Saved by the Montana Hero

by Vella Munn

  Neither woman spoke until they were underway. Then Echo asked if Kolina had brought Alisha up to speed about Shadow.

  “She was on her way to a meeting so we only had a minute to talk. She was pretty disappointed I wouldn’t be there today, but she understands.”

  “Of course she did. She’s devoted to that mutt of hers.”

  Alisha and now Nate were owned by Bruce, the eighty-plus pound dog that resembled no breed Kolina had ever seen. Nate maintained he’d asked Alisha to marry him because he was smitten with Bruce.

  Today was about a dog, specifically Shadow. Kolina wasn’t living a nightmare like Echo had when she’d shattered her ankle, just a bad dream that wouldn’t end. Returning to the all-pervasive wilderness she’d once loved but wanted nothing to do with this morning. She’d give anything to be anywhere except here.

  To have never met Terron.

  Maybe Echo understood her need for distraction because as they pushed through the thick evergreens and started up the mountain, Echo filled her in on what she’d been doing.

  “When I was working for the forest service, my focus was on the land and what came from it, particularly trees. Now I’m concentrating on wildlife.”

  “And fish.”

  Echo snorted. “Fish aren’t my specialty. Say, I really appreciate the list you gave me. I thought I was aware of most of the studies that have been done on wolves, but I was wrong. You haven’t read all of that material, have you?”

  As Kolina peered into the vegetation she wanted nothing to do with, she admitted she’d only scanned most of what she’d found during her online search. Once she moved to Kalispell—that seemed unreal today—she’d start checking various books and other publications out of the library. It went without saying that she’d share anything relevant she came across.

  What she didn’t tell Echo was that if a wolf had killed Shadow, she’d go from a lover of the predator to hating them. Wolves killed in order to live but that didn’t mean they had a right to destroy the dog that had won her heart.

  Damn it, Terron should have understood that.

  “You’re as bad as I am,” Echo said. “Obsessed about wolves. Just remember—and I’m saying this because I’m determined to get all the free labor I can out of you—the center should include information about every creature that’s ever called Lake Serene home. I have access to a lot of official material but that stuff’s boring.”

  “Shadow, hey, Shadow, where are you?” Please be alive. “In other words you want what the center offers to truly grab people’s imaginations.”

  “Shadow, come on! We’re waiting for you.” Echo frowned. “I figure the less I involve the suits, the better the chance that I’ll be able to accomplish what I want, especially if the donations and grants I’m going after pan out.” She ducked to go under a low branch then held it for Kolina. “Why do you think I’m out here today, other than finding Shadow? I need you indebted to me so you’ll spend all your spare time as my unpaid long-distance research assistant.”

  The thought of doing more than work for a paycheck was appealing but that would have to wait until Shadow was back where he belonged.

  Or until she knew what had happened to him.

  “What’s going on between Terron and you?” Echo asked after they reached the top of a steep hill and were waiting for the burn in their legs to let up. “I like seeing you with someone. So does Alisha.”

  Terron. The one person she didn’t want to think about. “We aren’t romantically involved if that’s what you’re getting at.”

  “Romantically involved? So that’s what you’re calling it. In other words, you aren’t yet sharing the same bed.”

  “No.”

  “So what’s the problem? Even with a bum shoulder, you should be able to figure something out.”

  “I’m no good at the man-woman thing.”

  Echo repositioned her backpack. “You’re selling yourself short. I managed to get past my own failed relationship. Rey and I wouldn’t be happening if I hadn’t.”

  Kolina dug her boots into the spongy ground and leaned forward in preparation for more climbing. “I’m not looking for what you and Rey have.”

  “Why not?”

  “I told you, I suck at commitment.”

  “Then do what it takes to change. At least try. Speaking from personal experience, it’s a wonderful place to be.”

  “For you.”

