At Her Own Risk

by Rachael Duncan

  “I’m cool,” I tell Marcus who finally lets me go. “Get that piece of shit out of here,” I tell whoever will listen as I rush over to Paige. “Are you okay?” My eyes search her face frantically, but I can’t tell what she’s thinking.

  “I want out of here,” she whispers.

  There’s nothing but silence as every set of eyes is focused on us and the scene I’ve caused. Even the music has stopped.

  Nodding, I wrap my arm around her and escort her out. My father attempts to grab my attention, but judging by his terse tone, it’s not going to be a pleasant conversation so I blow him off. “I’ll call you later, Dad.”

  I hear her sniffling as we wait for the car to come around, but I can’t bring myself to look at her again. I don’t know if she’s upset with what that prick said to her or if it’s my reaction.

  The ride to her condo is spent in silence, and honestly, I’m okay with that. I need more time to calm down and gather my thoughts before we talk about what happened.

  She unlocks the door, walks into her place, and flips on the light. “Let me get some ice for your hand.” Even though she says this barely above a whisper, in the quiet of her foyer she might as well have shouted it.

  “My hand is fine,” I tell her.

  “You’re bleeding and it’s swelling. You need ice.” Without further discussion, she goes into the kitchen and puts some ice in a towel to place on my hand.

  “I’m sorry,” I tell her.

  She spins around, her head tilted to the side. “You’re sorry? Why?”

  “I acted like a Neanderthal and embarrassed you back there.”

  She shakes her head. “I’m not upset about that,” she states calmly. “I’m upset because the one thing I was afraid of was thrown in my face. I didn’t want people to think I was sleeping my way to the top.” Her eyes focus on her fingers as she picks at the fabric of her dress. Her lip quivers as she tries to hold in the tears.

  “Paige, look at me,” I say gently. When she does, I continue. “That guy is a dick. He fucks anything that walks and HR has already had to talk to him about his . . . extracurricular activities with fellow employees. He’s just pissed he doesn’t have a chance with you.”

  “It was so humiliating.” Her words are strained as she holds back her emotions. “All I kept thinking was ‘Oh my, God. He’s being so loud. Who else can hear him?’ I thought if I didn’t reply he’d go away, but he just kept talking.”

  “When you were talking earlier, did you see the look on everyone’s face? Your understanding of the way the business works is more than impressive. You held your own tonight with some of the smartest guys we have working for us. Plus, you won’t have to worry about David anymore. Once I talk to Dad, he’ll be out on his ass.” She gives me a smile that doesn’t reach her eyes. “Come here and let me hold you.”

  Without hesitation, she walks over to me. Once I sit down, I pull her down onto my lap and she cuddles against my chest. “Want to change?” I ask.

  She shakes her head. “I spent forever getting this thing on, I’m not ready to take it off.”

  I kiss the side of her face before resting my head on hers. “Whatever you want, princess. Whatever you want.”

  Paige

  MONDAYS ARE ALWAYS harder than any other day of the week. You get into a nice flow by midweek only to have it interrupted by the weekend. After the weekend I had with Sean at his parents’ party, I was dreading today more than ever. The fear of running into David Sanchez coursed through my veins as I rode the elevator up to the floor I worked on.

  Sean: Everything will be fine. I promise.

  I glance at his text from this morning one more time before I exit the elevator when the doors open. I hold on to his promise to chase away my lingering anxiety.

  Murmurs had started when Mr. Sanchez was late, but the rumor mill was in full force when he was a no-show at lunchtime. Things only intensified when Tim Hughes, David’s boss, came and called an emergency meeting where he told everyone Mr. Sanchez would no longer be working for the company. While everyone in the office displayed nothing but shock and confusion, I felt relief.

  David had never been inappropriate with me at work. I always took his friendliness as being just that; friendly. But when his finger trailed across my collarbone on Saturday, I knew right away something wasn’t right. A sick feeling in the pit of my stomach was exacerbated by the smell of bourbon on his breath. His eyes weren’t focused and his words were slurred, but when he asked if he could fuck me, I heard it loud and clear. My rejection wasn’t taken well, which was evident when he accused me of sleeping my way to the top. That was the part Sean overheard, and that didn’t go over well at all.

