Beware of the Purple Peanut Butter

by R. L. Stine

  THE END

  You’ve decided to try to fight the mouse. It’s headed straight toward you, and it looks mean! Mean and hungry.

  But it’s so big — you need a weapon. You glance around desperately.

  You spot a box of utensils hanging on the inside of the cupboard door. Inside the box are some pins for holding corn on the cob. One end of each pin is sharp. The other end has a plastic handle. You grab one of the pins by the handle. It’s as big as a sword to you.

  Then you turn to face the mouse.

  It approaches, baring its ugly yellow teeth. It lunges at you. You lunge back, holding your pin like a sword. The mouse easily dodges the pin.

  It reaches out a clawed paw and rakes your arm. You cry out in pain and thrust back with the pin.

  The two of you seem well matched. So well that the only way to determine the outcome of this duel between human and beast is by chance.

  Count the number of letters in your first name.

  If you have an EVEN number of letters, turn to PAGE 25.

  If the number of letters is ODD, turn to PAGE 88.

  You head for the metal pile as fast as you can run.

  You hear the lizard coming after you. You race ahead, faster than you’ve ever run before.

  The lizard’s sticky tongue darts out of its mouth. It touches the back of your shirt. You break away. You reach the rusty metal. Now you realize it’s a pile of wrecked cars.

  You climb onto the crushed metal door of one of the cars. The lizard starts up after you. You climb through the window and leap onto the dashboard.

  You glance at the window. The lizard glances back at you.

  Where can you hide?

  Then you spot the open glove compartment. Perfect! You crawl in and slam the door behind you.

  No way the lizard can get in. You glance around. The glove compartment is full of old, torn maps. There’s a rusty flashlight, a bunch of keys, and a half-eaten roll of mint candies. To you, they’re all the size of furniture.

  You lean against a map and relax. But then you hear a deafening roar. The car starts to tilt. Then it begins to shake.

  Quick! Turn to PAGE 114.

  It’s gone! The refrigerator has disappeared.

  In fact, all the furniture in the basement is gone! Everything. The basement is completely empty!

  You rush to the kitchen. Your aunt is just leaving the house to go to work at the university.

  “Aunt Fiona!” you cry. “Where’s the refrigerator that was in the basement?”

  She frowns. “Dora told me you were playing down there yesterday,” she replies.

  That rat! You played with her stupid dollhouse and she still told on you.

  “Don’t worry,” Aunt Fiona goes on. “I had all the furniture hauled to the dump early this morning.”

  “But —” you start to protest.

  “Those old things were dirty and dangerous,” she continues. “Now it’s safe for you kids to play down there whenever you want.” She gives you a quick kiss and leaves before you can ask any more questions.

  You stare after her in shock. You’re in big trouble. Or, rather, in small trouble. You’re still shrinking. What if you grow so small you disappear?

  If you think you can find the refrigerator at the dump, hurry to PAGE 24.

  If you think you should see a doctor, turn to PAGE 120.

  “I’d like to try the laser treatment,” you squeak.

  “Excellent!” Dr. Abbott replies. “Now, stay right there.”

  He rushes across the room and returns pushing a huge machine. It looks like a white machine gun with a pointed barrel. He aims it directly at you.

  Dr. Abbott presses several buttons on a plastic remote control. With a high-pitched whine, the laser starts up. Suddenly, a red ray shoots out. You start to sweat and pant. But you’re not growing any bigger.

  Dr. Abbott turns off the machine. “Any results?” he asks.

  “It isn’t working,” you tell him.

  “Oh, dear,” he says, frowning. “Maybe I’d better turn the ray up to full power.” He presses more buttons on the remote. There’s a sudden POP! and the entire room glows bright red.

  You fall down as everything begins to shake. The red light is so bright you have to cover your eyes. Then it begins to fade to pink. The shaking stops and the laser shuts off.

  You’re still small.

  And Dr. Abbott seems to have disappeared.

  “Dr. Abbott?” you call. “Dr. Abbott?” You approach the edge of the table and glance down. There on the floor is a tiny creature wearing a white lab coat. It looks like …

  Quick! Turn to PAGE 36!

  “What’s wrong?” you ask Dora.

  “Why is your watch like that?” she asks, pointing to your wrist.

  You glance where Dora is pointing and notice that your wristwatch is hanging loose from your wrist. “That’s strange,” you murmur. “The watchband must have stretched.”

  “It’s metal,” Dora points out. “How could it stretch? Didn’t it fit when you got here?”

  “I guess so,” you mumble.

  That’s a good question, you realize, but one you don’t have an answer for.

  Now you notice something else. When you first came here, you were three inches taller than Dora. Sitting beside her now, you seem to be the same height. How could that be possible?

  What is going on? Rush to PAGE 78.

  You rush out of the house and make a right. But you have to stop for a minute. Pink spots appear before your eyes and your toes tingle. Once the weird feeling passes, you run down the street toward the number 103 bus stop.

  When you hurry by your uncle’s mailbox, you see it’s now higher than your head. You’ve shrunk even more!

  Just as you arrive at the bus stop, the 103 bus pulls up. You start to hop on board.