  “Boy, are you hardheaded. Shadow, where are you hiding? Come on, boy, I have hot dogs and no pickles.” She paused. “Don’t you want stability? You know, a house with a white picket fence. Popping out two point whatever children. A wedding ring and weekends spent doing yard work and you and your husband going to the kids’ sporting events.”

  She’d had those fantasies, but not often because she didn’t know the first thing about home ownership or yard work. It hurt every time she imagined herself with a baby at her breast, but as much as she longed to hold her own child, children deserved mothers who understood the parenting thing.

  And husbands deserved wives who understood commitment.

  “Is that what you want?” she asked Echo. “Rug rats and picket fences?”

  “I don’t care about the fence but, yes, Rey and I want children, just not right away. We’ll know when we’re ready to take on that commitment.”

  She didn’t need to wonder whether Terron could commit to another human being. Unfortunately, the condition had been forced on him. She understood if he wanted to cut loose now. In fact, she wanted him to. The man deserved the freedom she’d had all her life. That was what she needed to tell him. She had no hold on him and didn’t want one.

  “You’re doing better than I thought you might,” Echo said when another steep climb was behind them. “I thought your shoulder might be barking so much you’d be forced to turn around.”

  Climbing put nearly as much strain on her legs as it did on her upper body, but if Shadow was alive, she’d do everything she could to draw him to the sound of her voice. “I’m tough. Not always smart but tough.”

  “Me, too. Say, wait a minute.”

  “What?”

  “I was here a couple of months ago. There are two old deer trails over there.” She pointed. “They separate for about a half a mile then come back together. What if we each take a branch? When we hook up, we’ll break out our water.”

  “I like your suggestion. It bothers me that we aren’t covering much territory.”

  “Yeah. Kolina, I hate saying this but it’s possible we’ll never know what happened to him.”

  Her head started pounding, and her heart felt as if it was being squeezed. “I know. Believe me, I do.”

  “I’m so very sorry. What if Shadow’s fate remains an unknown? Are you going to blame Terron?”

  *

  There was a half a mile and then there was the same amount of distance on the side of a mountain. By the time she reconnected with Echo, Kolina’s calves were cramping, and she’d developed blisters on both heels. Despite her friend’s attempt to hide what she was feeling, Kolina knew Echo was favoring her reconstructed ankle. As she downed her bottle of water, she couldn’t help but think about how thirsty Shadow must be.

  Fortunately the steepest part of the climb was behind them. Echo occasionally whistled but for the most part she let Kolina do the calling. Kolina was hoarse by the time they reached the trail Terron, Shadow, and she’d been on last night. Eating while Shadow’s stomach was empty seemed wrong. Just the same, she practically inhaled the sandwich Echo had supplied.

  For a short while last night, things had felt perfect here, living in the moment with a man she’d come to care about. Then Shadow had disappeared.

  All the time she’d been hiking, she’d repeatedly tried using her cell phone but hadn’t been able to make a connection. Now as she prepared to again attempt to reach Terron, she saw she had a text message from him.

  I heard you calling. If you’ve on the trail, hold tight. I’m coming your wa
y. There was no mention of Shadow.

  Echo was on her push-to-talk with Nate. When she shook her head, Kolina understood. None of the searchers had seen Shadow. Because she’d been prepared for this, she held herself together, but it took everything she had. Then she heard the sound of Terron’s approaching ATV and came close to losing it. She’d wanted him to be able to accomplish what she couldn’t, to make up for her failings as a dog owner, to be her hero.

  To be more than human.

  “I’m sorry,” Echo said.

  She swallowed repeatedly. “Life isn’t always kind or fair, whatever that is. I just—if the wolf got him, I hope the end came quick.”

  “We don’t know—” Echo kicked at the ground then winced. “I hope so too.”

  One look into Terron’s eyes and she wished with all her heart that she didn’t have to see him like this. He’d had enough responsibility for a lifetime and needed today even less than she did. He climbed off the ATV and walked over to her but didn’t touch her. She brushed her fingers over his cheek then drew back. He didn’t try to stop her.

