I’m not reading this over, I’m out of a trance but I’m not sure what happened tonight, it was one or two mixed up dreams – see you tomorrow.
Love & Help
AUTOMATIC LETTER 53
Sunday night
Dear Adam,
Tonight before Gloria fell asleep she gave me instructions to reveal information needed to help her sessions with you. I don’t know why she did this, but the fact that it was done must have directed her mind in a different way. This is the dream I had.
While sitting in a rocking chair waiting for someone to come to get me, I found myself rising up, up, through the ceiling, up through the roof of my house and I continued this floating till I was so high that all I could hear was the whisper of clouds as they passed by me – I continued to rise – weightless just like a feather and I wasn’t afraid even when I saw that I was in outer space. Beneath me the earth was just a large round ball – only oceans and continents could be seen and I thought this must be what the astronauts see on their trips to the moon – it was exciting – total stillness – complete peace and my soul felt free in that I was beyond troubles, fears, guilt, anxieties – I felt I was in a sacred place – a place filled with love – unlimited love and peace.
Even now I can feel as if I’m still in that relaxing home of peace. The dream did not end there – suddenly I was back and near a railroad track watching trains going by and I felt trapped – locked in and blocked as if my problems were fencing me in, and I wanted to get on the train where it stopped but it was too difficult to move and I saw an angel not too far away sitting on a white horse and he smiled and I smiled back and told him, “Watch out you don’t ride that horse too fast or your wings will get clipped off,” he answered, “Don’t worry about me, I have risen above all that,” and when I said, “I wish I could,” he answered, “Your trip would be less dangerous if you could remember one word I’m going to give you which is SOAP – think on that – no, no I don’t mean clean yourself, it has to do with negative emotions from the past, you have a clue now “soap” it is very important that you remember this.” It made no sense to me, I was about to inquire for more when the angel and the horse and the train were gone and I started to run across the railroad tracks till I came to two roads and ahead of one road I could see a cross on top of a white building and steps leading to it and each step had the word “soap” printed on it. The other road was filled with flowers on both sides of it – I started to go by the road of flowers and changed my mind and headed for the road with the cross and I woke up still wondering why I had chosen the way I had, because when I entered the road with the cross, I could see seven white horses at the top of the road and it seemed impossible that I’d get to where I had intended to go – but even now the word SOAP fills me with emotions of terror just as it did in the dream. I don’t know why – except that it does – the word soap meant nothing except an object till I had this dream though. Well, time to stop and go face the seven white horses to see if I can get some more information and I hope Gloria doesn’t give me any more instructions before going to sleep or I’ll keep awake.
Hope too, that you can make some sense out of this dream because I can’t.
Gloria’s Helper
AUTOMATIC LETTER 54
Tuesday night
Dear Adam,
The sun moved around the sky. In the afternoon it was covered by clouds for a while and the air became cool but Gloria was sleeping deeply and never noticed. The clouds moved on and the air became serene again. The sun went down. She was in a forest except that the trees were pine instead of birch and hemlock. She was until someone though she could not tell who it seems, and they had some task to perform which was important without being unpleasant. They were near water a pond but narrower, and the water moved rapidly. Strange objects floated in its stream. A bed, a basket, a knife, a clock. The man beside her used a long stick, trying to tow some of the objects for her, but every time he was about to succeed, he had to move along to another place on the pond. She saw her Mother’s empty rocking chair and she began to cry. The man picked her up and brought her to another place, where, she stopped her crying. She was a child. She was cold. He covered her so that she couldn’t see his face. She began crying again because she couldn’t breathe. Someone was singing but it wasn’t her mother or any other person actually. It was a ghostly sound as though the sound was whistling through an unknown mouth again.
Now she was in another bed, lying on her side, curled around a baby. Her long hair was draped over her shoulder and around the baby. She touched the soft spot at the tip of his head, kissed his golden hair, then the indented place in the base of his head. Gently she turned him in the bed so she could see his face. He was Joshua. She began to cry and this time, there was no stopping. When she awakened she was still crying. She looked around her and saw her home and knew that it had just been a dream.
Gloria’s Helper
AUTOMATIC LETTER 55
Wednesday night
Dear Adam,
This is Gloria’s Helper and I’m here to have a chat with you before I tell you about the dreams last night and tonight. Something happened to Gloria earlier tonight when she watched a movie on T.V. Before watching the movie, she talked with several people, her niece, her physician’s nurse, and visited with a friend who lives upstairs, and with each one she was normal, as usual and even laughed several times. Then at nine o’clock she tuned into to movie called “Passions” and afterwards around eleven thirty she got a phone call from a friend of hers who is leaving for Florida next week. The friend told Gloria she would be down to see her Friday and when Gloria kept talking everything seemed fine till the friend asked her if she had seen “Passions”
Gloria said, “Oh yes, and (starting to choke) I never heard of so much compassion, love, understanding, forgiveness,” and here she had to stop because she became so overfilled and overwhelmed with emotions, that she couldn’t talk and just kept choking on trying not to cry. Her friend noticed and said, “Gloria listen to me please something very emotional got to you tonight, it’s hit you very hard and I’m afraid you’ll be in trouble because you have heart disease. I’m afraid for you – go take a nitroglycerine and then come back, I’ll wait.”
