by L. J. Stock
Sitting through another few songs together, we eventually left the room to make our first-period classes. I was probably in the best mood I’d ever been while wandering the halls of this building. The key that now sat next to my car key seemed like a ray of sunshine that was burning a hole in my pocket. If I could have stayed in that room all-day and still caught up on classes, I would have. No one would have noticed if I was in class or not, but like most of the student body, I had to work for my grades. I was a mediocre at best and had really put all of my efforts into getting the As and Bs on my report card. Mediocrity would have been so easy, coasting through school when there was no accountability at home, so simple, but I wanted to go to college someday, so I worked hard at school and my grades. At least I had an air-conditioned room to do my homework in after school now, along with my music—an even better way to stay invisible.
The week passed quickly. Far more quickly than any other time I’d spent in the halls of Childress High. As promised, small notes were pushed into my locker with cryptic writing, summons, and split-second abductions, whisking me away from the mundane parts of my day. This new aspect of my educational experience was thrilling and exciting, and I found myself waiting for the next time I would see Dustin. The anticipation built inside of me as a constant reminder that, in a few short days, I was growing more attached to Dustin Hill than I knew was safe. I wasn’t totally blind or delusional. I had noticed the secrecy that Dustin was establishing our friendship on. I was being hidden away like an enigma, a little secret that was bordering on dirty for the high school football star. However, there was also a huge part of me that knew his secrecy wasn’t by choice. I think if he could have stopped in the halls and exchanged the banter that was becoming familiar to us, he’d have been happy to do that, but even as an observer on the outside, I saw the constant scrutiny he was under. Not just from his friends—from the teachers, Libby, and her clique, too. All eyes were constantly on him, and he seemed to understand I wanted no part of that, that I actively avoided even being acknowledged when I could. We’d even talked about my ability to hide in plain sight most days, and after school on Monday, he’d asked if I intentionally stayed invisible. When I'd admitted hiding was easier, that privacy I’d clung to for so long ensured he stayed away from me when surrounded by the crowds that normally coalesced around him.
When the two of us were alone, the indescribable joy that filled me was addictive. Dustin Hill was probably one of the single most respectful and sweet people I’d ever met. We would sit for hours together, talking and laughing. Most days we lay top and tail on the small bed, his fingers finding my calves and tracing patterns as he talked about everything and nothing in equal amounts. The more I saw him, the more he felt like a drug I couldn’t possibly give up. His voice began to quickly hold warmth and security. His compulsive laughter could lighten my mood no matter where I heard the deep resonance. His eyes were the most intense things I’d ever seen. I finally felt like I had someone who got me in every way and had to force myself to ignore the growing attachment I had to him. I didn’t dare put a label on what we had. I knew I would only end up broken, and that thought terrified me.
Drifting through the school days, the two of us passed glances to each other in the halls as we moved like strangers, and then laughed about our stealth as we played cards in Coach’s Retreat in the evenings. No topic of conversation was off the table, and our natural banter became second nature. For me, school was finally tolerable and enjoyable, no longer dragging like the hours were attempting to go backward.
By Friday afternoon, we’d fallen into a comfortable pattern. We barely needed the notes anymore, even if we did still exchange them like a pair of kids with their first decoders. When I finally fell onto the twin bed with the radio playing quietly after school, I actually reveled in the fact that I had the place to myself while Dustin was at practice before the big game. I had agreed to watch from the roof and even had extra snacks for the occasion. Dustin promised he was going to come and see me between practice and the start of the game, but I was still surprised when he popped in and dropped onto the bed with a dramatic growl of frustration, right next to where I was laying on my stomach reading.
He rolled onto his side and his hand landed on my butt and stayed there—his other plucking the book from my grip and dropping the paperback between us like the placement of his touch was completely normal. Looking over my shoulder and back at him with curiosity, I waited for an explanation. He’d never touched me in any intimate fashion like that before. The only time he ever touched me was when he slung an arm over my shoulders casually.
