On A Silent Night

by Sterling, S. L.

  “You came back,” I cried.

  “I promised you I would.” He kissed me deeply, holding me as if he would never let me go.

  * * *

  Brody

  The room dimly lit, we laid in bed, her body pressed to mine, my arms wrapped around her. We hadn't said much to one another. We had shared a tea by the fire in front of the tree, cuddled together on the couch, finally moving to the comfort of her warm soft bed. Something I hadn't had the luxury of sleeping in for a couple of nights.

  “I'm so glad you came back to me,” I heard her whisper, her fingers tracing small circles in the palm of my hand.

  I pressed my lips behind her ear. “I told you I'd be back. That I wasn't going anywhere,” I said in a sleepy voice.

  I was so comforted by the fact she was lying in my arms, the sound of her slow steady breathing was almost lulling, but I still fought to keep my eyes open in case she needed me. I clasped her hand in mine, kissing her cheek. The tension radiating from her was unsettling. I knew this had been hard on her.

  “You can sleep now, baby, I’m here. I’m safe, we’re together.” I tightened my grip on her, pulling her against me. She rolled her body into me, burying her face into my neck.

  “How did you know I haven’t slept?” she whispered.

  I let out a light chuckle. “Because I didn’t sleep, I couldn’t. If I gave up for one second thinking about being back here with you, right now, just like this, I don’t think I would be here tonight.”

  “Really?”

  “That’s how much you mean to me, Cass.”

  She grew quiet, and I watched as she closed her eyes, comforted by the fact I was there. When her breathing steadied and she relaxed fully in my arms, I too relaxed, comforted by the fact I was in the only place I wanted to be forever, and I fell into a deep restful sleep.

  Chapter Thirty-One

  Cass

  We sat together on the floor in front of the fire, the cozy lights from the Christmas tree shining down on us, Christmas music lightly playing in the background. Christmas Eve was here. A half-eaten pizza sat on the floor while we shared the remainder of the bottle of wine we had opened. I sat back against the chair and listened to Brody as he told me the story about what had happened.

  “We had been following Tim, he was head of our search team. The wind was blowing the snow so hard, we had almost zero visibility. We took a few more steps forward, and Tim was suddenly gone, he fell down an embankment. We could hear him calling for help, so we slid down to where he was. We figured he had broken his ankle and twisted his knee from the fall. At this point, we were all well passed our rest period, cold, tired, and hungry, but we had no idea where we were, so we had to keep going, we needed to find shelter somewhere. We continued walking from where we had found Tim, he was using us for support, but he was starting to get to the point where he was in so much pain, he wouldn’t be able to take much more. We finally came upon an old metal shed-like building. When we got inside, we found five bails of hay which we broke apart and put on the ground, hoping it would insulate us from the cold. I tried to call back to the base to let them know we were alive, but we must have been out of range. I decided to try to call, but my cell phone battery had died from the cold.

  “Anyway, we stayed put for the night. Tim was in bad shape, and as soon as he was off his leg, it started to swell. We couldn’t leave him there alone, and it was too dangerous for only one of us to try to go back. The wind and snow eventually piled up against the door, basically to the point we couldn't get out the next morning which was good because it served as insulation. I never slept, I couldn't. I couldn't get my mind off you and what you must be going through. I had no idea how long we had been in the shed when I finally heard a voice on the walkie. It was broken up, but it was definitely a voice. We had somehow ended up on an old ski run that had been out of use for a while.”

  He stopped speaking and took a sip of his wine.

  “I was so worried about you. I'm so glad you’re okay.” I leaned in, kissing him.

  “I noticed you did as I asked and didn't snoop,” he said, nodding toward the tree, and that was when it dawned on me I hadn't gotten him anything. With all that had gone on over the last week, I had forgotten.

  “Brody, I feel horrid, I don't have anything for you.”

  “That’s okay, I don't have anything for you either,” he smiled.

  “What are you talking about? You told me not to snoop under the tree.”

  “That’s right, but that doesn't mean those are from me,” he said smiling.

  “Sure, okay, Brody. Whatever you say,” I smiled. “Don't try to make me feel better for not getting you anything.”

  He got up from under the blanket we had been sharing and walked shirtless over to the tree, picking up the two wrapped boxes, and set them in front of me.

  “Okay, okay, one of them is from me, you can open that first. The other one I have specific instructions that you open it alone and on Christmas Eve.”

  I frowned, looking down at the wrapped gifts.

  “Open this one first.” He sat down, handing me the one package, studying me as I tore at the paper.

  I opened the taped box, pulled away the red tissue paper inside, and there in my hands sat the same frame Ray had broken, only this one was brand new, and it contained the exact same picture of Jackson and me. I didn't know what to say.

  “How did you do this?”

  “Well, I was the one who originally picked up the frame Jackson had ordered, so I knew where to get it. And you don't remember, but I was the one who took that picture the summer I visited you guys. I dug through a couple of boxes of mine and found the card it was on. I couldn't stand to see you so upset that night. I went and replaced it the next day. I knew how much it meant to you.”

