by L. J. Stock
“I’ve never spoken to Troy, Erin. Not in a conversation, anyway. I said hey once walking past him when I cut across his path, but that’s about the extent of our interactions.”
“So, he’s never winked at you?”
“Oh, he did.” I noticed Megan’s cautious glance at me, she was surprised I was admitting to something like that, but the truth was, I had nothing to hide. Smiling in reassurance, I continued. “I think he was just being nice, though. I’d just dodged out of the way of one of his friends.”
Erin relaxed, her shoulders noticeably dropping as she leaned against the desk behind her. She looked more irritated now than she had when she’d entered, only her displeasure wasn’t aimed at me. That was something I could live with. I’d told her nothing but the truth, and I had nothing to feel guilty about.
“I’m sorry,” she finally said, her tone a little less hostile. “I know better than this, I really do, and I trust Troy. Only when someone gets in your head like that, the doubt can confuse matters, even when you know what they’re saying can’t possibly be true.”
“Someone you trust?” I asked as she’d already alluded to the fact Libby had been the one to tell her.
“I used to.” She sighed and pushed up from the desk. “But that’s not your problem. I’m really sorry that I came at you like that. Troy just would have been hurt if I’d asked.”
“I get it.” And I did. For the first time in my life, I knew what it was like to trust someone while battling your own doubts. I hated seeing Libby and Dustin together, and I think the situation would have been impossible for anyone to watch, only I trusted how he felt about me.
“Thanks, guys. I guess I’ll see you around, Miki.”
I nodded in response and watched as she left the room, rolling my eyes as Megan dramatically blew out all the breath in her lungs. Neither of us had been sure where that had been going, and the fallout had been far less painful than I’d anticipated.
The silence lasted for a while. Everything unsaid by Megan were the things I was already telling myself. The next time something like this happened, the confrontation could be from Libby, and the discussion wouldn’t be quite as easy. Libby knew the relationship between her and Dustin was a lie, but that didn’t mean she’d accepted that or given up hope on changing the status. I also had it on good authority that she could be a royal bitch. Not a surprise, especially considering her best friend had just referred to her as someone she used to trust. A confrontation with Libby wasn’t something I was going to take on willingly, either.
“That was an interesting development,” Megan finally said.
“What was?”
“Erin and Libby not being as close as they used to be. I don’t care how mad at you I am, if someone had asked me that question, there would’ve been no hesitation. Shit would have to be pretty damn bad to get that kind of answer from me.”
“Not everyone has had their best friend since birth.” I grinned, rocking into her.
“I guess we’re just lucky.”
“Yep.”
Megan laughed, then sighed as she shuffled around to face me. “Miki, this whole situation worried me when I found out. All week I’ve been listening to the chatter, scared that Libby would find out. I wasn’t doing it to upset you, either. I listened so I could keep you safe. It took me a while to see how messed up that is, and I was pretty upset with myself about that. All that mattered to me was that you were happy, and I’m finally starting to see that you really, really are. So, I’m just going to say this once, and I will never bring it up again...” She sucked in a deep breath. “No matter what happens, no matter what Libby says or does, please fight for what you want. You deserve to be happy, and Dustin is crazy about you. If Libby ever does approach you, please remember this conversation because she will say anything to get you to doubt yourself and Dustin. She’ll make you doubt the way he feels about you. Just… don’t let her, okay?”
I studied my best friend for a long moment, nodding as I let the words sink in and penetrate the stubborn layer of myself. I knew what she was saying to be true. I’d actually seen Libby cut someone down like that in one of the girls’ toilets before. She was brutal, relentless, and as tenacious as a dog with a bone.
“I promise.”
“You better mean that.”
“I do, Meg.”
Eyeing me carefully, she finally looked satisfied that my answer was rock solid and nodded her head in acceptance. I knew she didn't want me to hurt. I'd known she was scared for me the moment she caught Dustin sneaking into my room. I was just as adept at judging her moods as she was with mine. Her sudden acceptance of the way I felt was like a small battle won. I didn't need validation for how I felt. I was too independent for that. I couldn't have lied to myself about my feelings if I wanted to, but knowing that Megan saw that I wore my heart on my sleeve too, just made me even more comfortable.
I wasn't looking forward to any confrontation with Libby as much as I wasn't looking forward to anyone else finding out about Dustin and me. Walking the halls and listening to people commentating on his relationship with his fake girlfriend was bad enough. Every jealous girl picked the coupling apart to the bones, and every guy seemed either unconvinced that Libby wasn't screwing someone behind his back, or she was his beard, a term I discovered meant she was an organized distraction for him loving boys rather than girls.
Jealousy was an ugly, ugly emotion.
Megan and I made our way to the next class as the bell rang, escaping the classroom before it filled with people. We parted ways, and rather than go into the gym for class, I climbed the ladder again, letting myself in so I could flip down on the bed and just close my eyes for a moment.
When I opened the door, Dustin was still inside.
“Oh, hey,” I said, my grin growing as I pulled the door closed behind me and leaned against it. “I thought you'd be long gone by now.”