“I’ve been thinking,” he said, his hand twitching on my butt.
“We’ve been over this, Dustin,” I said, sighing dramatically. “Thinking is a dangerous sport and should be executed with extreme caution.”
I squeaked with surprise when he squeezed my butt cheek in his palm.
“I’ve decided that I like who I am when I’m with you,” he breathed, the words almost lost against the hum of the air conditioner.
I frowned, rolling to face him, noting his hand still firmly on my ass. My lip found its way between my teeth as I waited for him to finish the thought. Dustin reached forward with his free hand, his thumb sweeping over my bottom lip released it from the grip I had.
“Okay.” Was all I had. My heart was beginning to hammer enough to make my chest wobble. My stomach suddenly burst to life as the hive of butterflies I’d kept under control took off. The air seemed almost too thin in the small room.
“I thought that being your friend made sense.” He looked up, shaking his head hastily when he met my eyes. “And it still does. But I want more, Miki, so much more. Every time I look at you, I think about kissing you, about pulling you closer and burying my face in your hair just to breathe you in. I long to see you, if nothing more than to tell you what I've been thinking or doing since I saw you last because I know that it matters to you.”
“Have you…?” I paused and looked up into his eyes for courage.
“Have I what?” he asked, pushing my hair back from my face with a shaky hand, funny how his hand on my ass felt rock steady.
“Have you been reading my journal?” I asked, my sarcasm lost in the shakiness of my tone. I was scared to death.
Several things flickered past Dustin’s eyes as he studied me. Concern, humor, lust, and then I was pretty sure adoration shone back at me.
“You, too?” he asked with a blinding smile.
I nodded. I wasn’t sure how to tell him that I’d felt that way since I’d started talking to him under my trees only a week before. How I’d lusted after him like a stupid little girl, but never once let myself think about what I felt or allowed myself to really feel the emotions. I’d been ignoring this chemistry between us, and now the kinetic energy was flooding into my body like a dam being opened. How could anyone feel this way about someone else after only a week in the other’s company?
Dustin leaned forward slowly, his eyes the same blue as a swimming pool in the dead of summer. The look he was giving me was intense and enticing, full of pleading and comfort, and I found myself leaning toward him like he was a magnet. I had no way of escaping the pull I felt, and I really didn’t want to. Words didn’t fit between us. There were no words that could describe how I was feeling.
Less than an inch apart, Dustin rolled me onto my back and closed the distance between us. The hand on my ass pulled my body closer to his as he took control, the pressure of his mouth on mine a guiding force. My hands gripped his shirt and held him close as his tongue slipped between my lips and ran along the bottom one hungrily. Every thought I’d ever had fell from my head as I pushed back against him, taking as much as he was offering and giving him more than I had to lose. My body lit up, an unfamiliar pressure building in the bottom of my stomach as the hand on my ass circled to grip my hip, while his teeth nipped softly at my top lip. I was lost in the moment and the slow grind of our bodies as we tried to get clos
er to one another, making my breath heave from me. We were welding together, and it seemed to take a gargantuan effort to pull apart. Dustin was the one that finally found the resolve.
“Damn. I didn’t expect that.” He swallowed and looked down at me again, his eyes searching for something as his lips curled into a bewildered smile. “Your kisses are dangerous.”
“Bad dangerous?” I whispered, feeling stupid at being a novice at this kind of thing.
“Addictive dangerous.” His eyes backed up his words as they gazed into mine. “I’m going to have to back off now, or I’m going to be playing fucking awkwardly in the game tonight.”
I flashed him an amused smile, not expecting his candid explanation, and that only seemed to make him stare at me more intently. I didn’t dare tell him that what we’d just shared had been my first kiss, or that he’d just given me something I never thought I would get in this one-horse town. We were locked on one another in an intense way, and only when the DJ on the radio announced the time, did Dustin seem surprised and disappointed at once.
