Michaela's Choice

by Lisa Harris

  Together they entered the familiar parlor of the large house where Michaela had spent numerous afternoons visiting with Anna. The furniture, a collection of hand-me-down items from a circular sofa to several Chippendale chairs, had been rearranged to make room for the assortment of desserts that would be sold during the fund-raiser.

  “This is going to be quite an afternoon.” Caroline smoothed down the front of her blue taffeta skirt, then busied herself in arranging the table. “We’ve just opened for business and already sold three cakes and two pies.”

  Michaela eyed the heavy pine table already laden with a variety of homemade pies, cakes, and colorfully wrapped boxes of peanut brittle, taffy, and other candies.

  Noting a box filled with pralines, Michaela resisted a second look. “I can tell you right now, I’m going to have to stay out of this room. If they taste as good as they smell…”

  Caroline moved a few of the confections and set Michaela’s cakes in a prominent position on the white tablecloth. “You know yours will go for the highest price.”

  “Caroline.” Michaela shook her head at the biased compliment and grinned. “Spoken by a devoted best friend.”

  “It’s true. I had to promise myself I wouldn’t take a single bite.” Caroline giggled, fairly drooling over the rich assortment of goodies. Her love for sweets had helped contribute to her pleasant but plump figure. “If I gain another pound, I’ll have to buy a whole new wardrobe.”

  The sound of children’s laughter floated into the parlor, and Michaela glanced past Caroline into the adjoining room. “Have you seen Anna today?”

  “She’s wearing the sweetest pink calico dress with a matching apron. She’ll be so excited to see you.” Caroline turned from the table and looked at Michaela. “I almost forgot. The committee’s making their decision today, aren’t they?”

  “Yes.” Michaela’s voice quivered. “Agnes is supposed to let me know their answer this afternoon.”

  “I know that many people are praying for you.” Caroline reached out and rested her hand against Michaela’s arm. “Agnes had to run out for a bit, but she’ll be back soon.”

  Michaela turned as someone called her name. She sighed, spotting Vivian Lockhart entering the room from the other side of the house and wished there was a way to avoid the nosy woman.

  “I know she’s a difficult person to get along with,” Caroline whispered to Michaela, “but her mother donated fifty dollars to the orphanage this morning. I’ll be forever in your debt if you talk to her.” Before Michaela could respond, Caroline hurried away to help an older woman who had just brought two homemade pies to sell.

  Vivian looked dramatic, as usual, in a pink organdy day dress with matching pink ribbon trim. Knowing there was nowhere to hide, Michaela smiled and waited as Vivian approached.

  “It seems like I haven’t seen you for ages, Michaela. You look wonderful, and that dress is gorgeous.”

  Michaela knew her outfit could never be called stylish but thanked her for the compliment anyway, barely getting out the words before Vivian began again.

  “Tell me, what have you been up to?” True to her nature, Vivian didn’t wait for Michaela’s answer. “I hear you’re trying to adopt one of the poor orphans. I told my mother what a perfect solution for both you and the child. So sad for her to have lost both parents in that terrible fire. Of course, my mother wasn’t convinced it’s a good idea with your being a widow, but you know how Mother is.”

  Exactly like her mother, always talking without thinking first. Michaela gritted her teeth but stifled a reply when she felt someone tug on her skirt. Looking down into the eyes of a dark-haired five-year-old, all traces of frustration toward Vivian left.

  “Anna!” Michaela gave the small child a big hug, her heart softening at the sight of the young girl.

  “I knew you’d come today.” Anna’s brown eyes brightened and lit up her entire face.

  “Tell me, sweetheart, what have you been up to?” Michaela knelt down and pushed back a strand of hair from Anna’s heart-shaped face, tucking it behind her ear.

  “Right now we’re eating lunch, and this afternoon we’re going to play all kinds of games. There’s even going to be prizes.”

  Michaela could hear the children’s happy chatter as they finished lunch in the dining room. “I’m going to be here the whole afternoon.”

