Dolphins in the Mud

by Jo Ramsey

  Then I remembered Noah telling me that his mother had left for a while when he’d been younger. Apparently she hadn’t been able to handle his illness either. Maybe that had been why she hadn’t come to Wellfleet when Noah and his father had. Maybe she didn’t want to be around Noah that much.

  Some parents didn’t know what they had, and they didn’t deserve to have it.

  “I know,” Dad said. “She was afraid people would judge her if Cecelia didn’t behave appropriately. I don’t think anyone ever would have, but your mother always took Cecelia’s autism to mean she’d done something wrong as a parent.”

  “Yeah.” I wasn’t comfortable hearing something like that. Mom’s opinion of Cece wasn’t any of my business.

  “I was thinking while I was out shopping.” Dad took another bite of his pizza and swallowed it. “Maybe we should have counseling again, like we did when you were younger. I don’t know that Cecelia would get anything out of it, but I think it would help you and me.”

  “Maybe.” I didn’t mind the idea of having a counselor to talk to. I didn’t have anyone else. “I think I’d want to have private sessions too.”

  He nodded. “We can each have individual counseling and then also have family sessions. It’s going to take a lot of work to keep our family running smoothly without your mother. I’m going to need you to work with me, and I want to make sure I’m not expecting too much of you.”

  “Thanks.” It was good to hear that he realized I sometimes had to do too much.

  “We can do this,” he said.

  I wasn’t 100 percent sure of that. I just hoped he was right.

  Chapter Thirteen

  WE FINISHED our pizza, and he left to meet Cece’s van. Right after he walked out the door, the phone rang. Even with an unfamiliar number on the caller ID, I had an idea who the caller was. “Talberman residence.”

  “Is this Chris?” a man asked.

  The voice sounded like Mr. Silver’s, just as I’d expected. I pretended I didn’t recognize it. “Yes, it is.”

  “This is Noah’s father.”

  My heart beat a little faster. I just hoped he was calling with good news. “How’s Noah?” I asked, trying not to hold my breath.

  “He broke his arm and a couple ribs, and he’s banged up.” He sighed loudly. “We’re thankful, of course, that his injuries aren’t worse. He’s going to be in the hospital for a couple of days, at least, and he asked to see you.”

  “Is that okay with you?” I wanted to see Noah, but not enough to risk another glare match with Mr. Silver.

  “I’m not sure.” He paused. “Seeing you seems important to Noah. He isn’t used to having friends, you know.”

  “Because you didn’t let him.” The second I said it, I wished I hadn’t. It was too late to take it back.

  “I worried about what people might think if they found out how sick he is! I was trying to protect him.”

  “How’s that working for you?”

  “Look,” he snapped. “You’re a child. You don’t know what it’s like having to take care of someone like Noah. I did you a favor by calling. Maybe I should have told Noah you didn’t want to see him.”

  “Does threatening people make you feel better?” I kept my voice calm, because I refused to be loud if he was going to be. I knew I shouldn’t be talking to him this way, but I didn’t care. He’d screwed things up for Noah by trying to protect him, and he didn’t want to face what he’d done. I had no respect for someone like that, and I wasn’t going to pretend otherwise.

  “You can’t talk to me like that,” he said.

  “Hang up, then.”

  He didn’t. After a moment, he said, “You care about him.”

  “Yeah.”

  “So do I, believe it or not.” He paused. “He’s at Cape Cod Hospital. I’ll let them know you might be stopping by. He’s asked for you several times, and he’s convinced that I forced you to end the friendship, so I’d appreciate it if you at least came by to tell him that I didn’t. He’s in their psychiatric unit.”

  “Sure.” That figured. He didn’t care if I visited Noah; he just wanted to cover his own ass.

  “Thank you. I’ll tell him you’re coming.” He hung up.

  Dad entered the house, tugging Cece along by one hand. She was squawking, but not as much as she would have if Mom or I had pulled her like that.

  Still holding Cece’s hand, Dad closed the door and locked it. Then he let go of her. “She kept trying to go down to the cove.”

