Intoxicate

by Tessa Teevan

  He stops to look at me, pressing a hip against the counter. His biceps bulge as he crosses his arms. “Really? Ms. Montgomery? I’d think that, as an educator, you’d appreciate parents who teach their children manners and responsibility. If I let Lily off for the summer, by the time school comes back around, I’d have a hell of a time trying to get her back into the routine of chores and homework.”

  Even though I try to fight it, a smile breaks through. “I’m only teasing. Trust me. If I could have a classroom full of kids like Lily, I’d be the happiest teacher on the planet. You really have done an amazing job with her. I’ve met plenty of single fathers since I started teaching, and they aren’t all like you. And then you have the kids, yours truly included, who don’t have a dad.”

  A strange expression crosses his face, but I can’t read it. He really is an amazing father. He and Lily are both so lucky to have one another.

  “Seriously, are you okay?”

  “Are you always this good at reading people, or is it just me?” he asks, dodging the question but still confirming that something’s not quite right.

  “I’ve always been good at reading people. However, at the risk of sounding entirely too creepy and the possibility of you never allowing me to step foot in your house again, I’ve been studying you for a long damn time. I can read your moods probably better than anyone,” I admit, unsure why, but for some reason, I think he needs to hear that I get it. I get him. Even if I don’t know what’s wrong, I’m here.

  He cocks his head to the side and studies me for a quick beat. “I’d probably find that creepy and kick you out, Kalliope,” he finally says, his voice barely above a whisper, “but you weren’t the only one of us who was looking.”

  And with that, he turns on his heel and walks out of the kitchen, calling Lily’s name. As the shock of his revelation wears off, a grin spreads across my face, and I realize coming to Clarksville is by far the best thing I’ve ever done.

  I DON’T know what I’m doing, what I’m thinking, or if I’m even thinking at all. All I know is that, as soon as I went into the kitchen and saw Kalli standing at the stove, stirring some unknown concoction, I wanted my hands on her.

  After the meeting with my captain, I’ve been on edge. Once I walked into the domestic scene, I wanted this to be my new normal. I wanted this to be my life. Don’t Lily and I deserve that? All of a sudden, I wanted more. I wanted a family. I wanted a wife. I wanted Lily to have a mom. I didn’t want to have to worry about custody arrangements or going to court to terminate Angela’s rights. Right then, I wanted Kalli, and I wanted her to tell me that I didn’t have to worry about a thing. That she’d be here, that nothing would happen to Lily, that we’d all be okay.

  And I know she felt it. She went stock-still the moment I touched her, but as soon as she heard what I know was desperation in my voice, she turned to make sure I was okay. Somehow, someway, I made it out of the kitchen without giving too much away, but after I changed, instead of heading to the living room to get Lily, I went back to the kitchen.

  Once again, she read me, and this time, she admitted to having watched me over the years. Before I could stop myself, I found myself doing the same. It was the first time I’d ever said the words out loud, and instead of staying there like a man and letting her respond, I left.

  Fortunately, Lily set the table and we had dinner, once again, in an entirely comfortable setting. Things could’ve been awkward, but Kalli acted like nothing was different even though I knew everything was starting to change. Way too fucking fast, too. And I wondered if I would be able to put the brakes on my big mouth. Then, I wondered if I even wanted to.

  Now that it’s been two hours since dinner and Kalli’s putting Lily to bed—per my daughter’s request—I’d say that the answer to that is a big, fat no.

  “She’s out,” Kalli says, interrupting my thoughts. She glances at the clock and winces. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to stay so late. Let me get my things and I’ll get out of your hair.”

  “Hot date tonight?” I ask nonchalantly but not wanting her to go.

  She pauses, her eyebrows furrowing. “Xavier, I’ve been in town for two days. I can count on two hands the number of people I know. Considering that all of them but you and I are paired up, nope. No hot date tonight. Although Lucy does claim to have a few single faculty members at the school she wants to hook me up with,” she quips.

