WITHOUT SHAME: Babylon MC Book 4

by James, Victoria L.

  I glanced around, raising my chin and scowling as I folded my arms over my chest and sniffed the air. “Is that… lavender I can smell?”

  Ayda stifled her laughter and leaned in against me. “Helen had a bath.”

  I looked down at her, raising a brow. “Did you braid her hair, too?”

  “Not this time,” she responded playfully, squeezing my fingers.

  My eye roll was one of amusement, and I turned my attention back to Helen who was sitting up in place on the bed.

  She was pretty for an older woman. There was an air of defiance about her, but not one that made her features seem too harsh or cold. She was warm, like a mother should be, with just enough of an edge to make any man think twice about crossing her. Any man except Jon Taylor, obviously.

  What Ayda told me earlier flashed through my mind, and I found my shoulders softening just a bit as I stared at Helen.

  “I didn’t expect you to work so fast,” she said to Ayda, glancing her way with a cocky yet soft smile on her face.

  “I told you I would talk to him, and I did. It was Drew’s decision to come and see you.”

  “Okay,” Helen said quietly, and even I could tell she knew it had been Ayda who’d convinced me to get here as quickly as I had done. Her compassion and her ability to want to save the world were my weaknesses. You didn’t have to be a damn psychic to know that. Helen looked at me as she dropped her legs over the edge of the bed and let them dangle there. Her ankles crossed over one another, and she tucked her hands under her thighs. “I guess we all know why you’re here. Shall I just get to it?”

  “Please,” I said coolly.

  “Okay,” she repeated, and every time she spoke, the words came out like she was playing us, not the other way around. “Where to start?”

  “I already know the back story. Jon was a dick. He hurt you, humiliated you in front of the kids. Ran them halfway across the world. You hated him. Still hate him. I kinda get the feeling you don’t care if he lives or dies—”

  “Oh, I care,” she said sharply, interrupting me, her eyes wide and her face falling serious.

  I raised a brow. “You want him dead, don’t you?”

  Helen pursed her lips, swinging her legs back and forth slowly. She didn’t say a damn word.

  Stepping forward, I moved in closer to our hostage. Of course, she wanted him dead. Who didn’t?

  “You want me to kill him,” I said, making it a statement rather than a question.

  “Not quite.” Helen glanced at Ayda before she focused on me again. “But I’ve avoided visiting him for a reason. I can’t be in the same room as him and see him weak the way he is now.”

  “Don’t tell me you love him after everything he’s done to you.”

  “Love? No.” She shook her head firmly. “I haven’t loved that bastard for a long time. But caring for someone is different to loving them. When I look at my children, I see their father’s eyes. When I hear my eldest daughter sing, she reminds me of her daddy. I can’t detest something so much that reminds me of my girls. It’s a strange hate to carry around with you, to want to be rid of someone forever, yet still feel programmed to give a shit whether his dinner is on the table when he comes home to you or not. A strong man needs a good supper, after all,” she added with sarcasm dripping from every word.

  A small part of me knew exactly the feelings she was trying to describe. I’d felt that way about Eric for so long. I’d carried anger toward the man for a while, but also been programmed to respect the fact that he’d brought me into this world and he was my blood father.

  “Let’s cut the shit, shall we?” I sighed. “You wanted to talk to me about some conditions, so talk.”

  Ayda stepped forward until she was at my side. “If you want our help, now is the time to ask for it, Helen. You have to lay it all out on the table or this is pointless. You got one chance. Use it wisely.”

  Helen rose to her feet instantly, moving as close to the two of us as she could before the long chain was stretched to its full capabilities. She ground her teeth and closed her eyes for just a second, clearly hating the bite around her wrist. When she looked back up at me, her eyes were filled with unshed tears, but like the well-trained victim of domestic violence, Helen knew every trick in the book to swallow that emotion back and lock it down tight.

  Raising her chin in defiance, she stared straight into my eyes. “Jon Taylor isn’t just a bully. He’s a sadist. A narcissist. A sociopath. The Devil’s son. Maybe the Devil’s father for all I know. He sure could teach him a trick or two. When he decided I was to be his and his only, he made sure he covered all his bases, including where I worked. He didn’t want me among other men, you see. He didn’t want me around people who could convince me to leave. He didn’t want me to have a life, so Jon ended up getting me a position as a correctional nurse in the medical department of Huntsville Prison where he worked, just so he could keep his eyes on me twenty-four-seven.” She blinked once, letting that information sink in with me. “You should know the place well, Mr. Tucker. You’ve been there. I was one of the nurses who treated you after you were nearly beaten to death during your second year.”

