by Viola Rivard
"Do you think I'm going to leave you?" He asked. "That I'll lose interest in you after we're mated?"
"I don't know that you won't." She worked through a lump in her throat. "You have this idea that the mating bond is magic and it'll bind us together forever, but I'm living proof that it isn't. If it worked every time, then my mom would have never left Cain. And whatever caused her bond to fail, what if she passed it on to me?"
As she spoke, Shan stood and pushed in his chair.
"Where are you going?" she asked.
"I'm going to take you home."
Harper tensed. "Now? We're in the middle of something, here."
He came around to the table and put a hand over hers, gently prying her fingers from the back of the chair. She wanted to slap him away, almost as much as she wanted to collapse against him and cry. But after what he'd told her, she didn't know if she'd ever feel comfortable crying in front of him again.
"All we're in the middle of is a highly contentious discussion that could benefit from some fresh air and a long walk."
Chapter 14
Their mood must have been off-putting, because they made it out of the town without being stopped. As they headed down the path towards Shan's den, Harper couldn't help but remember how happy she'd been that morning, walking alongside him and marveling at what would be her new home.
Now that the steam had left her, the memory of the things she'd just said to him made her feel sick and stupid. She especially couldn't believe that she'd called him out for not having more sex with her. She'd attacked his masculinity so that she could feel a little less insecure. If that wasn't being egocentric, then what was?
"How was Merry?" he asked, breaking the silence.
It wasn't the question she wanted to hear, but she was glad he was at least talking to her.
"You didn't see her yet?"
"I did, last night, but it was difficult for me to tell how she was feeling."
She also didn't want to hear that he'd visited Merry, but she couldn't have it both ways. Either he was a callous jerk who cast Merry aside without a backwards glance, or she'd have to deal with the fact that he'd taken the time to talk to her about the situation.
"I can't really say how she is. She seemed a bit manic, but I don't know what she's like normally."
It wasn't warm out, but lingering anxiety had her sweating beneath her pelt. She started to doubt her decision to walk with Shan. What she really wanted was to find a nice tall tree to climb up into and stay in.
"I did care for her," Shan said. "And I still do. That doesn't go away just because I have feelings for you, but it is different now."
Harper said, "Meeting her, I couldn't help but feel like I was the other woman. And when you think about it, I am."
"You're not. Before anything began between us, Merry knew and accepted that it would end if I ever took a mate. Our relationship never went beyond the boundaries of close friendship and sex. That was part of the reason I chose to be with her, rather than having multiple partners. I've seen it happen time and again where alphas drop their partners in favor of taking a mate. I think it's cruel."
What he said made sense, and during their short walk she had already calmed considerably. She did feel slightly irritated, but only because she wanted to still be angry. In a short while, she'd gone from feeling furious to a state of resignation, and already she could feel arousal creeping over her, preparing to take back control of her senses. She knew that if she was going to make some sort of point, or end their fight on a draw, she'd have to get there soon.
"Earlier, you said you were trying not to overwhelm me. If that's true, then you're going about it all wrong. I'm doing my best to adjust to everything that's happening. I think I'm doing an okay job, considering my entire life and my body are unrecognizable from what they were just a month ago. You need to cut me some slack, because there's no quick overhaul for my personality. I'm going to do stupid things and I'm going to be immature. Your pointing out my flaws, it isn't going to make me any less screwed up. And believe me, anything you see that's wrong with me, I'm already aware of it. You'll never be able to judge me half as harshly as I judge myself. Just give me time and try not to pick at my scabs. I'll get better, I promise."
They stopped at the entrance of the den. Shan leaned back against the smooth wall, his posture relaxed and his expression unreadable.
"Okay," he said.
Harper leaned against the far wall and waited for him to say more.
Shan extended his hand. "Come here."
She folded her arms under her breasts. "You come here."
