I woke up or Gloria did scared and shivering, telling myself, “It’s only a dream,” but I still don’t like thinking of it. I’m very tired. Thank you for listening.
Gloria’s Helper
AUTOMATIC LETTER 46
Saturday night
Dear Adam,
I’m trying to remember exactly what dreams Gloria had earlier – something about a doll’s head on the table again – someone is yelling, “Leave the doll alone, it has no body.” But it does, I thought – these people just don’t see it. I’m looking in the mirror (in the dream) and telling myself, “It’s me! It’s me!”
Then I hear footsteps running up and down the steps – someone is shouting again, “Aren’t the cars back yet,” and then when I’m told, “You stay here.” – I tell myself, I belong here. I do. It’s me, after all. I ran into the bathroom, splashed water over my face, fixed my pigtails, changed my clothes and smoothing my skirt, I came out and feeling the excitement sweeping the people at the table, I felt my own sense of exhilaration because this time I was going and no one was going to stop me. I can’t remember where I was going – except that it was very important that no one stop me from getting there.
So much for that dream – now for the other – it’s about the little girl in the crib – again a raised fist and she clamps her hands over her mouth determined to keep silent, knowing that if she screams it will only be worse. A fist strikes in the ribs and she draws her body into a tight ball. Again a raised fist and she clamps her hands over her mouth again – voice sinking into harsh mutterings an unreasonable fury goes on and she wonders if she’s going to die – a hand reaches down and touches the bruised body and says, “What happened, what happened?” but the little girl is too terrified to answer she still has her legs pulled tightly up against her chest, and her thumb is in her mouth. Someone walks out – the door clicks into place and the little girl stares into the darkness wanting more than anything to run away but she’s too frightened to even move.
I leave her and next I’m watching very coldly (in another dream) something that is taking place it’s a very hot day and the little girl is there her face is bloodless and she looks so tiny that I have to look again to make sure it’s the same girl. There’s a coffin – very few people and I watch them, very coldly too – no emotions for me – a surprising thing happens though. I was getting wet and it wasn’t raining – we weren’t even in church – I should not be getting wet – I put my hand to my face and my cheeks are drenched, I look at the front of my dress and drops of water have fallen onto it. I raise my hand to my hair and my hair is dry. I look at the little girl and she’s staring right at me but her dress isn’t wet. There’s not a cloud in the sky. The sun is shining – I just don’t understand – I just stand there and suddenly I realize with a shock that I’m crying and I can’t stop.
It’s as if my body and I had parted company and my body had decided to mourn, the one in the coffin, even if I had not. I observed Gloria putting her arm around me (I don’t know where she came from because she wasn’t in this dream). I listened with a detached curiosity to her words of comfort but I continued to cry – I cried all the way back to the house and then all the way to the burial plot and cried while the men lowered the coffin into the ground and when the first handful of dirt hit the coffin lid. It sounded like hailstones and I stopped crying and ran down the meadow – I saw Gloria watching me and she kicked off her shoes and started to run after me – but that’s as far as that dream went – except that I feel an immense sadness at this time and I feel that if anyone knows what love is – I do!
Thank you for listening – Gloria is more in touch with me today and she is in a very vulnerable time but with your help and mine she’ll make it, won’t she? I’ll see you tomorrow.
Gloria’s Helper
AUTOMATIC LETTER 47
Wednesday night
Dear Adam,
Tonight I felt caught in a web and I’d dream of being in a series of tunnels through which there was no exit. I would start to the end of one only to see it turned and led into another tunnel. I would turn and turn and awaken.
It made me think of “time.” Everything comes down to time in the end. Ever thought of that? Everything that makes you happy or sad, isn’t it all based on minutes going by. Isn’t happiness expecting something time is going to bring you? Isn’t sadness wishing time back again? Even mourning a death; aren’t you wishing to have the time back when that person was alive? Isn’t it just that, you want time for once to stop that makes you wistful? If only you could turn it back again, you think. Well you can’t so it’s just better getting caught in a web.
Gloria’s Helper
AUTOMATIC LETTER 48
Sunday night
Dear Adam,
I’d better put down dreams just had before I forget the whole thing. One was a weird experience – a child is looking for his mother and she is nowhere to be found but while she walks around searching, she meets several other people and each of these people ask for directions – the child points to different streets and they go along but always leave before she has a chance to ask where his mother is.