  His fault. All of this on him.

  No! Don’t think that.

  “Is there anything else we can do?” he asked Echo. “A helicopter might make a difference, but not only can’t anyone justify the cost for a dog, the trees are pretty thick.”

  “You’re right,” Echo said. “It’d be a different story if it was a child. Then there’d be hundreds of searchers.”

  Kolina shuddered. “Thank goodness it isn’t a child. Thinking of Shadow being on his own hurts enough.” She worked to swallow around the lump in her throat. “It would be better if I knew he was dead.”

  She waited for Echo and Terron to tell her not to think that way but they didn’t.

  “He was my responsibility, and I failed him,” she said.

  “Not you, me.” Terron started kneading the back of his neck. “We both know that.”

  “Stop it,” Echo insisted. “You two are human just like everyone. Ah, unfortunately the three of us can’t fit on the ATV.”

  “What are you saying?” Kolina demanded. “We can’t give up.”

  “What Echo is doing,” Terron said, “is making us face reality. The mountain has Shadow. Whether he gets out or not is up to him.”

  Torn between wanting to crush his words under her boots and still needing him around, she couldn’t move.

  “What else would you suggest?” Echo asked. “I’m willing to listen to any suggestions but if you had some, you would have already voiced them.”

  Echo was right. They had no choice but to return to the lake that had changed from being something she loved to the enemy. She barely noticed when Terron insisted on having Echo and her ride while he walked.

  One thing sank in. Terron didn’t want to be any closer to her than necessary. That was fine with her, certainly easier.

  He pointed at the ATV and watched as she climbed on behind Echo. “I’ll see you back at your place,” he said.

  I don’t want you there.

  Do I?

  Chapter Seventeen

  “She’s a mess,” Terron had told Nate. “I hurt for her.”

  “It’s crazy how attached we can get to a dog,” Nate had said. “From the first time I saw Bruce, I knew the mutt would wiggle his way into my heart.”

  Terron had resigned himself to going straight to Kolina’s place but that was before he’d spotted Nate. Yes, Nate had answered in response to his question about whether Kolina had gotten in back touch with Alisha, she had. Kolina hadn’t committed to when she’d come to Kalispell, and although she was eager to have Kolina lighten some of her load, Alisha hadn’t pushed. That was one of the things he loved about his fiancé, Nate had added. Her understanding and compassion.

  Listening to Nate confess his feelings where Alisha was concerned, Terron wondered, not for the first time, if he had what Kolina needed. He’d told her more about himself than he’d had any idea he would, and she’d revealed some deeply personal things, but he hadn’t exposed everything and had no doubt it was the same with her. Now with Shadow missing, maybe none of that mattered.

  Besides, her life would soon be taking off in a direction that included him only in a peripheral way.

  *

  When Kolina let him into her place, Terron was surprised to see she was preparing dinner. He didn’t know what to do with himself so wandered over to the coffee table, which was overflowing with files and computer pages. When she explained that was her system for the research she’d been doing, he didn’t ask for details. Truth was, he didn’t know what to say beyond apologizing and he’d already done that.

  Instead of mentioning Shadow, for which he was grateful, she told him she enjoyed cooking and would do more of it if she had a decent-sized kitchen. He probably should have done more than nod but holding up his end of a conversation was nearly beyond him.

  She’d removed her brace and showed no sign that her shoulder was bothering her. When he commented on the worn slippers she was wearing, she admitted she had blisters. She didn’t ask about his day.

  Their conversation was strained. Going by how she avoided looking at him, he guessed she’d rather he wasn’t here. He felt the same way. At the same time, he hated leaving her alone. No matter how awkward things were between them, he couldn’t shut down the lessons he’d learned while caring for his parents. Maybe she understood what was driving him, maybe she didn’t. What he did know was he wasn’t going to explain. Finally because he couldn’t stop thinking about it, he asked if she’d decided when she planned to go see Alisha.

