by Tessa Teevan
He grins over the top of his glass, not answering me as he takes a drink. “Do you really want to know?”
“Did you mean everything you said?”
“Kalli, have you ever known me to say things without meaning them?”
“Touché . . . So, yes, Xavier. As sexy as it was, you whispering sweet Spanish nothings, I want to know what words were turning me on so fiercely. And please don’t tell me you were whispering about trash again.”
He chuckles and shakes his head at me before leaning back in his chair, his eyes darkening as his hand covers mine. “Me vuelves loco—you drive me crazy. And it’s true. You always have, Kalli. And then seeing you tonight, in that dress, with those guys trying to put their hands all over you? I couldn’t stand it. I nearly lost my mind.”
My belly flutters at his words. I always have? Before I can even process his words, he continues.
“Te necesito. I need you, more than I’ve ever let myself need another woman. It’s terrifying. It’s thrilling. You continue to be my crazy contradiction.” His other hand reaches across the table and cups my cheek. “Te deseo. I want you. I ache for you, Kalliope, and I don’t know if I can stand not having you for much longer.”
My mouth falls open. I’m in shock from hearing him say the words out loud. It’s what I’ve been waiting for but never thought I’d actually get.
He takes my hand off his thigh and brings it up to the table, entwining my fingers with his. His gaze darkens, and he moves in closer, as if he’s about to reveal some deep, dark secret. “And quiero hacerte el amor?”
It sounds so sexy rolling off his lips, and I’m completely unprepared for what he’s about to say. His thumb rubs the skin on my cheek as he looks at me with desire and longing. It’s unnerving, the honesty I see reflected back at me.
“I want to make love to you. I need to feel you. I want to kiss every inch of your beautiful body and then spend the night inside you, making you scream my name over and over again. I want to fill you completely until you’re begging for more. I went to spend every single night from here on out studying your body, learning what makes you tick, what makes you come undone. I want you, Kalliope—every part of you. So fucking badly, I can barely stand it.”
Holy. Spanish. Christ. For the first time in my life, I’m struck speechless. This is the most open he’s ever been with men and it’s unnerving and exciting all at once. He wants me. He wants to make love to me. Me! He’s over slow and ready to be under me.
Mentally, I’m freaking out, wanting to squeal, hop out of my chair, and drag him home so I can jump his bones, but I calm myself down, knowing he deserves the woman in me, not the teenage girl who’s been harboring a crush and dreaming of seeing him naked for over a decade. Inhaling deeply, I look up at him through long lashes, hoping I don’t appear too eager.
“Then what are you waiting for?” Smooth, Kalli. Real smooth.
His thumbs continue to rub my skin as he studies. “But Kale—” is all I let him get out before I stop him.
“Kale isn’t here, and even if he were it wouldn’t be his business. I’m twenty-seven years old, Xavier, not sixteen. He’ll live. But if you don’t take me home and hacerte me or whatever the hell you said, then I may not!”
He grins, and I know I’ve won. He throws a twenty on the table and stands, holding out his hand for me.
“Don’t worry, baby. I’ll hacerte you. All. Night. Long,” he says, punctuating each word for emphasis with hard kisses against my mouth.
I’m thankful he’s holding my hand, as dizzying sensations wash over me while he leads me outside towards his truck. I’m in a daze, and I have the urge to pinch myself. Am I dreaming? He says something else in Spanish, drawing me out of my thoughts.
“First thing tomorrow, I’m getting Rosetta Stone.”
He laughs and spins me, pushing me up against his truck. As he covers my body with his, he leans down to rain kisses along my jaw until he’s nibbling on my earlobe, whispering something in Spanish. God, it’s sexy.
“You could get Rosetta Stone. Or I could teach you.”
Shivering, I nod. “As long as there’s hands-on training,” I pant as he kisses me again.
“Oh, don’t worry, baby. There will be plenty of that,” he growls then pulls back in a curse.
I look up, confused, and then see his phone pressed against his ear. Wow. In my state of arousal, I didn’t even hear it ring. His expression falls then shifts as horror crosses his face. My stomach clenches tight, wondering who it could be.