Then something strange happens, the child sees a volcano and coming from there is what looks like an angel. He’s running toward the child, he approaches and tells her not to be worried and put his hand out toward the child’s forehead and tells her, “Well look at you! Now you have three eyes.” I am looking at the child, I see Gloria and she really has three eyes – one in the middle of her forehead. The volcano erupts and we’re running but the fire doesn’t seem to come our way – I see a house and I grab Gloria and head for it – there’s a golden key in the door and it turns easily but slowly – it is filled with a family – I look at them, children, parents, and others and Gloria starts to talk to someone she calls “mother” – her mother tells her, “I have always loved you, I still do,” and Gloria answers, “Do you know I love you too?” The mother says, “Yes, my child, you have proved it always.” – there the dream focuses on others in the family – I try to come to understand the specific needs of each member of this family and to accommodate the need as well as it is possible – Gloria is helping me and others start to help us – when a child cries someone is there to hold his hand, to hug him or talk with him; when a child stumbles someone always comes to help him up – when he mourns someone mourns with him – there is immense comfort in this group of people – a social order and we know that this caring is helping them to survive – it’s a good feeling – till we hear footsteps approaching the house – everyone is saying things like, “Don’t worry,” – “Don’t be afraid,” – hammering fists against the door – kicking – shouting – the door stays closed. I see Gloria – she still has her three eyes and strangely there is fear in two eyes only – I am petrified with fear – the door opens and someone walks up to Gloria, yanks her to her feet and drags her into the yard, saying, “Next time you’ll remember not to put ideas into children’s heads – cry, mourn, laugh – well I’ll teach you,” – he’s carrying Gloria (who is never a little child herself) under his arm like a sack of grain. He’s striding across the dark yard to the pigeon house – he fumbles with the lock, opens the door and yells, “Inside, you can stay with the birds until you learn to obey me.”
The strangest thing happens all I can see of Gloria are her eyes flashing and there’s fear in two eyes but one (the third eye) is twinkling and winks at me – this is where I start to feel “it’s all over” – and then I’m in that pigeon house – hammering my fists against the door – frantically shouting and screaming and suddenly the shack is filled with the sound of frightened birds slamming against me.
I don’t want to remember any more of this dream-too many emotions that I’m not sure of are going on in me – will talk to you later – help, please.
Gloria’s Helper
AUTOMATIC LETTER 49
Wednesday night
Dear Adam,
I’m trying to get
down the dreams of tonight before I forget – one started out where a small child is standing alone on a mountain – he’s looking all around and is frightened – he’s lost his way and all he is surrounded by are cliffs and rocks – but something bright, very bright draws his attention.
It’s a large eye – and the eye speaks, “one-out – two-out – three-out,” already the child is calmer. The eye continues, “six-out – seven-out – I haven’t let you down yet – nine-out – ten-out.” The child becomes the image of Gloria. She looks around like she’s exploring – memorizing. “You never know when an experience like this will be useful,” the eye says, “no experience is ever wasted.” Then the eye becomes smaller and comes nearer and closer to Gloria and attaches itself in the center of her forehead.
Gloria is saying to herself, “Nothing is ever so bad that I can’t take some kind of action,” and she begins to take steps down the mountain – falling – picking herself up. I’m watching thinking I should help but it doesn’t seem the thing to do – suddenly an arrow comes right above Gloria’s head and keeps right on going – have no idea where it came from – but it doesn’t hurt Gloria – just keeps shooting way up towards the heavens – as I turn from watching the arrow to look for Gloria – I don’t see her at all – till I hear her talking to someone way down (how she got there I don’t know) but there she is standing on the opposite shore of a wide view and she’s talking to her parents standing on the opposite shore – I can’t hear what Gloria is saying but I hear the parents clearly saying, “No, no you mustn’t cross over, remember you can’t swim, don’t even try, no no!”
This is where I woke up, but the dream is still so vivid especially the fear in the parent’s voice. So much for this dream – it’s been one busy night. Another dream had to do with five children taking a ride on a toboggan – Gloria is steering the toboggan going down a steep hill she’s heading toward the left when this high, tall, slim person appears and looks at the third eye on Gloria’s forehead – takes a hold of the reigns of the toboggan and swiftly turns it to the right and leaves Gloria saying something like a promise that he would be with her always – and I woke up still wondering where this tall person came from. So much for tonight.