  “She likes it down there.” I remembered the idea I’d had that morning. “We should take her for walks down there sometimes. She liked it last fall when we did.”

  “Maybe when the weather’s a little warmer. It’s pretty cold out there.” He turned back to Cece. “Can you take off your coat and hang it up, please, Cecelia?”

  Cece fluttered her fingers in front of her eyes. I wasn’t sure if she was ignoring Dad’s direction or if she hadn’t heard him. But then she unzipped her coat, took it off, and dropped it on the floor. Two out of three wasn’t too bad.

  “Cecelia, hang up your coat,” Dad repeated.

  She looked up at him, then picked up the coat and hung it on her hook by the door.

  “You’re getting good, Dad,” I said. “I didn’t know if she’d follow directions for you.”

  “Neither did I.” He kicked off his shoes and sat on the couch. After a second, he stood again. “Snack time, right?”

  “Right,” I said. “Cece, go sit at the table. Snack time.”

  She clambered into her seat and looked at the fridge. Dad went into the kitchen and again hesitated. “I don’t know what she’ll want.”

  “Apples,” I suggested. He’d bought some packages of pre-sliced apples at the store, since I’d put fruit on the list.

  He took one of the packages out of the fridge and set it on the table in front of Cece. She didn’t touch it, of course. Dad hadn’t opened it for her. I set a piece of paper towel on the table in front of her and dumped the apples out of the package onto it. “There’s your snack, Cece. Do you want juice?”

  She crammed a whole slice of apple in her mouth and nodded. At least she was paying attention.

  Dad took a juice packet out of the fridge and put that on the table. I stuck the straw into the hole, because I knew if Cece tried to do it, we would have a disaster. Either juice would end up all over the place, or she wouldn’t be able to get the straw through the hole and would throw a tantrum. Neither option seemed like a good one.

  “Thanks,” Dad said.

  “You’re welcome.” I sat across from Cece and took one of the leftover slices of pizza out of the box Dad and I had left there. I was surprised Cece hadn’t tried to move the box. The last time something that didn’t belong on the table had been left there, she’d shoved it so hard it had slid halfway across the living room.

  “Have you decided where you want to go after Jillian comes over?” Dad joined us at the table. “I’m leaving it up to you.”

  I ate a couple bites of pizza while I considered his question. I could have asked to go to a video game store, or a mall, or anything I wanted. Dad probably would have taken me to Boston if I’d asked. Any of that would have been better than going to the hospital and feeling awkward around Noah. But since his dad had said Noah had been asking for me, I felt kind of obligated to see him.

  “Noah’s father called,” I said. “He says Noah’s going to be in the hospital for a few days and wants to see me.”

  “Do you want to see him?” Dad asked.

  “I think I should.”

  He nodded. “Okay. Which hospital?”

  “Cape Cod.” I ate another bite of pizza.

  Cece took a sip from her juice packet. When she let go of the straw, juice spattered out onto her and the table. She squawked and threw the packet onto the floor.

  Dad sighed. “Cecelia, pick that up. Throwing is not okay.”

  She blinked at him, then slid off her chair and pi
cked up the juice packet. I was impressed. Maybe she was only following his directions because she wasn’t used to him being the one to give them, but it was equally possible he could handle her better than Mom.

  Maybe we would be okay.

  Cece and I finished our snacks and went into the living room to exercise. I gave her the choice of what kind of exercise to do, and she lay down on the floor and arched her back until only her hands and feet touched the floor. Apparently she wanted to do yoga. I didn’t know much about that, but I’d seen Mom and Cece doing it a few times, so I just let Cece do the poses she wanted to do and tried to copy her. She smiled a couple times like she was enjoying teaching her big brother.

  After a little while, someone knocked on the door. Dad answered. It was Jillian, who looked surprised to see Dad. “I expected you to be at work.”

  “I’m supposed to be.” Dad stepped back so Jillian could come in. “Chris had a minor crisis, so I stayed home with him. I didn’t call you because I hoped you wouldn’t mind staying with Cecelia while Chris and I go visit a friend of his who’s in the hospital.”

