair he kisses my forehead. It kills me hearing the desperation in Kayden’s voice. I love this man with everything I have. I just don’t know if I can believe him. I want to, but I’m scared I’ll find its true, and then I’ll look like the biggest fool.

  “I don’t know what to believe Kayden.” I finally say in between cries. “I need some time to think.” Climbing out of his arms, I make my way up the stairs to our bedroom. I just finished unpacking all of my things, thinking this was the beginning of our happily ever after. Now I don’t know if when I walk out that door it will be just for now, or forever.

  Walking into the bedroom, and leaning against the doorway to my closet, Kayden looks down at me. I‘m on my knees tossing some clothing in my Louis Vuitton bag. Not sure where I‘m going or what I‘m doing, just that I need some time to let all of this sink in.

  “What are you doing Savannah?” He finally asks breaking the silence in the room.

  Zipping my bag, I toss it on my shoulder and stop in front of him. “I just need some time to think Kayden. I need to find this woman, and find out if this is all a lie. Why would she do this? Ruin someone’s happiness for a couple grand? Or if in fact what she said is true.”

  Grabbing my shoulders Kayden stares into my eyes pleading with me to believe him. “It isn’t true! The fact that you would believe this fuckin’ lie speaks volumes Savannah. Logan fucked you up so much, that you can’t see when someone is lying to you or telling you the truth! I’ve done nothing but be open with you about everything. Never once have I ever given you a reason to doubt me. Now the first sign of trouble, you’re running.”

  Letting out a gasp, I step back. I can’t believe the words that are coming out of his mouth. Before I can react my hands connecting with his cheek. “How dare you!”

  “Feel better? If not go ahead Savannah, slap me again. You have gone through so much shit between Logan and then the kidnapping. I understand your struggle to trust someone. But I thought you loved me enough to believe me over any bullshit story sold to the press!”

  Pushing through Kayden, I run down the stairs, and burst out the door. Standing in the down pouring rain, I stare up into the dark skies. Letting the rain drops fall onto my face, I scream as loud as I can. Letting out all the frustrations that I have bubbling inside of me ready to erupt out of me at any moment.

  Kayden’s arms wrapped around me, snap me out of my trans. “You’re going to catch phenomena standing out here in the rain. Please come back inside and talk about this.”

  The tug-a-war between my brain and my heart is overwhelming. The feeling of Kayden’s arms around me, even though I want to hate it. I love them holding me tightly against him. A slight whimper escapes my mouth. “I am so confused Kayden.” I say defeated. I don’t have the strength to fight with him anymore.

  Going into autopilot, feeling my entire body going numb from the pain. I stare up at his beautiful green eyes, now darkened with pain and sadness. “I just need time, please just give me time Kayden.”

  ***

  Chapter Twenty Four

  ***

  One Week Later

  Sitting on set of As The Days Go By, feels surreal. Brooklyn has been killin’ it all week, nailing all of her lines. She’s so talented, I know it won‘t be long until she catches her big break. Watching her act every day this week has been a nice distraction from my chaotic life.

  It’s been a week since I left Texas and flew out to LA with Brooklyn. Kayden pleaded with me to stay, and we’d figure this out together. But I need to do this on my own. I need to find out the truth myself, so I know what I’m told is the real story.

  It’s killed me every day being away from him, because without him with me, I feel like a piece of me is missing. I googled the girl who claims to have slept with Kayden in Paris. Her name’s Nadia Vanero, and she’s some up and coming model. Brooklyn’s has made it very clear that I‘m stupid for not ignoring the article. Everything in me is screaming to just get on a plane and run back to Kayden. Just say screw the damn accusations I love him that‘s all that matters. I should love him enough to believe his version. But, I can’t no matter how badly I want to. I. Just. Can’t.

  A sliver of me is thinking what if it is true? What if he had a laps in judgment, and slept with her. Kayden has text me every day since we arrived in LA. Everyday I’ve gotten beautiful bouquets of flowers, with cute little I love you’s written on the note cards. I understand completely that this is hard for Kayden too.

  I don’t want to be one of those women who marry a rich powerful man. Who sleeps around behind their back, and the wife just turns a blind eye to their behavior. I hate that this is happening right now. We’re supposed to be planning our wedding. I thought I would be spending this entire week mailing out engagement announcements to friends, family, and the newspaper. Instead we’re thousands of miles apart with our future questionable.

  Staring down at my engagement ring, I can’t help but feel myself doubting my decisions. How do you know what is the right choice to make in a situation like this? If I stayed and tried to figure out what was truth, and what was fabricated. I would feel torn because I stayed, even though this woman is suggesting my fiancée cheated on me with her. I’d be just as torn as I am right now after leaving. But would it make the pain a little less still having Kayden by my side? Or would it make it even more excruciating?

  I talked with my mom a few days ago, letting her know Kayden has flat out said there’s no truth to the story. She’s even agreed with Brooklyn, telling me she doesn’t see it. The way Kayden talks about me to them, she knows how much he loves me. I told her, that we’re still together just I came with Brooklyn to LA to just get some space to think.