Gloria’s Helper
NOTE:
The manifestation of mysterious and heavenly resources begin to appear in Gloria’s nightmares to help her—an angel or very tall thin man and an all-seeing mystical eye.
AUTOMATIC LETTER 50
Saturday night
Dear Adam,
I’m in a relaxed state and will put down the details of tonight’s dreams. It’s late and dark and I’m hurrying to see if I can catch up to Gloria – it’s the day after a funeral and I’m very worried for some reason or other – I wish it wasn’t so dark and dim – then I see her and she has a frightened look on her face – suddenly the third eye appears again in the middle of her forehead – the eye looks up, and I see several men who are cleaning street lights and a lot of lights are going on, till it’s really bright instead of a dark night.
Gloria and I look at each other, not saying anything because we’re bewildered then I mention that we have to get going because we’re already late – we start along and I’m surprised when I glance at Gloria to see that her hair has become black, dull, and lifeless and when I ask, “What happened to her hair,” she answers, “I’m so scared that it’ll probably be white before tonight is over.” I look at her and the third eye winks at me and Gloria’s hair is now golden. We keep walking till we get to a narrow stairway and we hear an alarm clock ringing – we start to try to go faster and Gloria says, “Look we’re going the wrong way.” There’s windows all around – now we’re lost – I look at the third eye and it’s telling me to keep going and not falter. I look at the sky and see beautiful pink clouds – some are grey and some are blue. I can’t figure any of this out because before it was dark – then light-then pink clouds. I look at Gloria and she’s almost at the top of the narrow stairs, getting smaller and smaller. I tell her to wait for me and as she turns around, I see that she still has three eyes and I warn her not to let the “Other” see her with three eyes although I have no idea what she can do about it – also, I get shocked, because from the answer that Gloria gives me, I understand that she is not aware that she has an extra eye. I run as fast as I can up the stairs, I reach her, put my arms around her and the eye is full of tears – the door opens – and I wake up because I made myself wake up – I don’t know why – I just did – but I know that as I awake I was filled with emotions that made no sense to me. But one thing I do know terror lurks behind that door. Well, enough of this. Till next time.
Gloria’s Helper
AUTOMATIC LETTER 51
Wednesday night
Dear Adam,
I’m in a relaxed, tranquil mood because I forced myself to visualize and moved myself to picture someone walking across a field and in that scene I didn’t recognize the person but I sensed he was a friend. As he came closer, I saw he was a beautiful person because he lifted up his head and he called out and ran toward me. His arms opened to receive me and it was a very comforting moment because it was Jesus and He told me He loved me. Since then I’m in that silent, peaceful field and I know that someday Gloria and I will have a peace centered heart and mind.
I’ve told you this because I want you to know that earlier tonight I was as depressed as I thought a person could be. Then Gloria got a telephone call from Taylor and believe me it was revealed to both of us what depression really is like if a person doesn’t care to try to get help. I won’t go into the conversation because it’s too personal about Taylor but no matter how many times Gloria advised him to see a therapist or whoever could help him. She got one reply, “Tell me you love me.” He’s seeing a Veteran’s doctor and getting medication etc. but he has to wait another month before going to see him again. He’ll never make it – anyway, after an hour’s talk – well I don’t even want to say anymore on the subject of Taylor, it’s too discouraging to hear a person who could get help and yet just lets himself go.
It did open our eyes to our own attitude though, because when Gloria admitted to a depression well it was the same as when she tried to talk to Taylor tonight and the memories of her husband’s depressions and the years of hell that went with it – discouraged us more than we’ve ever been discouraged in our life. This was before the discussion with Taylor.
Now, I’m remembering all you said that Gloria’s depression needn’t be like her husband’s and I can guarantee you that it will never reach the point that Taylor is in either because we won’t permit it too – most important of all, we’re very lucky, we have you and we’re going to help you all the way. So never mind how we act during our sessions, just know that we are going to change whatever attitudes or whatever needs to be changed to get Gloria well again. Any suggestions will be appreciated.