  Anna clapped her hands together and gave Michaela another hug.

  Vivian had already gone to talk to a group of women who’d just entered the room, and Caroline, who was busy arranging the food table, seemed to have everything under control.

  “Would you like to go for a walk before the games start?” Michaela asked.

  Anna nodded, and after checking with one of the staff members, Michaela and Anna headed to their favorite spot. Several hundred feet behind the house stood a huge oak tree. It was the perfect thinking spot, Anna had told her one afternoon, and then and there, they had proclaimed it their special place. When they got to the tree, Michaela sat down next to Anna and leaned back against the thick bark.

  “It’s a beautiful day, isn’t it, Anna?” A clear blue sky fanned out above them, dotted only by a few puffy white clouds.

  “I suppose.”

  Michaela looked down and caught Anna’s sullen expression. “What is it?”

  Anna crossed her legs and fiddled with the hem of her dress. “I had another dream last night. I was looking for my mommy and daddy, but I couldn’t find them.”

  Michaela pulled Anna into her lap and held her close. A tear trickled down the little girl’s face. “I tried to save them, really I did.”

  “I know, sweetheart. It wasn’t your fault.” Michaela knew the words were true, yet she often struggled with the same feelings of guilt for not having been able to save Ethen and Leah. “Sometimes I have bad dreams, too.”

  “You do?” Anna’s eyes narrowed at the thought.

  “Sometimes I dream I’m trying to save Ethen.”

  “And Leah?”

  “Yes. And Leah.”

  “Leah was my best friend.”

  Why did so many people have to die, Lord? My husband and my daughter? Anna’s parents? How can I even begin to take away Anna’s pain?

  Michaela took a deep breath and searched for the right words. “Do you remember what to do when you’re sad or afraid, Anna?”

  “Yes.” Anna snuggled closer into Michaela’s arms. “I try to remember how much God loves me. And I remember that they’re in heaven with Jesus, and someday I’ll see them again.”

  “That’s exactly what you need to think about.”

  Anna leaned her head back and looked into Michaela’s eyes. “I wish you were my mother.”

  Michaela desperately wished the same thing. She pulled Anna tight against her and breathed in the faint scent of lavender from her hair, struggling with how much to tell Anna about her attempts to adopt her. Surely it was best for her not to know in case the committee turned her down. For now, her frequent visits would have to do.

  “Why don’t you tell me about your friends.” She rocked Anna slowly back and forth, treasuring this time they had together. “What did you do yesterday?”

  They talked until the bell rang, announcing the beginning of the activities. Michaela stood, took Anna’s small hand, and led her back to the house. For the moment, unpleasant memories from the past were forgotten.

  By the time the afternoon’s festivities had ended, the children’s faces were lit with smiles, and laughter filled the yard. When the dinner bell sounded, Michaela told Anna she needed to take care of something and went to find Agnes. The decision should have been made by now. It was time to face her future.

  Let it be with Anna, Lord. Please, let it be with her.

  ❧

  Michaela sat down in an old but comfortable chair across from a heavy pine desk. Like the entire home, Agnes’s office was decorated simply. Bookshelves covered two walls, while a third showcased a large picture window that overlooked the f
ront courtyard. Michaela studied the green lawn that was bordered with a colorful assortment of flowers as Agnes took a seat behind the desk.

  “The time you spend here means so much to the children.” Agnes pushed a pair of wire spectacles up the bridge of her nose and smiled. “They’re always asking when you’ll be back.”

  “They do a lot for me as well.” It hadn’t taken long for the weekly visits to the orphanage to become one of the highlights of Michaela’s life. “At first I thought being around the children would be too painful, but instead it’s helped me tremendously.”

  “I admire your courage.” Agnes’s smile faded. “I wish I could do something, but these decisions are not left up to me. I know you’d be a wonderful mother for Anna, but the committee has made their decision. I’m so sorry, Michaela. They want Anna to be adopted by a couple.”

