“She should be here,” Toby muttered. “Her mama is dead and she should have her fat ass here.” He jumped up from the couch and paced. “I can’t believe this, Shae. The one time that we need her, she ain’t around. I hate that bitch.”
“She’ll be here soon, Toby,” Shae said through the fog in her head. “Don’t get so worked up for nothing.”
He stopped pacing and gave her an incredulous stare. “Worked up for nothing?” he bellowed. “Ma Violet is dead, Shae. Dead. And Mama ain’t here. What we supposed to do? Huh? What?” A wild look flickered in his eyes. “I’m scared, Shae,” he said in a little boy’s voice then the tears finally came. He could no longer hold it inside. He had about all he could take for one day. His involvement with drugs, his arrest and detainment, now his grandmother’s death, it all weighed heavily on his shoulders. The only way to relieve the burden was to let it all out. So, he cried.
Shae still hadn’t accepted it. It didn’t completely dawn on her until that exact moment that Ma Violet was, indeed, gone. She stared at the rocker that the old woman had practically lived in for the past three months. She realized that the chair would never rock again as it held Ma Violet. She would never sit in front of the window or butt in on their conversations, either.
No matter how annoying Shae had found the old woman to be, she’d grown accustomed to having her around. She remembered talking to her late at night when the shootings and fights going on out in the streets had awakened them. Those talks were what had drawn them closer. Shae realized that she’d never really gotten to know Ma Violet, and now she’d never have the chance.
What stood out most in her mind was that only a few days ago, she’d wished her own grandmother dead. How she longed to be able to take those evil thoughts back. Why had she been granted that cruel wish? It wasn’t fair.
She went over to the rocker and picked up the afghan that Ma Violet had been knitting. She’d finally finished, but she’d never have the chance to see any of them wear the beautiful shawl. Shae clutched the material close to her chest.
The ache began in the center of her soul. As she accepted the fact that her grandmother was truly gone, it spread and quickly consumed her. She tried to take a deep breath but could barely breathe. The grief smothered her, causing her chest and throat to burn fiercely.
The tears slow to come at first, rushed forth like a bursting dam. The sobs shook her entire body. She didn’t feel Toby put his arms around her. She didn’t feel anything except the pain in her heart.
* * *
Mrs. Byrts came in late that night. Shae had given up and gone to bed after midnight, but Toby fell asleep on the couch. He snapped alert and jumped up when he heard the sound of keys jingling in the lock.
“Mama, do you know?” he asked as she came into the living room and shut the door.
“Know what?” she asked. She hadn’t bothered to turn on a light, so he went over and flicked the switch.
“Ma Violet died today,” he stated, turning to look at her. For a split second, she appeared almost happy then her face became an expressionless mask.
“What did you say, boy?” she asked.
“She died. When me and Shae got back from the jailhouse, they was taking her away. How can she be dead?” he questioned. He hoped she’d be able to help him understand and make sense of it.
“She was old,” was all she said. “It was time for her to die.”
“Mama, where was you? Ma Violet is dead. What we gonna do? I mean, there’s going to be a funeral, right?”
“Well, yeah.”
“You gonna plan the wake and everything? She can’t go out without being remembered. You’ll take care of all that, right? I mean, if you need money you know I got it. I just want to know if we’re going to bury her in style. You’ll arrange everything, right?”
Mrs. Byrts grabbed the sides of her head. “Don’t ask me all these questions right now, Toby,” she yelled. “It’s late and I’m tired. I’m going to bed.” She hit the light switch on her way out of the room, leaving Toby speechless.
He sat down on the couch in the darkness, totally confused. Her mother had died, and she didn’t even care. Toby couldn’t figure her out. What the hell had he done to get stuck with such a psycho mama? Hatred toward her burned deep within his chest.
* * *
The next evening an investigator visited the apartment and revealed some shocking information. They wouldn’t be allowed to bury their grandmother until an autopsy could be performed on the body.
“Why?” Shae asked. She and Toby got the news because Mrs. Byrts had left the apartment early that morning and hadn’t returned.
