WITHOUT SHAME: Babylon MC Book 4

by James, Victoria L.

  I laughed, my arms crossing tightly over my chest. “You think you see everything. Believe me when I say you’re not hiding shit from me, either. I see everything you don’t want me to see. I know you’re up to something. I know it’s not good, and I will use my last fucking breath to make sure it doesn’t come back to bite Drew or the boys in the ass.”

  “It’s a waste of time to look for dirt on a clean conscience but go right ahead.” Eric took a step up the porch, moving slowly before he took another and came closer. “Have fun with that. I’ll be helping Drew and the club in the meantime. Let me know what you find on me if you find it.”

  I didn’t back down, didn’t shrink away, just narrowed my eyes, trying my hardest to reign in my personal hatred for this man who’d abandoned his son. Maybe I wanted it too much, but I just felt there was something off in my gut, I knew he was hiding something. I couldn’t be wrong about that.

  “You do what you have to, and I’ll do what I have to.”

  His sharp huff of laughter was enough to make me want to slap that smirk off his face, but my eyes followed him as he began to move past me. I thought he’d finished with me when he reached for the door, but then he froze and glanced over his shoulder, his eyes burning into mine.

  “For what it’s worth, Ayda, I’m glad Drew has you. Drew and the boys. That club was missing a little fire.” Then Eric pushed the door open and began to make his way inside.

  The moment the door closed behind him, I let my ass hit the step again and buried my head in my hands feeling more confused about the man than ever.

  * * *

  It felt strange to be doing something normal after an odd couple of days. Even surrounded by my second family at Rusty’s, all I could think about was everything that had come to light in the last week. Working seemed like a loose term considering I’d spent the last hour just staring out of the window at the front. My hands tucked around a mug of tepid coffee as I watched traffic fly by. It was that quiet before the storm, that hour between breakfast and lunch that always gave us a chance to clean up and reset.

  “Penny for them.” Janette slid into the booth across from me, a fresh mug of coffee in her hand. She traded it out for the one in my hands with a grin and slumped on the vinyl.

  “You don’t want my thoughts.” I sighed, absorbing the muted heat from the mug.

  “Drew’s not…”

  “No, no.” I waved one of my hands before replacing it on the mug seeking the warmth. “Things are actually pretty good. I’m just trying to puzzle things out in my head. Trying to make sense of a few things.”

  “That anything to do with those two?” Janette asked, tipping her head in the direction of Tate and Libby, who were leaning across the booth looking anything but in love. Tate was pissed, but Libby was seething. I’d managed to stop her from going to the school again, but she spent most of the day pacing and paranoid just waiting for the time she knew he’d be leaving.

  “No.” I huffed a laugh. “They have to sort that out for themselves. She’d convinced he’s been flirting with another girl, and he’s sick to his back teeth of hearing it.”

  “Is he?”

  “Your guess is as good as mine, Jan. He’s sixteen. Don’t they all flirt at that age?” I gazed over at Tate again, his expression filled with exasperation as he spoke animatedly with the girl he’d been in love with only last week.

  “Most do.” She paused and looked over at Rusty. When I followed her gaze, he dropped his. “The old fool is worried about you.”

  “Why?”

  Janette chuckled, her cheeks flaring to life. “Well, you’ve been sitting here staring out of that window like it holds the secrets to the universe. Tate just called Libby a name I’d rather not repeat, and you completely missed it. That normally means the distraction is a big one. You’ve been here too long for us not to recognize the symptoms.”

  “Would you believe me if I told you I was thinking about my wedding?” It was only a white lie because the thought had been there amongst the chaos that constantly circled my mind. It was usually paired with where, when and how, but it was there.

  “What about it?” she asked cautiously, almost as though she was waiting for some bad news.

  “Nothing in particular. Just thinking about what I want, where I want it, how I want it to go down.”

  “And your conclusion?”

  “Do I wear white?”