  My blood boils at the idea, and I have half a mind to tell her that she’ll be too busy with me to meet any single teachers, but I stop myself. I don’t know why I care now when I spent years watching her make out with toolbags on the beach.

  Because she’s here now. With you. And finally, nothing is standing in your way.

  I decide to ignore her last comment. “Well, if you have no big plans, I could use some adult company, and I have a feeling you could, too. Stay for a beer?”

  She cocks an eyebrow then nods.

  After grabbing two beers from the fridge, I gesture towards the backdoor. “Let’s head outside.”

  Once we’re settled on the deck, I hand her a beer and look out towards the night sky. The sounds of crickets chirping fills the air, and the silence between us is comfortable. I can’t remember the last time I’ve sat with a woman like this. If I’ve ever done so.

  Yeah, I could get used to this.

  “So, are you going to spill?” she asks, breaking the silence.

  “Spill?”

  “What’s going on? What has you all mopey and weird today?”

  “What do you mean?” I try to play it off, not really sure I want to get into it.

  She leans forward and places a hand on my knee. “This morning you were fun, playful, flirty Xavier. When you got home . . . something was different. Something was off. You don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to. I just want to let you know I’m here if you ever just need someone to listen.”

  “You really can read me, can’t you?”

  “Like an open book,” she teases.

  “I had a bad day. Some stuff at work is bugging me, and right now, I just want to forget it. But I appreciate the offer, and I’m sure I’ll take you up on it eventually. Tonight, though, I just want to forget it for a while.”

  “I get it, Xavier. I hope things work out.”

  “Me too,” I tell her then stand up. “Another round?” I ask.

  She nods. “But just one. If I have any more than that, I’ll be sleeping on your couch,” she informs me.

  Like that’d be the worst thing in the world.

  “Kalli, my couch is always open. Whether you’re too drunk or tired or whatever to go home, it’s there. Better yet, Ma’s bed is open, too. You’re spending nearly forty hours here a week. If you’re ever tired or anything, feel free to use her room.”

  “Did you just give me an open invitation for a sleepover?”

  Hell fucking yes, I think as my dick starts to rise to the occasion. It’s been so long. The thought of her in my bed, learning how she feels, how she tastes, what she sounds like when she comes. It’s . . . enticing.

  “I’m just saying . . . it’s vacant, so you might as well take advantage of it,” I tell her, half wanting her to already say that she’ll stay.

  “I’ll keep that in mind, Xavier. I do only live five minutes away, but thanks for the offer,” she says softly, her eyes twinkling in the moonlight.

  God, she looks so beautiful. It’d be so easy to close the distance between us and kiss her. Just do it, Xavier. Move six inches, press your lips to hers, and kiss her senseless. Until she’s breathless. Until she’s moaning into your mouth.

  My brain is chanting at me, and I swear I start to lean in. Then her eyes widen, which stops me.

  “So, uh, yeah. I’ll go get that beer.”

  Once inside, I splash some cold water on my face, giving it a few slaps and telling myself to snap out of it. Too soon, buddy. Too soon.

  When I sit back in my lounge chair, Kalli toys with the label on her beer b
efore turning to me.

  “This is weird, right?” she asks, suddenly interrupting the silence.

  “What do you mean?”

  “Well, we’ve known each other for so long, but I think this is the first time we’ve ever actually spent time together alone.”

  Thinking back on all the years, I realize she’s right. “That’s because you always had your boyfriends over when I was around. We never got the chance.”

  She laughs. “Touché. But would it have mattered if I hadn’t?”

  My silence must answer her question because she continues.

  “It’s funny. The night before I left Gulf Shores, Mom and I had a long talk. Her thoughts are that I always brought the boys around when you and Kale came home to make you jealous.”

  I nearly choke on my beer. Seriously? That thought never crossed my mind, but honestly, it makes sense. It also makes me feel about ten feet taller.

  “Well, is it true?” I ask, needing to know.

  She looks at me contemplatively. “I don’t know if I was doing it on purpose, but yeah, I think it’s true. I guess I was just hoping you’d notice me.”