  Brooklyn’s convinced that Giselle had something to do with all of this. After Kayden mentioned that Nadia was with her at the hotel that night. Brooklyn said she would bet a million dollars that Giselle planned this whole thing. She’s been jealous of mine and Kayden’s relationship since day one.

  We’ve tried to get in contact with Nadia, but she’s refused to take any of our calls. Brooklyn’s on a mission to track her down and beat the truth out of her if she has to. I just hope once we finally do reach her, she doesn’t confirm my fears, and tell us that she did in fact sleep with Kayden that night.

  Bouncing across the stage, Brooklyn grabs my hands, pulling me out of the chair, and out of my thoughts. “Ready to bust outta this joint?”

  “Yup, let’s go.” Following her through the studio, we head outside to the cab waiting for us.

  Sliding into the back of the cab, we give the driver the directions to Dee’s Café. We’re meeting Reagan and Rebecca there for dinner before we all go out to Vertigo tonight.

  “You hear from Kayden today?” Brooklyn asks, while texting on her cell.

  “Yeah he called me earlier while you were in hair and makeup. He said he just wanted to see how I was doing, and told me he misses me.” It takes everything in me to not cry right now. I’ve been an emotional mess since all of this happened. I was finally getting to a good place and then had the rug pulled out from under me…again.

  “I hate that you two are going through all of this. I’m not going to rest until we find that little home wreckin’ tramp. Once I’m done with her, she’ll be telling the world what a lying little skank she is.”

  ***

  Walking into Vertigo, I can’t help but be consumed with thoughts of Kayden. Twirling my engagement ring, I nervously watch as Broo
klyn text away on her phone. “Who are you texting?”

  “Xander.” Ignoring the shocked look on my face, Brooklyn pushes through the crowed of people. Finally after what feels like an eternity we make it to the bar. “Two bottles of twisted tea please!” She shouts to the bar tender of the music.

  Handing me my twisted tea, she tries to dodge my questions, but I’m not giving up that easily. “Brooklyn! Why are you texting Xander? I thought things with Jax were getting serious?”

  Letting out a loud sigh, she climbed up onto a stool at the bar. “He’s in LA for a concert and text me asking if we would be in LA Sunday night. If we want to go he’ll set tickets aside for us at the doors. Along with some back stage passes.”

  “Oh. I guess it could be fun, as long as you can behave yourself. Not go all crazy. I know what a sucker you are for hot sweaty rockers; a back stage pass spells danger…maybe we should skip on those?”

  “Hell no! I want to meet the other band they’re opening for! I love them! And the you know the only rocker I would go all fan girl on and jump his bones back stage, is Jared Leto.” Winking at me, and flashing an impish grin she drank the rest of her twisted tea, and sashayed onto the dance floor.

  Finishing my drink, I wave the bartender over and ask for a shot of whiskey. I need something stronger than a twisted tea to numb my mind tonight. Tipping it back, I welcome the slow burn as it rolls down the back of my throat. “Another!” I shout slamming my shot glass down on the bar.

  “Well, what do we have here?” Not recognizing the voice, I decide to tune it out, and toss my next shot back. Signaling to the bar tender, I have him fill the glass up to the brim.

  Not taking a hint, the guy sits down beside me. “So you off duty tonight?” Well that just perked my interest. Snapping my head around, I lock eyes with Shayne.

  Oh shit! “What?” I ask trying to play dumb.

  “You’re not carrying any handcuffs tonight. So I’m assuming you’re off duty…officer Savannah? If I remember correctly?”

  Oh double fuck me! “Another! Please…” Not skipping a beat I quickly swallow down the next shot.

  “Rough night?” He asks with laughter in his voice, as he watches me tip back my shot. Waving the bartender over, he orders whatever’s on tap. I can’t help but stare at his many tattoos along his arm, as he lifts the glass of beer up to his lips. His black hair cut is still cut short, and his dark brown eyes are warm and welcoming, but have a glimmer of mischief in them.

  “Yeah, you could say.” Standing to find Brooklyn I try to get away from him, but he’s like a lost puppy. Following me onto the dance floor, I glance back at him. “What are you doing?”

  Shrugging his shoulders, and wrapping an arm around my waist, he pulls me against his very toned body. “Dancing? What does it look like?” He says matter-of-factly, with a cocky smile plastered across his face.

  “I can’t dance with you, I’m engaged.” Waving my ring in his face, I break free from his embrace, and continue to try and find Brooklyn.

  “I don’t see your fiancée here? What’s the harm in dancing Savannah? If I remember correctly, you really enjoyed dancing with me last Halloween.”

  God he’s persistent. A few months ago I found his charm delightful when I was trying to get over Logan. But now I just don’t have the time for it. I came out to have a few drinks and dance. Definitely not to find a guy to get all hot and sweaty with tonight.

  Deciding ignoring him is the best option, I push through the crowd, and I spot Brooklyn dancing her way back to the bar. After what feels like a thousand, excuse me’s I finally make it through the mob of people. “Savannah!” She shouts, running at me and wrapping her arm around my waist leading me to the bar.

