She eased back onto her chair and tried to calm down.
‘Shane,’ she said more quietly, ‘have you any idea how I feel? I knew that there was someone who should have been by my side. I just knew it. And I was going out of my mind, I asked my parents, I asked you …’
Shane covered his face with his hands, shaking his head.
‘Vera, I know, it was so shit of me, but when you asked me, you were asking if you were seeing someone around the time the accident happened. And you know now that you and Tony were finished by then, and I was telling the truth, you know that! ’
‘That may be correct,’ she said, ‘but if you had told me about Tony then, I could have made a choice whether to contact him, and then –’
‘And then, what?’ he interrupted her. ‘Do you think he would have just forgotten about you dumping him and run to be by your side?’
‘I know he would,’ said Vera confidently. ‘I could have regained a big chunk of me if I’d had him by my side from the start. It would have made a massive difference to how I felt. Do you know what it was like not knowing who I was? It was a torture, Shane! It was emotionally exhausting! On top of it, I felt I had to put on a brave face in front of my parents, even you!’
‘I can’t say I understand, Vera, but I sympathize with you, I always have done. And I’m sorry about everything. But your mum and I were only thinking about your health.’
‘Mum? shouted Vera suddenly. ‘I should have known that she had something to do with it! Did she ask you to lie?’
‘Not to lie, no, she said it was best not to mention Tony in front of you, that’s all. But Vera, she was so worried about you, and so was I. And now that you’re dating this new guy, it shouldn’t matter anyway. You’re happy, so just enjoy it. Stop thinking about Tony! And know this: from what I heard about your precious Tony - how he never had time for anything other than work, and how non-committal he was - I don’t believe that he would have stood by you if you’d contacted him after the accident. And I don’t understand what makes you so confident to say that he would.’
‘You wanna know what makes me so confident?’ Vera asked, with a wicked smile. ‘I’ll tell you what. Tony Peters - the one you say so vehemently wouldn’t have cared - is Anthony, the man I accidently met on the train!’
‘What?’ Shane pushed himself away from the table. ‘What is this? Some game? So you were dating Tony and never told me?’ He looked at her with utter disbelief.
‘Yes, I was. Except I didn’t know I was dating him. I didn’t know it was him.’
‘So what was he playing at, not telling you? And why are you not angry with him?’ Shane crossed his arms. They had both long abandoned their lunches, but neither of them cared. Vera pushed her plate away and placed her elbows on the table.
‘You know, yesterday …’ she started, ‘when my memory returned? I was in a postal depot. I fainted, and when I came round, I knew everything. I remembered. But the ambulance came and took me away anyway, just to check I was all right. In the hospital, while I was waiting to be seen, I was fuming at him. I wanted to call him and tell him that what he has done is unforgivable, that it was cruel and unnecessary and that I never want to speak to him or see him again. But the trouble is, I do want to see him again. I love him, and I now know that he loves me too. We can get past everything without ever mentioning the past, without the old arguments surfacing every time one of us has had a bad day. I don’t want to have the conversations that would no doubt open up old wounds for us. As far as I’m concerned, I want to move on with him, and that’s why I’m going to keep quiet about my memory returning, and I’m asking you to keep quiet too.’
Shane was staring into space. Not many things in life actually surprised him. But this? This had knocked him for six. He wiped the sweat from his forehead with the palm of his hand, looked at Vera and asked, ‘So now you want me to lie?’ He looked flustered. ‘Only a moment ago you were telling me how wrong it was to lie. Vera, if you love him, and you know he loves you, don’t you think that you should tell him the truth? Look where telling lies has got us?’
Vera looked unsure. She thought she had it all figured out, and now Shane was planting a seed of doubt in her mind. She sighed and poured more water into her glass, took a sip and said, ‘Maybe I should. But I don’t even know how, or where, to start.’
‘Here’s a tip: don’t act all psycho to start with - you really freaked me out earlier on,’ he said, screwing up his face.
Vera laughed wholeheartedly for the first time during their conversation.