  “I noticed you, Kalli. I promise. I noticed you all too well.”

  A small laugh escapes her, almost like she doesn’t quite believe me. Part of me wants to show her what I wanted to do to her before I knew her age, but I stay rooted in my seat.

  “Well, you did a damn good job of hiding it. I know I was young when we met, and you were focused on raising Lily. It’s hard to catch the eye of a guy who doesn’t date.”

  “Funny you should say that. Ma thinks I need to get out more. To date. And I guess I’ve started considering it,” I admit again, for the first time out loud. I’m not sure what it is about Kalli, but she has me opening up more than anyone else has ever been able to.

  “I’ve heard,” she responds, surprising me.

  “Oh really?”

  She laughs and bites her lower lip as she looks at me. “Back at the baby shower, Lily caught me eavesdropping on a conversation and informed me that her daddy taught her it’s not nice to eavesdrop.”

  I groan, knowing where this is going. “She didn’t . . .”

  Her grin widens. “Oh, but she did. I think it’s quite sweet Lily thinks it’d be cool to have two daddies. And I’d be happy for you. Depressed as hell, but happy nonetheless.”

  “Well, I hate to disappoint you and Lily, but it’s never going to happen.”

  “Oh, trust me, Xavier. It’s not a disappointment. I can promise you that. So, are you going to do it?” she asks.

  “Do what?”

  “Date,” she answers matter-of-factly.

  It’s now or fucking never. So I say the first thing that comes to my mind. “Eventually,” I say slowly. Then I decide to go balls to the wall and put it out there. “I hadn’t really thought about it until I took Ma to the airport and she told me I needed to stop being a single loser. And specifically that you’d be perfect for me.”

  She doesn’t even skip a beat. “So, what’s stopping you?”

  Hell, I want to know the same damn thing.

  I suck in a deep breath, trying to figure out the right thing to say. “Lily. Kale, for that matter. The complications that could arise. I like you, Kalli. I always have. But I’m new at this and I don’t want to mess anything up between us, or you and Lily, or me and Kale.” Just saying it out loud makes me hesitant and wonder if I’ve said too much tonight. Damn Ma for putting ideas in my mind.

  “You like me?” she asks, ignoring the rest.

  “Yeah,” I admit out loud for the second time. Once again sounding like that stupid teenage boy admitting that he likes a girl. “Yeah, I do.”

  “Then, for now, that’s enough. I’m not asking for anything, and there’s no need to rush.”

  Her patience takes me by surprise. “Yeah?” is all I can say.

  She gives me a smile that shoots straight to my heart. “Yeah. We’ll be friends and see where things go. And we’ll keep things between us so there’s no rush, no pressure, and no outside factors. Just you and me. Nothing and no one else matters.”

  “You’re on board for that?” I ask for confirmation.

  “Yeah, I’m on board,” she replies.

  I let out a deep breath. I’m—we’re—actually doing this. Whatever this is. “So . . . friends?”

  “For now,” she says.

  And for some reason, those two words give me more hope than I’ve had in a long damn time.

  AFTER THAT night, things shifted. We’d laid it all out on the table, and that was that. He likes me. I like him. He wanted to go slow, and I respected that. It was enough for me to know there’s at least something there. I didn’t push and he didn’t pursue. Even though I’m impatient by nature, I could live with it. I took a step back, cooling it with the flirting and the innuendo. The ball was firmly in Xavier’s court, and I was okay with letting him have all the time he needed. Just knowing he cared about me was enough.

  Our lives became a comfortable routine for the rest of the summer. I spent my days with Lily and always had dinner ready when Xavier came home but never stayed. He asked a couple of times the first week, but after I kept giving excuses, he got the message. It’s been six weeks and I still haven’t taken him up on his sleepover offer, but I’ve been tempted. Oh, so tempted. The more time I’ve spent with them both, however, the harder I fall. The more comfortable I feel. The more right this seems. But we’re still firmly in the friend zone, and every night when I go home, I have to remind myself that this is temporary. This won’t last.