  My lips parted, the shock pouring out of me as my poker face fucked off to the past.

  “That’s right. I was one of the women who brought you around, stitched you up, and made you better when Jon authorized the hit on you in prison that almost ended your life. I didn’t expect you to remember me. You were lucky to stay alive, never mind recognize faces.”

  My nostrils flared, and my chest began to rise and fall harder. I flexed the muscles in my jaw as the memory of that beating stabbed me in the brain like tiny fucking needles of defeat.

  “We looked after you,” Helen said softly. “You said a lot in your drugged-up state. Out of all the thousands of men I treated at that facility, you were one of the few I remembered clearly. Not because of who you were, the state you were in, or even because you were a handsome man no woman in their right mind could forget.” She let her head tilt to one side. “I remembered you because of the way you spoke about a man named Pete while you were drifting in and out of consciousness. I remember how you pined for your brothers, apologizing to them over and over for the things you hadn’t done more than the things you had. I remember the soft words that fell from your hard, cracked lips as I soothed your forehead with a damp cloth in a desperate bid to bring your temperature down. You said so much, Drew.” Sucking in a slow breath, she released it quickly, her eyes shining. “You all did. Every man who lay in our beds, bloody and beaten… they all spoke. They all shared secrets without knowing they were talking at all. Including your enemies.”

  Every hair on my body felt like it was standing upright, paying attention. I felt cold. I was shaken. My mouth refused to work, and my brain was mentally reliving my entire prison life to try and remember even a glimpse of the woman in front of me.

  “It’s why, even when you’ve been at your most frightening in this place with me tied to the bed, I’ve always known, deep down, you wouldn’t kill me. No man who speaks of his brothers and family with so much love can be that evil.”

  I swallowed the lump in my throat. It tasted like regret for hurting the woman who had once, apparently, saved me.

  “So…” she started, glancing between Ayda and me. “My conditions. I’ve thought about them long and hard. I’ve had time.” She raised a brow. “And, despite the bullet wound in my shoulder, which will always serve as a reminder of the one time I thought you actually might finish me off, I find myself wanting to help you.”

  “Why?” I pushed out through gritted teeth. I was acting angrier than I felt. That was my default. If in doubt, growl it out.

  “Because I’m sick of seeing Jon Taylor win. I think it’s time he lost.”

  “And how do you plan on making that happen?”

  “Let me kill him,” she said coldly.

  My eyes widened in a flash. “What?”

  “Let me kill him.”r />
  “Why would I do that?”

  “Because I’m the one person allowed in that room with him. I can be the one person to go in, find something to unplug, work those crocodile tears, and cry for help a second too late. I was a nurse. I know a lot of ways to make things look like an accident.”

  I searched her eyes wildly, seeking out a trick, a gameplay, a lie, or something that would convince me all this was an act, but all I saw staring back were the hurt eyes of a mother, the tiredness of a long-suffering wife, and a woman who wanted to start her life again.

  “I kill Jon. You set me free. I leave Texas for as long as you need me to. I’ll go find my daughters and enjoy life on the road. I hate this place anyway. You don’t have to worry about Jon ever again. I won’t be a dirty mark on your record. I’ll never tell anyone what happened here. Why would I when I was a part of it all?”

  I’d never been so focused on someone before. I couldn’t look away. “My record is dirty for life. There are ways to get around things. One less murder or crime doesn’t affect me enough, sweetheart. I let you live. I let you kill your husband. I let you walk away. Everything I had going in my favor is gone. Jon won’t have suffered enough. I want him to feel the pain, not get away with the sting of it. I’m going to need more than that.”

  “Which is why I’m willing to sit down with you and Ayda, and I’ll give you as much information as I have on every man who came into my unit while I nursed at Huntsville. And do you know what else I’ll give you?”

  I narrowed my eyes. “What?”

  “I’ll give you every secret Jon Bastard Taylor ever whispered in my ear while lying beside me in bed at night, too drunk on bourbon and ego to understand that loose lips like his can sink a whole lot of ships, Drew.” She paused and let her eyes meet Ayda’s again before she brought them back to me. “I think we all know how men of power are at their most vulnerable while lying beside the woman they claim to love. That’s when all their dirty secrets pour out.”