‘Did I scare you?’ she asked him, smiling. When he didn’t reply, she cried - ‘Good!’ She threw her napkin at him. ‘You deserved it! You and my mum!’ Shane dodged the hit and looked away, pretending to be offended – which is what he always did when he wanted some extra attention. Vera wanted to get up and hug him, but decided to let him suffer for another few minutes.
Pouting his lips he got up and announced - ‘I’m going to the bathroom!’ And walked towards the staircase to the upper level.
Lunchtime was over. Even the couple who’d sat next to them arguing for most of their lunch, was gone. Milan was clearing tables, and the brasserie was now half-empty. Vera watched Shane walking up the stairs and decided to taunt him one last time before she was going to forgive him. When Shane was half way up, she suddenly called out - ‘Oh, and guess what? Astrid was right!’
He turned around to look at her. Despite her feminine features, she looked weirdly tomboyish, sitting there half-laughing and chewing on her bottom lip.
Shane’s heart instantly jumped in his throat; his old friend was here, she was back, and he felt a bit teary, and very emotional. But not wanting to appear weak he called back - ‘Don’t start with all that psychic nonsense again!’
She shrugged her shoulders, laughing even more. When he got to the top of the stairs, he couldn’t help himself.
He turned around once more, smiled, and shouted - ‘Hey! It’s good to have you back!’
CHAPTER 33
After she returned home, over the course of the afternoon, Vera pondered what to do about Tony. Before lunch with Shane, she’d thought she was going to keep quiet about her memory returning, and continue a relationship with Tony as if nothing had changed. But now, after what Shane had said, she had doubts. Could she really live a lie with the man she loved? She didn’t think so. And the more she thought about it, the more she couldn’t see herself going through with her original plan. Besides, things weren’t easy between them as it was. Last time they’d seen each other, and he’d told her about the mystery ex who he still loved, Vera, unaware that he was talking about her, has shown him the door. And neither had called the other since. But now, taught by previous experience, Vera knew what to do - she had to call him. She loved him too much to lose him again. And as the afternoon turned into an early evening, sitting down on the living room sofa with the phone in her hand, fearful that he might not want to speak to her, and that she might have lost him for good, she dialed his number with a pounding heart.
‘Hello?’ Tony answered the call immediately. She could tell from his voice that he was nervous.
‘Anthony, it’s me,’ Vera said softly.
‘I know,’ he said, equally as quietly, ‘I saw your number.’
She sighed, not quite knowing what to say next.
There was a moment of silence, after which both of them attempted to speak at the same time.
‘Please, continue …’ Tony said.
‘No, go ahead,’ Vera replied. ‘What I want to say can wait.’
She heard him taking a deep breath, after which he said, ‘Vee, you don’t know how sorry am I about the evening at yours. I was actually just going to call you. I’d like to see you as soon as possible to explain everything. I’ve got a bit of news.’ He took another breathe.
In a single moment, Vera’s uneasiness disappeared, and a rush of affection went through her as she heard Tony use her old nickname – Vee. She c
ouldn’t quite believe his reaction. She expected resentment, and maybe even anger - that would have been the old Tony - but it seemed that the separation from her had changed him, as much as the accident and the memory loss has taught her things too.
‘No, I’m sorry,’ she answered, without hesitation. ‘I shouldn’t have asked about the past. And I shouldn’t have asked you to leave. Will you forgive me?’
‘Of course! You don’t know how happy you’ve just made me!’ he said instantly. ‘There is nothing to forgive. It’s me who needs to explain. Can we see each other today?’
‘I’d love to see you!’ she answered. ‘And I also have something to tell you. It’s important.’
His openness touched her and she decided that the only thing to do was to tell him the truth. Vera sighed quietly, hoping that in the next few hours all this drama would come to an end, and they would finally be able to work things out.
‘I could be at yours within an hour,’ he said, sensing that she was gathering her thoughts.
This seemed odd. Tony could normally only see her after workshop hours, late at night, he simply had no time for anything else during the day.
‘Don’t you have to work?’ she asked, surprised.
‘Er…’ he hesitated, ‘no, not today.’
Vera got up and quickly looked in the mirror. She arranged her hair with her free hand, wondering if she needed to redo her make-up before he arrived. Then she said, ‘I’ll be waiting!’ and put the phone down, still looking at her own reflection.
