Intoxicate

by Tessa Teevan

  His eyes soften as his hand moves to cup my cheek. “You’re incredible,” he whispers so softly that the words are nearly drowned out by the waves. “I don’t deserve you.”

  I lean into his touch and feel the rough texture of his hand caressing my cheek as his thumb strokes my skin. Shivers tremble throughout my body as butterflies attack my stomach. A rising swell of emotion washes over me, and I know it’s now or never.

  “That’s where you’re wrong. You deserve the best, Xavier.” The best for him is me, and before I can stop myself, I’m blurting out my solution to his problem. “That’s why I think we should get married.”

  His thumb stills as his expression is first shocked and then dumbfounded.

  “What?” he chokes out.

  I look up at him, trying to exude the confidence I wish I possessed right now. “Marry me. Make me your wife. Lily’s stepmom. Her appointed guardian should anything happen to you. Let me be your strength, Xavier. To take away all your fears and worries. Let me in, and let me help.”

  I hold my breath as his eyes flick back and forth between mine, his expression indecipherable. Seconds later, he drops the hand from my face and rises from the blanket, turning his back as he starts walking towards the shore, not responding to my proposition. I watch him move away from me, my heart sinking.

  You’re an idiot, Kalli Montgomery.

  Did I seriously just propose to Xavier? On a whim? I probably just went from being his comfort to his worst nightmare. What was I thinking?

  I know what I was thinking. As soon as I thought that things would be better if Lucy and Kale were married, making them her godparents and guardians, I knew it wasn’t enough. I wanted to care for her. To take care of them both. And what better way to do that than get married? Then he wouldn’t even have to worry about it. I already love Lily, Xavier and I have some sort of relationship, and he wouldn’t have to stress anymore. It’d be a win all around—or so my deluded mind thought.

  But the look on his face when I suggested it lets me know that my execution left little to be desired. So blurting it out wasn’t a good idea. I should’ve eased him into it, but it’s too late for that.

  Just as I’m about to stand and follow him to take it back, he turns and comes back to the blanket, stopping mere feet away from me. He holds his hands behind his head as he studies me.

  “What the hell, Kalli? Yeah, I may be tired of this standstill between us. And I’m sorry, but I’m not in that place right now. I can’t focus on a relationship right now. I was thinking we’d still go slow, especially with the uncertainty of what’s happening with Ma. I can’t give you all of me like you deserve. I want to . . . but I can’t. And now you’re proposing marriage? Are you crazy?”

  Rising to my feet, I close the distance between us and look up at him so he can see that I’m dead serious. “No, Xavier, I’m not. Okay, well, maybe I am just a little bit, but think about it. You’ve been so stressed with this whole thing, and it’s stressing your mom out, too. The last thing she needs right now is to be worrying about you and Lily.”

  He looks skeptical, and I know I’m not getting through to him. I close my eyes for a brief second before looking back at him.

  “I’m not saying that this has to be forever or it has to be more than me just being a placeholder until your mom is well again. It can be on paper only, and it’ll give you what you need for your Family Care Plan so you can focus on your career and Anna can concentrate on getting well. It’ll be just like last summer, but with a little piece of paper protecting you and protecting Lily.”

  As he stares at me, my heart threatens to pound out of my chest. Even though I say that I’m doing this for him, a minuscule, selfish part of me will be devastated if he says no.

  Playfully, I push his shoulder, changing tactics. “Plus, we’re going to be in Vegas in a few days. It’s the perfect setup. We’ll have a quickie wedding, change the paperwork when we get home, and then you’ll have nothing to worry about. Everything will fall into place.”

  It all sounds perfectly logical in my mind, but as I say the words out loud, I have one question left unsaid.

  What’s the worst that could happen?

  SHE’S CRAZY. Insane. Certifiably nuts.

  But the more I roll the idea around in my brain, the more I realize she’s also brave. Selfless. The best prospect I have.