“Okay, baby girl. You did the right thing. I’m on my way. Everything’s going to be okay.” He listens, nodding. “Okay. I love you, sweetheart. I’ll be there as soon as I can.”
All the heat between us has dissipated, and my stomach is in knots.
“Lily?” I ask.
As he nods, his face is ashen. I assume the worst, sobering up completely.
“It’s Ma. She collapsed in the kitchen and Lily couldn’t wake her. She called nine-one-one, and the ambulance is loading her up right now. I’ll drop you off on the way to the hospital.”
I wrap my arms around his waist to give him a reassuring squeeze. It seems like such a small gesture, but he leans into my embrace.
“No, no just take me with you. I can help with Lily and then call Mom and Kale from there. Let’s just get to the hospital as soon as possible.” I tighten my arms around him, trying to comfort him. “Everything’s going to be okay, Xavier,” I tell him, hoping to God I’m right.
He exhales slowly as he returns my embrace. “It has to be. I lose Ma, then I lose Lily,” he says, barely a whisper.
I have no idea what he means, but before I can ask for clarification, he opens the door and grasps my hips, lifting me into his truck. When he joins me, he takes hold of my hand.
“I know this isn’t how either of us expected the night to turn out, but I’m really glad you’re here with me.”
“There’s nowhere else I’d rather be. I’ll be here with you the whole time.”
And it’s true. Even though I’ve been waiting for Xavier for so damn long, I know I’ll wait as long as it takes. Right now, he needs me, and that’s all that matters.
As we race to the hospital, I think back on what he said about losing Lily. Even though I don’t understand, I silently vow that I will never let that happen, no matter what it takes.
THIS CANNOT be happening. Everything was going perfectly. Kalli forgave me. We shared our first kiss. And anticipation be damned, I was on my way to finally being with her. And then my phone rang. The fear in Lily’s voice sent a jolt right through me, and I knew my world was about to change.
Kale’s already at the hospital when we rush into the emergency room, and I’m thankful Lily wasn’t alone long.
“Dad!” she cries when she sees me, flinging herself into my arms. “I was so scared, but I did what you taught me. I called nine-one-one.”
I press a kiss to the top of her head as I stroke her hair. “I know, baby. You did a great job. I’m proud of you.” I look up to see Kale’s grim expression. “Any news?”
“Nothing so far,” he tells me, looking as uncomfortable as I feel.
The last time we were in the hospital together, after Lily’s car accident, wasn’t exactly a pleasant experience, and this isn’t any better.
Crouching down, I look at Lily. “Hey, I’m going to go talk to the doctors. Stay here with Kale and Kalli, okay?”
She nods, and as I start to walk away, a hand grasps my forearm.
“I’m coming with you,” Kalli says, placing her hand in mine and guiding me down the hall. Once we’re out of earshot, she turns to me. “Xavier, who knows how long you’re going to be here tonight. The ER is no place for a little girl. It’ll just freak her out even more than she already is.”
She’s right, and even though I’d rather have Lily close to me tonight, I nod. “You’re right. You don’t have to stay here with me, Kalli. You can take her home, stay with her.”
<
br /> She places a hand on my arm. “That’s not what I meant. Xavier, Lily loves Kale and Lucy. They’ll take her, and she can occupy her time by playing with Jacob. I’m not leaving you here alone.”
I let out a deep breath and nod, pulling her into my arms and resting my chin on her head. “I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
She squeezes me tight. “You won’t ever have to find out. I promise.”
AN ETERNITY passes as we wait for answers. Finally, a doctor enters the emergency room and asks for me. Kalli stands with me, and I clutch her hand, terrified of what he’s going to say. I can’t read his expression, and the closer he gets, the more the dread seeps in. I can’t lose her. Not Ma.
“Mr. Cruz?” he asks.
I nod, anxious for him to tell me whatever he has to say.
“We have yet to determine the cause of your mother’s collapse. Preliminary tests show that it wasn’t heart related, nor did she suffer a stroke. While we’re waiting for the other test results, we’ve admitted her, and she’s now resting in her room. Until we figure out what caused this, we’re keeping her for observation. If you’ll follow me, I can take you to her.”