  That’s why I’ve come to love Friday nights. I’m not sure how it happened, but they’ve turned into movie nights, and after the first time I was invited to stay, I became hooked. That’s why I never allowed myself to stay around after dinner any other time, and more importantly, I rarely found myself alone with Xavier. I was afraid of getting too attached, so I tried to limit myself to just Fridays. It’s the one day a week when Lily is allowed to stay up extra late, so after dinner, we all squish together on the couch for whatever cinematic adventure awaits us.

  Which is why I’m currently finding myself with a sleeping ten-year-old curled against my side, forcefully pushing me closer to her father. So close, in fact, that my thigh is pressed up against his. It causes a stirring in my belly, and I glance at the clock, knowing that it’s about time for me to make my escape.

  He must notice, because he chooses that moment to look over at me. A smile forms on his face when he sees his sleeping daughter. “Always so excited to stay up late but never can actually do it,” he remarks, genuine affection lacing his voice.

  “Well, in her defense, we met with Lucy and Jacob today. I think the little guy wore her out.”

  He rises from the couch and scoops her up into his arms as if she’s weightless. “Let me put her to bed. Be right back.”

  I take the opportunity to gather up the popcorn bowls and soda glasses, heading to the kitchen to start cleaning up. I’m elbow-deep in dishwater and humming “Happy” in my brain, courtesy of Despicable Me 2, Lily’s movie of choice for the evening. I make a mental note that it’s about time to introduce Lily to Harry Potter. I’ve just about had my fill of Disney movies with ridiculously popular soundtracks. Thanks, Pharrell, for inserting your damn catchy tune into a kids’ movie. I’ll be singing it in my head for days.

  I’m just about to start clapping along with him when I hear Xavier join me.

  “It’s going to be kinda weird around here when Ma gets back,” he says, surprising me.

  I turn and see a pensive look on his face, and I wonder what he’s thinking. Looking back at the sink, I let out a deep breath and rinse my hands. I’ve been in Clarksville for nearly two months now, and summer is quickly coming to an end. School will be starting soon, and Anna will be back. Therefore, my services will no longer be needed. I’m conflicted with how I feel about it. I’ve become incredibly attached to Lily, and I’m going to miss seeing her on a
daily basis. The other part of me thinks that maybe, just maybe, if I’m no longer his daughter’s caretaker, Xavier will finally make a move.

  As I try to mask the confliction, I look back at him and give him a reassuring smile. “The summer sure flew by,” I agree.

  “You’ll have a lot more free time,” he comments, and I nod. “We kind of monopolized all of your time this summer.”

  “I assure you I didn’t mind. It was much better than spending my days sitting around an apartment in a town where I don’t know anyone. I won’t know what to do with myself,” I tease.

  He watches me intently. “Well, you won’t have to worry about that once school starts. The Kalli I know doesn’t know a stranger, and I have a feeling all the single male teachers will be all too interested in the new teacher on the block.”

  His expression is unreadable, but I can sense the underlying tone of his voice, and I have to force myself not to smile. Xavier Cruz apparently doesn’t enjoy the idea of my meeting other men.

  “Actually, I won’t have to wait that long. Lucy’s been wanting to introduce me around before school starts, and I’ve finally agreed, so she organized an informal ‘meet and greet’ of sorts for the weekend after Knox’s wedding.”

  “That’s the weekend Ma comes home,” he says, his eyebrows knitting together.

  “Yeah. It just kind of worked out that way. Since my Fridays have been pretty much taken and Lucy’s been busy with Jacob and helping Charlie get ready for the wedding, we haven’t been able to set anything up.”

  A frown forms on his face, and part of me wishes he’d just, for once, say what he’s thinking. It’s like pulling teeth with this man, but I will not be that girl. I won’t ask him what he’s thinking. I won’t beg him to come out that night. I will absolutely not tell him there’s no other man for me and, no matter how many guys Lucy tries to introduce me to, I already know that not a single one of them holds a candle to him. No, he already knows how I feel about him, and it’s his decision on whether or not he’s going to do something about it.