He fell silent, allowing himself some time to think.
Vera felt incredible embarrassment. She knew Shane was right. Tears rolled down her face. He heard her crying and worried that he stepped too out of line and that he’d really upset her this time. So he said in a much calmer manner, ‘Let’s continue this conversation tomorrow. I really have to go back to sleep. I’ll be in Istanbul around 11.00am, your time. I’ll call you then.’
‘Shane!’ she cried, not wanting him to go without apologizing again. ‘I’m sorry. You’re right. I always feel the need to control a situation. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I won’t be calling Astrid. I’ll take your advice and go to bed. Please don’t be annoyed with me,’ she pleaded with him. The last thing she needed now was for she and Shane to fall out.
‘Babe, I have to go back to sleep. I have to be up in four hours. I’ll call you tomorrow. We’ll speak then.’ He hung up.
Vera lifted herself from the floor and headed to bed. But she didn’t sleep for another two hours. She was thinking about what Shane had said. Finally, she fell asleep in the early hours of the morning.
After waking up, Vera picked up the phone lying on the side table next to her. It was ten minutes past midday. There was a missed call from Shane and a text message that read: I hope you don’t hate me for what I said last night. Forgive me! Still friends? X.
She typed one back quickly: Of course! I thought about what you said and I’m going to try to change the way I look at things. Speak soon. Love x’
She then sat up in bed and rubbed her eyes. It was after midday, so it wasn’t too early to call Tony. But her call, yet again, went straight to voicemail. He was probably at work, she concluded, and didn’t want to be disturbed.
But after dialing Tony’s number several times throughout the course of the afternoon, and in the early evening, she realized that something wasn’t right. So she went to sleep again, having not heard his voice or having explained.
The next morning, when she had almost given up hope of ever speaking to him again, she tried one more time and his phone suddenly rang. Vera listened to the dialing tone carefully, and in her tired state she noticed it was different. After a short while she realized that it was an international ring, a prolonged single tone, instead of the usual double rings. And then it dawned on her: Tony wasn’t at work; Tony was abroad. He’d left England. He was gone.
CHAPTER 35
Lying in bed, Vera stared blankly at the window in the ceiling. Snow had been falling all night, covering it almost completely, making it impossible to see the sky. Her apartment was silent, with the exception of the sound of her neighbor’s children getting ready for school in the apartment downstairs. Vera lay motionless on her bed. There were no more tears. She knew that there was nothing she could do now. Tony had left the country. He left the country thinking that she’d played a trick on him, and now, he wouldn’t even answer the phone.
She felt as angry with herself for leaving that picture on display, as she felt upset with him for not even giving her a chance to explain. She didn’t see the point of leaving a voicemail. If he couldn’t even bring himself to answer the phone, chances were he’d delete it anyway. Clearly he’d put his business first again, and decided to go ahead with the exhibition for the next six months. If he was able to do that, he clearly didn’t love her, didn’t care. That’s what hurt the most.
Vera turned on her side, and for the first time since meeting Tony, and then Anthony, contemplated that maybe he wasn’t the one, and that it really was time to move on. She sat up slowly and sat cross-legged with her back against the headboard. Her head was spinning. She hadn’t eaten properly in days. She scanned incoming emails on her phone. There was another email from Suzy. Vera breathed anxiously when she reminded herself that Suzy urgently needed an outline of her new book. It was the worst time ever to ask her to do this. She had no energy to write and no ideas. She felt lonely and wished Shane was with her now. But Shane was at work and miles away. His unusual work pattern had always made it hard for them to see each other often, but nowadays, with him spending every free minute of his time with Milan, it was even more difficult to see him.
But then Vera recalled that when Tony and she were together, she had acted very similarly herself, devoting almost all her free time to Tony, as if nothing or no one else mattered, and having little time for Shane. She actually wished she could go home to Reading and stay with her parents for a while, but they were away on the cruise they’d booked. She hadn’t even been able to tell them about her memory returning, and needed to do it soon.
To lift up her spirits, as money wasn’t an issue, she momentarily thought that she could go shopping for Christmas presents, but then asked herself what the point would be. She had no one to spend Christmas with, or to give presents to. Up till now, the thought of Christmas hadn’t even entered her head, but now it was shaping up to be the most grim, unhappy and lonely time she’d ever known.
She gasped as she put her feet on the floor, and held her head in her hands. The room was spinning lightly around her - she needed to eat - but there was nothing in her fridge … nothing edible anyway. Vera got up, supporting herself by holding the wall. She looked at her reflection in the mirror. The dark circles under her eyes had deepened, and her face looked even thinner - but not in a good way. Her eyes looked sunken, and her hair was messy and needed a brush. The feeling of weakness intensified when she heard her belly rumble. She couldn’t go on like this, she knew that now. She had to start looking after herself, before some serious damage to her health was done.