  “Probably tomorrow. It depends…”

  “I understand.”

  “Do you? I’m sorry. I’m not in a good space right now.”

  He started to tell her he understood but he’d already done that. Finally the evening’s news had been watched, a chicken pot pie dinner was behind them, and the dishes had been washed. Nothing, really, had changed. She still wanted him gone. Still needed to be alone. He felt the same way, had done the best he could, which wasn’t much. As with his parents, the time had come when nothing he did or said would change reality.

  “Are you going to be able to sleep?” he asked as he headed for the door.

  “That’s my problem.”

  Suddenly angry, he whirled around. “Don’t, darn it!”

  “Don’t what?”

  “Pretend I don’t exist.”

  “What? I’ve hardly done that. How can I with you around all—never mind. I’m just…”

  “In pain,” he said. “Believe me, I get it. I was there after my folks died.”

  “Yes, you were.”

  Maybe he was getting through to her. Maybe he could risk saying more. “I sold the family home as part of my plan to rejoin the world, but you can’t do the same thing. Kolina, it’s always going to be you, alone, unless you open. Reach out.”

  Her head snapped back as if he’d slapped her. “What does my failure to open up as you put it have to do with right now?”

  I shouldn’t have said that, not now. “Maybe nothing, but why do you think I spent the day doing what I did? It’s killing me to think of what Shadow went through.”

  “Is it?” she muttered with her attention now on the floor.

  “You think I don’t care?”

  “No, of course I don’t but—Shadow was special to me. I don’t know if you can understand how much of myself I gave to him.”

  “Do you want to try?”

  “No,” she whispered.

  “Will you ever?”

  “I can’t answer that.”

  “I think you’re afraid to.” His words weren’t wise, but he couldn’t stop them.

  “What are you talking about?”

  “All the time you were growing up, you didn’t have anyone to share your feelings with. At least that’s the impression you gave me. You have friends now but how deep are they? Do you keep them at arm’s length?” Shut up. Don’t hurt her. “If so, it’s going
to make for a lonely life.”

  Her mouth sagged. “What do you want me to say?”

  “Nothing.” His anger, if that was what it was, was seeping out of him. A few more seconds and he’d have spent his emotions, maybe regret everything. But until then—“If you can’t understand how horribly responsible I feel and how much I need to hear that you’ve forgiven me—never mind. I don’t deserve it.”

  “A minute ago you were talking about my shortcomings but now it’s all about you. I can’t take away any guilt you’re carting around anymore than you can change me. I don’t know why we’re trying.”

  “Neither do I.”

  “I don’t want to talk about this, or anything. I’m a mess. I’m sorry if you’re waiting for me to see this through your eyes because I don’t believe I can.” She gnawed on her lower lip. “I need space, all right. Time.”

  “So do I,” he said with his fingers on the door knob and his body again turned away from her.

  “Terron? I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “For failing at our relationship.”

  Say something. Tell her you’re equally responsible.

  He must have opened the door because cool air was pressing around him. After being trapped in her small space, he could hardly wait to leave it. They’d both be better off if they didn’t have to look at each other. He’d started to close the door behind him when he heard a whimper.

  “Come here,” He mouthed at her. “I think—”

  The second whine was louder.

  “Shadow!” she cried as she pushed past him and onto the porch.

  She was still in the process of kneeling when he dropped to his knees and pulled Shadow’s head against his chest. “Thank God. Oh, thank God.”

  *

  Shadow was caked with mud, but Kolina didn’t mind. Once they were all inside with the door firmly closed behind them, she asked Terron to lift the dog onto the kitchen counter so she could better assess his condition. Instead, Terron pointed out that Shadow wouldn’t fit on the small space. Barely believing what she was seeing and smelling, she knelt next to Terron on the living room carpet as they started wiping Shadow with wet bath towels.