Her memory returning, talking to Shane, and the brief stint in hospital yesterday was a lot to take in. She hadn’t slept much, and her face clearly showed it. If Tony and she were about to make up, and finally be reconciled for good, she needed more than just make-up.
Vera walked over to her desk and looked at the picture of the two of them that Emma sent. She picked it up with a smile on her face, and was instantly reminded of the day it was taken. In the spring, Tony and she had made an overnight trip to Windsor. The day was miserable - it was cold and it had rained the whole time - but the big, comfortable bed of a little bed and breakfast they’d stayed in that night had more than made up for the lack of good weather. Still smiling, Vera recalled, that they’d hardly slept and that it was one of the best nights of her life. Tony was always a passionate and tender lover, but that night he seemed even more sensual and emotional than before. It was the first and only time they’d got away from London and his work. On their return, he’d had to work almost twenty hours straight to make up for the time spent away from his studio. Yet this afternoon, he wasn’t even at work - so maybe his attitude had changed too, and he’d finally decided to take it easy, reduce the workload, and live a little. Why else would he be ready to see her straight away? She put the picture back on the desk and slowly walked towards the stairs, happier than she’d been in months.
Almost an hour later, after a shower, she stood in front of an open drawer largely filled with lingerie, trying to decide what underwear to put on … but then she heard the buzzer going off downstairs. Dressed only in a silk robe, she ran to the window to see if it was Tony standing outside the main door.
‘Is that you?’ she shouted through the open window.
Tony moved away from the main door and she saw him from above.
‘It sure is!’ He was smiling. Vera smiled back.
‘I’ll throw you the keys.’ She searched for the keys in her handbag. When she found them, she cried, ‘Catch’ and threw them down.
The small bunch narrowly missed Tony’s hand and landed on the tiled entrance, making a noise. Than, she heard him running upstairs and opening her door. She needed to make a decision about what to wear, and fast! She walked over to the open drawer again and pulled out several bras in different colors. The pink one would be perfect, she thought, if only she had a tan. She put it back in the drawer, thinking she needed to book herself in for a fake tan session at Veronica’s tomorrow. An underwired black silk bra that had matching briefs was beautiful, but she was sure that Tony had seen her wearing that set many times before. There was the nude lace leotard she’d bought on a shopping trip with Shane. It was elegant and sexy, but she could see how a man would have trouble knowing how to take it off. And tonight, when Tony and she would no doubt end up back here in her bedroom, she needed no distractions. So no, that wasn’t suitable either. She rummaged inside the drawer and pulled out a red bra with a matching thong. It was made out of elegant lace and had slight padding. The lacy straps of the thong were crossed over at the back and finished with a satin bow. Vera put the set on the bed. It was perfect - more so - it was perfect for tonight. Her mind was made up.
She dropped the silk robe onto the floor and put the bra and thong on, running to the bathroom to look at herself in the mirror. She turned around to see herself from different angles and was happy with what she saw. Now, with just a squirt of her favorite perfume, and her jeans and T-shirt back on, she was ready to go downstairs and meet Tony - who was rather quiet downstairs. But as she stepped out of the bathroom through to the bedroom, she heard the noise of the main door closing downstairs. Curiously, she approached the window to see what was going on, and saw Tony running out of the gate, and onto the street.
She pushed the window opened and shouted, ‘Tony! Where are you going?’
But he was already gone.
Wondering what had happened, she rushed downstairs. Why would Tony run out like that? she pondered, walking back into the living room and sitting down on the sofa. What could have possibly happened? Maybe he’d left something on the train and had to run back to the station to report it, or maybe he had to go back to work because of some kind of emergency. But why didn’t he say anything? Shout for her and explain he had to go?
Vera looked around the room again. He hadn’t left anything behind - a clear sign that he wasn’t about to come back. Vera shook her head, perturbed by his behavior. Suddenly, as her eyes rolled around the place, they stopped at her desk as she saw the picture of the two of them left near the keyboard. NO! Her heart jumped to her throat as she ran towards the desk. As she approached, her heart jumped again, when she saw a note stuck to the photo.