He pushed off of the wall and cleared the distance between them in two strides. Resting his arm on the wall above her, Shan leaned over her, his large body casting a shadow on her.
Harper stared up at him, still trying to play it cool, even though her knees wanted to buckle. His scent had been incredible before she'd shifted, now it was an aphrodisiac, and being in close proximity to him made her nipples harden and the space between her legs throb.
Shan hooked a finger under her chin, tilting it up. She could hear his heart beating faster and could smell that he wanted her. The scent of his arousal felt incongruous with everything that had happened between them in the past hour, which led her to the conclusion that he was as affected as she was by their new chemistry.
She wet her lips just before he kissed her. It was a hard, demanding kiss, and he was quick in plunging his tongue into her mouth.
Harper's pelt fell to the ground as she put her arms around his neck, holding onto him to keep herself upright. She moaned into his mouth, kissing him back in earnest.
While her body heated to a simmer, anxiety bubbled alongside arousal. She was afraid that he would stop, and she knew she wouldn't be able to handle it if he did. Aside from the emotional effect of being cut off, she was already so turned on that the notion of stopping felt insane. She didn't simply desire him. It felt like she needed him inside of her, pumping his cock into her until they both came.
Suddenly, she was no longer satisfied with kissing him. Good as it was, it felt like nothing more than a means to an end. She began working at the buttons of his shirt, and her heart leapt when he joined her in unbuttoning. As his shirt fell to the ground, he pulled her tightly against him, crushing her soft breasts against his hard chest.
She wasted no time caressing him or playing with his hair. Her hands went straight down to his pants to work at the buttons that held them on. As soon as she got them open far enough, she dipped her hand in, running her fingers down the trail of hair until she reached his thick erection.
When she tried to pull him out, Shan grasped her wrist.
Harper growled.
It was a distinctly inhuman sound, rumbling up from some new part of her vocal chords. It almost sounded like a purr, and wouldn't have been intimidating in the least, had her hand not tightened around his cock.
Shan obviously didn't find her threat credible, because he chuckled as he trailed kisses along her jaw and up to her ear.
"Let me take you to bed."
Harper could hear the promise in his words. She released him at once, her hands going back around his neck as he hoisted her up. He bent to pick up her pelt, securing it around her shoulders before he hauled her into his den.
Though her night vision had improved dramatically since shifting, Harper still couldn't see anything in the pitch black of his den. She wasn't yet familiar enough with the layout of the den, so she was surprised when he pulled her from him and tossed her onto his bed.
Shan was on top of her a second later, his hands moving restlessly over her body as his mouth trailed bruising kisses down her neck. He teased her with the subtle scrape of fangs, but didn't bite, despite her encouraging nudges.
She felt frustrated, rather than excited, when his mouth moved down to lavish her breasts with attention. Her nipples were incredibly sensitive, and it felt good to have him tease them with his tongue, but she was still consu
med by the more pressing urge to have him inside of her. Her hips squirmed and bucked as she sought in vain for his erection.
She was on the verge of demanding that he fuck her when Shan's fangs did more than graze her breast. She gasped as felt the soft pop and the sting of pain as the tips of his fangs punctured her breast. Her hands went to his hair, gripping it tightly in an effort to give herself some semblance of control.
As he moved to her other breast, she didn't try to stop him, nor did she say anything to keep him from biting her again. When his mouth closed over her nipple, a spike of anticipation shot through her and was magnified as she felt the pressure of his fangs against her tender flesh. He sank in deeper this time, so much so that she should have been crying out in pain. But although it hurt, the pain felt secondary to the fresh wave of arousal that burst inside of her. She let out a guttural moan, her chest arching into his bite.
When Shan withdrew his fangs, Harper felt blood rise up from the puncture wounds and begin to roll down her breast. Shan licked up the blood with a satisfied growl and then closed his mouth over his bite, gently sucking on it until the blood flow began to slow. He gave the spot a quick kiss before coming back up to lock lips with Harper.
