Intoxicate

by Tessa Teevan

  I roll my eyes. Then I smile to myself. Dammit. Even when I’m drunk, he still causes conflicting emotions in me. The truth is, no matter how pissy I am that he’s been so MIA, I’m glad he’s here. I just won’t tell him that.

  “Fine. Whatever. Suit yourself,” I say, trying to sound as impassive as possible.

  As I let us into my apartment, Xavier looks around. “Nice place,” he offers.

  I shrug. “It’s home. For now.” I don’t know why I throw that last bit in. He and I both know I’m not going anywhere.

  He raises an eyebrow but doesn’t comment further. After slipping off my shoes and setting my purse down, I brush past him to go into the kitchen. He’s right on my heels, taking the beer out of my hand as soon as I pull it from the fridge.

  I turn and glare at him. “Excuse you. That was for me, not you,” I inform him, crossing my arms as I watch him take a pull from the dark bottle.

  “Water,” he orders.

  I blink. “Excuse me?”

  “You probably drank your weight’s worth in tequila tonight, Kalli,” he says as he moves around my kitchen.

  I’m stock-still as I watch him not only pour me a glass of water, but also rummage through my pantry. He proceeds to make me a sandwich, and instead of acting like an ass, I decide to be grateful.

  After I finish eating, I down the water and set the glass on the counter. “All done, Dad,” I tell him with an exaggerated eye roll—no doubt giving him a glimpse of his future with a teenage daughter. “You can go now.”

  He ignores me, finishes his beer, then crosses the kitchen until he’s standing directly in front of me. Placing his hands on my hips, he turns me around until I’m facing towards the hall.

  “Give me the grand tour,” he whispers, his breath tickling my ear.

  Now I feel like he’s being a jerk and messing with me, but I don’t care. I want him here, in whatever capacity he wishes to be, even if it’s of the shining-knight variety. I’ll take him however I can get him. Still, I can’t help but tease him.

  “You just want to see my bedroom, Cruz. But I’ll have you know I’m not that easy,” I say, folding my arms over my chest and standing my ground even though I’m aware he wants to move me forward.

  Laughter causes his chest to rumble, and I have the urge to lean back and melt into it. He kisses the top of my head, and the act shoots shivers down my spine.

  “You’re many things, Kalli Montgomery, but easy is definitely not one of them.”

  Ha! I want to tell him that he’s wrong. That he could strip me right here and do whatever wicked things he wants, but I resist my urges. Instead, I start walking forward, pointing out my spare bedroom, the hall bath, and various photos on the wall, including one of Xavier, Lily, and me from this summer when she insisted we spend the day at Dollywood. Within ten seconds, we’re at the doorway of my room.

  I turn around and hold my arms out. “This is my room. Nothing really exciting. So there you go. You’ve seen it all. You can go now,” I tell him, nervously biting my lip as I await his response.

  I don’t actually want him to leave, but I know that the longer he sticks around, the more likely it is that I’m going to throw myself at him. My inhibitions are already hanging on by a thread. If he gets any closer, I won’t be held liable for my actions. And even though a hookup with Xavier sounds really amazing right about now, I don’t want to be intoxicated the first time around.

  He steps back away from me and leans against the doorframe, looking at me intently. “I missed you,” he whispers, bringing a hand up to stroke my cheek.

  I swear electricity crackles in the room and a swarm of butterflies attack my stomach.

  “I missed you, too,” I admit, dropping all pretense. I don’t care that he hasn’t called. I don’t care that it’s been weeks since I’ve seen him. All that matters is that he’s here now.

  See? I really am easy.

  “What are you doing to me, crazy girl?” he asks, peering down at me, his eyes boring into mine.

  I smile up at him, loving that he’s finally admitting that I affect him. I have a feeling that this is all we’ve needed—to be alone, just us, without little wandering eyes or prying, meddling mothers.

  “Nothing you haven’t been doing to me for the last ten years. Payback’s a bitch, huh?” I tease.

