Intoxicate

by Tessa Teevan

  “Trash,” I admit, and I have to duck when she swats at me. “Hey! You said you wanted me to say something dirty.”

  “You’re lucky I’m tired or I’d kick your ass for that one. Now lie down and let me cuddle on that chest,” she insists as she looks at me appreciatively.

  I follow orders, and even though my feet are sticking off the edge of the blanket, I’m more at ease than I’ve felt in a long time. I know it’s because of her. She curls up against my chest, her hand resting there, mine stroking her hair as she starts to drift off. Leaning down, I place a kiss on her forehead.

  “Eres mía,” I whisper.

  You are mine.

  She murmurs something unintelligible and clings to me tighter.

  I can’t wait to say it in English for the first time.

  AFTER OUR impromptu nap, we had a little time to explore the state park. To my disappointment, the cave was closed, but then Xavier makes an off-the-wall comment about taking a trip to the caverns in the spring, and it warms me right up to know he is looking into the future.

  All too soon, however, it’s time for him to meet his mom and Lily, so we load up his truck and head back to my apartment. We drive in companionable silence with me sitting in the middle of the bench seat, my head resting on his shoulder as I take in this last little bit of closeness. My heart plummets when we pull into my complex. As much as I want to, I won’t cling to him or ask when I’m going to see him again.

  Unclicking my seatbelt, I shift until I’m facing him then back up to the door. One hand rests on the door handle, the other in my lap, where I’m currently trying to keep it instead of leaning over and using it to touch his face. I know he can’t come in, yet I’m still hesitant to get out of his truck and walk to my door since I don’t know where we’re going from here. The look on his face lets me know he’s just as conflicted. I want to slide across the bench seat and kiss him like crazy, but the ball is still definitely in his court, and he’s going to have to make first move—no matter how desperately I want to.

  “So . . .” I say, sounding lame to my own ears.

  “So,” he echoes, his forefinger tapping on the steering wheel as he glances down at his watch. He mutters a curse before looking back at me. “I’m going to be late.”

  I take that as my cue and open the truck door, jumping down. I turn back towards him and press my elbows on the seat. “Thank you. Today was fantastic. I hope . . . I hope we do it again,” I offer, hoping my voice doesn’t sound too anxious.

  His lips tilt up in a heart-stopping grin as he shakes his head at me. “I’ll walk you up,” he tells me, surprising me when he hops out of the truck and rounds it before taking my hand.

  He leads me up the walk to my apartment door and only lets my hand go as I dig around in my purse for my keys. Even though he just told me that he’s going to be late, I still fumble around with my keys, not ready for this day to end. Finally, reluctantly, I pull them out and move to stick the key in the lock when his hand covers mine. My back is to him, and we stand there, stock-still.

  “Kalli,” he whispers as he twirls me around so I’m facing him.

  My heart starts racing as he presses me up against my door and quickly closes the distance between us. His eyes meet mine as he uses his free arm to brace himself on the door behind me. He drops my hand and runs his fingers up my arm, causing all the nerve endings underneath my skin to tingle.

  This is it.

  He’s going to kiss me.

  Alarm bells, whistles, and sirens simultaneously go off in my mind, and I hold my breath in anticipation of the moment I’ve been waiting on for so long.

  I tilt my chin and inadvertently lick my lips as I stare back into his eyes, willing and pleading with him to just do it already.

  “You want me to kiss you,” he whispers, reading my mind as his hand comes up to cup my cheek. “But I’m not going to. Not now.”

  The pitter-pattering of my heart screeches to a halt as a sinking feeling forms in the pit of my stomach. The breath I’m holding escapes my lungs in a long, slow, disappointed sigh.

  “You’re . . . you’re not?” I sputter, knowing I’m doing nothing to hide my frustration.

  He brings his other hand down to cradle my face and leans in close—so close that I think he’s going to do what he just said he wasn’t, but he stops before his lips touch mine. His eyes bore into mine, and I stare up at him, not masking my desire for him. I’m all but begging for his kiss.

  “No, Kalliope. At least not yet. Maybe tomorrow. Maybe next week. But not today.”