“Fuck. I have to go.” He dropped another, gentler kiss on my lips. This one felt more reverent and tender but lasted only a second. He came in for a second, a third, and then growled quietly in frustration at himself.
“Okay,” I finally said, a little dazed.
“I really don’t want to.”
“I don’t want you to,” I admitted, laughing against his lips as he attacked me again. I didn’t want him to go because I didn’t want to stop kissing him. Just a taste of him, and I knew I would never have enough of this. I greedily wanted to keep him to myself.
When Dustin finally pulled back, leaving me breathless, dizzy, and warm, he smiled like I was the only other person on Earth. “Don’t leave. Wait for me, okay?”
The only way I could answer was with a nod. I was afraid that if I moved, I would melt into a puddle and never reform. I couldn’t imagine being anywhere but here waiting for him just like he’d asked me to. After only a week in his presence, I knew I would have followed him anywhere had he asked me to.
Chapter Five
I’d never been to a football game while attending the school. I stayed away from every aspect of the game at all costs because inclusion didn’t tend to go with my longing for anonymity. Now, on the roof of the gym, I sat alone with the cheers of the home crowd rolling from the bleachers. The atmosphere was infectious. The lights were bright and radiated for miles as darkness fell, and the smell of hotdogs and popcorn permeated the air, wafting up to me in constant waves while the cooling breeze washed over the fading heat from my sun-warmed skin.
I had been watching jersey number 85 move around the field with a rapt fascination for most of the night and could finally understand why they’d been so pissed off about Dustin’s absence. I didn’t need to be an authority on the game to know that he was carrying the team to their inevitable wins. I was sitting just outside the shack with all the lights off so I wouldn’t be spotted, and I’d turned off the window air conditioner while I was no longer inside and the door was open. With only the radio playing quietly from just inside for company, I was having one of the best nights of my life.
Every time Dustin was on the bench for so much as a second, I could see the other members of his team approach him like bees around a juicy flower. Hands constantly slapped his back. They grabbed his helmet and slapped the top of it enthusiastically, and he was shoved and jumped on like he was made for that very purpose while laughter rose and fell. Through every cycle, Libby watched him with careful consideration. I couldn’t so much as imagine living with that much attention on me all hours of the day. I was self-aware enough to admit that much focus on my every movement would drive me insane, and watching the rituals play out around me, I was beginning to understand why Dustin liked hiding in my corner of the town.
As the long game wound down to the last important seconds, and the intensity picked up, I listened to the cheerleaders go between hollering the school chant and displaying their amazing ability to spell Dustin’s name. I found his last name to be particularly thrilling…
Who was I kidding? Even with the sarcastic thoughts tainted with ridiculous jealousy, I found myself out of my seat and tensed in anticipation, my hands gripping the low wall as the Bobcats made an important play in the last thirty seconds. Breathing hard, bouncing on the balls of my feet, and mumbling under my breath, I was finally starting to understand why Megan loved coming to the games on Friday nights.
I threw my hands in the air as the pass was made, and I held my breath. My nails pressed against my palms as the seconds ticked over for what felt like an eternity. The moment the ball was caught, I danced in victory as our team went on to score and win the game by fourteen points. Right along with the rest of our close-knit town, I cheered and bounced around eagerly, laughing to myself while maintaining my invisibility. I kept my eyes on Dustin alone as he glanced briefly up at the gym roof and saluted me in celebration.
Me.
My lips tingled as the memory of his kiss lingered there with a promise of another. Heat blossomed and thundered through my veins until I was sure my heart would beat out of my chest. I had no idea how long it would take for him to get away from his adoring crowds and come to me, but I amused myself by watching him talk to every person that approached while I hummed along to the songs now playing on the radio. Tonight was a good night for music, too. So many songs I loved, now accompanied the memories of my very first football game.