“Thank you,” I manage to say, grateful that it’s not heart related like my dad’s death was. His was unexpected, a fatal heart attack that shocked Ma to her core. There was no warning, and even though I was young, it’s stuck with me. One day, he was there. The next, he wasn’t. And now, with Ma? The not knowing blows.
Kalli squeezes my hand as we follow the doctor. Once we’re in her room, the doctor leaves us. Taking the seat by Ma’s bed, I swallow hard at how small she looks, and even with her eyes closed, I can see the exhaustion on her face. Suddenly, all of those afternoon naps come to mind, and I wonder if she’s been feeling ill for a while and I’ve been too preoccupied to notice. I take her hand and clasp it in both of mine as I sit there for minutes, hours—I have no idea how long—until I feel a hand touch my shoulder. I turn and look up to see Kalli there, still in her dress, but with a jacket I’m assuming was from Kale.
“Mom’s here. I’m going to meet her in the lobby so I can show her the way. I’ll be right back.”
She turns to walk away, but I grab her hand. “Thank you for being here, Kalli,” I tell her, my voice feeling raw.
Leaning down, she places a kiss on my forehead then lifts my chin. “Am I going to have to get a tattoo? How many times do I have to say it? I’ll always be here, even if you try to push me away,” she reminds me.
My throat feels like it’s closing up as mountains of emotion threaten to rise to the surface after such an overwhelming night.
“I know,” I manage to choke out. “Always?
“Always.” She gives me a small smile before she leaves to find Ginger.
A million thoughts run through my mind as I look at Ma. All my life, she’s been my rock, and I can’t remember ever seeing her look weak or vulnerable like she does now. Hell, I barely remember her ever even having more than a cold. Nothing can happen to her. Lily and I need her too much. Silently, I plead with her, with God, with whoever is listening, to make sure she’s okay. That she stays here with us. Even as Kalli and Ginger come back into the room, their presence does little to assuage my mental anguish.
Kalli places a hand on my shoulder and squeezes lightly, letting me know she’s here. Without hesitation, I raise my hand to cover hers, and she stands behind me as Ginger moves to the other side of Ma and takes a seat beside her. She’s been an important part of Ma’s life since our families met all those years ago at Kale’s and my boot camp graduation, and her presence here is comforting. Almost as soothing as Kalli’s.
“Have the doctors said anything?” Ginger asks, finally breaking the silence.
Shaking my head, I glance up and meet her gaze. The worry is evident on her face. “Only that it doesn’t appear to be heart related. They still have tests to run.”
She blows out a breath. “Has she been feeling ill lately?”
“I don’t think so. At least, she hasn’t said anything to me.” I rack my brain trying to think of any signs I may have missed and come up with nothing. “I’ve caught her taking naps more often, which is unusual for her. But when I ask if she’s okay, she just says she didn’t sleep well.”
Ginger’s mouth tightens as she leans back in her chair. “Well, hopefully, we’ll get some news soon,” she says. She looks from me to her daughter and turns the conversation to small talk, asking about her new school, her job.
I’m grateful for the reprieve. It’s mindless chatter, but it’s what I need to fill the silent room, to drown out the sound of the beeping from the machine my mother’s hooked up to. It keeps my mind from wandering to unpleasant thoughts.
After what feels like forever, Ma’s fingers move, and when I look up, I see her eyes struggling to open.
“Ma!” I practically shout.
She winces at the noise. Her eyes flutter again as she squeezes my hand, tighter this time.
Lowering my voice, I lean in closer to her. “Ma, can you hear me?”
“Xavier? What happened?” she asks, her voice sounding raw and scratchy.
Before I can answer, Ginger scoots closer on the other side of the bed and brushes Ma’s hair off her forehead.
“Anna, you collapsed last night. Do you remember that?” she asks, her voice soft.
Ma’s eyes go wide as a shimmer of tears fills them. “Oh, God. Lily,” she gasps, looking over at me.
“She okay, Ma. She was scared, but she’s all right. She’s the one who called nine-one-one and got you here so quickly. She’s with Kale and Lucy now.”
