by Jude Ouvrard
I took care of most of the luggage so I couldn't gage Nix's reaction. I feared that she was about to faint or break down. This trip completely ruined my plan of having a bit of romance surrounding my proposal. Instead, it got hit by a life changing moment and a night in one of the trendiest nightclubs in the country, I had to admit that I freaking loved my girl dancing with me in such a provocative way. I had to make a plan to make up for it. Maybe a small engagement party.
“I'll get the taxi.” The sound of her voice sounded weak and raspy. The tears probably threatened to escape and as usual, Nix had to fight against them.
When I reached the front of the hotel, Nix was talking to a cab driver through the open window.
“Is she okay?” Kyle asked.
“I don't know, probably not.”
“I can get a different taxi if you want.”
He offered me more space, but I didn't think it would make a difference. She would cry whether Kyle was with us or not. Their friendship was kind of like a brother-sister relationship, she didn’t feel the need to hide anything from him.
“It’s cool, man. Don't worry about it.”
“How can I not?” He mumbled behind me.
The driver opened the trunk and we filled it with our luggage. Damn, those things were too heavy.
Nix sat in the back seat, I joined her while K took the front seat. Softly, my hand caressed her knee and thigh. She pressed both of her thighs together and sighed.
“My heart's going to run for the hills, explode, or stop. I’m telling you, Angel, I don’t know what to feel. Instead of just feeling, I’m scared and worried that I might feel too much. I’ve lost my mom and Carlson, I know how it feels. I don’t know Brian much, but what if I lose him too?”
“You know why we have a rib cage, babe?” She nodded, her eyes tearing up. “It’s to protect our heart and keep it caged. Stop thinking about how you should feel. Just let your heart guide you. It won’t go anywhere and it won’t stop.” Seriously, when did you get so cheesy? Love will do that to you. I smiled at my thoughts.
“Why does it sound so easy when it comes from you?”
I pulled her to me and kissed her hair. All I desired was for her to get through this without too much damage. “I know you’re strong, Nix. You just need to focus on the right thing right now.”
“I know, babe, I know. I want to go to San Francisco though. It’ll be good for me to see where he comes from and what his life looks like, you know?”
“Well then, we’ll book our flights, Rock Star. We’re going together.”
A tiny smirk appeared on her face, but it was mixed with a single tear escaping her eye. She leaned her head on my shoulder and closed her eyes. I kept my mouth shut, she had to deal with this on her own, I had to give her space. The fact that she had admitted her desire to go to San Francisco surprised me. I thought she would reflect on it much longer.
The flight back home seemed a lot shorter. It might have had something to do with the wine we indulged. I wanted my girl to loosen up, feel better, and it worked. My plan for the rest of the night was to get her home where she could talk with Bekka, who had probably been waiting by the apartment door since our flight took off. While they talked, I could go to the shop to unpack the ink and everything we took to Vegas. While I could have done that in the morning, I was convinced that Nix would appreciate spending some time alone with Bekka.
“What are you doing here, man?” K asked as he walked into the shop. “Shouldn't you be with Nix?”
I shrugged. “I think she's in good hands now. Bekka's with her.” He punched my shoulder.
“What the hell, man?” Damn, it hurt. Kyle was an avid kickboxing and boxing athlete. Even his little punch hurt.
“Are you back to thinking she deserves more than you?” His voice echoed in the shop.
“No, we belong together. I just think she might want to be with her friend.” I sighed. “And besides, I wanted to unpack everything.”
“You're full of shit. We could've done it in the morning.” He snickered. “Lame excuse.”
“Yeah, maybe I just needed some time on my own.”
“That’s more like it.” He took the empty duffle bags and threw them in our office.
“I can’t believe I broke our rule, K. I marked her with my fucking name.” I shook my head in disbelief. Yes, I thought it was hot as fucking hell but damn, that ink was permanent.
“Yeah, well... I think what you guys have is real.”