  Janette’s laughter startled the only customer in the place, and it had the other occupants gazing in our direction with curiosity. Had I really been than sullen and moody? I didn’t feel like I had, but the guilt that came with the question told me that I had… at least to some extent.

  “Yes, you wear white. You’ve never been married before, and it’s not like you have a child together or anything. Plus, times have changed, sweetheart. None of those old rules matter. You wear what the hell you want to wear, and if someone wants to say something about it, you send them to me.”

  “I love you,” I said wearing a grin.

  “You know I love you, too. Now I’ve fixed that, what else can I tackle for you?”

  I shook my head and peeled my hands from the mug I was still clinging to, my aching fingers letting me know I’d been in the same position for far too long.

  “How about I get you a coffee now?” I asked, slipping from the booth. “Maybe then I can break those two up and juggle a little world peace while I’m at it.”

  “I have some paperwork to do, and Samantha has to go pick her kid up, so if you could man the floor, it sure would help.”

  “I think I can manage that.”

  Janette glanced at me as she rose from the booth, her humor more than evident. So was the relief. If I was joking with her, things couldn’t be all that bad. She knew me well enough to understand that.

  For the next hour, I cleaned, refilled saltshakers and ketchup bottles, and managed to get Libby out so Tate could at least attempt to do some homework. When the lunch crowd came in, Janette and I dealt with the rush. It had been so long since I’d put a full day in like this that I felt exhausted when the crowd finally thinned out.

  I almost groaned when the door opened again, but I quickly smiled when Howard Sutton strolled in with a petite woman with severely cut jet-black hair, pale porcelain skin, and lips so red they seemed out of place on her. Maybe inappropriate was the better word. When she moved to sit in a booth and pushed her blazer back, the badge on her hip gleamed in the dull light. The last thing I wanted to do was serve the two of them. I’d heard a couple of things about the woman. Her tenacity was becoming renowned in The Hut.

  “Hey, chief,” I sang as I approached them, resigned to the fact that I was the only one available.

  “Ayda.” My name on Sutton’s lips had the woman’s head snapping in my direction, her eyes narrowing before she caught herself and smoothed her features out.

  “What can I get you?”

  Sutton gave me a knowing smile. “Just coffee. If I eat without the girls, they will murder me in my sleep.”

  “For you?” I asked the agent who was still gawping at me. I was tempted to remind her to shut her mouth before she started catching flies.

  “Same for me… Ayda,” she said, testing my name on her tongue.

  I fought hard not to roll my eyes, and I walked away, purposefully passing Tate’s table as I did. The moment his eyes met mine, he knew. His attention flickered to Howard’s table, and he nodded. No Hound talk.

  I pulled the order and headed back to the pair of them, sliding their coffees on the table, spinning on my heel in an attempt to make a smooth exit before I was forced to have a conversation with the woman. I wasn't fast enough.

  “You’re Tucker’s old lady,” she said, her voice whiny and grating. I wasn’t sure how Sutton sat and had a full conversation with her. She was already abrasive, and she’d said a total of four words.

  “It’s not a secret.”

  “And you’re proud of the fact?”

  �
��Goddammit, Winnie,” Sutton exhaled with evident frustration. Apparently, he didn’t handle it well.

  “It’s okay, Howard. Let her ask her questions,” I said sweetly. I was ready for her, everyone in the club was. She’d driven past the gate more times than we could count. We even had a nice shot of her on her cell phone as she passed by, setting a bad example. “I’m very proud of my fiancé, agent. Why wouldn’t I be?”

  “Hmm. Maybe because your fiancé is a bully and a murderer?”

  “You’re making quite the assumption there.”

  “And you’re making a fool of yourself.”

  “That’s rich coming from a grown woman who calls herself Winnie.” I raised my eyebrows waiting for her to hurl another insult in my direction, but it never came. Her cheeks just got a deeper shade of pink and her fists balled on the surface of the table.

