Once they reached the second floor, Shae followed him off and they stopped at room twenty-four.
“Welcome to my castle,” he said. He opened the door, ushering her inside.
Shae stepped into a room that looked like a showplace. An entertainment center with a high tech, stereo system covered half the wall. A large-screened television took up another side of the room. Next to the TV were an expensive VCR/DVD player and a PlayStation. He had every movie title from Antz to Zorro.
Her feet sank into the plush, thick carpet. An elegant ceiling fan hung from the sky. Dana lived in style and luxury.
“Impressive,” she said.
She went to sit on the black, leather sofa, but Dana grabbed her elbow, halting her.
“Follow me.”
Shae knew the moment of truth had arrived. She’d have to give something in order to get something. She didn’t mind doing what she had to. Besides, Dana was attractive and had a nice physique. As long as he gave up some cash, she’d break him off with no problem.
She thought about how glad she was that Larry had been her first. She doubted that Dana would have been as patient and gentle as Larry. At least the hard part was over.
She followed him to the bedroom. When he opened the door and they entered, she saw black, velvet drapes adorning the windows. The king-sized bed was covered with black sheets; the pillows covered with black pillowcases.
“So, you watched TV all last night?” he asked.
“I already told-” she began.
“I know what you told me,” he interrupted. “I want the truth this time.” He jerked her by the arm and pulled her against him roughly. “Where was you at?”
“I- I don’t know what you want me to say. I was watching TV.” Her voice cracked. Did he know the truth?
“I had somebody follow you,” he said, confirming her worst fears. “You still telling me you was watching TV all night?” His eyes narrowed.
“I- I went to a friend’s house.”
“Why didn’t you tell me that in the first place?” he asked.
“I don’t know.” Her voice was low and meek.
“Because you lying. That’s why.” He swung out, catching her across the face with an open, backhanded slap. The power of the blow knocked her to the floor. “Get up,” he growled. He grabbed her by the hair, pulling her to her feet before she could comply. “Didn’t I tell you that I don’t like to share what’s mine? Now Sly tell me that he saw you with another nigga last night. Why you lied?” He shook her by the hair that he held in his hands then he slung her onto the bed. “Last night, that nigga got what’s supposed to be mine. Now I’m taking it back.” He slipped out of the jogging suit he wore. “Get undressed.” Shae cowered on the bed. “I said, get undressed.” He reached over and slapped her again.
She took off her shirt, but her trembling fingers wouldn’t let her unzip the pants. Dana pushed her hands aside then snatched the zipper down. He roughly removed her shorts. He then ripped off the panties that covered her private parts, immediately straddling her. He spread her legs and pushed his sex into her.
“Ouch. Go easy,” she begged.
“Did you tell that nigga to go easy last night?” He thrust into her further. It felt like she was being ripped apart as Dana forced his huge member inside her. She’d never thought a man could be so huge. She could feel herself being stretched open.
“Ouch. You’re hurting me,” she cried, but he seemed oblivious to her words.
“I’ll show you. I’m gonna do more than just hurt you,” he growled. “You fucked that other nigga, huh?” He wrapped his hands around her throat and squeezed. Just when she thought she’d pass out from lack of oxygen, he finally released her. He then slapped her upside the head a few times. “You fucked that other nigga when I told you what I’d do if I found out. You didn’t believe me, huh? You think it’s a game? You think it’s a motherfucking game? Bitch, you belong to me,” he growled and began thrusting deeper into her. She cried out in pain but that didn’t stop him from pumping and grinding inside her. When she pushed against his chest and pounded on his shoulders, he grabbed her by the throat, choking her again. She finally stopped resisting and let him have his way. The silent tears slipped down her cheeks. It seemed to go on and on forever. After what felt like an eternity, he groaned and laid still. Shae curled in the fetal position, whimpering.
“Shut the fuck up and go take a shower,” he ordered.
Shae scrambled from the bed, grabbed her clothes off the floor, and headed to the bathroom.