‘This is not going to break me. There’s more to life than Tony Peters!’ she said, looking at herself in the mirror. And with that on her mind, she walked into the bathroom.
After a shower, Vera walked downstairs dressed in warm, comfy clothes. She decided that it was time to bring some healthy food into the house. In the living room, sitting at her laptop, she made a list of shops she needed to visit. The very first place on her list was the local bakery. There had been no bread in the place since her mum and dad had left, and nothing beat warm, buttery toast. The next place to visit was the butcher’s. Milk, tea, gravy, and the other things on her list, could be bought in the supermarket. Fruit and vegetables were best bought from the local farmers’ market. Vera looked at the list; there was nothing else she needed to add. She went to the corridor, picked up her coat, and walked out of the door.
In the next couple of hours, Vera managed to buy more groceries than in any other single month of the year so far. Growing up in Reading, with her mum and dad catering to her every need, she never really learned how to cook, and since she’d left home, she’d pretty much survived on ready-made meals and eating out. Now she realized she needed to take better care of herself, and had bought food that needed to be peeled, cooked, steamed, boiled, or in any other way prepared, before she could consume it. She planned that on her return home, she would search through online recipes and cook the homemade meals her mum used to make. Then she would freeze most of the food and save it for the rest of the week. But before she returned home, she wanted to relax a little, so she sat down for a coffee in an Italian bistro on the high street. The day was cold, although it wasn’t snowing anymore, and a bistro had a fireplace and a television. As she sat through a couple of cappuccinos and a bowl of tiramisu near the window, she watched one television comedy ending and another starting, but neither had made her laugh. There was no point in thinking that after what had happened with Tony she could just forget about him in a day, or pretend that she was doing well, it was going to take more than that … more effort and even more time. But she knew she had to do it. When she was ready to leave, she got up and walked to the counter to pay her bill. But as the waitress asked her to type her pin number into the machine, she suddenly felt someone’s hand on her shoulder.
‘Vera? Is that you?’ She heard a female voice.
Vera turned around and saw Lucy standing behind her.
CHAPTER 36
‘What are you doing here?’ Lucy was looking at Vera with her arms crossed, towering over her in six-inch stilettos.
‘I live here.’ Vera put her card back in the wallet. Lucy was the last person she expected to see, and after the way she’d spoken to her in the gallery, she wasn’t going to entertain her with polite conversation.
‘I thought you lived in Reading.’
‘No,’ answered Vera. “I’m from Reading. I live here.’
Vera walked around Lucy, heading back to the table where her bags where. She picked up her coat and put on her scarf. She had no intention of conversing with this woman. But Lucy followed her.
‘Look, I’m sorry about the way I spoke to you in the gallery,’ she said sheepishly - it was surprising to see her looking so notably humble. ‘Tony told me about your accident,’ she continued, ‘and I didn’t think it could be possible that you didn’t know who he was. I thought you were playing games, lying.’ She spoke quietly, so as not to attract attention from the rest of the customers.
‘No, it was the other way round actually,’ Vera said, picking up her bags of groceries from the floor. ‘It was Tony. He was lying to me. And maybe …’ She straightened up with the bags in her hands. ‘Maybe if he had been honest with me from the start, none of this would have happened and we’d still be together.’
Lucy looked at her, confused.
‘What do you mean … you’d ‘still be together’?’ she asked.
Vera smirked.
‘Don’t pretend you don’t know. John must be over the moon to have me out of the picture, so he can continue to have Tony’s hands, brains and time, not to forget his granddad’s money at his disposal - both at home and abroad. But it’s fine by me. Tony’s nothing to do with me now.’
‘I’m sorry, but what do you mean ‘Tony’s nothing to do with you now’?’ asked Lucy, looking even more confused. ‘I thought that you and Tony would be loved up somewhere, having the time of your life. Vera, have you and Tony split up?’
‘Why the hell is it so difficult to believe?’ Vera hissed back, getting up to leave.
‘Why would you split after Tony quit the business and never went to Australia? I thought that’s what you would have wanted, for him to stay?’
Vera stopped in her tracks.
‘What did you say?’ she asked, turning round and looking at Lucy.
‘Before they flew to Australia, Tony told John that he was quitting the business. He said that he wanted to stay here, in London, to be with you.’
The bags dropped from Vera’s hands. Her heart started racing. She heard a slight hissing in her ears and the room spun around her again. Was it possible that Lucy was subjecting her to a cruel joke? Or could it be that she was telling the truth? She touched her forehead with her hand, tried to say something, but her tongue wasn’t cooperating.
‘Vera!’ Lucy gazed searchingly at her. ‘Are you all right? You don’t look so good. Sit down. I’ll get you some water.’
Almost robotically, Vera lowered herself onto the chair. Lucy went back to the counter and returned with a glass of water. She handed it to Vera, who held it in her hand, stared at it, and then prompted by Lucy again, downed the whole glass.