  Jillian’s eyes widened, and she looked at Cece, who was lying on her back on the floor with her eyes closed and her arms and legs spread.

  “Corpse pose,” I explained. “We were doing yoga.”

  “Um, I see.” Jillian turned back to Dad. “Yesterday didn’t go very well. I think it might be better if I’m not alone with Cece today.”

  I walked into my room and took a couple deep breaths. I understood why Jillian didn’t want to deal with another trial by fire with my sister, but her reaction still pissed me off. She was acting like Cece was dangerous. If Jillian had been a special ed teacher like she’d said, she should have known better. And she should have been able to handle Cece.

  When I figured I was calm enough to sound respectful, I went back to the living room. Dad and Jillian were still standing in the same places, and they didn’t appear to have sorted anything out. I wasn’t sure they’d even said anything to each other while I was out of the room.

  “I’m not always going to be here,” I said. “I might have baseball practice, because I’m thinking about joining the team. Even if I don’t, I’ll have homework. Plus I’m thinking about finding a job.” I hadn’t been until just then, but I was almost seventeen, and it was past time for me to start working somewhere. I’d be able to earn enough to pay for my own stuff, so Dad wouldn’t have to, and working would give me a chance to be out of the house sometimes. “We’re just going to Cape Cod Hospital, and we won’t be gone long.”

  “If you’re uncomfortable being alone with Cecelia, I guess we’ll have to take her with us,” Dad said. “I’m sorry she gave you such a hard time yesterday.”

  I glared at him. He couldn’t be taking Jillian’s side over his own daughter’s.

  Jillian paused for a moment. “No, go ahead. She probably wouldn’t do well in a hospital, and I’m sure yesterday’s issues were only because she didn’t know me. I’ll spend some time playing a game or something with her so she becomes more familiar with me.”

  Dad winked at me. “As long as you’re sure, Jillian.”

  “We’ll be fine,” Jillian said.

  I almost laughed. Dad hadn’t been siding with Jillian after all. He’d put her on the spot deliberately, and it had worked.

  “Cece, you can open your eyes now,” I said. I wasn’t sure how long to make her stay in corpse pose, and I hadn’t been keeping track of time anyway. I just figured she’d been lying still long enough.

  She opened her eyes and shook her hands and feet, then sat up and looked at me.

  “Dad and I are going to run an errand,” I said. I immediately wished I hadn’t used that term, because it reminded me of Mom’s “errands,” but it was too late to take it back. “Jillian is going to stay with you. Jillian will let you watch your shows.” I nodded toward the schedule. “It’s TV time.”

  Jillian walked over and studied the schedule. “TV until supper, and she can only watch public broadcasting. Okay. There isn’t anyone coming to work with her today?”

  “They only come on Wednesdays,” I said. “The rest of the time, Cece has her therapy stuff at school.”

  “Okay.” Jillian smiled, but it looked kind of fake. “Should I start supper while you’re gone? I don’t mind cooking for you guys, since Brad offered to cook supper at home.”

  “That would be helpful, thanks,” Dad said.

  “Let Cece help you pick out what to make,” I said. “If she will help, that is. That way you’ll be sure you’re making something she’ll eat.”

  “Good idea, Chris.” Jillian sounded impressed. “Thank you.”

  She turned on the TV and changed it to the public broadcasting channel, and Dad and I left. I didn’t know what was on Dad’s mind, but I had to work to stop worrying about whether Jillian would be okay with Cece.

  I managed to set that aside, but on the way to the hospital I couldn’t stop wondering what seeing Noah would be like after what had happened. I wasn’t sure whether he’d been angry with me or with his father, or if he even knew how he’d felt. I didn’t know if he wanted to see me, or just wanted to make sure his father hadn’t turned me against him.

  “Are you all right, Chris?” Dad asked. “You don’t have to visit Noah just because he asked you to, you know.”

  “I know. I just feel like I should.” I turned toward him. “Have you ever known anyone besides Aunt Miranda who had bipolar?”