  “It’s a family name.”

  I glanced at Howard, noting the pressed line of his mouth where he was trying his best not to react and shrugged.

  “I didn’t ask.”

  That’s when I turned and walked away. It was my first interaction with Winnie the ATF agent, but I knew it wouldn’t be my last. I could tell she was only just getting started with all of us.

  Chapter Eighteen

  DREW

  Slater was sitting opposite me in my office, twirling the small wooden box in his hand.

  A slow smile crept into place, my eyes narrowing as I drummed a pen on the top of the desk. I was more relaxed than I should have been considering the shit storm we were currently living under.

  “Told you I’d sort it,” Slater said, that arrogance he wore so well shining through.

  “We can’t let Ayda find out about this until its time.”

  “One secret I’m sure she won’t mind you keeping from her.”

  I raised a brow and laughed, leaning forward and taking the box from Slater’s outstretched hand. My body fell back in the chair with a thud, rocking me into a soothing bounce as I stared down at it in my hands.

  When I opened it up, the vintage band of twisted gold shone up at me like a beacon of hope. It had been my mother’s, but after an argument with my father when I was younger, she’d taken it off her finger, placed it on the porch of the hut, and she’d swung it across the yard with an old broom.

  Harry had chased after it and slyly whisked it away into the safety of the pawnshop. We all suspected Mom knew Harry had it, but she never asked for it back. Not even when Eric had said all his apologies, and they’d fallen straight back in love again. According to her, marriage didn’t need a gold band. All it needs is loyalty, commitment, and understanding. The other stuff is just shit magpies can take from you.

  Still, it was something I wanted Ayda to have. Something for her to throw off the porch and crush into the gravel if she ever felt the need to. Something from one woman in my life to the other.

  “Those tears in your eyes, Tucker?” Slater said, his smirk growing when I glanced up through hooded eyes.

  “Allergies.” I sat up straight, sniffed and ran the back of my hand over my forehead.

  Slater laughed, rocking back in his chair. “Any date set yet?”

  “Nope.” I shook my head. “Shit’s been a bit—”

  “Fucked up. Yeah, I know. We’ve all been here through it with you. You just haven’t seen us for a while. Took Eric along for the ride with you instead of the men who have been here your whole damn life.”

  “I didn’t take Eric. He followed,” I corrected him, dropping the ring box on my desk and planting my joined hands to rest in front of me. When I glanced up, Slater had that look about him that told me a lecture was on the tip of his tongue. “Go on,” I urged. “Say what you’ve got to say.”

  “Okay,” Slater said through a sigh, lifting his ankle to rest over his knee, his hand clutching at the dusty old sole of his boot. “Do you trust him?”

  “No.”

  “Well, that’s something. Do you think he’s back here permanently?”

  I rolled my neck, hearing the crack of tension when I moved it too sharply. “I don’t know.”

  “How do you feel about it all?”

  “Like he’s come in useful so far. Like he was what I needed when I needed it—just some punk who knew enough history of the club to understand why I wanted to do some of the things I’ve done, but still enough of a stranger for me to keep him at a distance. Honestly, Slate, I’ve already got too many enemies. Why make one more of my old man? If he can be useful, I’m going to wring him dry of every good thing he has that helps the club.”

  “What if he isn’t here for the good of the club?”

  I scowled and smiled at the same time. “You really think the guy who built the Hounds from nothing but two wheels and a piece of leather is going to put us in danger? Nah. He’s got too much of his heart in the soil beneath our boots. He left it here. His life was here. He may be a self-preserving selfish piece of shit at times, but he wouldn’t do anything to hurt the Hounds.”

  Slater opened his mouth to speak, closed it and then clearly thought, fuck it. “And if he does?”

  I shrugged. “We kill him.”

  “Just like that?” Slater frowned.

  “Just like that.” I nodded without emotion.

  A knock on the door pulled our attention away from each other, the two of us sitting up straighter when Eric walked into the room.

