by L. J. Stock
Dustin’s face lit up. Happiness emanated from him as he slid the bag of chips to the floor and sat up with me, our joined hands moving to his mouth so he could brush his lips against my knuckles. He swallowed almost compulsively as he tried to get his own emotions under control, his hand twisting against mine as he moved them palm to palm. I wasn’t quite as restrained as he was, however. Tears of happiness streamed over my cheeks, cooling quickly on my bare chest. Not that I cared. I was warm all over with happiness and adulation. I knew what Dustin’s dream for himself was. I’d known how much he’d wanted this college and this future, and I couldn’t have been more proud of him for achieving that all by himself.
“Are you crying, baby?” he asked. His tone was teasing, but the undercurrent of concern was there, also.
“Happy tears, asshole.” I dropped the letter and pushed to my knees to kiss him again. “I am so fucking proud of you. I know how much you wanted this.”
“I did, and the best part is it’s only six hours away,” he whispered, shuffling closer to me. “I can be here when you need me to be.”
“Dustin—”
“If you’re gonna say what I think you are… don’t.”
“I wasn’t going to say anything, really.” I laughed, brushing my palm along his jaw. “Just that I have a car, too.”
The relief on his face answered any question I’d had about where our future was headed. If he thought I could ever give him up now, he was ridiculous. He would have to be the one to end our relationship, and even then I wasn’t sure I would be dignified enough to give it up that easily. What we had was something anyone would fight for.
“I have a load of shit to go through before it’s official, but they’ve told Coach in no uncertain terms that the moment they know, I will, too.”
“I have no doubt that they know how lucky they are to have you,” I whispered, and I meant it.
Dustin’s smile of response made me glow inside, but that wasn’t why I’d said what I had. I knew how blessed I was to have him in my life, and there was no doubt in my mind that anyone who met him would feel the same way.
The silence between us was light as we just watched one another. I could see a thousand emotions pass over his eyes as he studied me, and I knew he was looking for some kind of doubt or sadness his news had delivered, but there was none. I’d been nine years old when I’d figured out that I wanted out of this town, and I’d been working toward that goal every single day since. Dustin had given me happiness in a place I wasn’t sure would ever hold any for me, but not even our relationship would derail me from my escape plan, so I wouldn’t deny him his because I had to wait another year to follow his lead.
“You’re the only reason I would have to stay here,” he finally said.
“I would never ask that of you,” I responded with sudden fervor. “You and me. We’re not meant for this place, Dustin. We’re stuck here for now, but the moment you get that confirmation, I will push you toward your goal with all the strength I possess, and you’d better believe I will follow you the moment I’m able.”
“I…” Darkness fell fast around us as the town’s power died, cutting Dustin off in whatever he was about to say. Instead, he rocked forward and released his hold on me, my hand dropping to my lap as he moved away.
I heard the chord of the heater being pulled from the wall before hitting the ground, and I agreed with his mental assessment. There was no telling how long the power would be out, and the last thing we needed was to fall asleep and have the power come back only to set fire to the place and trap us inside. Finding my hand on my lap, he squeezed it in reassurance before getting off the bed completely. We’d both known the loss of power was a possibility. The school’s electricity wasn’t the greatest to begin with, often switching to the backup generator during thunderstorms. Tonight, however, there was no backup generator. We were on Thanksgiving break.
Light cut through the darkness as the flashlight was switched on, the beam picking up every dust mote in the small shack as Dustin searched for the battery-operated lanterns he’d brought with him. With our one heat source gone, the cool air started to penetrate the space and had me pulling a blanket around my shoulders to keep the heat in. When the warm glow of the lantern took over, I relaxed a little more and grinned up at Dustin who carried it to the tiny table beside the bed.
“Well, this has turned into quite the adventure,” he mused, grabbing one of the blankets and flinging it around his shoulders as he shivered. I gave a quiet laugh that ended with a contented sigh. I couldn’t imagine anyone else I wanted to have this adventure with.
We stayed wrapped in blankets for a little while before we got dressed. The air was just too cold to sit around with no clothes on now, and we still had to get through the night. When Dustin dropped to the bed and pulled on his socks, I went a step further and bundled up in my heavy jacket and boots before heading to the door.
“Where are you going?” Dustin asked as I looked over my shoulder to grin at him.
“I’m going to listen to the snow falling.”
“Listen?”
Nodding, I pulled the door out of my way and stepped into almost a half foot of snow that coated the roof of the gym. If the world had been muted when I’d arrived, it was now insulated and muffled. There was nothing to be heard aside from my footsteps and the almost silent hissing of the falling flakes as they landed. I could only see the flurry of white passing by at the end of my nose. We hadn’t been the only ones to lose power. The whole town was now shrouded in darkness.
Dustin followed me out a short while later, his footsteps barely interrupting the peace that blanketed the roof and the town around us. Stepping in behind me, he tightly wrapped his arms around my waist, and his chin rested on my shoulder as he stared into the blackness that had consumed the school’s compact stadium.
“Can you hear it?” I whispered, leaning against him as I fell back into silence.