  He lets out a laugh, and I mentally chastise myself for killing me the mood. Then again, it’s always been comforting that I can be myself with him even though he’s always seemed so much more serious than I am. Pushing off the frame, he moves into my room, causing me to step back. This doesn’t feel as epic as I thought it would the first time we’d be alone in my room, but surprisingly, I’m okay with it.

  “Look, I know we need to talk, and we’ll have plenty of time for that tomorrow, but how about we get some sleep?”

  My head snaps up at his words. “Sleep?”

  His head gestures towards my bed. “Sleep. You’re probably going to have a wicked hangover, and you’re going to need someone to help take care of you in the morning. So let’s get ready for bed.”

  “Cruz, first you bring me home drunk and, force yourself into my house, and now you think you’re going to just crawl into bed with me because you say so? It’s a good thing I know how your innocent mind works.”

  “There’s nothing innocent about my thoughts, Kalliope,” he murmurs, and I melt. When he calls me by my full name, my insides quiver. “But tonight, we sleep, okay?”

  I’m stunned into silence. The idea of him sleeping in my bed—with me!—is completely sobering, and all I can do is nod.

  “How do you want me?” he asks.

  I blush furiously. He laughs when he sees my face.

  “I mean, sleeping wise. I generally sleep in boxers, but I can keep my shorts on if you want.”

  My eyes wander down to his basketball shorts, and I know that it’s already going to be hard enough having him in my bed. If he strips down to his boxers, I might not be able to keep my hands to myself.

  I sigh. “As much as it pains me to say so, let’s leave the shorts on. But feel free to lose the shirt. Now get out so I can change, too. The hall bathroom should have at least one extra toothbrush, so you can get ready for bed in there.”

  He nods, and as soon as he leaves the room, I race to my dresser and strip off my clothes. It’s not that I’m embarrassed by my body. It’s just that it’s obvious Xavier wants this to be an innocent night, and it’s actually comforting. Instead of my usual tiny shorts and tank top, I throw on an oversized T-shirt and yoga pants.

  By the time Xavier reenters the room, I’m already tucked into bed, curled up on my side, with the lights off. I hear him take his shirt off and throw it on the floor before the bed dips. My heart starts pounding as he slides in behind me. I have no idea how he’s going to position himself, so it takes me by surprise when he scoots in close and places an arm around my waist.

  “Is this okay?”

  I swallow hard and nod slowly into the darkness, resisting the urge to turn in his arms. “This is more than okay,” I say softly. “It’s so okay that I’m actually regretting passing up on the sleepover invitations this summer.”

  He laughs, the low grumble shaking my body as he wraps me up like a cocoon. “Trust me. This is much, much better,” he tells me, and I know he’s right. We never would’ve been able to do this with Lily in the house.

  He pulls me in close, and even though his proximity would usually drive me wild, my hormones are strangely calm. I’m just enjoying the fact that, after all this time, he’s finally holding me close. It’s a peaceful, intimate feeling. One I could definitely see myself getting used it.

  We’re silent for a few minutes, and just as I think I’m about to drift off, I have one final thought I can’t help but voice. “Hey, Xavier?” I murmur.

  “Mmm,” is all I get.

  “Promise you won’t regret this in the morning?” I ask, and I cringe at how small my voice sounds.

  P
art of me wonders when he last held a woman close, and the last thing I want is for him to wake up tomorrow and wonder what the hell he was thinking. I’d rather have him leave tonight than have to face something like that in the morning.

  He wraps his arm tighter around my waist and nuzzles against my neck, pressing a soft kiss against my skin. “I promise, Kalliope. Te prometo.”

  “Did you just promise me in Spanish?” I ask, sighing at how sexy the two unintelligible words sounded.

  “I did. That way you know I doubly mean it.”

  “I believe you. And, Xavier?”

  “Yes, Kalliope?” he asks, sounding sleepy.

  “Feel free to talk to me in Spanish more often.”

  AS I hold Kalli tight, the doubts start to creep in. Instead of allowing them to wreak havoc on my mind, I push them aside and hold her closer. I know I’m taking advantage of the situation, but after weeks of being away, I need her. I need to hold her. Not just for her comfort, but for my own as well. Because that’s what Kalli is. She’s comfort personified, and if I could spend the rest of my days wrapped up in her, I’d die a fulfilled man.