We were for real. I'd never loved anyone like I loved her.
“Asking her to marry me felt natural, but inking my name on her, it completely scared the shit out of me.”
“She can always get it removed.”
No, no, no. I repeated in my mind. It was done, no removal possible. Phoenix was mine. Maybe I was simply whipped. She owned me.
“Why don't you get her name done? You know you'll do it.”
“Nah.” I answered without taking the time to think.
“Why the hell not?”
K had a point. Now that my name was inked on her skin maybe I should get her name too. Maybe she expected it from me as something to symbolize our love.
“Fuck it. Am I supposed to get Phoenix or Nix now?”
Kyle heartfelt laugh pierced my eardrum. “You’re pussy-whipped, man. She got you by the balls.”
“Shut up, at least, I don’t suffer from blue balls.”
“Oh! You have no idea. Vegas gave me some relief. That girl at the club. Damn.”
“Okay, okay, I don’t want to know.” I laughed.
“Phoenix, that’s what I would go with. You could design some really cool shit around it. Like a Phoenix.”
“Yeah, it’s a good idea but her mother picked that name after her father, Brian, got a phoenix tattooed on his back so I’m not sure I want to go in that direction. Phoenix yes, but not the bird.”
“Where are you going to put it?”
Good question, my arms were pretty much full. That would be my second tattoo in a short time that I was getting on my skin for her. The star on my sternum, the pain it inflicted had had me in tears. The worst place to get tattooed. Damn, it had hurt.
“My knuckles, maybe?”
“That would be a big step.” Kyle mentioned, knowing that I always vowed to keep my hands clean.
“I agree but, I don’t see where else. Unless I do it on my waist?”
“I prefer the knuckles.”
I nodded, still trying to think about what I was going to do. Nix mattered to me, I wanted her to know, I wanted the world to know. “Get your shit ready, K. We’re doing this now.”
“WOOOO!” He shouted in the shop, excitement filled his eyes.
I laughed and got a piece of paper to draw the letters on. I was so fucking whipped but I loved her.
The door of the apartment was unlocked, I pushed it open, but the entire place seemed uninhabited. No lights on, only darkness. I removed my sneakers and tiptoed to our room. A halo of light appeared at the bottom of the door. Maybe she was still awake, I hoped so. Slowly, I opened the door and I saw her, red eyes and running nose. Fuck!
“Are you okay?” I asked her, but obviously she wasn’t okay.
Bekka got up from the bed and came to hug me. “She’s fine now.” She whispered for me only to hear.
“Why were you away for so long?”
Being the reason for her tears made me feel like I had failed. I hid my hands, covered them with the sleeve of my hoodie. I couldn’t forget the new ink because of the burn it caused, but I didn’t want her to know it was the reason for my absence.
“I’m sorry, baby. I’m here now.” I sat next to her. “Do you need anything?” The guilt in me pulsed into my vein and pained me. I wanted her forgiveness.
“I’m tired, Lev. You here is all I need.” She said, cuddling.
“I’m sorry, I thought you would like to spend some time alone with Bekka. I didn’t think you would want me here so soon.”
“Babe, you are my life now. I need you.” The words sank into my soul and hit hard.
I remained silent. No words could describe how sorry I was for staying away from her for so long. It had been a little over three hours. I’m an idiot, I keep repeating in my mind.
“I have to get some sleep, I have a class in the morning.”
“I’ll give you a ride. We’ll spend more time together.”
She chuckled against my chest. “Levi, it’s only a 2 minutes ride. You can stay in bed and sleep in.”
“Every minute matters, Nix. I want to make it up to you.” This girl was turning me into a puppy. I just wanted to please her.
“Levi, baby, seriously. Stay here, you worked your ass off all weekend, you need to rest before going back to work, okay? We’ll catch up tomorrow night after my shift.” Her lips tickled the skin of my neck up to my lips. God, I loved her kisses. Pussy-whipped.