Once she shut the door, her legs shook so badly that she slipped to the floor. She felt stickiness between her thighs and wanted to die. She could smell the scent of Dana and gagged. She couldn’t believe what had happened to her. Not her. She had just got choked, slapped around and raped by a drug dealer. If she told anyone, would they believe her? Would it even be considered rape since she knew Dana, and he was her boyfriend?
“I don’t hear no water running,” Dana yelled through the door, causing her to jump. “Hurry up. Shit, I got things to do.”
She forced herself to get up and turn on the hot water. She didn’t want to anger him any further, so she showered in a hurry. She winced each time she touched a sore spot. The crimson blood on the washcloth was proof that she’d never forget what happened.
Rage consumed her. Who the hell did Dana think he was, anyway? He wouldn’t get off free with what he’d done. In time, she’d think of a way to make him pay. No man would use her like that and not have to suffer.
She dressed with an unnatural calmness. When she emerged from the bathroom, she found Dana in the kitchen. He had the nerve to look guilty.
“I didn’t mean to lose it like that.” She guessed it was his offer of an apology. “But you asked for it.” He grabbed her by the upper arm and forced her face close to his. “Shae, don’t ever do that again, or I might really hurt you.” His hot breath caressed her cheek. “I don’t want to ever see you with that nigga no more. I’ll kill him and you too. You got that?” His eyes slanted. She nodded, feeling the hatred for him rise up in her throat, nearly choking her. Certain that he’d gotten his point across, he let go of her. “Come on. I’ll take you home. I have business to tend to.”
She followed him from his apartment, walking slowly. It felt like her entire body ached from his assault. Because of her skin complexion, she’d have noticeable bruises everywhere. She wondered how she’d be able to explain them.
Dana pulled up in front of her place. She had been quiet on the ride back, contemplating ways to kill or maim him. If he could have read her thoughts, he’d have pulled the car over and made her get out and walk.
“Buy yaself something nice,” he said, slipping her a wad of bills. She wanted to spit in his face, but took the money instead. “I’ll see you later. And remember what I told you about that other nigga.” Shae didn’t say anything. She just got out the car and waved as he pulled off.
She didn’t look to see how much he’d given her until she was in her room. She counted over five hundred dollars. With that amount of money, she could bail her brother out of jail. She knew that Toby hadn’t done something stupid like shoot a junkie. He didn’t deserve to be locked up. He was probably going out of his mind. If she could find a ride to the jailhouse, she’d have him out before nightfall.
She went next door to use the neighbor’s phone. She called her aunt Vernadine to ask if she could borrow her car. Of course, she had to fill her aunt in on everything before she agreed. Aunt Vernadine was nosey and couldn’t keep a secret to save her own life. She was like the Yellow Pages. Everybody went to her for information. Shae knew that Toby’s business would be all in the streets before long.
After using the phone, she went back home.
“Ma Violet, I have to go to the jailhouse to get Toby. Can you watch the twins until I get back?” Ma Violet just nodded. The twins played with their Hot Wheels in the middle of the living room floor. “Charles and Chris, be good and min
d Ma Violet, okay?”
“Okay,” Both boys said, too preoccupied with the cars to even look up.
“I’ll be back as soon as I can.”
“Take ya time, Sugarfoot,” Ma Violet said, rocking in her chair. Shae paused momentarily. Ma Violet hadn’t called her that since she’d been a little girl. She could remember skipping down the aisles of the grocery store holding Ma Violet’s hand.
“Sugarfoot, do you like that pretty doll over yonder?” Of course, Shae would always answer, “yes.”
“Sugarfoot, I think I’ll get these pretty bows for ya hair.”
She’d look up at her grandmother and nod her happiness. Ma Violet would touch her on the tip of her nose and she’d giggle. The memories brought a smile to her face.
She walked the couple of blocks to Aunt Vernadine’s house to get the car.
“Tell Toby to put some gas in my tank, ‘cause I know he got money,” Aunt Vernadine said.
“I’ll tell him.”
“And bring my car back in one piece. Drive carefully ‘cause I ain’t got no insurance,” she said.