  Her breathing evens out, and even though I should be exhausted from the last few weeks, sleep eludes me. I’m antsy, yet at the same time, I’m completely content, and I know it’s because of the beautiful woman in my arms. Kalli Montgomery has always been a fascinating contradiction, and to be honest, I know I’m the same for her. For a long time, I’ve struggled with my amplifying feelings for her. It wasn’t until we spent some time apart that I was able to look back on the summer and realize how unfair I’ve been to her. In all honestly, I’m lucky she’s stuck around, even after she told me that she wouldn’t wait forever. In fact, if I examine what happened tonight, that’s probably why I’m here right now.

  I meant it the day I told my mom that I was going to pursue Kalli. I just never got the chance. That first weekend, I gave her some space. Ma was back, and I wanted to focus on her and Lily to try and get things back to normal around the house.

  There’s that word again. Normal. She was already so used to Kalli being around. I didn’t want to call her to invite her over the very next day and make Lily think that it would be the new precedent. Ma and I had a long talk, and she agreed that I needed to see Kalli away from the home. She also agreed to help keep Lily occupied so she didn’t ask too many questions.

  Not only that, I knew she had the whole “faculty meet and greet” thing Lucy had set up. Part of me wanted to call Kale and see what he was doing, possibly tag along, but I forced myself not to. I’d already taken up so much of her free time this summer. Call me cocky, but I knew that, if I showed up, she’d focus her attention on me. However, the thought of her attention on any other man was enough to make my blood boil. So after stewing on it for a while, I was ready to say screw it and figure out where she was. Fortunately, Lily walked into the living room and plopped down onto the couch next to me, effectively distracting me from my phone. It was for the best, anyway, I told myself at the time. I’d give her the weekend. Then I was going for it.

  What was it she’d said? “Call me when you want to hang out, buddy?” Yeah. I was buddied and it didn’t feel good.

  So by the following Monday morning, I was grumpy as hell, missing her already, and nearly going out of my mind every other hour wondering when would be the perfect time to call her. Then Captain Cook called me into his office and told me that I needed to be a last-minute replacement for a training exercise out west. Thank goodness Ma was back or I’d have been screwed. Captain Cook has still been hounding me about claiming abandonment with Angela, and I admit that I’ve been dragging my feet, not ready or willing to open that can of worms.

  I had three hours to pack my bags and get to the airport. Ma promised that she’d give Kalli a message for me. During the entire plane ride, I stared at my phone, trying to formulate the proper words to send her as soon as I had service, but nothing sounded right, so I shut it off without saying anything.

  For the next few weeks, I was out in the field in bumfuck, Nevada, with spotty cell service. When we did go in town, I spent my time on the phone with Lily, and every time I thought to call Kalli, I stopped myself. I don’t know why. A quick, “Hey, how ya doin’?” would’ve been enough, but I wanted more than that. Even still, I never did pick up that phone. That doesn’t mean she wasn’t on my mind nearly every second of every day I was gone.

  It started screwing with my head a little, and I ended up being thankful for the distance, at least so I could get my head on straight. It’s been a long ass time since I’ve been affected like this by a woman. Hell, I don’t know if I have ever been.

  The only time I was able to push her out of my mind was when I was focused on bomb defusing. It was then and only then, because once I was in the zone, nothing could distract me.

  By the time I got back to Clarksville, I wanted nothing more than to seek her out. It’d been weeks since I’d last seen her, heard her voice, felt her touch. Okay, so maybe I haven’t actually felt her touch—at least, not in the way I’d like to—but those Friday nights when we had been pushed up together on the couch? That was all I needed. And the time away from her? It was the push in the right direction for me to get the ball rolling.

  No more sleepless nights wondering what she was doing. No more taking it slow. I still planned on sticking by my whole “seeing Kalli outside of my house and outside of her relationship with Lily” thing, but I was ready to take my foot off the brakes and dive headfirst into this thing. Whatever the hell it’s going to be.