He didn’t answer right away. He just took in deep breaths and released them as he listened for the snow. His arms tightened again, and my eyes slid closed as I gave myself over to my senses.
“I can,” he finally admitted. “I’ve never noticed it before.”
I smiled into the darkness and left my eyes closed. I was feeling everything, the cold settling around my nose and eyebrows, my dried lips aching, the snow landing in my hair and every inch of my body that Dustin was touching now aflame with our combined heat. I couldn’t imagine getting bored of that feeling. He sent fire through my veins and warmed my heart. He also made me feel safe and happy—two things I’d never had together before.
Hard to believe we’d only known one another for three months. There were days that I tried to remember my life before him, but that was like a black hole. The highlight reel included the Hern family—my family. Dustin had changed my whole world, and though there was a fair amount of drama involved in our being together, I couldn’t imagine a day without him now. That realization made me happy and terrified me all at the same time. I’d put all of my faith in our relationship, and without much effort on his part, he now had my heart and soul in his possession. If for some reason, we didn’t work out, I would be left with nothing at all. I would be left a broken and vacant shell of a person long before my life had ever really started, and I wasn’t sure I could survive that loss. People often attributed me with strength, but I think that was largely misplaced. I put up a good front, but under all the armor I shrouded myself in, I was weak, helpless, and scared.
I was too deeply in love with him to look back now, though. Not that running away from this was even a consideration anymore. I would gladly take what I was given, and I would make every moment I had with Dustin count. Every last moment with him would be cherished as though it was our last.
“You okay?” Dustin asked, obviously sensing the shift in my mood.
“I am,” I murmured, turning my head to grin at him. Lifting his chin, he stole a kiss, his greediness evident as his hand slipp
ed under the many layers of clothes I was wearing. He brushed his fingertips over my stomach as the kiss deepened, and I allowed myself to let the somber thoughts go. Now was the time to live, and the eagerness of his kiss told me that we would be experimenting with our own brand of heating sooner rather than later.
Chapter Thirteen
Three weeks after Thanksgiving break and the school was buzzing with excitement. The winter formal being held that night was a big deal at Childress High, almost as big as Homecoming. The dance was like the Olympics and only came about every other year or so, with the title of Snow Queen an honor because of that limitation. All of the dresses worn were cool pastels, whites, lightest of baby blues, soft pinks, and peaches, and for Childress High, it was tradition to wear western boots under the dresses. I wasn’t sure when this had become a thing, but my mom had saved her boots and dress for me. Another thing Jen had salvaged before my dad had shut everyone who knew my mom out of his life.
“I’m not going,” I said, swallowing one of the cookies Jen slid in front of us when we’d come in after dress shopping for Megan. Jen had offered to pull my mom’s things from the spare room’s closet for me to wear. She knew I had someone in my life, but no idea who he was or how much he was coming to mean to me.
“Oh, come on, you have to. You’ll have graduated before the next one comes along.” Jen picked up a cookie and gripped it between her teeth as she skipped toward the refrigerator to get the milk. Megan shot me an apologetic glance and shrugged.
“Mom, leave her alone.”
I shook my head and smiled in response. I didn’t mind this kind of conversation. These were the kind of things I often found myself wishing I still had my mom around for. This didn’t, however, stop me from needing to bury the small twinge of regret that boiled in my stomach when I thought about the upcoming formal. I would have loved to go with Dustin, just to have the experience and actually dance with him, but he was going with Libby, and I hated being in the spotlight. Going together would never have worked even if we’d had the opportunity. Dustin was the frontrunner for Snow King and I… I was a ghost.
“What? It’s a rite of passage for you girls.”
“It’s also just a dance. It’s not exactly going to shape our future.”
Jen leaned her elbows on the counter and rested her head on her hands, her eyes turning dreamy. “I’d already graduated when your mom was crowned Snow Queen, Miki, but I did help her get ready. She looked amazing.”
“I saw the photos,” I responded, grinning. “I have one of her and Dad from the dance on my dresser.”
“She was so happy that night.” Reaching out, Jen cupped my cheek in her palm and shook her head. “If you change your mind, come and see me, and we’ll get you into her dress.”
“Thank you.” My response was a whisper filled with emotion. I was as excited as everyone else about the dance, but for entirely different reasons. The winter formal would see the end of Dustin’s obligation to be with Libby. He was going to be free the moment the dance ended. He’d promised to stop by as soon as he could, once the formal was over. Dustin’s parents weren’t expecting him home early, which meant we had a whole night to spend together once he’d fled, thankfully Troy was becoming quite skilled at making excuses on his friend’s behalf.
Jen nodded and winked at me before she changed the direction of her thoughts and focused on what her daughter needed. I think her attention was something Megan had wanted until she had it. Once she had her mom’s sole focus she looked at me imploringly, but there was nothing I could do to derail that train, so I enjoyed her discomfort as a good friend would, adding to her chagrin at every possible moment. Watching Megan squirm served as a great distraction, and by the time I waved her off and crawled into my car to drive home I was ready for a nap. It was another welcome distraction from thinking about Dustin and Libby dancing to some tear-in-my-beer tune that would undoubtedly play after they were crowned king and queen of the winter court.