  Sean: RQ- Are you okay?

  I stare at my phone, unsure how to reply. Yes, I’m okay, but I’m in a constant state of paranoia. I eavesdrop on every conversation worried the whole office will find out what happened this weekend.

  Me: I’m fine, just trying to stay busy.

  Sean: Okay, if you need anything let me know.

  His concern touches me, relieving some of my stress. He’s always so thoughtful when it comes to me, and it makes tense situations easier to deal with.

  With a deep breath, I try to refocus on my quality check reports to make sure my loan officers are in compliance. I’ve been hiding out in my office all day, afraid my colleagues would see the truth written all over my face.

  Checking the clock, I see I only have an hour to go before it’s time to leave. I make a deal with myself that if I can get through these quality checks before five, I’ll stop for some wine on the way home. Right as I’m getting into a groove, my phone rings. I let out a frustrated sigh as I see a number I don’t recognize. I almost let it go to voicemail but answer it at the last second.

  “Hello?”

  “Hi, may I speak with Paige Stewart, please?” a woman asks.

  “This is she.”

  “Hi, this is Dr. Johnson. I have your test results back from your pap smear.”

  “Okay,” I reply.

  “It came back abnormal so we’ll need to do more testing to see if it was a false positive or if it’s something else.”

  “Something else?” A strong sense of worry consumes me.

  “It could be a variety of things and likely to be nothing. It’s just better to be safe than sorry, okay?”

  “Okay.”

  “We’ll need to do a colposcopy to get a tissue sample to send off to the lab. Can you come in Wednesday afternoon?”

  Snapping out of my fog, I blink several times and pull up my calendar. “Uh, yeah. What time?”

  “I have a two o’clock open.”

  “I’ll be there,” I tell her.

  “Okay, see you then.” Her upbeat tone soothes my anxiety marginally, but the fact she needs to take a tissue sample has me concerned.

  I finished the rest of my work day and came straight home. My first instinct was to call Sean and talk to him about it, but I don’t want to worry him too. Plus, it’s not like he can do anything to change the results. Then I remember Scarlett had the same thing happen to her in college, so I call her up instead.

  “Hey, girl,” she answers.

  “Hey, are you busy?”

  “No, what’s wrong?” Her tone gets serious, sensing the anxiousness in mine.

  “Didn’t you have an abnormal pap when we were in college?” I ask her.

  “Yeah, why?”

  “My gyno just called and mine came back abnormal. She wants me to come in for a colposcopy.”

  “Just relax, Paige. It’s probably nothing.”

  I start pacing back and forth in the living room, needing something to do to expel this pent-up energy. “Is that what happened with yours?”

  “Sort of. I found out I had HPV, which can cause precancerous cells. Did your doc say anything about that?”

  “No, she was useless as far as information goes,” I mutter annoyed.

  “Well, in my case, my body takes care of th
e bad cells on its own. The lab results on the biopsy came back benign, I went back six months later for another pap, and everything was good. I haven’t tested abnormal again since.”

  “Were you worried though?”

  “Of course. Worst-case scenario was playing on a loop while I was waiting on my results. But do you know how common it is to have a bad test and it ends up being nothing?” I sit in silence, waiting for her to tell me. “Just chill a little, okay? When do you go back?”

  “Wednesday.”

  “Want me to come with you?”

  I take a deep breath and let it out. “No, I’ll be okay. Thanks for calming me down. I was freaking out there for a second thinking I was dying or something,” I say with a small laugh.

  “You worry too much. Now go bang that hot boyfriend of yours and take your mind off of it.”

  “Jesus, Scarlett,” I say under my breath.

  She giggles in my ear. “Love you, babe.”

  “Love ya back.”

  I hang up the phone while shaking my head. She’s a hot mess but I love her.