“I knew you had gym,” he admitted cheekily. He was sprawled out on the bed, his shirt still open from our make out session earlier. His hands were folded behind his head, and his ankles were crossed as he watched me linger in the small entrance, bathing in the cool air from the window unit. He analyzed me for a while longer before sitting up and reaching out to me with both hands. “What's wrong?”
I moved to him with very little thought, my bag sliding down my arm and dropping to the floor before I took his hands and climbed onto the small twin bed. Pulling me against his chest, Dustin folded his arms around my body and lay back once again. He smelled so distinct and familiar as I pressed my cheek against him, every ounce of tension dripped from my muscles, and I melted into him.
“Libby.” The one word was enough to get his full attention.
Dustin tensed, his comfortable, warm chest becoming a hard, flat surface. “What did she do?”
“Nothing directly. She planted a thought in Erin's head that Troy and I were dating behind her back. I think it was a dig aimed at Troy rather than me, but I just happened to be the girl in range.”
Running his fingers through my hair, Dustin finally relaxed a little. That clearly wasn't the Libby altercation he'd been expecting.
“So, Erin came to you rather than Troy because she didn't want to insult him?”
“Oh. You're good,” I said quietly. “She was really sweet about the way she asked and seemed more pissed off at Libby than anyone else.”
“That’s because Libby doesn't have friends. She has pawns in her little games. Erin's always been the closest thing to a friend she’s ever had, but she has to be pretty pissed off to play her and risk their friendship like that.”
“You think she knows there's something going on?”
“I don't really care,” Dustin replied flippantly. “She knows she and I are not dating. The only worry I have now is that she’ll come after you when she finds out the truth.”
“Oh, she will.” I had no doubt about that. It was the only way Libby could control the situation. Keep everyone away from him
, and there was no competition. “It won't be fun, but I'm prepared for it. I've seen her attack girls for looking at you before.”
Dustin brushed his hands up under my hair and cupped my neck. His thick fingers rubbed against my scalp, making me groan in appreciation. As much as I loved kissing him, moments like this were what I lived for. The excuses to touch one another while we talked, just existing together, breathing the same air as the heat transferred between our flesh. I could have stayed like this forever.
Admittedly, I preferred a different topic of conversation, but I took what I could get.
Several weeks with this guy and I knew I was in deep. I couldn't imagine a day without him, or an evening without him calling to say goodnight, with his deep, gravely voice coaxing me into a sense of security I knew I could count on. Every day we spent in one another's company was another minute and second that my feelings for him intensified. I couldn't even imagine how I would feel about him in a month. Just the thought of that intensity was terrifying to me.
With a gentle nudge from his hand, Dustin coaxed me up his body until our lips met with an ache of lust and passion. Like always, every thought I had in my head drained out until all that was left behind was the two of us, and I was more than okay with that.
Chapter Nine
Homecoming came and went with little fanfare. Well, it did for me, at least. I steered clear of all the festivities even as they took over the school, including the wave of voting for homecoming court and the rest of the chaos that surrounded the event. Dustin and Libby were crowned king and queen as expected. Megan gave me the minimal details of what took place at the dance, her only emphasis being on how bored Dustin looked throughout the whole event—something I’d already known seeing how he’d called me every hour until he showed up under our trees, looking very handsome in his suit. Not that I’d let him keep the ensemble on for long.
The month that followed homecoming passed too quickly considering how much my life had changed in those weeks. I was still the reclusive girl in the shadows, but I’d found the sunshine able to penetrate my darkness in Dustin. The persona he played off in the halls of Childress High couldn’t have been a bigger contrast to the person I knew in private. Dustin used the image the team and his so-called friends had of him to keep Libby at arm’s length. From what I understood, Troy had found out about Libby’s determination to create trouble between him and Erin and was more than happy to help with the egotistical, fabricated stories about Libby’s sexual prowess with Dustin. Hearing sex stories about my boyfriend and another girl was very strange for me to process, but only the two people we trusted most in the world knew, so I was grateful that my little jealous streak was all I had to contend with.
When Dustin was with me, however, he was possibly the single most thoughtful person on the face of the planet.
Every minute we spent alone together, I fell more and more for him until my love was undeniable. I loved Dustin Hill. I loved him so much it hurt most days, but I kept those three words locked up tightly inside of me. We slept together most nights and woke up together the following mornings. When he’d walk past me in the halls, his hand would reach to touch me surreptitiously as I passed, even when I hadn’t seen him there. There were days when our eyes met in the halls, and the smile he offered me would send little pulses of electricity through my body, my heart expanding to bursting point before I broke eye contact. My stomach wasn’t able to control the throbbing that pooled and heated my blood.
My love for Dustin wasn’t just about the amazing sex between us, even if we did make love often and excelled in the very act together. Being in his company was always enough for me. Listening to him talk with passion about the things he loved never got old. He simply fascinated me. I learned little facts about him; like how his uncle had been his favorite person in the world before he died. He’d been injured in the Vietnam war, and his stories had spurred on his nephew’s fascination. Dustin could recall any fact about that war with perfect clarity, something that grew in intensity when his uncle died when he was only fourteen years old. He could quote movies on the war verbatim and confided in me that his greatest wish was to become a doctor and help the veterans so they no longer had to suffer the fate his uncle had. He never stopped surprising me. I didn’t think he ever would, even if I spent a lifetime with him.