  He gave Slater a nod, but he didn’t have to say a word for Slater to turn back to me, push himself up out of his chair, raise his brows and sigh. “I’ll be in the bar. We still heading on that repo job later?”

  “Give me thirty minutes?”

  “Sure thing.”

  Slater’s eyes held Eric’s the whole way until he sauntered out of the office, closing the door behind him. Eric dipped his chin to his chest, a small, amused smirk playing on his lips as he shook his head.

  “Is it me, or is it getting a little cool around here lately?” he asked quietly, turning his head my way as he folded his arms across his chest and stood there, legs apart. Just the way I held myself in front of people, too. It was fucking creepy how many things I’d picked up from him without realizing it.

  I shrugged, still hunched over my desk. “Feels kinda warm over here.”

  “Yeah, well, don’t get used to that. I’m about to send a shiver down your spine.”

  “I’m guessing by the look on your face that’s not because you know a girl who can come and tickle my balls.”

  “The Hut’s got plenty of those.”

  “Only one who interests me.”

  Eric paused, his eyes searching mine before he gave me a nod of, what I assumed, was approval. “Quite the little firecracker you’ve got there. Understanding, too. Especially about the whole Helen Taylor thing.”

  I nodded to my chair, indicating that if he was here to chat, he should probably sit down. He did, taking my instruction and sinking into the seat opposite me.

  “I keep waiting for something to tip her over the edge, something to make her think that this life isn’t for her,” I admitted.

  “She isn’t going anywhere,” Eric said firmly, no mistaking in his voice that he meant it, either.

  I sighed heavily, relief coming out like exasperation without intention. “Since being with me, she’s lost her childhood home, been assaulted, chased down, attacked, watched me almost die in a warehouse, covered up an explosion and the deaths of an entire enemy charter. She’s had to learn how to shoot, lost Harry…. She even killed two guys—one who once meant something to her. I shouldn’t have been as surprised to see her stand by me with the whole Helen thing, too, but I was.”

  “Ayda loves you.”

  “I know.” I stared back at him, feeling the weight of his three words gripping my heart and squeezing it tight.

  “There’s a but on the tip of your tongue. Better set it free before it bites you.”

  Why he was the person I was talking to about this, I had no fucking clue. “I know I
’m a selfish fucker for letting her live this life with me, but I can’t live without her now. Can’t help but think that—”

  “You should set her free?”

  I didn’t respond, just stared straight at him and watched him as he sighed, shifted in his chair and cocked his head to one side. “Good luck with that. I tried to keep your mother out of this life for years. You know what happened? She ended up getting in even deeper. You push them away, they tend to push back harder until you’re the one slammed up against a wall with them holding your throat in their hands.”

  “Mom was wild?”

  “Fuck, was she wild.” He smiled with a tinge of sadness around his eyes. “Wilder than any of the boys even knew. Ayda reminds me of her in so many ways. She’ll get hurt with or without you around now, boy. You can’t turn a good girl bad and then expect her just to forget what the high of that naughtiness feels like. There’s no going back. Better to be by her side with a chance of saving her than to let her run free and get herself in trouble without you there.”

  “Couldn’t let her go now even if I wanted to.”

  Eric nodded repeatedly and pressed his lips together.

  “Why you here, anyway?” I asked, scowling because I sure as shit knew he wasn’t in my office just to compliment my future wife. Wife. Hell! That sounded good.

  “To ask what your long-term plan with Helen Taylor is.”

  Straight to the point. That was one good thing about my father. He didn’t fuck around with wasted words.

  “I have no idea,” I answered, honoring him with equal honesty. “For now, Helen can stay where she is. No one is looking for her. There have been no missing persons filed from what Sutton keeps telling us. That phone call we made her have with her daughters while they’re off traveling the world seemed to sate their curiosity of where the fuck she was. Doc’s checked out her bullet wound. She’s healing well. She’s safe.”