A wistful smile forms on her lips. “She’s such a good girl, Xavier,” she says gently. “I’m sorry she saw me like that.”
“She is. Thanks to you,” I tell her, and she shakes her head.
Before she can respond, a nurse enters the room, smiling when she sees that Ma’s awake. She turns to the rest of us. “There are a couple of tests we’d like to run. We want to make sure we cover all of her bases. If you wouldn’t mind stepping out into the waiting room . . .” she says, trailing off when Ma touches her hand.
“I don’t need any more tests,” she says, causing my eyebrows to draw together in confusion.
“What do you mean, Ma?” I ask. “Of course you do. We need to get to the bottom of this so you will be well again.”
Ginger stands and places a hand on Ma’s shoulder. “Anna, why don’t you talk to the doctor first, okay?” she suggests, looking down at her.
Something passes between them, and I have no idea what’s going on.
“Xavier, do me a favor. Go home and get some sleep while the doctors finish their tests. Ginger is here, and I’ll be okay. You look exhausted, and it’s the middle of the night. There’s no reason for you to stick around in the waiting room.”
“I don’t thin—” I begin, but she holds up a finger.
“Xavier Cruz, you will go home, you will get some sleep, and you will not come back to the hospital until Ginger calls you.”
I’m taken aback by her stern tone, but as much as I want to protest, I know she’ll be in good hands with Ginger. And she’s right. I’m practically ready to pass out in this chair, and when I look at Kalli, I can tell she feels the same.
“Okay, okay, Ma. I’ll go. But only for a little while. If I don’t hear from her in three hours, I’m coming back and you can’t stop me.”
“Make it five and you have a deal. Take Kalli with you, too. I don’t want the young, single doctors checking her out in that dress.”
I scowl at the thought.
Ma just smiles. “That’s what I thought.”
WALKING AROUND my empty house, I feel surrounded by loneliness, and even though I promised Ma I’d get some sleep, I can’t. I’m too restless. Each time I try to lie down, my mind is running a continuous loop. It starts with the terrifying phone call from Lily, moves to the grim look on the doctor’s face, and ends with how weak and tired Ma loo
ked. I can’t get the image out of my mind, and there’s only one place I want to be right now.
After using the key she gave me the first time I spent the night at her house, I slip inside and quietly walk down the hallway. Once I’ve taken my shirt off, I pull the covers back and climb in behind her, trying not to wake her up. Gently, I slide my arm around her waist and pull her in close. Almost instantly, the warmth of her skin gives me comfort, and I sigh into her neck, knowing that, whatever happens, I can’t do this without her. I don’t want to.
She shifts and nestles back against me like it’s the most natural thing in the world. And honestly, it is. Closing my eyes, I hold her, trying to keep the plaguing thoughts of Mom’s condition at bay. This whole thing has shaken me to my core, and it’s hard to stop worrying and wondering what the hell is going on, what’s going to happen, and what I’m going to do about it.
“Mmm,” she mumbles as she turns in my arms and looks up at me with a sleepy expression on her face. “Am I dreaming?”
“Couldn’t sleep. The house was too damn quiet without Ma or Lily, so I just got in the car and started driving.”
“And ended up here?” she asks, blinking up at me, her hand stroking my back.
“It may have been the destination I had in mind all along,” I tell her honestly.
She smiles wistfully. “Then I guess it’s good you never gave back that key,” she teases.
“I suppose it is,” I respond, unable to mask my yawn as exhaustion washes over me.
“Well, as much as I love the idea of what we could do after you sneak into my bed, we should probably get some sleep before you back to the hospital in a few hours.”
As I look down at her, all I want to do is kiss her. To do what she’s insinuating. But I can’t. I’m not in the right frame of mind, and the first time I’m with Kalli is not going to be some late-night quickie as I try to fuck away the anxiety. God, was it really only a few hours ago that she was in my arms, my hands on her hips, my lips touching hers for the first time?
She must see the confliction on my face, because she brings a hand up to my cheek and looks into my eyes, soft and full of understanding. “Sleep, Xavier.” She lays her head against my chest and snuggles in as close as possible.