  “Just a minute,” says the bus driver. “How old are you?”

  “I’m twelve,” you reply.

  The driver laughs. “Nice try. But no twelve-year-old could be so small. I’m afraid you’re too young to ride the bus by yourself. Come back with one of your parents.”

  “But I have to go to the university!” you protest.

  “Sorry,” the bus driver says. “Rules are rules.” He shuts the door in your face. Too bad. It looks as if you made the wrong choice. And this adventure is over.

  But wait! You have one more chance. You can still try to track down the refrigerator and see if the jar of purple peanut butter is inside. Hurry back to your uncle’s house. That will be a safe place to come up with a plan!

  Turn to PAGE 58.

  You’ve heard that water bugs sometimes fly, but you’ve never seen one do it.

  And you hope you never will again.

  For now, though, you realize you are lucky you found one that can. This is your chance to get out of the sewer.

  But first, you’ve got to figure out some way to steer before you slide off the bug’s slimy back. You grasp the left antenna and pull hard. The water bug turns left. You pull on the right antenna, and it turns right. The antennae work just like reins!

  You steer the water bug along the sewer until you reach an overhead storm drain. You guide the insect up through the drain and out into the street.

  Then you kick the bug in the sides. It begins to fly high, higher. Soon the town is far below. You scan the countryside. And then you see it — the Fiskeville dump.

  You guide the water bug south toward the dump. The dump is huge. It stretches over several acres. How will you find the refrigerator?

  The insect begins to fly faster as it approaches the dump. It dips low and skims a few feet above the dump. It’s heading straight for a big mound of rotting garbage!

  Quick! Jump off the water bug and turn to PAGE 59.

  You’ll try the steam room. You don’t want to test out some new contraption.

  Arnold gives you a large bathing suit to change into. Then you step through a door into a room that’s filled with bi
llowing clouds of steam.

  It’s HOT in here! The steam fills your eyes, your mouth, your nose. You begin to sweat. You sit on a wooden bench. The steam grows hotter. You sweat even more. You feel the bathing suit growing loose on your body.

  It’s working! You’re shrinking!

  The warm steam makes all your muscles relax. You feel as if you don’t have a care in the world. You get sleepy … sleepy.

  You wake up incredibly thirsty. Water, you think, you have to get some water. Your legs feel rubbery when you slide off the bench. You stumble to the door and try to open it.

  You can’t reach the handle.

  The steam worked too well. You’ve shrunk — just like your sweater when you accidentally put it in the hot-water wash.

  “Let me out!” you cry, pounding on the door.

  You realize that Arnold has forgotten all about you.

  The steam continues to pour in. You continue to shrink. When you have shrunk down to the size of a raisin you give up hope.

  This steamy adventure has come to a sweltering

  END

  You turn around and start for the highway.

  You have to be very careful where you put your feet — whoops! There went someone’s bicycle. CRUNCH! You’ve just flattened Uncle Harvey’s car!

  You hope you don’t accidentally crush a person or animal.

  You step carefully over a parked van. The neighborhood still rings with terrified shouts: “ALIEN! ALIEN!”

  You can’t wait to get away!

  Once you reach the main roadway, you take off. CRASH! Cars collide behind you — but you have to keep going. You don’t even dare look back. Then you hear a frightening sound: sirens.

  Lots of sirens.

  Someone in your uncle’s neighborhood has called the police. You are in big trouble now. And if your neighbors won’t listen to you, will the police?

  You see flashing lights in the distance as the emergency vehicles race toward you. Above them helicopters buzz like angry hornets.

  It’s an all-out attack! Where can you go? What can you do?

  And then you see it — one of the few places in the world where you might be able to hide until you return to your normal size.

  Turn to PAGE 54.

  You bend down and lick up the smear of icing.

  Then you wait.

  At first nothing happens.

  Then your arms start to ache and your mouth feels strange. Something is happening to you! You watch as the refrigerator appears to grow smaller.

  You’re growing! It’s working!

  You hop out of the refrigerator. As you do, the lizard hops in the refrigerator. It climbs up to the cake box and gobbles up the crumb of cake.

  You turn to head back for your uncle’s house.

  Then you hear a CRASH! behind you. You glance back to see that the lizard completely fills the refrigerator. The crumb made it grow, too!

  Turn to PAGE 55.

  “One,” Barney counts. “Two, three, four, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, fifty …”

  As usual, your cousin is cheating. You’ll have to find a place to hide, fast.

  But where? Dora drops Puff and runs around to the back of the house. You want to stay as far away from her as possible. You glance around, then tiptoe into the house.

  You find yourself in a small living room crowded with furniture. You don’t have much time. Where can you hide?

  You dodge around a couple of chairs. Then you head for a hallway that leads to the kitchen.

  “Seventy!” Barney shouts from outside. “Eighty-one! Eighty-six!”

  You spot a doorway to the right of the refrigerator. You pull the door open. Steep, splintery steps lead down into a dark, musty-smelling room. It must be the way to the basement.

  But your aunt and uncle warned you to stay out of it.