  “Thank you, Brody.” A lone tear fell onto my hand as I stared at the picture. “I don't know what to say.”

  “You don't need to say anything.” He leaned down and pulled my chin up and kissed me softly. “Now, I'm going to head down to the bedroom and leave you alone to open the other one.”

  I looked up at him. “What is it?”

  “I don't know, open it and find out.” He kissed my cheek and went toward the bedroom.

  I sat with the wrapped gift in front of me. There was no card, or tag, I had no idea who it was from or what could be in the box. When I finally built up the courage to open it, I gently tore the paper. Inside sat the little locked wooden box with my name engraved on it. I frowned and pulled on the little lock just like I had done when I found the box, but it still wouldn't open. I was just about to yell to Brody when I flipped over the box and found a little key taped to the bottom. I had checked that, there had been no key before. I took the key and inserted it into the bottom of the little lock and turned it, hearing a little click, and the lock sprung open.

  Inside sat a single envelope with my name on it. My hands started to shake as I picked up the envelope. I recognized the handwriting right away. I took a deep breath, the pit of my stomach rising into my chest, making me feel uneasy.

  I pulled out the folded piece of paper, carefully unfolding it, staring down at Jackson's handwriting. I wiped away the tears that had clouded my vision, took a drink of my wine, and began to read.

  My dearest Cass,

  I'm glad this letter found its way to you, then again, I'm not. If you are reading it, it must mean I have passed, otherwise, you would never have been given this box. Cass, my love, my life, I hope I gave you everything you ever dreamed of while we were together. I hope never a day went by that I disappointed you or let you down. To me, you were perfect, my everything. I hope you know I loved you with all my heart.

  I want to give you something, Cass, a last Christmas gift if you will. Perhaps you are still just as lost as the day I passed away. It's okay if you are, it will pass. What I want to give you is a confirmation that you are doing things right, I want to give you permission to start over. Regardless of where you a
re, let me give you this, Cass. Live your life, baby. Don't dwell on the fact I am not here anymore as I am always with you and will be with you, always. No matter what, I will be watching from above to see all your accomplishments, and I'll be beside you to help calm your fears until the next person comes to take my place.

  Whatever you do, don't give up on your dreams. Please, don't ever let anyone take those away from you.

  If the man who is going to take my place has already arrived or you are unsure about who he may be, listen to me. Love without abandon, be with someone who makes your soul hum, who can make you smile just by looking at you, who can turn you on just by touching you. Be with someone who takes the time to listen to every problem you have, no matter how small it is. If it matters to you, it should to them. Be with someone who understands the troubles you go through when you write because you are talented, Cass, I never told you that enough. Make sure he will help you work out plot troubles, comfort you when you kill a character, and he’s okay with it when you burn dinner because you are on a deadline. Lord knows, I ate lots of burned dinners.

  Don't just settle, you deserve the world, Cass. The world I wish I could have given you. But since I can't, I promise you this. If you follow those steps, you will be given the world. I'm sorry I couldn't be the one to give it to you, and I guess that is how I have let you down.

  I flipped the letter over in my hand. That was it, that was all that there was. I could barely breathe as I dropped the letter into my lap, sobs shaking my whole body. There was no question in my mind who I needed to be with, I already knew, and Jackson had just confirmed it, he had answered my prayers.

  * * *

  I sat for a while, reading and rereading the letter before heading down the hall to find Brody. He was in his room, sitting on the edge of his bed, his back to the door. I leaned against the door frame, watching him for a few minutes. He didn't even know I was there or at least, I thought he didn't until he spoke.

  “He was always planning, Cass, always. When we were alone, he was constantly worried about what would happen to you if anything should happen to him. It was like he had some freakish way of knowing he wasn't going to be around long.”

  “You took that box from my dresser?”

  “Yep. He told me what the box looked like and had given me the key. I had looked for it numerous times after he had passed away but could never find it. When I saw it that day you found it, I made sure to grab it and hide it when you were in the shower one morning. His instructions to me had been clear... When she meets someone, I want you to give it to her. The first Christmas they are together.”

  “Is that really why you came back, Brody, to give me the box?”

  “Why would that be, Cass, I didn't have the box? I came back here for one last chance with you. But when you found the box, I figured you deserved to have whatever he left for you, Cass. It was important to him, he wanted you to have it, and I figured since I have fucked up so much and let him down enough over the last couple of years, this was my chance at redemption with him.”

  “Do you even know what was in the box, Brody?”

  “Not a fucking clue, Cass.”

  I stepped forward, but Brody refused to look at me. I held out the letter to him.

  “Read it.”

  He kept his head down, his rough fingers grazing my hand, sending a jolt right to my center as he took the paper from me and opened it.

  “In that letter, he has described someone who is very special to me. Someone who I can see myself spending the rest of my life with.”

  Brody sat silently, still not meeting my eyes. “No worries, Cass, I'll pack up and be on my way, so you can be with him.”

  “Ray is gone, Brody. It's over. Honestly, it has been over since the day you walked into my store. I don't think it was ever meant to happen with him.”