Shae just shook her head and got in the car. Black folk were always riding dirty and had the nerve to wonder why the police harassed them all the time.
She stopped by the bails bondsman. Once done there, she headed to jailhouse. It took less than half an hour to get to the police headquarters. She went inside and approached the glass partition. A balding, white guy sat behind the window. He talked on the phone, loudly. She waited until he’d hung up.
“Yes? How can I help you?” he asked once he glanced up. She told him that she’d come to pick up her brother who’d been bonded out. Once again, the man picked up the phone. After he talked for a few minutes, he hung up and told her to take a seat. “He’ll be right out. They’re finishing up with his release papers.”
As she waited for Toby, policemen walked in and out of the building. Some stared at her with appreciation in their eyes, but she ignored them. Shae didn’t like cops. In her neighborhood, they always mistreated black folk. The local black leaders were often in an uproar over the mistreatment. Demonstrations, protestations, meetings at City Hall didn’t do too much to stop the violence. She’d never had an encounter with the law herself, but she knew enough people who had.
A month prior she’d witnessed two brothers getting brutalized with Taser guns. It hadn’t been a pleasant experience for either of them. To make matters worse, neither had been doing anything to warrant such treatment. The cops had come out of nowhere, threw the men on the hood of a car, and begun harassing them. “They fit the description,” was the excuse offered once certain groups protested.
Toby came through a set of glass doors. “Shae, I’m so glad you came to get me out,” he said. “A nigga was ‘bout to go crazy in this mutha.”
“You wasn’t even in there for six hours,” she pointed out.
“Seemed like a lifetime to me.” He headed for the door leading outside. He wasn’t joking. It only took that short amount of time to make him realize that jail was no place for him. He didn’t understand why some people treated jail like it was college, and they were career students. Thinking about how cold it had been in there made him shiver. He’d been given one thin blanket and had to sleep on a rock-hard mat. That hard shit gave him a headache.
They’d shoved two pieces of stale smelling bread with a piece of baloney stuck between them at him that morning. No mustard. No mayonnaise. Nothing. He couldn’t eat that shit. He’d tried to drink the coffee but ended up spitting it out because it tasted like dirt.
He was glad he didn’t have to put on that jumpsuit. Orange was not his color. Man, he was glad to be free of that bitch. They didn’t really have nothing on him and since he had no priors, his bail had been reduced. He didn’t know where his sister got the money to bond him out, but he was glad.
Shae got up and followed Toby. The officer behind the glass partition craned his neck to watch her.
Damn, he thought. There ought to be a law against a woman being that fine.” He went back to shuffling papers on the desk and scowled when the phone rang again.
“So, did you do it?” Shae asked. They’d walked a distance from the building and she was sure no one would overhear. “Did you shoot that junkie?”
“Nah girl!” he denied. “I didn’t shoot no damn body. I don’t know what they trying to pull, but I didn’t do it.”
“Do you know who did?” she asked.
“Nah,” he answered, but Shae caught the hesitation in his voice. She glared at him.
“Why you trying to save somebody else when you should be looking out for ya own ass?” Toby didn’t answer. “You think six hours was something? Wait til ya ass have to serve ten, twenty or life.”
“Look, I didn’t do it, okay?” he yelled. “I can’t tell on the person who did.” He lowered his voice and went on. “If I tell, Shae, you, Mama, Ma Violet, and the twins will be attending my funeral. You don’t go running off ya mouth to the Man. Not when you in the drug gang. You just don’t do that. You don’t snitch.”
“Then what do you do, Toby? Huh? You tell me that. What do you do?”
He just shrugged and looked down at his feet. “Just take the rap for it, I guess,” he finally said. “I’d rather do life in a cell than do time in the ground, any day.”
He walked across the parking lot toward their aunt’s car, and Shae followed. She didn’t know what to do. She couldn’t force Toby to tell on the person responsible for the shooting. Even if she could, a confession could cause him his own life.