  I close my eyes and take another deep breath, trying to tell myself that it’s okay. At least I know he wants to. The thought does nothing to lift my spirits, however. After such an incredible day, I’m now filled with disappointment. I want nothing more than to escape into my apartment, throw on my pajamas, and drown my sorrows. When I open my eyes, he’s watching me, not masking the hunger I can see in his expression. So why won’t he just kiss me already?

  One side of his mouth lifts up. “The anticipation of the kiss is the most important part. I want you to crave it. I want the waiting to drive you wild. I want you so eager for our first kiss that, when it actually happens, it will be a moment you’ll never forget. A memory you’ll never be able to replace.”

  Oh. Okay then. I suppose that makes sense, but I furrow my brow anyway. “Xavier, you’re forgetting something. I’ve been waiting for this for ten years. I passed the eager stage a long time ago. I don’t think I’ll have any problem remembering your lips on mine for the first time.”

  “True, but for ten years, you wanted it. You didn’t know it would eventually happen. But I’m telling you, here and now. Kalliope, I am going to kiss you. And when I do, it will be when you least expect it. It may be soft and slow. It may be hard and fast. But rest assured, it will happen. Once it does, I may not be able to stop.”

  Knowing he won’t change his mind, I concede instead of arguing with him. “Well, just do me a favor and don’t wait too long,” I reply, and suddenly, I realize he’s right. Now that I know it’s going to happen, I can’t stop staring at his lips, wondering when. It’s no longer an if, but a when, and the anticipation is already causing butterflies to stir in my belly.

  He drops his hands to my shoulders and pulls me in, placing a chaste kiss on my forehead before leaning back and giving me a wink. “A few more weeks won’t kill you.”

  “Weeks?!” I cry, and he only laughs at my misery. The bastard. “You’re a cruel man, Xavier Cruz.”

  “So, are we on for movie night next weekend?” he asks, changing the subject.

  “Only if you kiss me senseless,” I mutter.

  He just laughs, placing another kiss on my forehead. I try to tilt my head up to see if I can launch a sneak attack, but he’s too quick for me.

  He tsks and steps back, shaking his head. “That just cost you another week.”

  Shooting a glare at him, I throw my hands up in exasperation. “Are you telling me that this whole anticipation thing is one-sided? Is it that easy for you to resist? I really need to step up my game.”

  Xavier’s eyes fall to my lips for a quick moment before he looks back up at me. I see the desire in his expression, and without him even saying a word, I know he wants this, too. So why is he making me wait?

  “You have no idea how much I want to kiss you right now. How many times I’ve thought of doing just that. Every time you were curled up against me on the couch, I wanted to kiss you. Every morning when you showed up, I wanted to kiss you. Every time you said goodnight to Lily and then slipped out my door? I wanted to kiss you before you left. It’s not a new development. The first time I ever saw you, Kalli, I wanted to kiss you. And I’ve wanted to ever since.”

  His admission floors me. He’s told me before that he “saw” me, but I had no clue it was from the very beginning. I’m not really sure how to process it. In fact, he beats me to the punch.

  “So now you know. This will be just as hard fo
r me, but it will be so damn worth it. Because when you’ve wanted something for as long as I’ve wanted you? It’ll be the best feeling in the world when I finally get it.”

  “Our first kiss will be that epic?”

  “A first kiss to rival them all,” he quips, grinning at me. He holds his arms out wide. “Now, we’ll start with a hug and work our way up.”

  “I feel like I’m sixteen again,” I tell him as I wrap my arms around his waist.

  His hands come down to my back and he gives me a big squeeze, my head pressing against his firm chest. I love this feeling of being in his arms, him holding me close. There’s nowhere on the planet I’d rather be than right here with him. As much as I want him, I know he’s right. I don’t care when it comes. Because when it does, our first kiss will be unforgettable.

  His chest rumbles as he chuckles. He squeezes me tight one last time before letting me go. “And it’s only just the beginning,” he tells me. “Have a good night, crazy girl.”

  “You, too,” I echo.