So Gloria did deep breathing instead (thanks to you and me) and then told her friend that she was fine but they had better talk some other time. This ended the telephone talk, except that the friend called up twice, after to check and Gloria had fallen asleep and I answered the calls and assured her Gloria was fine.
I’m telling you this in detail because something (some emotions) did hit Gloria hard and I don’t understand why because the T.V. guide said, “Passions they can tear you apart.” It was about a man who died of a heart attack and his wife found out he had a mistress and a six year old son – the wife had a daughter twenty years old. Now I’m positive that nothing like this ever happened in Gloria’s life so I don’t know why all the emotions. You know your business better than I do – I mean your work skills, even so, I’m wondering if it might be better to talk to Gloria about this movie, than to me (the Helper) since I’m at a loss as to what caused so much emotional upheaval in Gloria – it bothers me because I’m the one who should know the answer to this but I don’t.
However, if you think this is a foolish idea or all unimportant just disregard the whole thing – I’m just recalling how when you spoke to me last week you said, “And tears will come.” – Well tears (hundreds of them Ha! Ha!) – were never so close as tonight, I felt that. Do what you think best – oh, oh – I’ll have to put her in a trance again –
Again Wednesday night
Hi again,
I’d better tell you about the dreams. Gloria awoke and she’s back again. I put the letter I wrote before, in a separate envelope, so as not to get you confused. I just wanted to say something to you about our relationship and the help you’re giving Gloria and me. Often, when people know each other for a length of time, they get tired of e
ach other. But I never get tired of you. We have something special between us. I don’t know exactly what it is but it’s sort of magical and we’ve gained so much knowledge Gloria and I from knowing you as we do. I know that true friendship, magic and love will be between us forever. Thanks for being so wonderful and for helping us through these tough times. We are grateful!
Now, about one of the dreams as I’m reliving it again – I fell asleep and dreamed I was in a dog town, I was walking in a park and dogs were walking people, all around me, a stranger stopped me and asked where my dog was, and I said, “I didn’t have one, that dogs barked, snarled and even bit,” and he said, “I was in the wrong city because this city had a town that had a dog mayor, and dog taxis,” and just then a big dog snarled at me, and I was terrified till a car stopped and Gloria was in the car and she had the extra eye in the middle of her forehead again; she opened the door for me to get in and we started with Gloria driving downhill on a bumpy road. I told her she didn’t know how to drive and that she was on the wrong road and she put the window down on her side. Suddenly, a big Doberman dog appeared and put his head in the window and was ready to get in the car. Gloria pushed at his head and fearfully and hurriedly closed the window and locked the door. Strange that Doberman was a black and white dog which is something I never saw before – he had a lot of white spots on him. Anyway Gloria asked where I wanted to go and I said to the “grey house”.
She said, “Well then you go alone,” and wouldn’t talk to me the rest of the way – something strange happened when we got to the house though – someone was standing in front of it, and it was only when I got out of the car that I recognized him – it was the “Other”. Gloria left. He looked at me and said, “You don’t want to go in there alone but I won’t go with you. Gloria has to.” I kept staring at him, and he continued speaking saying, “I think we both lived long enough to know bad things happen – things go wrong – you don’t want to blame me entirely – you’re feeling bad about yourself – I know, I know, I did some bad damage to Gloria. I did some to yourself too that doesn’t show and you’ll be feeling it a lot but I hope not for the rest of your life. Remember this isn’t the end of the world for you.
I’m not excusing myself but I know about a case of suicide and other cases too. I don’t like to make judgments on the survivors. But that’s not to say none of them are blameless. Maybe someone didn’t help the poor son of a bitch when it might have counted. Maybe they helped him along to do what he did. Maybe they had nothing to do with it at all. There are some things better left undisturbed – like that house – go home – go with Gloria or take Gloria to the house with you.”
By this time I had listened to enough of what the “Other” had to say and I felt no emotions except pity and bitterness because he was still there and I awoke with those feelings or Gloria did. Later when Gloria fell asleep again, I headed for the house in her dream and I felt a lot of pain and my one thought was to escape and I did, by waking Gloria up.
However, it’s not over, tomorrow night I will enter that empty grey house because I have decided it’s important, so wish me “Happy Dreams & Pleasant Journey” and I’ll tell you all about any monsters or goblins I’ll find – Till next time.
Gloria’s Helper
AUTOMATIC LETTER 56
Early Thursday, 2:30 AM
Dear Adam,
For the first time in many years Gloria cried with another person – you! Thank God! I thought it would never happen. Seems like she surprised herself since she still seems in shock, hurt, angry, and not quite herself. Earlier tonight we watched the “He’s Not Your Son,” on T.V. – a mix up in which two infants were given to the wrong parents and the mix up was only discovered when the infants were (now) at nine months old – this movie brought out tremendous emotions in Gloria again – for a while I thought she’d start to have one of those “drunken emotional crying jags”, but she didn’t – so we’ll keep on trying.