“Okay.” I agreed sheepishly. “Hold on a second. Let me get comfortable. There’s no way I’m sleeping with my jeans on next to you.”
She chuckled again while rubbing the remaining of tears off her cheeks. “What happened to your hands, baby?” She sat on the bed, her legs crossed. “Did you get in a fight?”
I smiled and tried to think of a way to explain to her. “It’s not what you think, Nix.”
“What happened, Levi? You look like you’ve been fighting. Did Kyle bring you into the ring?”
“No... Stop, Nix... really... it’s not what you think. I got my knuckles tattooed.” There, I said it. The next question coming, I could feel it.
“What did you get? You said you wanted to keep your hands clear.” Her eyes reflected all the questions lingering on her mind.
“I got your name, baby.”
She blanched. I expected her to say something, but she didn’t.
“Kyle did a great job, I think you’ll like it. Well, I hope so because it’s not going to disappear in the shower if you know what I mean.” Quit with the rambling, Lev. “I broke a rule today when I tattooed you so I decided to do the same on my body.”
“Hopeless romantic.” She pulled me into the bed and held me against her. Her quick heartbeat resonated against my arm. She loved it and I immediately felt relieved.
We cuddled even though I had something else in mind. We were both tired and Nix had had a rough night. I had to make sure she had enough sleep before school. Anyway, having her next to me was the best damn thing.
Chapter FOUR
The day had been dragging. My knuckles were still sensitive and I missed my girl. I had been working on a couple of designs for a good client. He wanted a back piece, but I found it hard to cover it all with the ideas he had given me. A challenge, right? I had a choice, working here and kicking butt, or working in a fucking skyscraper licking butts. The choice was easy to make.
“Hey, K, come here.” His advice always brought me something to think about. His style and ideas were always different from mine and sometimes it would help me get where my brain needed to go. Tattooing equaled being innovative and creative. Drawing like this used as much energy as doing the tattoo. I had to deliver a good design or else, nothing could hold the client back. The competition didn’t leave much room to fail and I believed this kept me on my guard and forced me to work hard as fuck on every project.
Kyle gave me his outlook and I went from there.
I had to call my father, to let him know I was engaged to a girl he hadn’t met. My dad and I, we had a good relationship now. He was checking up on me every few days and he tried to stop by the shop at least once a week for lunch. Dad went through a rough time when my mom passed away and so did I. Fuck, I didn’t even want to think about it.
After two straight hours of drawing, my brain had turned into a daze. A break was more than welcome. I picked my phone from the table and speed dialed Dad’s number.
“Hey, Dad.”
“Hi, son.” I heard him dismissing someone from his office. “How are you doing?”
“I’m good, very good actually.” I paused. How in the hell was I supposed to tell him about Nix? Straight to the point, if only I could find the words. “What about you?”
“I’m fine, thanks. Just working on a case. We have to get ready for the hearing next week. You know how it is.” I did, yes. Working long hours, sleepless nights. Yes, I remembered.
“I have to talk to you about something. I’m... I... I’m not sure the phone is exactly the best way to do this.”
“Are you pregnant, son?” He joked, but I couldn’t laugh.
“No, we’re not pregnant but... I met someone weeks ago and we’re serious and shit... and... we’re... I asked her to marry me.”
“Levi... Levi... I’m... speechless.”
“I expected you to be, dad. I would love for you to meet her. She’s still studying and working with Tyler at nights. Phoenix is very strong, she rules my world, Dad. She’s amazing.”
“I would love to meet her, son. Give me a time and a date and I’ll make a reservation downtown.” Always the businessman, by saying he’ll make a reservation, he omitted the fact that his secretary would actually make the reservation. He doesn’t have time for that.
“Okay... sure...” I smiled, proud. “Thank you, Dad. I swear, you’re going to love her. She’s changed me. Nix’s very important to me.”