  He turns and heads towards his truck, officially ending our first date. Leaning back against the door, I fight the urge to let out a dramatic, swoony sigh as I watch him walk away from me. Out of nowhere, a word comes to mind, and a grin plays on my lips at the thought of the ridiculous text game Kaylie and I used to play sending each other useless words we found online.

  “Basorexia,” I call after him, and he stops in his tracks.

  He turns around and gives me a questioning look. “What?”

  “You’re going to make me basorexic,” I say simply.

  Confusion washes over his face. “Care to enlighten me?”

  “Basorexia: the overwhelming craving for a kiss. At least, according to Urban Dictionary it is,” I inform him.

  “Do I even want to know how you know that?” he asks, one eyebrow cocked.

  “Probably not. Just know that I’m already sick with it, and this waiting game is only going to make it worse. I hope you know the cure,” I tease.

  He just shakes his head. “Okay, crazy. I’ve gotta jet. I’ll see you next weekend?” he asks.

  Even though I want to pout at the thought of having to wait seven long, excruciating days until I see him again, I keep it cool and throw him a friendly wave. “See you then, Xavier.” With that, I turn my back and slip my key into the lock, ready to escape inside and work off some of this building frustration from being around Xavier and his teasing. Just as I’m about to open the door, I hear his voice.

  “Hey, Kalli?” he calls.

  I turn to see him standing just outside his truck with the door open. “Yeah?”

  “Do you remember your first kiss?”

  I actually have to think about it for a moment. I’m a serial kisser, and I started pretty young. “Hmm . . . that’s actually a tough one. It was Bobby Carmichael.” That doesn’t sound right. “Wait, no! Was it Matt Weaver?” I pause, racking my brain for the right answer. Man, I really was a kissing ho. “Okay, so apparently my first kiss wasn’t anywhere near epic if I can’t really remember who it was.”

  “Exactly. But you’re definitely going to remember mine, and when someone asks you about it, you won’t hesitate. Blush, maybe, but you’ll remember every single detail.”

  With a smile, he gets in and closes the door, backing out of his parking spot, leaving me standing there to stare after him and wonder just how long he’s going to make me wait.

  I WISH I could say there was a monumental shift in our relationship after that day, but I’d be lying. There was, however, a shift, as slight as it was, and I took what I could get. It wasn’t for a lack of trying. I know Xavier’s as frustrated as I’ve been. It was like the universe said, “Oh, you think it’s time to get together? Nope!” because everything imaginable to keep us apart happened.

  First, Lily got sick and missed nearly a week of school. I saw him every night when I dropped off her assignments, but that was it. Then he was sent out of town again, this time with Kale. Even though he’d just been gone, he volunteered because it meant he could get his leave approved for Vegas in December, so I begrudgingly understood. This time, however, he miraculously had cell service wherever he was, and he made sure to call me every night. He even surprised me with texts here and there. We spent hours on the phone, and I’m sure his days were even more exhausting than mine, but for me, it was worth it. I almost felt like a teenager again, and I was getting to know my new boyfriend over the phone rather than spending the nights together in bed.

  And as on fire as I am with my want for him, I’m strangely content with the progression of our relationship. I’ve enjoyed learning the ins and outs of who he is, not just the guy on the surface.

  So it’s been three long weeks since I’ve seen him, and I’ve been dying from anticipation at the thought of him coming home this weekend. Especially after the conversation I had with Lily earlier this afternoon. Once I pull out my phone, I shoot him a text, unsure of whether he’s in the field or not.

  K: We need to talk.

  My phone chimes almost immediately, and I pause the television as I curl up on my couch to read it.

  X: I didn’t do it. I swear.

  K: LOL you idiot. That’s the problem. I have to take care of it all by myself.

  X: Ouch.

  Before I can respond, my phone chimes again, and I laugh at his text.

  X: Wait. You’re taking care of it? Care to explain? In detail. Maybe photographic proof?

  K: You wish! You know you’re driving me crazy, Cruz. In fact, I’m on the couch, in my tiniest shorts, and I might just have to take care of it again.