Now about the dreams tonight it didn’t get recreated the way I’d planned. It had nothing to do with visiting houses etc. In a dream, I found myself sitting in a park feeding bread crumbs to a lot of birds – there was one bird who kept hopping near me seeking to be fed but when he’d get close enough, the other birds always shooed him away, till a large eagle came by and this little bird came to be fed – it was strange because the little bird was not afraid of the large eagle but I was! There was sort of a pool near where I was in the park and as I was watching the eagle soar off, I saw a little girl running with an older man, a very old man and they ran to the pool where floating at the edge was an overturned broken boat. I followed then and heard the old man say, “See if he’s in the water – look down – the little girl leaned over the sides and stared (so did I) – lines of leaves, weeds, pieces of wood rotated slowly down – it looked as if there was a form the length of a body but it was only a sunken log – the little girls said, “Look those bubbles rising over there – oh, I can’t look – are they from the little boy?” – But she continued to stare and then turning toward me said, “Help – send for help – he’s alive. I feel so guilty, I can’t swim at all, but I’ve got to try anyway,” – and she broke loose from the old man and ran into the water-she was up to her neck, when someone behind us shouted, “STOP! DON’T!” A hand grabbed at her neck and hair (she had pigtails) but she kicked loose and gulped air and headed down, she was yelling, “Hang on baby I’m coming.” She came back up for air and was going to try again – suddenly I was her. I don’t know how it happened but I was in that water and I was reaching far down but I couldn’t reach the bottom – the water began closing around me like jelly and thick and only more water further down – I would have to go up for air again – I looked for an outstretched arm or a pale face with bubbles rising from its little mouth – strangely, I didn’t look for thin little legs – suddenly my stomach muscles cramped and all strength left my arms and legs and I went limp – I raised my head – took a deep breath and floated on the surface of the water – then ugly green depths that turned gray, then black and a voice from shore screamed at me – “You’ve killed him the little child – you shouldn’t have done that – you’ve killed my child” I tried to answer but couldn’t and the angry voice shouted back again from shore, “You killed him and I came here to get him back and I will get him back as soon as they drag the river.” I remember thinking, “Some humor!” Then as I tried to look at the person, yelling all I could see was blackness and no light at all and all I could hear was cackles and giggles like the clown sounds that you hear in the fun house of an amusement park – it made no sense at all – even as I awoke. End of one dream.
Gloria’s Helper
Later – Thursday or Friday
No, still Thursday
Hi, again,
Gloria is in a trance and I’m about to tell you about the other dream Gloria had tonight – I can’t seem to get this writing down here – I’ll have to put her in a deeper trance and change this pen.
Here I am again, I thought I was getting disoriented but I’m not and hope I never will. We have enough trouble without getting senile etc. I’m really relaxed at this time and trying to create a peaceful mind so that I can get rid of any negative tension that might block the details. I want to remember about the second dream we had tonight. I’m stalling about telling about this dream because I’m trying to get away from the stale, moldy, mournful, depressing feelings I had and still have from this dream – well I guess I’d better just tell of it anyway before it’s forgotten.
It started out real nice – I was walking on a deserted street and feeling relaxed and another tall, thin person was walking with me and he was saying, “You are distinctive. There is only one you and God made you special because God loves you exactly for what you are. You should too.” I was happy at hearing this because it gave me a chance to try to improve myself and keep on changing for the better then this person left, and light rose colored sunlight came and I saw a beautiful rainbow in the
sky. There I saw Gloria coming and she had the extra eye on her forehead again. I was ready to greet her when she passed right by me as if she didn’t see me (even with 3 eyes). I followed her – by then it was midafternoon and the air was getting hot – I sat down to rest and when I looked up she (Gloria) was nowhere in sight – but I saw a little girl about ten years old walking and I got up and started walking the same way, but to get home, I did not intend to follow the little girl, till I noticed that she was crying – then I followed her till she came to Northside road where there was an old cemetery. Now, it was a moonlit night and she was wearing a sleeveless, white Sunday Ball Gown that gave her a ghostly appearance. Tombstones were visible but shadowy. The girl studied a few tombstones bearing names till she carefully lifted up the hem of her gown and knelt down by a simple granite stone topped by a white cross – there were vases stuffed with lilies on it and I knelt behind her – the earth was soft and loose and I realized we were on a fresh grave. The stone had a name on it but I couldn’t read it except to see the first name Joshua and 5 years old. She knelt there a long time and I didn’t dare move in back of her because I could see the side of her face and she looked dazed and bewildered. She got up closer to the tombstone and she rubbed hard at the name with her knuckles, trying to erase the name, but the stone mason had cut deep – a drop or two of blood seeped from her hand and fell atop the grave – a hollow feeling is spreading into me right now.
Gloria Rising: A Story of Hope and Survival In Dark Evil Places Page 9