“If she’s enough for you to settle, she must be important. I trust you on that. I’ll be waiting for the time and date. I have some work to do.”
“Okay. Thanks again. I’ll text you.”
I hung up and felt all excited. My dad had never formally met any of my girlfriends because I had no interest in him getting to know them. With Nix, everything meant so much more, she meant everything to me.
“Hey, pussy.”
“What do you want, dickhead?”
“Wanna go to that pizza place to grab something to eat or are you still trying to drink your protein shake?”
“Nah, I’m off that shit.” For a few days, I tried to get on a better diet, but damn, that was getting on my nerves. I was eating every freaking two hours and I spent more time preparing my food and eating than working. That lifestyle didn’t match my life.
“Alright, let’s go.” I said, taking money from my desk while K put a Be Back in Thirty Minutes sign on the front door.
The air was crisp and I could smell fall coming soon. I enjoyed the summer, but fall was my favorite season. The “hoodie season” as I liked to call it.
“Do you want to grab a beer tonight at the club?” I offered.
“Yeah, sounds good.” K responded concentrating on his phone.
“No... no... Stop with the Candy Crush, man. You’re driving me crazy.”
He laughed. “That coming from the guy who checks his phone every five minutes to see if his girl messaged him... You’re just as bad as I am.”
“Shut up.”
“No, it’s the truth, admit it.”
I rolled my eyes, I knew he was right, but I sure wasn’t going to tell him.
Phoenix tried hard not to let me see it but, she looked tired and her mind was elsewhere. Somewhere in San Francisco. She sang to the music playing, she danced when she liked the beat, but each time she thought I wasn’t looking, she was lost and looked preoccupied. Bekka noticed as well and she forced a smile out of her a couple of times.
When a slow song came on, I hurried to her, behind the counter. Tyler wouldn’t mind as long as I don’t steal his vodka.
“Come here, Rock Star.” My hands rubbed against her warm skin. I loved seeing her in a crop top, so fucking sexy, but I hated the other men watching her. My hands hid what was mine for the duration of the song. She danced with me, followed my step and let her body mold against mine. That feeling unveiled how crazy I was for her. Her long brown hair smelled of her usual floral scent, and I breathed it in. Her hands reached for the back pocket of my jeans and kept me close to her.
“I could spend my life like this, with you.”
> “You will.”
She chuckled. “Yes, I will. I know what you’re doing, babe, and thank you.”
“Anytime.” I kissed her.
“Do you have any appointments during the weekend? I would love to go this weekend.”
Okay, that was faster than I expected. “Did you ask Brian?”
She nodded.
“I don’t think I have anything scheduled. Do you want me to check for flights and a hotel room?”
“We’ll do it together, in the morning, okay?” Together never sounded better.
I responded with a kiss.
The song was replaced by a rock one, and the customers were thirsty or maybe just pretending to be, so I had to let her go. They liked her, and they liked me better when I wasn’t around. Not that I cared what they thought, but I noticed their little game. The money she made at the bar helped her pay for everything she needed, but I missed seeing her at the shop. Kyle and I always had a good time with her around, it was a change from our daily routine.
I didn’t know what her plans were when her university ended, but I definitely wanted her with me or at least more than now. We hung out together at the club and we slept in the same bed, but the weekend was our only real time together and it sucked. I missed the summer and her free schedule. I wanted so much more time with her to know her and enjoy my life with her.
Pussy-whipped or lovesick puppy?
While she showered, I looked at the cost for two roundtrip airplane tickets to San Francisco and the rates weren’t too bad. Pretty decent, I presumed. And then, my mind diverted to condos or houses in Seattle, so I looked at the real estate agent’s website and saw a few nice places. The apartment was fine, but I wanted something for us and besides, I knew it was a matter of time before Tyler asked Bekka to move in with him. He didn’t like being away from her.
“God, that felt good. I really needed that shower. I’m sorry it took me so long.”