  “Belly shots!” She yells climbing onto the bar and lifting her tank top up, exposing her stomach. The bar tender wastes no time filling her belly button. One of the guys she was dancing with, happily sucks the shot up off of her stomach. “Woohooo!” Brooklyn shouts jumping down from the bar. “That was so fun!”

  “You are insane…you know that right?” I laugh at her as she adjusts her tank top.

  “Yeah, I know, but now it’s your turn! Get your little ass up on that bar Savannah! We came here to have a good time, so damn it we’re having a good time! Fuck Giselle, fuck Nadia, and any other skanky home wrecking ho!”

  Protesting I try to plant my feet firmly on the ground, but Brooklyn with her determination drags me to the bar. With the help of her two new guy friends, with in seconds I’m being lifted up onto the bar. “Lay down sweet cheeks, time to officially get this party started!”

  Everyone’s chanting, “Drink…drink…drink!” I can’t look. Covering my eyes with my hand, I lay there waiting for a complete stranger to take the shot from my belly button. Feeling the warm lips on my cool skin, makes me immediately get goose bumps on my stomach. I can hear the bar all cheering as he licks every last drop from my stomach.

  “Mmm, that was the best shot I’ve ever had.” I remove my hand, and find Shayne. Oh. My. God! Looking from him to Brooklyn, she’s smiling ear to ear.

  “You don’t give up do you?” I ask jumping off of the bar. Pulling my tank top down and eye up and down. He has to know who I am and not just remember me from that night on Halloween. I’ve been all over the damn news for months now. “Look Shayne, I don’t know what game you’re playing, but I have enough shit going on in my life right now. I don’t need to add another thing to the already long list.”

  After the shock of me calling him out wore off, he sat on the bar stool beside me, “Okay. I admit I know who you are. More like I know who you’re engaged to. I’ve met him a few times here and in Vegas. He’s a nice guy, but from what I’ve read, he cheated on you. Sooo, I think that makes you fair game.”

  Climbing onto the bar stool beside him, I ask the bar tender for a jack and coke. Taking a long sip, I finally work up the courage to talk about Kayden. “Look I’m in love with Kayden. The whole story isn’t black and white. There are two sides to the story. She claims she slept with my fiancée, but he insists nothing happened.”

  Taking a ringlet of my hair between his fingers, Shayne twists it while listening to everything I’m telling him. The music is so loud, I can barley hear myself think, let alone have a conversation. I have to lean in so close, that my lips almost touching his ear as I talk to him. I can’t help but breath in his delicious cologne.

  Shaking my inappropriate thoughts away, I wait for Shayne to respond. After a few sips of his beer, he locks eyes with me. “So do you believe him? I think if you did, you’d be with him right now, and not here…sitting with me at the bar.”

  God, I’m so tired of answering this question. I don’t know what the hell I feel. But everyone wants a cut and dry answer from me. I deciding to give him the answer that I feel deep down is the truth. “I believe him. I think she’s a lying little bitch who was edged on by her friend to sell this story. I honestly don’t think he would cheat on me.”

  “Well then what are you doing here?”

  There’s the million dollar question. “I don’t know. I guess I’m scared that it could be true. Then I’ll look like the idiot who allowed her fiancée to cheat on her, and she just stayed by his side.”

  “Savannah! Get your ass over here now! You gotta see this!” Brooklyn shouts at me running as fast as she can at me. Taking my hand, she pulls me off of the bar stool, dragging me up the stairs to the VIP section. Before I can ask what’s going on, we stop dead in our tracks.

  “What the fuck!?” I spit out, as my eyes take in the disturbing image before me.

  “That’s what I said!” Brooklyn says with disgust dripping from her words. Brooklyn lets go of my hand, and stomping across the VIP section. Snapping out of my state of shock, I quicken my strides to catch up to her. Before I can say anything to stop her, Brooklyn’s grabbing Giselle by the hair, and yanking her off of Logan’s lap.

  “You nasty little slut!” She shouts before slapping Giselle across t
he face. Shoving her down onto the couch she whips her head towards Logan holding her hand in the air at him. “Don’t you fuckin’ move, unless you want to spend the next hour, fishin’ your balls outta your stomach!”

  “Holy shit! What the fuck is going on?” Shayne asks finally catching up to us.

  “That is the woman we think helped set the plan in motion, to set up Kayden to look like he cheated on me.” I say with venom pouring from my mouth. “Hold my drink, would ya?” Handing him my drink, I storm over to Giselle.

  “Where’s your phone?!” I shout at her, jamming my finger into her chest.

  “What?” She asks staring up at me with a dumb look on her face. Her perfectly styled hair is now disheveled. Miss prim and proper, is finally revealing her true deceitful and conniving self to the world.

  “Do I need to spell it out for you? Get. Your. Phone! I want you to call your little friend Nadia, and tell her this charade ends now! I want her to tell me the truth, or so help me I’ll beat it the fuck outta her!”