  “One of my college roommates did,” he replied. “He took medication, and most of the time you wouldn’t have known anything was different about him. Once in a while he got a little manic or down in the dumps. Nothing severe, and he usually came out of those moods quickly. Your aunt only took medication for a little while, then she decided she was okay and didn’t need it. I think that’s why she had so much trouble.”

  “Noah should be on medication,” I said. “I mean, if he isn’t already.”

  Dad nodded. “Maybe now that he’s in the hospital, they’ll start him on something.”

  “Maybe.” I doubted it. His dad probably wouldn’t let anyone prescribe anything for Noah. Visitors might notice the pill bottle and figure out that his son wasn’t perfect.

  Dad dropped me off at the front door of the hospital and drove off to find a place to park. I went inside and stood by the information desk, not quite sure what to say. Finally a woman sitting at the desk asked me, “Can I help you?”

  “I’m here to see Noah Silver,” I replied. “His father called and said it was okay.”

  “What’s your name?”

  “Chris Talberman.”

  She consulted the computer beside her. “Okay. I see Mr. Silver left your name. Noah’s on the second floor. They’re going to be moving him soon. It’s a good thing you showed up when you did.”

  I started to ask her where they were moving Noah to, then decided maybe I didn’t want to know. “Thanks,” I said instead. “I’m waiting for my dad to park the car.”

  “Let me know when you’re ready to go up.” She opened a drawer and took out a couple of stickers that said Visitor. “You and he will need these.”

  “Okay.”

  Dad came in a couple minutes later. We got our stickers and went up to the second floor, where I had to introduce myself to a nurse who at first didn’t seem willing to let me in. “Noah Silver’s visitors are restricted to family.”

  “I’m Chris Talberman.” I tried to be cool. She was just doing her job. But it bugged me. Mr. Silver should have told someone I would be visiting. “His father called me and said Noah wanted me to visit. He said he’d make sure you guys knew I was allowed.”

  She checked the computer again, then a clipboard beside her, and finally said, “Okay, now I see the note. Go ahead.” She told me the room number and went back to whatever she’d been doing.

  Dad and I walked slowly down the hall. “You don’t have to visit him,” he told me again. “This seems hard for you.”


  “That doesn’t mean I shouldn’t see him.” I cared about Noah, even if he’d scared the hell out of me earlier. When you cared about someone, you did things for them that you didn’t necessarily want to do. Too bad Mom hadn’t realized that.

  Or maybe she had. Maybe she’d done so many things she didn’t want to do that she finally couldn’t take it anymore.

  He nodded. “You’re a good person, Chris. I’m glad to have you around.”

  “Thanks.” It was a weird thing for him to say, so I didn’t know how else to respond.

  We found Noah’s room almost at the end of the corridor. The door was open. The room contained only one bed, where Noah lay under a thin green blanket. He had one arm over his eyes. Mr. Silver was sitting in a chair on the other side of the bed, looking sadly at Noah.

  He stood when we walked in. “Thank you for coming, Chris.”

  At the sound of my name, Noah uncovered his eyes and stared at me. “Chris?”

  “Yeah, that’s what my birth certificate says.” I took a couple steps toward the bed. Seeing him lying there wasn’t easy, especially since I knew how badly he’d been hurt. And that he’d done it to himself. I hated hospitals anyway, and going to one to visit someone my age just seemed wrong. I couldn’t believe Noah had done something so stupid, even knowing that he might not totally have been able to help it. “How are you doing?”

  “I’ve been better.” He touched his right side. “They said I broke some ribs, so don’t make me laugh or anything. That would hurt too much.”

  “I’ll do my best.” I didn’t think there was much danger of my making him laugh. I wasn’t in a funny mood.

  “Dad, leave us alone,” Noah ordered. “I want to talk to Chris privately.”

  Mr. Silver didn’t look happy about that, but he just nodded. “I’ll be out in the hall if you need anything.”

  “All I need is for you not to eavesdrop like you usually do.” Noah put his arm back over his eyes. “We aren’t going to say anything you need to hear.”