It said: ‘A performance worth an Oscar! Hope you had fun …’
CHAPTER 34
For the last few minutes, Vera had sat on the floor of her living room furiously trying to reach Tony on his phone. But every single time, he’d sent the call to voicemail. He didn’t want to talk to her. He clearly thought that she’d ‘staged’ her memory loss and had been lying to him all along. Tears were running down her face. She wiped them with the back of her hand, as she tried to call him again and again. But after thirty minutes had passed, and after she’d heard his voicemail for the twentieth or maybe even thirtieth time, she gave up, curled up on the carpet, and cried uncontrollably.
After lying on the floor for best part of an hour, she finally managed to calm down and pick up the phone again. She dialed Shane’s number, and prayed that he’d answer. He didn’t at first, but Vera didn’t give up. She dialed it again, and then again, and finally, when she rang for the fourth time, Shane picked up the phone.
‘What’s going on? Are you okay, Vera?’ Shane sounded like he just woken up.
‘No, I’m not okay!’ she answered, bursting into tears again.
‘What’s happened?’ he asked sleepily.
Vera reached for the tissues on the desk to wipe her face as she spoke.
‘It’s Tony,’ she started. ‘He thinks I lied to him!’ She cried even harder.
‘Did I not tell you to tell him the truth?’
‘I was going to! But he saw our picture on my desk and ran out of the house before I even had a chance to explain. He’s gone!’
As she blew her nose, she heard her friend sigh.
‘Vera, stop panicking. Call him and tell him how everything unfolded…’
‘Don’t you think I haven’t tried calling him?’ she shouted. ‘I’ve been ringing an
d ringing, but he isn’t picking up! He doesn’t want to talk to me, Shane! I think we’re finished. I really think this time it can’t be repaired!’
‘Of course it can be, babe. It’s just a silly misunderstanding, that’s all. Besides, he’s the one who was actually lying to you, don’t you forget that.’ Shane took a deep breath and then spoke slowly. ‘Don’t call him anymore tonight. Let him calm down. Go to sleep, and in the morning, when you wake up, try contacting him again. A lot can be said for a goodnight’s sleep. I guarantee that he’ll be fine by then, that he’ll want to listen.’
Vera listened to her friend carefully. What he said made sense, as much as it hurt.
Resigned to the fact that she wouldn’t hear Tony’s voice again today she said, ‘You’re right. I’ll call him first thing tomorrow.’
But suddenly she had an idea, something that always popped into her head when she felt hopeless, or needed reassurance. She could call Astrid! She’d know what would happen next and tell her what to do. So without thinking, she blurted into the handset, ‘I’ve got to go. I’m going to see if I can speak to Astrid.’
But as she was about to put the phone down, Shane cried, ‘Vera, you call me late at night when you know how early I have to get up to tell me you’re in crisis. I give you advice, and what do you do? You tell me that you’re going to ring some woman you’ve never met, again, who you have to pay to speak to you, and you think that she knows better! Go ahead!’ he yelled. ‘Call her! But don’t come back to me if you don’t hear what you want to hear!’
Vera covered her face with her hands, suddenly understanding how unforgivably rude she’d just been. Changing her tone of voice she decided to plead with Shane to forgive her.
‘I’m so sorry, Shane, I’m so sorry. I don’t know what’s come over me.’
‘You don’t know what’s come over you? Well, I’ll tell you what’s come over you!’ answered Shane. ‘Impatience, Vera! And that neediness of yours that comes out immediately after you realize that you’re no longer in control of a certain situation! When you started dating Tony, every time you two had a problem you couldn’t just leave it, you’d have to run to a psychic to tell you what he was doing, what he was thinking and what you should be doing next. And you wonder why I didn’t tell you about him when you were ill! Well maybe it was because I was actually enjoying the fact that you weren’t obsessing about him anymore, weren’t plotting how you’d turn him around, or make him commit. Here’s a little tip for you, Vera - how about you just do nothing for a change and let events unfold. Have some faith in the universe, or destiny! Trust that if something is meant to be, it will happen.’
Before We Met: What Happens When You Fall For The Same Man Twice But Don't Even Know It Page 18