  Glancing down at her, I see her watching me, waiting for my response. But it’s not like I can take this lightly. We’re talking marriage here. Something I’ve never have envisioned for myself. Yet she’s talking about doing it in a few days. A whirlwind of questions attack my brain, but there’s a resounding yes that’s louder than any of the negatives. I want to say yes. But how can I with these unsettled feelings between us? The complications may be more than either of us can take, and the last thing I want is for something like this to mess with our relationship—whatever it may be. There have to be boundaries—ones I’m not sure I even want but know need to be put in place.

  “Xavier, stop thinking so much. This is the best option you have. Please don’t make me beg. It’ll only bruise my ego.”

  Deep down, I know she’s right, and honestly, the idea of marrying Kalli doesn’t exactly sound like a hardship. She’s already all I think about when we’re apart, and I haven’t been looking forward to going back home, knowing I won’t be able to crawl into her bed every night now that Ma will be gone. But still, I need to make this decision with a clear mind—after making sure she’s doing the same.

  “Kalli, no one will buy it. You’ve always said you didn’t want to get married,” I protest, reminding her of the whole “I don’t need the institution” thing.

  She grins and simply shrugs her shoulders. “What can I say? I’m Ginger’s daughter. But things change. People change. Everyone knows we’ve been tiptoeing around each other for months. We can say we got caught up in the magic of Vegas. I doubt they’ll even bat an eye. Come on, Xavier. Say yes. Don’t make my first—and probably only—proposal a failure.”

  I look down at her and catch the hope in her expression. She wants this, and it scares the hell out of me because I want this, too, no matter how much I try to deny it.

  “Are you sure, Kalliope? You would do this for me? For Lily?”

  Her eyes soften. “Xavier, how many times do I have to say it? I would do anything for you and Lily. Even if it means proposing a sham marriage.”

  As soon as she says the words, I hate the idea of it as much as I love it. I don’t want it to be a sham. Yet I’m not sure how real I want it to be, either. It’s a mess of contradictions. The confliction wrestling inside me is enough for me to know we need guidelines. Letting out a deep breath, I give in.

  “If we do this, Kalli, it has to be for Lily. I don’t know what this means for us, but maybe we need to stay at a standstill—at least for now. I don’t want to mess up what we have by getting feelings involved, especially in a marriage.” Deep down, I know it’s too late for that, but if I can prevent any further of an emotional connection, I know I should try.

  She blinks twice and then nods slowly, but I’m not sure she actually agrees. “Oookay. I guess that makes sense. I’d hate to confuse things and actually think this is a real marriage.”

  I wince at her clipped tone, but then she masks it with a smile.

  “So we make a pact,” she says. “After we say I do, we agree—no emotions. We’ll go back to being friends, and for now, that’s enough. In the end, we’ll both walk away, no hard feelings.”

  Swallowing hard, I nod even though she’s making it sound like a shit agreement. The idea of her ever walking away isn’t one I want to even believe possible. But I still find myself agreeing.

  “Exactly.” I want to take it back as soon as I say the word, but it’s too late.

  She holds out her hand. “Absolutely no falling in love. Think you can handle that, Cruz?” she teases, and I appreciate the lightness of her tone.

  “Yeah, Montgomery, I think I
’ll manage,” I tell her as I place my hand in hers.

  Am I lying to myself? Or to her? Or to both of us? Either way, it’s too late. The deal is done.

  We shake on it. Then quickly she drops my hand.

  “All right. Well, then it’s settled. I guess you’ve found yourself a wife.”

  A wife. Holy shit. Can I actually do this? What the hell did I just agree to?

  And then thoughts of Lily cross my mind and I know this truly is the best option. The pact, however? Yeah, I might be able to manage, but I have a feeling it’s going to be a whole lot harder than I think.

  Because one summer with her in my home was more than enough for me to know that I want her there. Actually having her there constantly, as my wife?

  I’m not sure I’ll ever be able to let her go, pact or not.

  AS MY alarm annoyingly pulls me out of the sweetest dream, my eyes pop open like it’s Christmas morning even though the holiday was a few days ago. Eager excitement washes over me, because today is the day.

  Well, maybe not the day, but we leave for Las Vegas in just a few short hours, and I couldn’t be more excited. Or nervous. Or scared as hell that he’s going to decide that it’s not worth it. I’m not worth it.