She sighed. Life was so damn complicated. She knew the sole reason why, too. It all stemmed from their upbringing. If they could get out of the projects, they’d have a chance.
She blamed their mother. If she weren’t so damn fat and lazy, they’d have a better life. Mrs. Byrts hadn’t worked a full-time job since the birth of the twins. She relied on government assistant programs for help. She didn’t have to pay rent because Section 8 paid it for her. She got food stamps in order to buy groceries. There was even a program that paid the electric and water. She had it made. She had a full-time babysitter to watch Charles and Chris. She never offered to pay Shae a dime when she went to her part-time job at the nursing home or hung in the streets.
Shae didn’t understand why some people would want to live off the government for a majority of their lives. It didn’t seem right. Capable, able-bodied people should get jobs. She definitely wanted to work but had limited resources. She hadn’t thought about her future when she’d dropped out of high school. Things had been rough back then. She’d been so tired and had often failed to complete homework assignments the teachers had given. Her lack of sleep could be contributed to the constant gunfire in the projects. Not to mention the fact that she had to play mother to Toby and the twins once Vivian ran off. On top of that, she endured the constant abuse, both verbally and physically. Her energy had dissipated and she hadn’t been able to carry the burdens, along with schoolwork. So, she’d dropped out when she turned sixteen.
Now she regretted her decision, but didn’t know what else she could have done. She’d had to be there for her brothers because her mother refused. She felt that it was now up to her that Toby, Chris and Charles got a fair chance at life. Everything lay on her shoulders. She just didn’t know how she’d pull them all out and turn their messed up lives around. But she had to do it.
As they headed home, thoughts plagued her mind. She was eighteen. She could probably get a job as a waitress, or if that couldn’t happen, she’d work as a maid. Any paying job would help—McDonald’s—anything. She’d find a cheap apartment and get them away from the hell they knew as the projects.
“Shae, what’s that ambulance doing in front of our place?” Toby’s voice alarmed her. She snapped back to the present as she put her foot on the brakes. Just as he’d said, she saw the parked ambulance. “It’s Ma Violet,” Toby yelled, leaping from the car before it could come to a complete stop. Shae screeched t
o a stop, got out, and raced after her brother.
Toby rushed over to a group of medical personnel with Shae right on his heels. “Ma Violet. What’s wrong with her?” he asked one of the attendants. The man looked at him, then away. Shae stared at him, too, but he wouldn’t look either of them in the eye. “What’s wrong with her?” Toby demanded. “Somebody tell me.”
“I’m sorry,” the young attendant finally said. “We did all that we could. But—” His voice trailed off. “I’m sorry,” he repeated.
“What you saying?” Toby yelled. “What you saying, man?”
“She’s gone. I’m sorry,” he repeated. Their grandmother’s lifeless form, covered with a white sheet, lay on a stretcher that he rolled away.
The two stunned children stood on the sidewalk, too shocked to go inside.
“She was fine when I left,” Shae whispered. “She was okay. Ma Violet can’t be dead.” She refused to believe it.
“There’s nothing you kids can do,” a cop on the scene told them. “Go on inside.” Oblivious to his words, they both stared after the ambulance, watching the flashing lights. They listened for the wail of a siren that they’d never hear. The silence made it all so real and final.
A crowd gathered. The next-door neighbors stood outside, wearing glum expressions on their faces. For once, they kept their mouths shut. They knew how to respect the dead because it could have been either one of them. Tomorrow wasn’t promised to any of them. Tia even had the decency to inform Shae that Charles and Chris were at Mrs. Watts’ place.
Shae collected the twins from Mrs. Watts’ apartment. The elderly woman had been kind enough to look after them once they ran over to tell her that something was wrong with Ma Violet. She went to check on her and found her unresponsive so she’d returned to dial 911.
Once the twins were in bed, Shae and Toby sat up and waited for their mother to arrive home. They’d called around trying to locate her but had been unsuccessful. Most likely, she’d gone to one of the neighborhood taverns to get drunk. She hadn’t received the news about her mother’s death yet.
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