  And then Helen set her soul free, spilling secrets she clearly thought she’d never have to spill, and putting her husband and his associates directly into my line of fire.

  Oh, the things she said.

  The thoughts I had.

  The need for more revenge grew within me as words tumbled from Helen’s lips, implicating the mayor of our town, the law enforcement around us, as well as people we’d never really heard of.

  Helen talked, and she talked, and she talked, and we soaked every word of it up, not knowing where this was going to take the club, or how the hell we’d suddenly ended up at the very center of it all.

  Chapter Twenty-One

  AYDA

  It felt good to be out of the safe house. The tension had been building, and Helen had given us some food for thought, but the decision to move forward and work with her was ultimately Drew’s. I would have bet my left kidney he needed some time to think about it all.

  I had my arms wrapped tightly around him, my cheek between his shoulder blades as he rode toward town. It was only when he neared the exit to Rusty’s that I realized I wasn’t ready to go home and deal with all the teen drama there yet. I patted Drew’s leg and pointed to the faded sign and waitress of Rusty’s in front of us.

  He knew what I wanted, and with a gentle lean, he navigated the bike from the freeway onto the feeder before turning into the parking lot. Since all the shit had gone down at the engagement party, it still felt strange to look at this building and to see that bullet hitting Jacob in slow motion several times before I blinked it away. When I saw Sutton’s cruiser out front, I reconsidered the decision to go in, not because of Howard himself, more because of the woman who seemed to have attached herself to him when she could get away with it. I wasn’t sure I was ready for another run in with Winnie.

  I kept that opinion to myself for now, keeping my mouth shut as Drew backed into the spot he usually occupied and killed the engine. I twisted a little and tried to find Sutton through the large plate glass window, seeing him with Sloane in a booth at the back. I released a breath. That was one bullet dodged.

  “Hungry?” I asked Drew, reaching for my helmet and tugging at the straps.

  He glanced over his shoulder, not quite making eye contact. “Rusty’s should serve alcohol. All I need right now is two shots of whiskey and a beer chaser.”

  I dropped the helmet I’d just pulled from my head into my lap and leaned forward to kiss him on the cheek. “I can get it to go. Give me five?”

  “No, let’s eat. Let’s just pause for a second somewhere away from Helen, Eric, or home.” I could tell he hadn’t quite wrapped his head around everything Helen had told him, but he was eerily calm as he spoke.

  I had so many questions, but there was a large part of me that knew he would come to me when he was ready to talk. I wanted nothing more than to give him what he wanted, no matter what that may be.

  I waited as he pulled his gloves from his hands and removed his helmet patiently, and, feeling oddly abashed, I held my hand out to him.

  “Dinner’s on me.”

  “About fucking time,” he muttered with a sly smirk, somehow managing to make getting off a motorcycle look smooth and sexy.

  I rolled my eyes at him. “Says the man who’s taken his fiancée on one date.”

  He squeezed my hand and paused, his brows rising as he stared at me. “One? Really?”

  “One official date.” I paused, regretting the comment as I thought about how that one date had ended. “I prefer your unofficial ones, anyway.”

  “Remind me why you’re marrying me again.”

  I laughed and tugged on his hand, but he was immovable, meaning I just swung back on the heels of my boots. “You really want me to answer that?”

  “Yes. It’s for my big dick, isn’t it?”

  I threw my head back and laughed again. When I eventually looked at him, I met his eyes. “Partially that, partially you’re sexy as hell and have a way about you. But then there’s the fact that you’re smart, funny, and you love me in a way no other man could ever love me.” I stepped closer to him, my other arm snaking around his body, my hand landing firmly on his ass. “Mainly, you have an amazing ass, Mr. Tucker.”

  Drew rolled his eyes back, tilted his chin to the sky, and started rotating his hips. “Oh, baby, yeah, talk dirty to me, just like that. Give me some more. Stroke that ego. Stroke it. Own it.”

  I squeezed the handful of ass and released him with an exaggerated sigh. “Oh, I can keep going all night… just like your stamina.” I winked, trying to look sexy and knowing almost immediately that I’d failed epically.