Dustin, as good-natured as ever, was passed around like a prize. Parents, teachers, students, and everyone else in Childress were patting him on the shoulders as they congratulated him on being king of the world. And why not? He deserved the accolades. It was just a wonder he didn’t have an unbearable ego from the way he was treated.
Watching him had been fun, right up until Libby approached him. Her too-short uniform skirt was showcasing her perfect long legs, and the poms, in the school colors of cobalt blue and white, were held in front of her cautiously as she bounced on her toes with the eagerness of a smiling cocker spaniel. I suddenly wished I’d learned to lip read as I watched her chat with him animatedly.
I didn’t need to be a mind reader to see that Dustin was uncomfortable, his body language said enough that I would have gone in the opposite direction, but Libby didn’t seem to notice and looked as though she was born to be there. Leaning forward until her ass was practically out for the consumption of anyone close, she threw her arms around Dustin’s neck, her hands tangling in his hair—the hair I now knew was soft and downy—at the back of his neck. Before he could react, her lips pushed against his, and at that one fleeting moment sending my world crumbled down around me.
Solid ice coalesced in my veins as the scene played out.
How could I have been so stupid?
Guys like Dustin didn’t go for girls like me. Ever. Well, except in those eighties movies, but that wasn’t real. Not for me. Dustin was the school’s golden boy, and I was the invisible nobody. Libby was a cheerleader. She was beautiful, popular, and in some twisted high school edict, they were built for one another.
Had I really thought that he would fit with me? Dustin had certainly said he’d wanted more than a friendship, but looking at the two of them together and the rightness of the scene… the doubts just flooded me, washing all of the hopes I’d had, downstream.
The part of my mind that trusted the guy I’d come to know was nagging at me to be rational. To think about what I’d really seen. To at least stay and wait for a reasonable explanation because I just knew there had to be one. The rest of me was on the verge of sprinting to the retreat, grabbing my things and getting the hell out of there before I had to face him again. There was only a matter of time until a part of me won out, and the flight was the reaction that finally caught hold and sent me rushing toward the small structure to gather my possessions. I nudged the radio inside with my foot and made sure everything was off and safe before I grabbed what I’d brought
and locked the door behind me.
Fighting the sting of my irrational tears, I ran as fast as I could toward the ladder and almost missed a rung as I hastily descended. My vans slipped on the final one, and I stumbled away from the building and into the lingering crowd that hadn’t noticed my hasty descent. Disorientated and increasingly emotional with every second that passed, I looked around to get my bearings. I knew the football teams were leaving the field now. The thunder of cleats was a unique sound I’d grown accustomed to during the practices of the past week, and the sound was getting louder as they headed right toward me.
I’d almost reached the safety of my car when I heard Dustin’s angry voice somewhere to the right of where I was standing. He sounded pissed off, and in a desperate attempt to avoid him, I let my bag drop from my shoulder and followed it down so I was crouched and concealed from him by a car that sat between his general direction and me. Some of the crowd who were heading out to the parking lot eyed me curiously but shrugged off their interest as I reached for my double-knotted shoe. The fact that my lace was tied was obviously lost on them because the deception worked.
As the group left me alone, once again, I settled my ass on the curb with my head in my hands, regretting my decision to stay because, as the noise of excited conversation lessened, Dustin and Libby’s voices became evidently clearer.
That was just my luck.
“What the hell is wrong with you, Dustin?” Libby drawled in her butter wouldn’t melt Texan twang. “Jesus, we have to at least sell it. Your dad said–”
“Fuck my dad.” I’d never heard Dustin’s voice so cold and angry before. There was nothing but animosity in his tone. It was hard to reconcile this side of him with the one I knew, and though I was ashamed to admit it, that vehemence gathered more of my attention than I wanted to give them. "He said we had to appear as though we are dating. Not actually date one another, Lib. Just because you’re a manipulative little bitch, doesn’t mean I want a part of this bullshit. The deal was you get to be homecoming queen, then you would back off and dump me.”