  When I reported back to duty this week, I had to work late almost every night, and by the time I got home and spent time with Lily, I was crawling into bed, entirely exhausted. It felt like the universe was working against me. That is until tonight, when I was in the locker room, changing to spend some much-needed time at the gym. Kale walked in, looking down at his phone with a smirk on his face.

  “What’s that look for?” I asked even though, knowing Kale, I was probably safer not asking that question.

  “Charlie and Knox took the baby tonight, and apparently, Lucy’s taking complete advantage of that. Now I just have to get my sister out of the house so I can take advantage of it,” he said, wriggling his eyebrows at me.

  My ears perked up, but I tried to play it cool. “Kalli’s at your place?” I questioned, all thoughts of the gym leaving my mind.

  “Yup. And I love my little sister, and I know she’s lonely and in a new city, but we only recently got the go-ahead from the doctor. And Lucy on tequila? Totally trumps the sister card.”

  “Okay, man. That’s more than I need to know about you. Or Lucy, for that matter.” I grabbed my phone and wallet, shutting the locker. “Listen, I’m not doing anything tonight, and I’m sure Lily’s already in bed. I still owe your sister her last payment, so why don’t I swing by the house and take her home?”

  A grateful look spread across his face. “You wouldn’t mind?”

  Did I mind? Hell no, but I wasn’t telling him that. Instead, I followed him outside and made a quick call to Ma to tell her that I’d be late. I could hear the smile in her voice when she said that she’d see me in the morning, which I just laughed off. I wasn’t planning on staying the night with Kalli.

  I really wasn’t. But then I walked into Kale’s house, where Lucy and Kalli were clearly deep into the bottle of tequila, giggling and completely ignorant of the fact that they had an audience. Kale and I watched in amusement as they stumbled in the middle of his living room floor, doing some sort of dance that looked like a cross between Michael Jackson and Shakira. Even as ridiculous as it was, I couldn’t tear my eyes away from her. She looked young, carefree, and happy as she fell into Lucy and they tumbled to the floor in a pile of giggles. This was a side of her I hadn’t seen all summer, and I loved it. It’s how she had always been when she was younger. Wild, carefree, full of life. I’d missed it. I wanted to see more of it.

  All I wanted was to watch her li
ke this. Except, when the girls finally realized they had an audience, her expression changed. Lucy, naturally, jumped up and threw herself at Kale. I didn’t quite get the same response.

  Kalli put her hands on the floor behind her and leaned back, peering up at me, her brown eyes wide and a bit glazed over. She cocked her head to one side, and then the other before letting out a deep sigh. “He’s alive” she slurred, causing Kale to look at me curiously and raise a brow. I simply shrugged even though I knew exactly what she meant.

  She got a few more barbs in, and I let her. I know I deserved it from my lack of contact, but I also knew that arguing with a drunk woman would get me nowhere.

  Finally, tired of listening to her, I told Kale and Lucy goodnight, picked Kalli up, threw her over my shoulder, and left. The entire ride home was mostly silent and when she told me not to come in, I’d had enough. She could be mad at me all she wanted, but I was staying. If nothing else, we could talk about it in the morning.

  Her anger, however, seemed to dissipate when she realized I wasn’t going anywhere.

  And now that I’m lying in her bed with her wrapped in my arms, I know what I want. What I want is her, and I need to start showing it. Tonight could’ve been so different. What if she and Lucy had gone out? What if I’d taken too long and she’d met someone else? What if she’d met someone who could give her what I haven’t?

  The old me would say that that’s a good thing. But I’m tired of the old me. I’m tired of being the nice guy. I’m tired of being cautious. For once in my life, I’m going to be selfish, even if it means I have to be reckless.

  As I drift off to sleep, I know that it’s about damn time.

  I WAKE to a thousand tiny Oompa Loompas dancing around in my brain, muttering their stupid, little, creepy chant. At least, it feels like it. Damn Lucy and her affinity for tequila. I should’ve known that one margarita would turn to two, which would turn to seven or twelve or however many I had.

  Over the years, I’ve done my fair share of overindulging, but after a summer spent with Lily, my alcohol tolerance has turned to shit. The pounding in my head and the churning in my stomach are proof of that.