In only seven weeks, Dustin had become my entire world. I’d spent so many years convincing myself I was better off alone, and in less than two months, this wonderful, handsome, and thoughtful guy had taught me how wrong I’d been. He could read my moods, navigate my stoic silences, and make me laugh when all I wanted to do was cry. He knew what I was thinking when I refused to admit it to myself, and he called me out on every ounce of bullshit I threw his way. There was nothing about him I didn’t love, and though he may not have said the love word, either, I knew he was beginning to feel the same way I did.
Even today, standing clear down the far end of the main corridor of school from him with my eyes on the contents of my locker, I could feel the heat of his gaze on my ass. Dustin had a way of making me feel completely naked, even when I was wearing a giant hoodie and jeans.
“Hey!” Libby’s voice rang clear in the packed corridor, the sharpness of the one word silencing almost everyone as the students stepped out of her way cutting her a direct path for her to reach Dustin. The scene was like something from a movie and would have been funny if she hadn’t looked like she was going to physically hurt him.
“Wanna try that again, Lib? I don’t think they heard you in Cottle County,” Troy said. When I looked over at him, he had his arms wrapped around Erin’s waist, his chin on her shoulder.
“Shut up, you ass. I wasn’t talking to you,” Libby snapped in her haughty tone.
“Don’t know if you noticed, but you shut everyone up. Hard to know who you were talking to.” Troy’s tone was still calm with an itch of humor injected in, which was smart in my opinion.
Libby couldn’t have cared less, though. Coming to a stop in front of Troy, Erin, and Dustin, she jutted her hip and pressed her hand against it. She had her attitude down to a fine art, yet not one of the group seemed concerned by her acerbic temperament. As the volume of their voices dropped, everyone else still in the corridor started going back about their business, voices muted as their discussion now turned to Libby and her obvious frustration. I wasn’t sure what they were talking about, but the word ‘boyfriend’ came across the din of conversation, loud and clear.
“She is such a bitch,” Megan said, making me jump as she pressed her back against the locker next to mine. I had been so focused on the group I hadn’t noticed her approaching me.
I glanced up at my best friend with a knowing smile. “You don’t have to hate her on my account.”
“I don’t. I just had my eyes opened for me. She’s awful. When she saw Dustin and the others standing down there, she shoved this tiny freshman out of her way. Who does that?”
“Someone who has gotten their own way their whole damn life,” I replied, rolling my eyes.
“No shit.” Megan bent one leg, her foot resting against the locker next to mine as I turned and gave the contents my undivided attention again. I already missed the heat of Dustin’s gaze. “Bet you can’t wait until the winter formal is over with.”
“When is it again?”
“Just before winter break… I think,” she said in a low voice, pushing gum into her mouth. “Goes to prove it’s all about who you know. They’ve only just announced that there’s going to be an ice court this year.”
“Not surprising, but she wants to be the official ice queen?”
Megan started laughing and shook her head. “Snow Queen, but still a shitty title. Bet she was the one that thought it up, too.”
Laughing quietly into my locker, I shrugged and sighed. I wasn’t sure Libby was going to loosen her hold on Dustin anytime soon. I could almost see her going back to Dustin’s dad and negotiating the prom out of him, too. Even though I
saw Dustin every night, the hours between practice and about nine at night were now dedicated to spending time with his mom. I encouraged him to go there and spend time with her, even when he was finding it hard to watch her deteriorate. When being with her got particularly bad, he would sneak off and call my cell phone, which I now kept religiously charged. I was the only one he felt comfortable showing his grief to. Mainly because he knew his dad would use that pain against him if he saw even a hint of it in Dustin’s eyes.
“You think she’s going for prom, too, huh?”
“She’d be crazy not to. Have you seen him in a tux?” I asked, forcing my eyes to stay on the books in my locker. The memory of our night together demanded that I turn to look at him, but I knew I couldn’t. One look at me and Dustin would know. He always knew.
“I don’t think Dustin would let that slide. He can’t stand her.”
I nodded. Dustin didn’t hide his disgust for Libby from Megan. I trusted my best friend, so he did, too. For him, the reasoning was that cut and dry. No further explanation needed. “Doesn’t mean his dad agrees.”
“Well, football season will almost be over by then. Maybe he won’t be such an asshole anymore.”
“I wouldn’t hold your breath,” I said quietly, shuffling my books around. I figured you’d have to be a poor human being to use your wife’s sickness to control your son. Football or not, emotional blackmail should never have been a consideration.
“Yeah, I guess. You just have to trust Dustin to do the right thing.”
I glanced over sharply, taking a moment to suck in some breaths and calm my defensive stance before I responded. “He is doing the right thing, Meg. He’s putting his mom first. Just like he needs to. I’m not even sure I want to go public with our relationship, remember?”
“Easy, momma bear. I was talking about doing the right thing for himself.” Megan laughed, immediately forgiving me for my overly-defensive response.