“An autopsy is done in cases where the death is considered suspicious. Foul play is suspected concerning your grandmother,” the investigator said. He wore a black suit, with a crisp, white shirt and silk tie. He carried a leather briefcase and he had a no-nonsense kind of attitude. His piercing blue eyes were narrowed in deep concentration.
“Foul play? You mean, they think somebody might have did something to Ma Violet?” Toby frowned. “Like what?”
“There’s nothing further that I can tell you.” His keen, observant, eyes surveyed the two children. In his mind, he wasn’t questioning the death of the old woman. It was murder, plain and simple. What he had to find out was who murdered her and why. From the looks of it, the two children had no clue. So, the finger had to point toward their mother.
He’d tried unsuccessfully to speak with Mrs. Byrts. She’d avoided his phone calls and hadn’t shown up at her job at the nursing facility. How odd. That alone, increased his suspicion. What daughter wouldn’t want to find out what happened to her mother?
He looked at the two kids again. Both seemed truly saddened by the death of their grandmother. He could tell that the young girl had been crying by her red, swollen eyes. The boy seemed to have battled with tears recently as well. He felt a sudden compassion because he’d lost his own grandmother at an early age.
It had to be the mother, who just so happened to be missing in action when he came to pay a visit. How convenient.
He softened his tone. “If anything happened to her, it will be revealed in the autopsy. You’ll be informed.” He took out a business card and held it out. “Could you please tell your mother it’s imperative that she contacts me?” Shae took the card and nodded. “I’ll be in touch. Sorry for your loss.” With those final words, he left the apartment.
CHAPTER SIX
“Shae, what’s up?” Larry greeted. He joined her on the porch where she sat reading an Ebony magazine. “I haven’t seen you in a while.” His eyes seemed to accuse her of some unknown crime. “Where you been?”
“Nowhere really,” she mumbled. The truth was she’d isolated herself while she mourned the death of her grandmother. “D-did you know that Ma Violet died last week?” she asked. Just thinking about it brought on a fresh wave of sadness. She still couldn’t believe that her grandmother was truly gone forever.
“Nah, I didn’t know,” he said. “Why didn’t you say something? I thought you’d been with that drug dealer all this time.” He noticed the sadness on her face, and it tore at his heart. “I’m real sorry about that, Shae. Ma Violet, she was pretty cool.”
“Yeah, well—” Her voice trailed off.
“So, will the funeral be held this Saturday?” Shae shook her head. “Next Wednesday?” he asked. Most funerals were held on those days from what he knew.
“No. They’re investigating her death. Said it was suspicious. We’re not going to be able to have a funeral until after an autopsy is done.”
“What?” His brow furrowed as he looked at her.
Shae sighed and shook her head. “I don’t know what’s going on. My whole life is turning upside-down. Toby gets accused of shooting somebody, Ma Violet just died for no reason and Dana-” She stopped in mid-sentence, realizing that she’d almost blurted out her secret.
“Where does Dana fit into the picture?” Larry asked.
“Dana threatened me,” she said, which was actually true. “He told me not to see you again. He said if I did, he’d kill both of us.”
He contemplated what she’d revealed. “So, what are you gonna do?” The rumors around the ‘hood pegged Dana as being a few bricks short of a wall. “I heard that Dana has some major mental issues.”
“I don’t know,” she said. “I think he’ll hurt both of us if he gets mad enough. It’s true that he’s not wrapped too tight. I don’t want you to get hurt because of me. I’m not worth it.”
“That’s for me to decide, Shae,” he exploded. “Girl, I love you. You know I graduate in two weeks and a week later, I’m gone. That doesn’t give me a lot of time to be with you. I’m not gonna let some drug dealing motherfucker come between us. I won’t.” Grabbing her face between his hands, he kissed her. “I love you,” he repeated. “I don’t give a damn about crazy ass Dana. I can get ghetto and hood on that nigga if I have to.” He tried to kiss her again.