‘Are you feeling better?’ she asked when Vera put the empty glass on the table.
But instead of answering her question, Vera simply asked - ‘Is this true?’
‘Yes! Tony walked out on the business. No one can find him,’ she answered without hesitation. ‘Everyone thinks that Tony’s with you.’
‘Well, as you can see, he’s not with me,’ Vera said faintly.
‘Then where is he?’ Lucy stared at Vera, looking for answers. But Vera was deep in thought, and not listening.
‘Vera?’ Lucy called her name again.
But Vera still didn’t answer. All she was thinking about right now was the sacrifice that Tony had made to be with her. There she was, all day and all night, thinking that he didn’t love her and that he left because he didn’t care, and it wasn’t the case. If only he would talk to her, she could explain everything. Then a thought came over her: she could contact him online. That’s how she could connect with him! Since the accident Vera hadn’t used any social networking sites, and now she wondered if she even remembered her Facebook password. She focused her efforts on remembering it. Bingo!
All this time, Lucy was watching her in a peculiar manner, slightly perturbed by her behavior. She assumed that it must have roots in her recent accident.
‘I’m sorry, but I have to go’ Vera said, getting up rapidly, and she ran towards the door with her heavy bags. But when she stood in front of the door and was about to open it, she turned around. She knew she couldn’t just walk away without acknowledging something first. So she turned around and said, ‘Lucy, the day before yesterday my best friend told me a few home truths. He also told me that I should be less controlling and have some faith in the universe. And it may just be …’ She smiled at Lucy, ‘…that the universe has sent me a little message, or …’ She paused, looking into Lucy’s brown eyes, ‘…a messenger.’
And not waiting on Lucy’s reaction, she opened the door and left the bistro.
CHAPTER 37
Tony, I’m writing this as you’re not picking up the phone. I need to explain everything, let you know how things are.
I lost my memory after the accident. I never realized I knew you from before until I got a letter from Emma, a pen pal I had been writing to for years. It was Emma who sent me the picture of us that you saw on my desk. I’d asked her to send it to me after we split up. I only got it five days ago. The shock of seeing us together before we met resulted in me remembering everything. When I realized who you were, and what had happened, I must admit, I was furious. But then I also realized that you hadn’t told me because you were trying to protect me, and that if you didn’t love me, or if you didn’t want to be with me you would have walked away there and then. I completely understand why you didn’t tell me the truth - it was easier to close the door on the old arguments and fights like they never existed. I felt like that myself when I realized who you were - I wanted to start afresh, and for a brief moment, I considered not telling you that I’d regained my memory.
But then, I realized that I wouldn’t be able to lie to you, and that I didn’t want to keep trying to control what was going to happen in our relationship. I decided to tell you everything that evening you came to mine, but you walked in and saw the photo, presumed the worst and left before I even had a chance to see you and explain. And then, today, completely out of the blue, I saw Lucy and I found out that you quit your business because you wanted to stay with me …
Tony, sweetheart, don’t you think it’s time for us to put all this behind us and be happy? I think the last few weeks have only proved how much we love each other, and the lengths we’re prepared to go to be together. I know I’m not perfect, but I promise you this: I will no longer try to control everything, I will try to let things happen naturally. I promise to be less judgmental, and that I will never give you any stupid ultimatum ever again!
I would love to get back to how we were before we split up, because if you recall, we were actually very happy. And I don’t even care about getting married, or moving in together any more, I just want to be with you, Tony. I want to see you every day, and spend every night in your arms. If this is something you still desire, please speak to me, wherever you are. Please, Tony, call me …
I love you…
Vee
Vera pressed ‘send’ a walked away from the desk. At least she’d made a step in putting things right now. Whatever was going to happen after he’d read her message was up to him. She’d done her bit, by explaining recent events and telling him her true feelings. There was nothing else she could do now.
She walked to the kitchen. The food she’d bought few hours earlier was still sitting in bags on the kitchen floor. Vera gasped as she walked towards the pile and started unpacking th
e bags, dividing the contents between the freezer, the fridge and the cupboard. When she finished, she walked back to the living room, and approached the desk. She had a new message. Vera sat down at her laptop, heart pounding. It was a message from Tony -
Vee, patience was never one of your strong points. I was about to get in touch, but you beat me to it! Can you talk now?
Vera wiped the sweat off her forehead. Could she talk? Of course she could! She stared at Tony’s message in the daze and quickly typed back –
Yes I can.
Then in silence she sat at the desk and waited to see another message on her screen, ignoring her phone ringing in the pocket of her coat, somewhere in the corridor. Whoever it was, could wait. Finally, there it was, another message –
Why aren’t you picking up? I’m calling you …
Vera ran to the corridor and got her phone, holding it in her hand like it was some kind of treasure. By the time she returned to the computer screen, another message from Tony was already there -
Before We Met: What Happens When You Fall For The Same Man Twice But Don't Even Know It Page 19