The tangy taste of her blood was strangely arousing, as if she needed to be any more turned on. She moaned her excitement as he began removing his pants and felt on the verge of tears as he finally positioned himself at her entrance.
Shan was nearly as worked up as her. His heart was beating so loudly that she could have heard it even with human ears, and he had to break their kissing in order to taking in panting breaths. He let out a ragged groan as he rubbed the swollen head of his cock along her slick seam, and then began to sink in.
As he pushed into her entrance, Harper's nails dug into his shoulders. She let him press on for all of a second before yelping and wedging her knee between them.
"Hang on," she said.
"What is it?" he asked, his voice rough and gravelly.
Harper wiggled into what she hoped was a more comfortable position. "Sorry. Forgot how big you are."
That smoothed his irritation over at once, and he kissed her again before repositioning himself and pushing into her. Harper gasped, and this time her hands went to his chest, pushing him back. He didn't budge, but he did stop.
"Please don't judge me if I cry," she said.
"Forget what I said."
"It's not because I'm feeling vulnerable, although I kind of am--"
"Harper," he said, groaning her name.
"It's just that I that I think that's my hymen you're pressing against and it really hurts."
Everything had healed when she'd shifted, so it made sense that her hymen would be repaired, too. While she could objectively appreciate the concept of Shan taking her virginity, it was a touch she could have done without. Her first time had been so painful that she hadn't been able to see it through to completion, and she wasn't keen on repeating it with Shan's beautiful monstrosity of a penis.
"Do you need me to stop?"
If he'd had a gun to his head, Shan's words could not have sounded more forced. Laughing in spite of the situation, Harper reached up and stroked the side of his face.
"No. It's gotta happen sometime, right? Just, can you do it fast?"
He responded with a swift thrust, his rigid cock slicing through her resistance to settle deep inside of her.
Harper enjoyed a little pain with sex, even more so now that pain and pleasure had become intertwined in the form of Shan's bite, but his thrust went well beyond her threshold. She let out a strangled cry, her body clenching around him to hold him still.
While the lower half of him remained unmoving, Shan wiped the sweat and tears from her face. He kissed her forehead, the bridge of her nose, and then her lips, his mouth moving over hers at an unhurried pace.
"Relax."
His command had a hypnotic quality. The tension drained from her muscles and she loosened her grip on him.
Slow though they were, his first movements in and out of her burned, but beneath the pain was deep sense of fulfillment that built as his pace accelerated.
When he abruptly stopped, her first thought was that he was climaxing. Then, he said, "I need you on your knees now."
She barely had time to agree before he was flipping her over. She sucked in a breath as she felt her inner walls move around his cock, but the feeling wasn't painful. Shan began thrusting into her immediately, much harder than she would have anticipated, given how gentle he'd been just moments before.
She was still aware of the pain, but it felt secondary to the rising sense of euphoria that was taking over her body. She could feel that he needed her, desperately, and as his regard for her comfort diminished, her pleasure reached new heights.
Shan bit her as he climaxed, his fangs sinking into her neck as he buried himself into her for a final thrust. His entire body seemed to lock around her, caging her in as his seed pulsed into her.
This is mating. We're really mating.
Overcome with emotion, Harper relaxed in his embrace and willed herself not to cry. In that moment, she felt more connected to him than she ever had to anyone, and she didn't want it to end.
She shuddered when he pulled his fangs from her neck. She felt blood run from his mark, but this time he didn't lick it up. His mouth went to her ear.
"We're leaving. Now."
"Now?" Harper repeated. "I thought we had a few more days."
Shan was still inside of her, his body still gripped in an orgasm that wouldn't quite end. Every time he thought it was over his body would shudder again and he'd experience another quake of pleasure, coupled with a sensation of frustration. Climaxing didn't feel like enough, but he didn't know what it was that he did need. All he could do was follow his instincts, and they told him that he had to keep fucking her.