  I bite my lip at my boldness, telling myself that it’s the two glasses of wine I’ve had. We’ve teased each other here and there, but we haven’t actually said anything overtly sexual. Hell, I’m still waiting for that first kiss.

  Minutes go by as I stare at my phone, willing it to light up with a new message. It doesn’t, and I’m worried I just scared him off. Or at least scared him speechless. Sighing, I grab my remote and hit play as I try to lose myself in an episode of An Idiot Abroad, my latest Netflix find. Just as I’m laughing at Karl’s fear of heights, I hear a knock on my door. Frowning, I glance at the clock and see that it’s nearly eleven. While I’ve met people, I haven’t invited anyone to my place, so I grab my golf umbrella and slowly creep towards the door to look through the peephole.

  After wrenching the door open, I poke Xavier in the chest with the tip of the umbrella. “You scared the hell out of me! What are you doing here?” I ask, watching as he rubs the spot on his chest.

  “I’ve missed you, too,” he says, grinning at me.

  Tossing the umbrella aside, I grab his hand and pull him inside, wrapping my arms around his waist. He drops his duffel bag as his arms settle around me and we stand there for a moment, enjoying each other’s warmth.

  “I have missed you,” I finally admit, leaning my head back to look up at him.

  His eyes darken as they move down to my lips. Slowly, he bends his neck, and I think . . .

  This is it.

  Just as his lips are about to touch mine, I do the unthinkable.

  I turn my head.

  His lips connect with my cheek.

  My heart screams at me in protest.

  The place between my legs curses me.

  My brain, however, pats me on the back.

  Pulling away, I look up at him with what can only be described as a cheeky grin. “You don’t get to walk in here after three weeks and kiss me first thing, Cruz. What about the buildup? The anticipation?”

  He lets out a low growl and grabs my hips, tossing me over his shoulder. I squeal, scratching at his back until he plops me down on the couch and takes a seat next to me.

  “You’re an evil woman, you know that?” he asks.

  I laugh and rest back against the cushion, taking in his appearance. He’s still in his uniform, and he looks exhausted.

  “What are you doing here? I thought you weren’t
going to be back until the weekend.”

  He takes my hand and toys with my fingers before bringing them up to his lips for a quiet kiss. “We finished up early. I meant what I said. I missed you, Kalli, so I came straight here from the airport.”

  The sentiment sends my heart in an uproar. “You didn’t go home first?”

  “No. It’s late and Lily’s in bed anyway. And I was kind of hoping you’d let me crash in yours tonight. I hear you have a problem that needs taking care of.”

  “Ha! You wish, buddy. It’s too late. Already taken care of,” I tease, and he groans. “Now you know how it feels, Cruz. Still think the whole anticipation thing is worth it?”

  He leans forwards and hooks an arm around my waist, hauling me into his lap. “Trust me, baby.” He kisses my forehead. Then each cheek. His lips trail down along my jawline and up until they’re hovering just above my ear. “I’ve never anticipated anything more.”

  I shiver, and he incorrectly assumes I’m cold and wraps me up in his arms as he rubs my arms. I look up just in time to see him yawn.

  “We may not be getting frisky, but you know you’re welcome to crash in my bed any time as long as you cuddle with me.”

  “You’ve got a deal,” he says, yawning again. “Mind if I hit the shower first?”

  I shake my head and turn off the television. “Of course not. I only have girly products, though.”

  He grins and presses a kiss to the top of my head. “I’ve had to use Lily’s before, so I’m used to it. Meet you in the bedroom?”

  After I nod, he takes his duffel bag and heads down the hall. Once I’m settled into bed, I listen to the shower running and wish I could join him. While I can’t wait until we’re at that point in our relationship, I love the comfortable pace we’ve set. I could still kick myself for turning my cheek instead of allowing him to kiss me, but it was kind of fun to give him a taste of his own medicine. This whole time, he’s had the advantage. Well, now, he gets to live with the anticipation as much as I have been.

  I’m lost in my thoughts when Xavier slides into bed beside me. Since I’m already on my side, it’s easy for him to slip an arm around my waist. He places a kiss on my shoulder then rains small ones up my neck until he kisses my cheek.