Hi again,
To get to tonight’s dream – it’s very vivid and I have no idea what it means but I’ll tell you about it as fast as I can. Something happened to me in this dream tonight. I became angry as soon as I saw Gloria coming toward me because this time, there she was walking slowly toward me, with her three eyes and (get this) an extra ear on the right side of her head – she was smiling and this made me even more angry and I said, “What’s with the extra ear, do we need more trouble?” She just smiled and said, “The better to hear you with, my dear,” and the eye is saying, “The better for you to see with my dear.”
I kept looking at her and she was getting shorter and smaller and I was remembering our childhood. I was running like a wild animal set free from a cage and actions of pictures were flashing in front of my eyes – I saw the stabbing, the hurt, gasping noises – hate for someone grabbing long hair pulling a head backward – flicking the ash of his cigarette, holding it close to the throat – eyes wild with fear – and hate again as he gently touched the glowing coal against tender skin a scream of pain and laughter – again laught
er and this time the laughing maniac slowly ground the cigarette out on the mouth deliberately forcing it between clenched cracked lips – a small chin quivers slightly as a parched tongue runs across blisters in a feeble attempt to get rid of the ash and shreds of tobacco which clings to them – again and again the head is held backwards – screams of fear – throat making noises like sandpaper scraped over screen wire-grinded cigarettes pressed against the neck over and over – screams of pain, terror till someone faints from pain – is untied and slumps to the floor in the dirt and cobwebs – curses – loud voices – kicking but no more screams. I hurried over this because I’m afraid of the emotions I feel and besides I still remember tonight how Gloria woke up saying, “I’m not afraid! I’m not afraid!”
There will be more dreams but they will be recalled – so don’t you give up on us – thank you and God bless you for being here. Getting very tired now so time to go back to Fun Dreamland and the Jolly Green Giant.
Gloria’s Helper
AUTOMATIC LETTER 52
Sunday night
Dear Nice “You”,
Aha! Gloria is about to leave on her magic carpet for who or what knows where – the way I phrased that sentence tells me Gloria and Gloria’s Helper is already on the carpet (Ha! Ha! Ha!) Seriously, when I’m talking to you like this, my fingers fly so fast that it’s hard to write properly. Well get comfortable for an easy chat – do not look now but someone is right ahead of us at this time – the lady with the three eyes and on brilliant eye is leading us as we follow her – oh, it’s to an empty, vacant house.
I’m wandering restless alone in what I thought was an empty house. I’m downstairs going around turning off unnecessary lights – the house is actually empty except for the dead occupants that are in glass dome boxes all around – even when the lights are out – the boxes are still lit up and each box has a person in it but glass encased as though to say, “We are indestructible, we’re solid, we’re real and not made of rubbish,” and I get the urge to say, “All I have to do is shake you up and rattle you a little and you’ll decay because you are dead and don’t even know it.” Well I’ve never been afraid of empty boxes or empty houses but these boxes are not empty and I feel a certain sympathy for them because you see, I know that certain incidents happened to all these people that no one fully understood yet it separated them all from one another – enough of this. I don’t know what I’m doing here so I’ll sit on the floor and look around and try to behave like a reasonable person but it’s not going to be easy surrounded as I am by dead people – here comes the beautiful three eyed lady followed by a little girl – “don’t go up there little girl, don’t let yourself get drawn upward into that room – you climb up there on her shoulders and you are face to face with the brown paneled door – put yourself out” – the woman has brought a chair and positioned it just beneath the attic door – “little girl don’t do it you’ll be sorry, you still have time to shove the chair back and leave, it’s all dust and dampness up there and all shapeless things concealed from sunlight too long – look here even the dead look alive” – she is not going back – the little girl gives her hand to the woman and steps on the chair, she hauls herself upward and then she is facing the brown door – she opens it – long silence, then shrieks – I knew it, I tried and tried to warn her – a place like that – it’s like discovering your house had another side to it like a split personality – dark rooms you don’t go to visit – some spaces you keep away from – dripping water – crooked curtains – sharp blades – dizziness – blood – white enamel – drip and drip – I can hear her screaming yet and I’m not talking about the house upstairs here at Snow Flake Lane – I’m talking about the house that was empty except for glass boxed figures or boxed dead people embalmed – anyway I’m getting out of this dream – this is Gloria’s dream, she wanted the brown paneled door room, she can have it. I’m leaving enough is enough! Bye Gloria, I’m leaving – better come with me. Are you coming?
Gloria Rising: A Story of Hope and Survival In Dark Evil Places Page 8