  Michaela stared out the window, her stomach tightening as the reality of the decision hit her. Tears stung her eyes, and she blinked rapidly to stop the flow.

  “If you were to marry again, I know the board would reconsider—”

  “I can’t marry for those reasons.” Michaela’s knuckles whitened as she gripped the sides of her chair and battled for control over her emotions. “That would be wrong.”

  Agnes tugged on her ruffled blouse. “You’re right. I’m sorry to have even suggested it.”

  It wasn’t fair. How could they have decided against her? Anna needed a home with someone who loved her. Why couldn’t that be her? Michaela folded her hands, then pulled them apart nervously. “I’m sorry, Agnes. I know this isn’t your fault; it’s just that I felt so sure this was God’s will for Anna and me. I love her so much, and after losing Leah, well, I thought God was giving me another daughter.”

  “If there’s anything I can do…” Agnes picked up a pencil and tapped it against the desk, obviously dismayed by the outcome of the board’s answer. But Agnes didn’t have to live with the consequences of their decision.

  “Please tell Anna and the others good-bye for me.” Michaela shook her head numbly and stood. “I need to go home.”

  “Before you leave, there is one more thing.” Agnes dropped her gaze and tapped rapidly again against the wood with the pencil. “There’s a couple interested in adopting Anna.”

  Michaela’s eyes grew wide with disbelief, and a feeling of panic swept over her. No, Lord, please don’t take her away from me so soon.

  “They’ve been by several times and are interested in the idea of adopting an older child, possibly even two. They want to take their time and get to know her, but they plan to make a decision soon.”

  Michaela bit her lip, determined to hold back the tears until she was home in the sanctuary of her room. Don’t do this to me, God. It’s too much.

  “I know this coming at the same time as the committee’s decision is not easy, but I felt like I needed to let you know. They’re a wonderful Christian couple who have never had children and feel called by God to adopt.”

  “I wish more couples felt that way.” Michaela’s words came automatically as she battled to calm the turmoil raging inside.

  “Michaela, what you do here with the children means more to them than you will ever imagine.” She dropped the pencil onto the table and leaned forward in her chair. “I believe that someday God is going to bless you with more children.”

  Michaela looked at Agnes, a raw ache radiating through her body. “You don’t know what God’s going to do. God took away my husband. He took away my baby. And now He’s taken away Anna. Don’t try to tell me what God’s going to do!”

  ❧

  How dare they come between Anna and me.

  Michaela walked along the crowded street the few blocks toward Philip’s shop, her feet pounding the ground beneath her. How could the members of the committee make a decision like that? Couldn’t they understand the relationship she had with Anna was as strong a bond as a mother had with her biological child? How could they just rip Anna out of her life in order to follow what seemed appropriate to society?

  She’d prayed about this situation for so long and felt this was what God wanted her to do. They might not be a traditional family, but she and Anna understood each other. They loved each other. Why couldn’t they see that?

  The front room of the cabinetry shop was quiet when Michaela entered the building, slamming the door behind her.

  “Philip?” Michaela ran her hand across an unfinished table near the back of the room. A splinter lodged in her index finger and a pool of blood rushed to the surface. She pulled out the piece of wood, easing the sting of the injury. If only the pain in her heart could fade as quickly.

  “Michaela.” Philip entered the room from the back, his clothes layered with a thin covering of sawdust. He ran his hand through his dark hair as if trying to smooth it out. “Did you find out anything?”

  “They won’t let me adopt Anna.” Saying the words aloud only resulted in making them seem real.

  “I’m so sorry.” He bridged the gap between them and gathered her into his arms. “I know how much you love her.”

  “I’m so angry, all I want to do is scream.” She took a step back, her voice rising with each word. Even Philip couldn’t take away the hurt this time. “They met me briefly during one interview, and with that, they think they have all the information they need to decide our fate.

  “What about the fact that I was at her mother’s side when Anna was born? I took care of her when her parents were sick and helped to plan her birthday parties. I was the one who held Anna while she sobbed over the death of her parents.”