  Throwing back the covers, I bound out of bed and head to the bathroom, anxious to get this day started. I spend a little extra time in the shower as my thoughts drift to the past few days.

  Ever since my less-than-romantic beach proposal, things with Xavier and I have been a little . . . altered? Sure, it’s only been three days, and they’ve been spent around our families, but I miss him. It’s not that he’s been avoiding me. Not at all. But he has been spending most of his time with Anna and Lily, which I understand. When we are together, he no longer treats me like a little sister. He doesn’t join in when Kale teases me, and I haven’t missed the looks Mom and Anna give each other when he magically always ends up next to me at the dinner table or on the couch with me after the kids are in bed. There’ve been light touches. A hand on my knee. Our fingers lightly entwined underneath a pillow. Brushes in the hall, his hand grazing my hip. Kisses on the cheek before going to bed—after making sure no one is looking, of course.

  All of which have been wreaking havoc on my system as I’ve tried to turn off my emotions. By the end of the second day, I knew it was no use and I just stopped fighting it. It’s inevitable. I’m already too far gone.

  What’s getting to me is that he hasn’t come to my bed since that night—understandably so, since Kaylie and I are doubled up in my old bedroom at Mom’s house, but still. I’ve gotten used to falling asleep in his arms, and I berate myself, knowing I should’ve thrown that stipulation into our little pact.

  The pact.

  The pact was a stupid idea, and I know it won’t last. It pained me to say the words “absolutely no falling in love.” I already know it’s a little late for that for me, but if that’s what Xavier needs to go into this, then I did what I had to and agreed. I will hide my feelings for him as long as he needs me to, no matter how hard it gets. With everything else going on in his life, the last thing he needs is my complicating it with love declarations.

  Do I secretly hope that being thrown into this situation makes Xavier examine his feelings for me and finally decide I’m worth being with?

  Of course.

  Does that make me an opportunistic asshole?

  Probably.

  But am I still doing this to make sure my favorite father-daughter duo stays together?

  Abso-freaking-lutely.

  So if that makes me a bad person, then so be it. I’ve been called worse.

  A sudden banging on the door jolts me from my thoughts. After shutting off the water, I grab a towel and secure it under my arms before calling out for the impatient offender to come in. I bend over at the waist to scrunch my hair with a second towel when I hear a throat clear. Whipping back up, I’m surprised to see Xavier standing there, trying—but failing—to avert his eyes. Attempting to stifle a laugh, I take a moment to study him. He’s leaning against the doorframe in nothing but a pair of basketball shorts. Shorts that let me know he woke up very recently, judging by the morning wood poking in my direction. And what a glorious package it is.

  I slowly force my eyes to drift up as I take in his chiseled abs, impeccable pecs, and strong arms. It’s been a while since I’ve seen him like this not under the cover of darkness in my room, and it makes me wonder if I can talk him into a wedding-night dalliance. After all, we only said no lovey-dovey stuff. We made no agreements about sex. As I lick my lips at the sight of him, I am grateful for that. Because this girl wants her wedding night. Not so long ago, he admitted that he wanted me. I just hope he finally takes me.

  “Sorry,” he says, breaking me from my shameless inspection of his body. “Kaylie said Kale was in here.”

  I give him a wry smile. “Of course she did,” I respond, knowing that my sister did this on purpose. God love that girl. If she only knew. “Water’s still hot. I’ll leave you to it.”

  Tightening the towel, I walk out of the bathroom, brazenly brushing up against his bare chest. I swear I hear a sharp intake of breath, but it could be wishful thinking. I’m halfway down the hall when I turn back and see that he hasn’t moved.

  “Hey, Xavier?” I ask, and he looks back at me. I don’t miss the desire in his eyes. “You ready for this?”

  His eyes sweep down my towel-clad body, causing my nerve endings to tingle under his perusal. “God, I hope so.”

  Good enough for me. Turning, I sashay down the hall with a little extra swing in my hips, not stopping until I make it to my room and close the door behind me. Leaning against it, I smile, knowing that Xavier still wants me.

  The question is: What is he going to do about it?