  Sitting on the couch, I search for something to do to occupy my mind until I realize Scarlett’s suggestion has some merit to it.

  Me: RF- I’m horny.

  I’ve never seen my phone vibrate with a response so quick in my life.

  Sean: I’m coming.

  Me: Not yet I hope.

  Sean: I’m bringing the blindfold.

  Me: I’m on the bed waiting.

  Sean: Stop it before you make me crash.

  I smile, loving that I affect him the same way he does me. I’m not sure how many laws he broke to get here, but my doorbell rings ten minutes later. I barely get it open before he’s pinning me to the wall and devouring me.

  I took off work early for my appointment. I’ve calmed down drastically since the doctor called two days ago. I reasoned that if it was something serious, she would’ve told me. As I sit in a room with a paper sheet draped over my lap, I’m ready to get this over with. Guilt fights my anxiety to take presence in my mind as a set of blue eyes flashes through my head. For whatever reason, it feels wrong to keep this from him. It’s like I’m holding back some dark secret or something and it’s the only thing I can think about when we’re together. But, I rationalize, this could turn out to be nothing and then I’ve worried him for no reason.

  Five minutes later, there’s a knock on the door followed by Dr. Johnson and a nurse walking in.

  “Alright, this will be pretty quick. I’ll take a small sample, and then we’re done.” She smiles warmly at me, but it’s not soothing the nervousness that made a sudden appearance.

  I nod and move to the edge of the bed as instructed. My toes wiggle a nervous rhythm as I wait for her to pull out her tools. When I see a long, thin metal stick with teeth on the end, I focus on the ceiling, my heart beating hard in my chest.

  I take a deep breath, feeling her moving something inside of me. She counts to three and pinch!

  “Ah!” I say in part surprise and pain. It was more than a pinch and hurts like hell. Soon after, she walks out and I’m left alone again.

  I’m not sure what comes over me, but I feel like crying. I swallow hard to remove the lump in the back of my throat as I work to compose myself. Between the fear of the unknown and being stabbed in the cervix, my emotions come to a head.

  This would be so much easier to handle with Sean.

  The thought is fleeting and I mentally berate myself for thinking it. As I repeat my reasons for not telling him, I start to wonder if I’m really trying to protect me or him.

  Once I’m dressed, I check out where I’m told they should have the test results within seven to ten business days and will call me.

  Seven to ten days until I find out if this is nothing, or something more serious.

  Seven to ten days I need to distract myself. But as the thought crosses my mind, I know exactly who can help me with that. Digging my phone out of my purse, I dial up Sean’s number and tell him I’m coming over.

  Paige

  IT’S BEEN THREE days since I had my biopsy done. I was hoping to have my results back before the weekend, knowing it was a long shot. Now that it’s Saturday, I know I won’t get a call until Monday at the earliest, and the wait is killing me. Fortunately, Sean has been doing a good job of keeping my mind off of things even if he doesn’t know it. I didn’t realize how often we hang out until I was depending on it for my sanity, but we’ve become glued at the hip in a short period of time. We see each other after work and usually eat dinner. Half the time one of us ends up crashing at the other’s place, and we always make plans for the weekend.

  I also didn’t realize how much we have sex until I couldn’t. I was afraid I’d have to tell him the truth, but lied and said I was on my period instead. A knot sat in my stomach as the lie left my lips. The guilt has gotten heavier and heavier to carry as I continue to deceive him, but I’m not ready to tell him. I’m not ready to tell anyone until I know for sure what’s going on with my body.

  “Shit,” I say under my breath. I rush around, grabbing my keys and purse before heading out the door. I fell asleep and was supposed to be at Sean’s house ten minutes ago. I’m almost in my car when my phone dings.

  Sean: Are you in a ditch somewhere?

  I roll my eyes and shake my head.

  Me: I’m leaving now. Sorry.

  Sean: Me waiting on you.

  Below his message is a picture of a skeleton sitting on a bench.

  Me: Shut it. I’m not always late!

  Sean: Says the person who’s about to eat a cold dinner.

  Me: I fell asleep.