  “It's over? So, he’s gone?”

  “Yes. You're the one. You make me feel all those things in the letter. You are the one I am supposed to be with, Brody. Truthfully, I think you're the one he wanted me to be with.”

  I walked closer to him, taking the letter from his hand and pushed my way in between his legs. I sat the letter on the bed beside him, took hold of both of his hands, wrapping them around my waist. It was only a matter of moments before I felt his hands grip into my ass to pull me closer to him.

  “I meant what I said, I couldn't wait for you to come home. This is your home now. I'm in love with you, Brody, I don't think I ever stopped. My anger just sidetracked my feelings for you.”

  “I'm in love with you too.” He lifted my shirt and pressed a soft kiss to my stomach.

  Chapter Thirty-Two

  Cass

  I was cleaning up the store and removing the tables and the remainder of books from the book drive after locking up for the night. Brody had gone out of town with a couple of the guys from the fire department and wouldn't be back until later tonight. I had just received my shipment of new releases late in the afternoon and needed to get them out on the shelves for tomorrow, the start of my boxing week and New Years’ sale.

  I had just put away the two folding tables that had occupied floor space and packed away the three remaining shelves of donations, loading them into the back of my car to take to the library. Walking back into the store room, I loaded up my little cart with some boxes of my new shipment and headed back out front.

  A light tapping on the front window caused me to pause while placing the books on the shelf above my head. I turned to see who it was and was shocked to find Ray standing with his face pressed up to the glass. We hadn't spoken since the night he threw me out.

  He signaled to the front door to let him in. I was hesitant. He had never hurt me physically, but as angry as he had been that night, I wasn't sure letting him in while I was alone was the best idea. I pointed to the closed sign and shrugged my shoulders. I watched as he took his phone out of his pocket and typed out something. My phone vibrated in my pocket. Pulling out my phone I looked at the message.

  Ray: I just want to talk.

  I looked at Ray, not knowing what I should do. Brody had suggested I stay far away from him. My phone vibrated again in my hand.

  Ray: Please, just talk, no anger

  I sighed, looking at all the work I needed to get done, then back to the window, his sad eyes pleading with me. I walked over to the door and let him in.

  “Hey.”

  “Hey,” I replied.

  “How have you been?”

  “I'm fine,” I answered curtly, walking back over to where I was working.

  Ray watched me as I emptied another box, moving onto the next one.

  “I miss you, Cass,” he said quietly. I closed my eyes, holding onto the books in my hand. “I miss us.”

  I didn't say anything, I couldn't. Of course, I missed him and the time we had spent together, but my heart belonged to another. It had all along, it had just taken me a while to figure it out.

  “I want to apologize for the way I behaved the other night. You were just being honest with me, but it crushed me that you would do that to me, but I realize things happen. I shouldn't have acted the way I did.”

  “Well, it's done.” I had nothing else to say to that and continued organizing the shelves.

  “Cass, I want to be with you. I want us.”

  As I continued to carry on with what I was doing, I finally felt his warm hands on my arm. His touch had provided comfort for me for three years, but now it did nothing.

  “Please, baby, I forgive you. I want us.”

  I shook my head no but stayed silent.

  “Please, Cass. I love you.”

  * * *

  Brody

  I walked quietly through the back door of the bookstore. I was here early and was surprised to find Cass still at work, so I decided to surprise her. I knew she had wanted to get a lot done tonight. I quietly closed the door behind me and walked up to the front of the building. As soon as I saw what was going on out in the front r
oom, I stopped dead in the doorway. Ray stood, his hands on her shoulders.

  “Cass, I love you.” His voice sounded restrained and sad.

  I watched, not saying a word, my heart in my throat, the silence between the two of them so loud.

  “Please, Cass, I need you to come back to me,” he whispered, running his hands over her shoulders.

  My first instinct was to charge in there and drop him, but I stood completely frozen to my spot. Why wasn't she saying anything?

  I had to turn away, I couldn't watch this anymore. I couldn't bear to see what was going to happen between the two of them. I was just about to give up and leave when I heard her tiny voice answer.

  “Ray, we’re over. Everything that has happened over the last two months with Brody coming back has shown me I'm in love with him, Ray. I'm in love with Brody, and I always have been. My heart belongs to him.”

  “Well, I guess that's all I need to hear. Goodbye, Cass.”

  Tears stung my eyes. She hadn't really told me that. Sure, we had exchanged I love yous, but she hadn't said it like that.

  I watched Ray, without another word, his head hung low, leave through the front door, leaving Cass to stand there alone. He stopped outside the store window for a moment and placed his hand on the glass, looking at her, almost like he was taking a mental picture of the way she looked before he walked away for good. After he was gone, I watched her walk over and lock the door.

  “Goodbye,” she mumbled.

  I didn't want her to know I had heard what was going on, so I quietly slipped back to the back of the building and opened and closed the back door, shutting it hard enough so she would hear it.

  “Hello?” She called.

  “It's just me, Cass,” I called as I walked out to the front. She was in the same spot, loading books up onto the shelf as if nothing had happened.