  He was holding back his laughter, I could tell, but he grabbed my chin and tugged it to him, planting a kiss on my lips to reassure me he thought it was cute… ish. “Once all this shit is over, I swear, I’m going to give you the life you deserve.” When he pulled away, his eyes searched mine, and his face was surprisingly light. “But for now, let me fill you with… sausage. Maybe some eggs?” Then he grabbed my hand and started guiding me towards Rusty’s. “If you’re really lucky, I’ll let you have some of that humble pie you once offered me when we first met.”

  I wanted to address his comment about a better life. I wanted to reassure him that I was happy regardless of everything else going on in our lives because I was with him. As long as I had Drew, I could face everything else. Unfortunately, he closed that door, diverting us back to humor after he’d rescued me from my sad attempt.

  “I don’t want pie. You’re all the dessert I need.”

  I walked with him to the doors and waved to Rusty once we were inside surrounded by the smell of grease and the wash of cooled air. Janette was nowhere to be seen, but Sam was on shift, and she was leaning at the edge of the booth Sloane and Howard were occupying. She looked around to shoot a smile in our direction as she waved at our usual booth. I grabbed a couple of coffee cups when I passed the counter and slipped onto the bench, tucking my legs under me as I waited for Drew to sit in his usu
al spot opposite me.

  He slid into place, rolling his shoulders in his cut and tugging it down before he rested his forearms on the table. His focus was on Howard, and when the chief turned and offered him a sly smile, Drew shook his head and found himself smiling in return. It was such a contrast to how they used to react to one another’s presence. Now they were friends. I’d go as far as to say Drew thought of Howard and Sloane as family, which meant somewhere inside his twisted little heart, he loved them. Not that he’d be declaring that out loud for the world to hear. Drew loved hard, but quietly. And right now, his love was directed at me as he stared straight into my eyes and kept his smile in place.

  It was these moments I loved with him. When he would allow me alone to see how he really felt. When those walls would drop just enough so I could sense everything he wanted me to. That was what I had been so awkwardly trying to put into words just minutes earlier.

  “I love you,” I declared with a smile.

  “I’d be pissed if you didn’t.”

  I flipped him the bird, smiling up at Sam as she wandered over with the coffee pot and filled up our mugs. She took one look at us, smiled and walked away again. The girl could read a room. It was one of the things I appreciated most about her.

  “Can I ask you what you think about Helen without bringing down the mood?” I asked quietly. “I knew she had information, but all of that she just told us was way more than what she’d disclosed to me. Do you believe her?”

  Surprisingly, his face didn’t fall, but he barely blinked as he looked at me. He turned his hands over on top of the table, palms upright. “What choice do I have but to believe her? It’s not hard to believe that Mayor Walsh is a shady motherfucker. A man like Jon Taylor will have loved being connected to him, and God knows how many other mayors from other small towns in Texas. You make my town’s criminals pay for all the crime they brought to my doorstep, and I’ll make sure your wallet is thick. That’s what he’ll have been told. He’ll have been taken out, wined and dined, made to feel important, and Taylor will have soaked that crap right up. His ego needed it. He needed to feel important, more important than he ever really was. It makes sense, Jon getting a bonus every time he took a crowbar to the back of a convict’s knees, causing them injuries they’d never get over once they were out. Mayors want clean towns on their watch. They don’t want people getting out, being free, and stirring up more crime when their name is above the city gates. But there’s more to it than that. Helen said so herself. Whispers of money laundering by The Navs involving the Mayor, whispers of corruption, and both parties having some kind of hold over each other. Jon Taylor spilled secrets to his wife while drunk and horny, but he wouldn’t have known shit like he thought he knew. A man like him connects the dots, and sometimes he connects them wrong. But that doesn’t mean the dots don’t exist. It just means no one has figured out the final picture yet. Clint warned me when I went to see him. He told me I had no idea how far things reached, or how deep shit ran. There was always going to be a reason why Mayor Walsh was so hell-bent on one of the Hounds taking the fall that night after the engagement party, Ayda. Do I believe he’s coming after us along with The Navs? Sure. I’ve looked Walsh in the eye recently, and all I saw was the look of a man who wanted to pour hot oil over me and make me bleed. I believe he’s coming after us. I just don’t think he expected us to fight back the way we did. Harry taking the fall fucked up their plans. Maybe it was always me who was meant to go down. Taylor would have loved nothing more. But Walsh…?”