  She crossed the room, her mind numb with grief. Turning sharply to face Philip, she slammed her palms against the top of a wooden dresser. “I don’t understand, Philip. What does God want from me? Wasn’t I a good enough mother for Leah? Is this His way of punishing me? I lost one child and now I’m losing Anna.”

  “No, Michaela, of course not!” Philip came and stood beside her. She could see the disappointment reflected in his eyes. “You were a wonderful mother to Leah. I can’t tell you why this happened, but I do know that God isn’t punishing you.”

  She wanted to believe him, but the hurt wouldn’t let her.

  “Is there any way to reverse their decision?” He reached out and pushed back a strand of hair that had fallen into her eyes.

  She shook her head. “The decision is final, unless, of course, I get married. Then they might reconsider their decision.”

  “You don’t have a suitor hidden anywhere, do you?”

  Michaela raised her head and allowed a slight grin. Only Philip could make her smile at a time like this. “Not the last time I checked.”

  “Then we’ll have to think of something else.” He glanced at the clock that hung on the back wall. “It’s almost dinnertime. Would you like to go eat? Maybe it would help get your mind off everything for a little while.”

  “I do believe you’re always thinking about food.” Michaela had been right to come. Philip was the one person who could help her get through this.

  “I work up a big appetite. Just ask your aunt,” he said with a lopsided grin.

  Michaela looked at Philip, still in his work clothes. His hands were calloused, and his arms showed the strength of someone who was no stranger to physical labor. Looking into his familiar blue eyes, she saw her friend and confidant, and for the moment, some of the anger seemed to dissipate. “Thank you.”

  “For what?”

  “For always being there for me. For knowing how to make me smile.”

  ❧

  Philip looked at Michaela and felt an unexplained stir.

  “What is it?” Michaela asked.

  “Nothing,” Philip stammered, his heart beating faster at the idea that had suddenly taken form in his mind. Could this be the answer, God? If I marry Michaela, we could be a family. We could adopt Anna.

  Sunlight came in from the window behind Michaela, casting a golden glow around her. Her red hair shimmered in the lig
ht, and the downward tilt of her mouth almost made him want to kiss her. The thought came totally unexpectedly.

  Why have I never noticed how beautiful she is, God? He knew her heart and what a caring and compassionate person she was, but could he have feelings for her? Buried feelings he never knew existed?

  They’d become close after Ethen’s and Leah’s deaths. Michaela had turned to him for the comfort and support she needed, and he had never felt as at ease around a woman as he did with Michaela. He’d always seen Michaela as a sister and a good friend, but now he found himself looking at her as more than his brother’s widow. Was there a chance their relationship could develop into something deeper?

  “I heard the new restaurant in town has wonderful fish chowder.”

  At Michaela’s suggestion, he pushed his thoughts aside for the moment—until he could deal with them in the silence of his room above the shop. “We could invite your aunt.”

  “I’d like that.” Michaela wiped the back of her hand across her tear-stained face and smiled.

  “Let me go get out of my work clothes, then I’ll bring the buggy around and meet you out front. I was planning to close up in a few minutes, anyway.”

  Philip hurried to change out of his work clothes, praying for wisdom the entire way. Something told him, as he went out the back and locked the door behind him, that his entire life was about to change.

  ❧

  “Have a good time tonight,” Aunt Clara said as Philip and Michaela walked toward the front of the house.

  “Are you sure you don’t want to go?” Michaela lingered in the open doorway.

  “Positive.” Aunt Clara smiled and ran her hand down Michaela’s cheek, then turned to Philip. “Thank you for getting her out of the house and helping get her mind off of today. If I hadn’t worn myself out in the garden, I might have come, but I’d planned a leisurely evening with a good book I borrowed from Amy Parker, and that’s exactly what I’m going to do.”

  “If you’re sure…”

  “Go on,” she exclaimed, hurrying them out the door.