  “Ninety-three!” Barney shouts.

  Quick! Make a decision. Should you forget about your aunt and uncle’s warning and hide in the basement? Or find somewhere else to hide?

  To creep down to the basement, turn to PAGE 71.

  Or find another hiding place on PAGE 47.

  You run down the hall as fast as your tiny legs can go. The janitor’s footsteps thunder behind you.

  You duck into Dr. Abbott’s lab at the end of the hall. You hide in the space between the open door and the wall.

  “Where’s that mouse?” the janitor shouts.

  “There are no mice in here,” says a friendly voice from the back of the room. You glance up to see a tall scientist with a gray beard working at a table. He must be Dr. Abbott, you think.

  “Let’s look around to make sure,” the janitor insists. You hold your breath as he enters the room, then clomps around looking for you.

  Please don’t look behind the door, you think.

  “I guess it didn’t come in here,” the janitor announces. “See you later, Doc.”

  You let out a sigh of relief. You step out from behind the door and glance around. Dr. Abbott’s laboratory is huge. Way above your head you can see several tables and bookshelves. Two big metal machines stand in a corner. You hear the sound of something boiling on a gas burner.

  You’re sure to find help here. But how can you make Dr. Abbott notice you?

  Turn to PAGE 9.

  The eyes are in the middle of an orange, furry face. It looks just like a giant tiger! The beast licks its lips.

  You realize it’s not really a tiger, but it might as well be. It’s Dora’s cat, Puff. It doesn’t know you’re a human. All it knows is that you look a lot like dinner.

  “Nice kitty,” you say, backing slowly toward the porch steps. “Nice Puff, nice, nice.”

  The cat blinks once, then crouches low to the ground. The cat is about to pounce.

  You sprint to the steps. You have to stand on your tiptoes to reach the first one. You strain to pull yourself up by your hands. It’s like climbing up the side of a building.

  You hear Puff behind you, growling softly.

  The next step is much easier to climb. It’s weathered, and you use splinters as handholds.

  The last step is also covered with splinters. They catch on your clothes and poke your skin. You climb up as quickly as you can. You reach the porch, exhausted. But you can’t rest.

  Puff is preparing to spring straight toward you.

  The screen door is open a couple of inches. But it’s all the way across the porch. Do you have time to make it there?

  Or should you head for Dora’s dollhouse a few feet away?

  Run for the door on PAGE 19.

  Or head for the dollhouse, PAGE 44.

  You decide to taste the cake. That purple peanut butter looks too weird. You are so hungry, your mouth waters when you take a big bite of the cake.

  The frosting is hard, the cake is crumbly, and there is a funny aftertaste. You’ve definitely had better.

  But chocolate is chocolate. Besides, you’re starving! Your mouth is open for another bite when you hear your aunt calling your name.

  Uh-oh! Your aunt’s still home. You don’t want to get caught in the basement! What can you do? Your eyes dart around the basement, searching for a way out.

  The basement window! You hurry across the room and scramble onto the back of the sofa. By standing on your tiptoes, you can just reach the grimy windowsill. You hoist yourself up.

  Luckily, the window is open. You slither through, flopping onto the grass.

  Great! No one will ever know you were in the basement. Problem solved.

  But then you roll over onto your back.

  And face a new problem.

  What is it? Turn to PAGE 27.

  You glance down the street. A police car is speeding toward the ballfield. Its red lights blink and its siren wails.

  “You’re in big trouble now!” Barney calls. Without looking back, he dashes away. Thanks a lot, cousin, you think. He disappears in the distance.

  “It wasn’t your fault,” the red-haired pitcher says. “It wa
s just a great hit.”

  “You’d better get out of here fast,” another player suggests.

  You don’t know what to do. You didn’t mean to break the window. But will the police believe you? What will they do? Maybe you’d better hide until they go away.

  If you wait for the police and confess, turn to PAGE 73.

  If you run and hide, race to PAGE 4.

  “I’d love to join the circus,” you tell the clown.

  “Great!” he exclaims. “We’ll work out the details later. You’ll work with the tigers. Starting now!”

  As the audience files in for the next show, Tombo, the tiger trainer, gives you a nasty look. “You don’t know anything about tigers, kid,” Tombo warns. “They can be very dangerous. And people can be dangerous, too!”

  Is he threatening you? Before you can find out, the ringmaster announces your act: “And now presenting Tombo the Tiger Trainer and his amazing new assistant!”

  The circus band strikes up a song. The spotlight focuses on the center ring. Tombo lets his five tigers out of the cage. The big cats jump onto their stands inside the ring.

  They snarl and growl as Tombo approaches. Tombo holds up a flaming hoop. He cracks his whip. One by one, he makes the tigers jump through the flames. The crowd applauds. “Let’s see you top that, kid,” he sneers.

  You feel sorry for the tigers. They may be dangerous animals, but you can tell they don’t like the whip or jumping through hoops. But somehow, you have to entertain the crowd.

  “Go on, kid!” Tombo whispers. “Get started! If you want to keep your job!”

  Get to work on PAGE 56.

  The car shakes even harder. Is this an earthquake?