“Stop, Larry,” she protested, pulling away. “If he sees us, I don’t know what’ll happen.”
“Why you so worried? You don’t have to be scared of him. He ain’t God.” Just thinking about the control he already had over Shae pissed him off. Shae was supposed to belong to him, not that lowlife, money hungry, psycho piece of shit.
Shae remembered what Dana did to her the previous week and thought differently. She had every reason to be afraid, to be very afraid. How could she convince Larry to leave her alone? She didn’t want him to become one of Dana’s victims.
“Larry, I don’t want to see you no more. Just leave me alone,” she said.
“Shae, I don’t buy that. Not for a second. Look me in the eye and tell me that you don’t love me,” he challenged.
“Larry, you know I can’t do that, but you have to listen to me. It’s for your own good. Just go away and don’t come back. Go off to college and forgot all about me. You deserve someone who can love you freely. I’m not that person.”
“Shae, there is no way I could just forgot about you.” He groaned. She could tell by the set look on his face that he wasn’t convinced he was in danger. He was determined to be with her. He was a man in love. The only way she could make him leave would devastate him, but it would be for the best. At least he’d still be alive, unharmed by Dana.
She spat the words out before she could change her mind. “Larry, I slept with him. I slept with Dana and…he paid me.”
Larry’s went rigid. Many emotions flitted across his face: disbelief, anger, and finally hurt. “Shae, that’s not true. You didn’t-”
“I did,” she interrupted. “I slept with him, and he paid me. It’s as simple as that.”
Larry stood up mechanically. He tried to speak, but no words came out. He turned away, but not before she saw the anguish in his eyes.
He finally managed to find his voice. “How could you do that, Shae? I thought you were different. How could you?” he whispered. “After what you and me shared, I can’t believe you’d stoop that low and do something so vile.” His words grew stronger. “That’s the type of shit a trick would do. Something one of them chicken heads would pull.”
His harsh words slashed across her heart.
“Larry, I-” She almost took the lie back, but he cut her off.
“No,” he yelled. “I don’t want to hear it.” He turned to face her again. Her heart constricted when she saw the disgust written on his face. “I don’t want to hear shit, you feel me? Not one more word.” A tear trickled down his cheek. “To think, I wanted to marry you. I was even willing to risk my life for you. But, you told me you let that nigga fuck you and it changes everything.” He shook his head from side to side. “I know I shouldn’t have expected you to be loyal to me, but damn. And he paid-” The words stuck in his throat. He paused. He couldn’t believe she could sink to that level. But, he’d heard it directly from her mouth. He felt crushed. He couldn’t do anything except stare at her. “Just tell me one thing- and be honest. Did you suck his dick too?”
Shae gasped. “Larry, how-”
He put his hand up, cutting off her words of protest. He wanted her to feel some of the pain he felt. He would never put his hands on her, but he could hurt her with words. “You’re just a no good, slutty ass whore.” With that being said, he turned and fled. He kept running and didn’t look back not wanting Shae to witness his tears.
Shae stared after Larry as tears streamed down her face. She’d lost the man she loved in order to prevent him from being hurt or possibly killed. For that, she hated Dana even more than she hated him the day he’d raped her. She would make him pay. Somehow, he would pay for everything he’d done and for all the pain he’d caused.
* * *
The next time Dana rolled through the neighborhood, he drove a different car. It was pimped out like the other one. It sported spinning rims, with shiny new hubcaps, and dual pipes. His ride made heads turn and people pointed and talked. Everybody knew what Dana did and what he stood for. In the projects, he had much respect, as far as a drug dealer could get respect.
“Shae,” he called. He leaned on the horn and she hurried outside. “Get in,” he commanded. Shae didn’t have the courage to tell him no. She climbed into the passenger’s side. “Kiss me,” Dana growled. Shae leaned over and planted a kiss on his lips. He grabbed her head and forced her lips apart. Shae sat back in the seat. Her lips tingled from the attack. “Here, I bought you something.” Dana tossed a gift-wrapped box at her. It fell in her lap.