  THANKS TO our moms’ fortuitous planning, we’re flying straight to Vegas from Alabama. It takes far too long to make it into the security line thanks to a chorus of goodbyes between Kale, Lucy, and Jacob and Lily, Xavier, and his mom. Kaylie and I finally have to push them towards the line, threatening to leave without them if they don’t hurry up. It’s a whirlwind of activity, and I don’t get a chance to think about anything until I’m seated in my spot on the plane. As I brace for takeoff, it hits me that I’m not just going to Vegas. I’m flying to my wedding, and even though I’ve been pretty calm about it thus far, it all finally seems so real.

  My nerves are all over the place on the flight to Las Vegas, and they continue to wreak havoc on my stomach as we check into the hotel. Xavier, Knox, and Charlie are sharing one suite while Kale, Lucy, Kaylie, and I are sharing one with three bedrooms. We part ways and make plans to meet up for dinner after an afternoon nap—courtesy of Charlie, who’s just entered her second trimester after turning up pregnant when she got home from her honeymoon with Knox.

  Once in my room, however, sleep is the last thing on my mind. I try to nap, but it’s no use. All I do is toss and turn, anxious for the getaway to begin and simultaneously apprehensive about my plans. I keep thinking about Xavier and how things are going to change. Should we have talked more about this? Am I going to stay at my apartment or at his place? The latter would make sense so I’m there with Lily when he’s still at work, but it’s a detail we haven’t yet discussed. Instead of dwelling on it, I head to the mini bar, find the tequila, and down it before going to the window to take in the sights of the Strip.

  Las Vegas should be my Mecca. The flashy lights. The freedom. The swarms of people looking to have a good time and nothing else. The endless opportunity to overindulge and not feel guilty about it for a second. The prospect of seeing both Elton John and Britney Spears all in one weekend should have me excited beyond belief, but instead, all I can think about is my wedding.

  If you’d have told me six months ago that I’d not only end up married to someone who doesn’t love me, but that it happened in Vegas of all places, I’d probably have shrugged and said, “Anything’s possible. Chalk it up to a drunken mistake. Hey,
Britney did it. I’d just get an annulment, call it a day, and fondly remember—or well, probably not—the eighteen hours or so I was someone’s wife.”

  But if you’d have told me that I’d go to Vegas with the intention to marry a man who doesn’t love me so I could be stepmom to his daughter—and that I would do it willingly—I probably would have checked your temperature. Gotten you a straitjacket. Wondered what meds you were taking and where I could get some.

  Yet here I am, unpacking my suitcase and trying to pick out what to wear on our first night out. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t contemplating putting on the lingerie I splurged on for our special night in hopes that Xavier’s of the belief that a marriage isn’t real unless it’s consummated.

  Okay, so our marriage isn’t supposed to be real, and we may be doing this out of duty, not love, but that doesn’t mean I’m going to be entirely selfless. Every girl deserves a wedding night—in love or not.

  However, Xavier and I haven’t exactly planned this out. I have no idea if we’re tying the knot today, tomorrow, our last night, or even at all. It wouldn’t shock me if he changes his mind now that we’re here, and I wouldn’t hold it against him if he does. Will I be disappointed? Absolutely. Which is crazy to me, because like he said, I’ve never wanted to get married. I’ve never thought that I needed it. But one summer spent with him and Lily and everything changed—not that I’ve admitted it to anyone except myself. After twenty-seven years of being happily single and carefree, I want a family. More specifically, I want this family.

  Sighing, I push the thoughts from my mind and head to the bathroom. A long, hot shower is just what I need, and as I wait for the water to heat up, I pull my clothes off and step in. Just as I finish, I hear a knock at the door. Assuming it’s my sister, who is notorious for forgetting hair products on trips, I call out, “It’s open!” as I dry off and quickly slip the bra and panties on to ask how it looks.

  As I walk out with an extra bottle of shampoo in my hand, I stop in my tracks when I see Xavier sitting on the edge of my bed. His eyes widen as he takes in the sight of me. So much for the lingerie surprise. Leaning against the door, I smile at him. “We’ve got to stop meeting like this,” or “Like what you see?” both play on the tip of my tongue, but I stop myself from teasing him. Instead, I go for the safer route.