  Sean: Good because you won’t be doing much sleeping over here tonight.

  My core tightens because I know that’s not a threat but a promise. Sean is a thorough lover if nothing else. He makes sure I am completely satisfied before tending to his own needs. Most nights, I can hardly roll out of bed by the time he’s done with me.

  Me: Quit texting me and I could get there faster!

  That shuts him up and I head his way. Fifteen minutes later, I’m knocking on his door.

  “Look who decided to show up,” he greets. I nudge him in the stomach with my elbow as I walk past him and into his house. “You forget something?” he asks.

  With my head tilted to the side, I spin around to face him. “No?”

  He arches his brow and crooks his finger at me. Hiding my amusement, I comply and walk closer to him. When I’m within reach, his arm snakes around my waist, pulling me flush against his solid frame before leaning down for a kiss. It’s a deep, passionate kiss, one usually reserved for when things are really heating up between us. One I feel all the way to the tips of my toes and deep in my soul. By the time he pulls back, I’m weak in the knees and see stars.

  “Coming in here thinking you don’t have to kiss me,” he says quietly against my lips.

  “Sorry, I forgot,” I play along, looking up at him through my eyelashes.

  “Think you’ll forget again?” He pulls me tighter and I can feel his erection against my stomach.

  After a kiss like that? Hell no. But I don’t say that out loud. The last thing this man needs is an ego boost, so I merely shake my head and wait for him to release me.

  Clearing my throat, I enter the kitchen and am assaulted by a mixture of delicious smells. “Mmmm, smells good. Let me guess, your housekeeper?” I fight back a grin, but lose. He hates when I bring up the fact that he has a maid, which means I’m going to do it more.

  A large yelp escapes me when he delivers a swift smack to my butt. “No, smartass. I cooked for you tonight.”

  You know moments that make you say, “awww”? This is one of them. The table is set beautifully with perfectly placed dishes, silverware, and glassware. Two tapered candles are lit in the middle, creating a romantic ambiance.

  “Wow, this is nice.” We normally order in or eat out, so seeing him put so much effort into tonight’s meal is impressive. It
makes me feel . . . special.

  “Have a seat and I’ll get our plates ready.” He helps me into my chair before going back to the kitchen.

  I watch him intently, fascinated by each movement as he sets about his task. Sean has always been sexy, but add in the towel thrown over his shoulder and the small crease between his brows as he concentrates, he’s mouthwatering.

  “Bon appétit.” He sets my plate down in front of me and my mouth waters for a whole different reason.

  When I take the first bite of the potatoes, an involuntary moan escapes, causing Sean to chuckle. “What did you put in these?” I ask around a mouthful. I could eat these until I’m sick. It’s the perfect blend of garlic and butter and yummy goodness.

  “Just a little TLC.” He winks and takes another bite and all I can do is smile at his boyish charm right now.

  We’re both quiet, enjoying our meal when he asks, “What happens to a frog’s car when it breaks down?”

  I shake my head and pretend to be less than amused, but the truth is I look forward to his corny jokes. “What?”

  “It gets toad away.” I stare at him, pretending to be unaffected. “Don’t smile,” he says as he points his finger. “Don’t you smile.”

  I press my lips together, but my grin breaks free anyway. “I don’t know why these get to me. They’re not even that funny,” I tell him through light laughter.

  He dusts off his shoulder. “It’s all in the delivery, baby.”

  “Yeah, that’s it.” My sarcasm isn’t missed. I push the food around my plate before asking him something that’s been on my mind a little lately. “Have you heard anything from David since he was fired?”

  Sean’s jaw ticks and a small fire blazes within his eyes. I know it’s not directed at me, but it’s intimidating all the same. “Has he contacted you?”

  I shake my head. “No, but I’m wondering if he’ll randomly show up and cause problems one day.”

  “He won’t.” His stern tone and the finality of it has me shying away from asking more questions.

  I take a few more bites of my food before putting my fork down and looking at Sean. He won’t meet my eyes, and that alone makes me suspicious. “How do you know?”