“What’s this?” she asked, picking it up.
“Open it.” She did and discovered a jewelry set. He’d purchased her a gold watch with tiny diamonds, several gold bracelets, and matching earrings. “I would have got you some rings, but I didn’t know ya ring size,” he told her. “Put ‘em on.” After she’d placed the jewelry on, he smiled at her. “You look just like a queen.” Shae didn’t know whether to be happy or not. She was the queen of nothing, except for the projects.
“Thank you,” she said, putting the jewelry on. She could see Tia and her family sitting outside gawking at them. She wished they’d just disappear.
“Them some fat ass, ugly, nappy headed hoes.” Dana said, noticing the women watching him. “You need to move from these fucked up projects. A nigga might get ate up by ya greedy ass neighbors. I feel like a piece of steak in a pit with a bunch of starving Dobermans.” Shae managed to smile.
“Oh, by the way, here are the keys to my old car.” He handed her a set of keys on a key ring. “It’s yours. Remind me to give you the title.”
Shae’s bottom lip dropped. Even though she couldn’t stand Dana, she wasn’t stupid. No way would she turn down a car. Besides, he owed her a lot more than that for raping her.
“Thank you.” She forced herself to smile sweetly. She even managed to lean over and kiss him again.
“You be nice, I’ll buy you more than that.” He leered at her. She had yet to give him some head. That would happen sooner than she thought. He’d had sex with her a few more times, but she still acted all prudish and stiff. He contributed her lack of response to grieving over her grandmother’s death.
He’d give her a little more time to get over it, but he couldn’t wait until she loosened up and learned how to enjoy the dick. If she couldn’t throw the pussy the way he liked it, what was the bitch good for? He couldn’t catch a nut by just looking at her ass.
He turned on the stereo as he drove. The music blasted out of the speakers so loudly that Shae held her ears. He didn’t seem to be bothered by it at all. He turned onto a notorious drug street that everyone referred to it as the “strip.” When people recognized him and called out his name, he leaned up on the wheel or leaned halfway out the window and bounced in the seat. Shae thought that he looked extremely stupid, but she kept her opinion to herself. Besides, if she spoke out of turn, he just might smack her in the mouth. It was something that he did often. He didn’t care where they were or who witnessed the abuse. D
ana demanded respect at all costs. Shae had learned in a short amount of time to just keep her mouth shut and go with the flow.
Dana made a stop and a young man in his twenties or younger came up to the car. Shae averted her eyes and sifted through Dana’s collection of CDs.
“What up?”
“You got that?”
“Yeah dawg. What it do?” Shae saw the exchange of a knot of money and a bag of what she assumed was drugs. She didn’t ask any questions and feigned non-interest.
“All right Dog. One.”
Dana put the money in the center compartment. “Tell that nigga Los that he got ‘til noon today to come up with my shit. If he ain’t got it, he know what time it is. I’ll holla at ya lata.” The guy nodded and Dana pulled off.
Once again, they ended up in front of the house with all the bars on the windows. The same guy from before came outside.
“Bring ya lady in, Dog,” he called to Dana.
“Come on,” he told her and she followed him into the house.
Drugs and money were spread out on a table. Shae stared in disbelief. She’d never seen so many drugs in one place, and it made her nervous.
“So, that’s ya lady, Dog?” Kenny asked. “Damn.” He stared Shae up and down until she began to feel uncomfortable. He was literally undressing her with his eyes. She took a seat and crossed her arms over her breasts.
“Man, put ya tongue back in ya mouth and wipe the foam from ‘round ya lips,” Wade said. They all cracked up. Shae didn’t find being disrespected amusing, but she said nothing. While they counted money, put weed in tiny, plastic bags, and separated other drugs, Shae watched.
“I need to use the bathroom. Where is it?” she asked after a while. Dana pointed.
“Grab me a beer out the fridge when you come back,” he ordered.
“Okay,” she said, heading in the direction he’d indicated. While she was in the bathroom, she heard a lot of commotion outside. She wondered what was going on.
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