"Does it feel like we have a few more days?" he asked, and he genuinely wanted to know her answer.
"I don't know. It feels different, though. Where will we go?"
"Not far, but far enough."
He returned to her neck, licking up the blood that had spilled from her mark.
"Could you be any more vague? And I don't want to go anywhere," she whined. "Can't we just stay in bed? I'm so sick of traveling."
"Then I'll carry you," he said, sucking on her mark. Harper moaned, and for a moment Shan succeeded in keeping her quiet.
"But really," she said, squirming in his hold. "Will there be a warm bed and food?"
The last of his tremors had subsided, but he was still hard inside of her. His cock continued to throb, and it felt as if it were somehow growing fuller, though he wasn't sure how that could be possible. The need to thrust was returning to him, and he forced himself to pull out before he took her again. If they kept on as they were, they wouldn't be leaving his den.
Shan felt around for his pelt on the bed, and then wrapped it around himself. The skin on the inside was hot and brimming with energy. He could feel it wanting to bind to his flesh, while his wolf clawed at the back of his skull.
"What about your pack?" Harper's voice was like a buzzing gnat. "Don't you have things you have to do? We haven't eaten lunch yet, and I still need clothes. Why don't we go tonight instead?"
It was strange, feeling such deep affection for another person, while also sometimes wishing he could sew her mouth shut.
"Harper," he said, framing her face with his hands. "I need for us to leave now. Do you understand?"
She shook her head.
Though he was annoyed, Shan couldn't blame her. The morning had taken so many fucking turns that he could barely keep up.
He'd woken before dawn, painfully aroused. Harper had been sound asleep, and after wrestling with the decision of whether or not to wake her, he'd gotten up and gone for a run. He'd gone only to the river and back, as his wolf hadn't been keen on going too far from the den and his mate.
After leaving her at the atheneum, he'd been restless and
short-tempered. Knowing he was in no mood to deal with complaints from the townspeople, he'd cut the town hall meeting in favor of a private discussion with Eko, who he'd decided would be his proxy while he was gone.
When Harper had arrived, smelling like Cade—Cade whom she'd once mused about having sex with, he'd felt something he'd never felt before. It wasn't simply jealousy or anger. He felt a violent antipathy towards the other male, to the extent that if Cade had been in front of him, he would have harmed him. The feeling had passed in a flash, leaving behind a lingering hostility that he'd taken out on Harper. He barely remembered what he'd said to her, and it still amazed him that he'd been able to articulate himself beyond a growling demand that she never touch another male again for as long as she lived.
As they'd left the town hall, he'd known then that he did not possess his father's willpower. He wouldn't last a week in this state, or even another day. As they walked, his mind had already begun skipping ahead and making plans for them to leave that evening. Harper was right, there was a lot that he still needed to do. He couldn't just disappear, but he was also past the point of being able to return to town. Nothing mattered to him except being with his mate.
Like Harper, he wasn't inclined to leave his den. It was comfortable, familiar, and safe, but it was also far too close to his pack. While he was still in his right mind, he had to do the responsible thing and put as much distance between them and his wolf as he could manage.
Shan pulled Harper's face close and kissed her.
"Run with me."
Epilogue
Shan's hand went between Harper's thighs. He knew that she was very sore, and he did his best to be gentle as he cleaned her. Despite his best efforts, her grip tightened on his forearm and she let out a hissing breath.
He wiped away the slippery fluids from their mating, dispersing them into the river water. They wouldn't be mating again, not until she rested and healed up, at least.
As he worked, he absently kissed at her neck and shoulders. There were a dozen bites on her now, some of which were shallow enough to heal, but most of which would be permanent. He'd bitten her too much. He knew that now that the haze was lifting. She had never complained, and even seemed to enjoy it, but she would be angry with him later. Even knowing this, he didn't regret the marks. It felt barbaric, wanting to scar her with his bite, but he already wanted to do it again.