Not that I was bitter or anything.
Not me.
In fact, I drove straight home and crawled into my bed the moment I got there so I wouldn’t have to think about where the few friends I had were, or what they were doing. I fell asleep quickly, staring at the picture of my parents on my dresser. The quiet tones of the CD I was playing lulled me into a dream about Dustin and me.
The dream itself was one of those weird out of body experiences where I was a fly on the wall, watching myself in my mom’s dress as I danced with Dustin across the gym. That version of me didn’t care who was watching her dance with the boy she was in love with. She smiled and sang the sugary sweet lyrics of the song to him as her arms folded around his neck and pulled him down for a kiss. Her happiness lit up the room, radiating from her like she was a disco ball touching everything within its reach. I ghosted toward them, my hand reaching out to touch Dustin’s back as I stepped in behind him, but my hand went through him. When I blinked, it was just me in the dress, staring at the empty space where he’d been.
“Why are you crying?” Dustin asked. The disembodied voice felt so real that my breath hitched, and then he touched me, the heat seeping into my chilled skin, chasing away the emptiness that had already begun to take over my veins.
I woke up startled and disoriented as my damp eyes met Dustin’s in the dim glow of my bathroom light that cut through the darkness. He was still wearing his suit as he lay on his side next to me, his thumbs brushing away my tumbling tears. I would have smiled, but all I could smell was Libby’s perfume as he leaned in to kiss me. Unable to hide my petty jealousy, I froze beneath him as more tears fell freely.
“I’m so sorry, Mik.”
I hated myself for the reaction. I knew tonight hadn’t been easy for him, either. The closer we became, the harder pretending to have a relationship with Libby was on him. Pretending had become difficult for us both. I’d stopped caring what people thought, or at least, worrying about what they would think when the truth came out. I’d been so focused on having him to myself, the fear had seeped away easily. I just hadn’t thought about how hard sharing him this last time would be, or how hard it would be to deal with Libby’s signature scent clinging to him and his suit while he was in my bed.
“No, I’m sorry,” I whispered, forcing my muscles to move as I rolled into his chest. My trembling hands slid under the lapels of his jacket as I eased it back over his shoulders. “I’m sorry I’m crying.”
I kissed him as we moved together, his hands pulling me to straddle his legs as I pushed the jacket away from him completely and met his eyes.
“I’m sorry you had to see me this way,” I continued.
My lips attacked his as I pushed to my knees and began unbuttoning the crisp white shirt. He kissed me back, but the rest of him remained still under my hands as I worked, too afraid to break the spell that I was weaving between us. He’d always been the one to take control when the clothes started to shed. This aggressive and needy side of me was something he’d never seen before.
This neediness and demanding nature was something I’d never felt before, either.
I pulled back, my chest heaving as I pushed the shirt over his shoulders and down to his wrists, where I released the buttons on his cuffs and let the material drop to the rug at the side of my bed.
“You’re mine now, Dustin Hill.” I pulled the T-shirt over my head and dropped it before I pressed my bare chest against his, my hand reaching to tangle in the soft hair at the base of his neck as his lips met my neck. “I can’t share you again.”
Instinct and need took over, and my body pressed roughly against his. I was naked now. The shirt had been the only thing covering me, and it had been one I’d stolen from him. I’d fallen asleep that way, surrounded by the smell of him, intending to celebrate once he escaped the winter formal.
The intensity of the moment between us hadn’t been a part of our plans, but we were both rolling with the punches anyway. Dustin’s breaths were heaving with as much intensit
y as mine now and only increased when I rubbed against his arousal with purpose.
“Miki…”
My finger pressing against his lips and our eyes meeting cut him off. When I was certain he would hold his silence, I dropped my hands between us, my fingers trembling as they unfolded the belt and fumbled with the button and zip. We’d had sex a lot, and often, but this time was different. This felt new and raw—as though every time before had been working up to this one moment between us. Dustin could feel the difference, too. His hips rose from the mattress, our hands and bodies working his pants and boxers down his legs until they, too, fell to the floor.
We stared at one another for the longest of moments, our panted breaths twisting together between us. This was a union of sorts—a sacrament, just him and me, together.
As I sank down, Dustin arranged us carefully until my body accepted him and my breath was stolen from me in a tight gasp of air. With Dustin’s arms crossed over my back, he pulled me against him, the whimpers of pleasure and need falling from my lips.
Home.
I was home, and I couldn’t imagine anywhere else holding that level of comfort for me.
My movements began slowly at first with my forehead pressing against his as I trembled and rode with measured rises and falls. Our passion was all emotions and love that passed between us until the heat rose and took control. The intensity was slow in rising but felt right, the deep coils of passion falling over us in waves until the pressure that fluttered around under my skin felt like a white-hot flame of demand.
I gripped the headboard to steady myself as the muscles in my thighs trembled with pleasure, and I knew the pace couldn’t stay that way when the want for reclamation burned in my chest. Just one look and Dustin knew; he could feel the need as deeply as I could. We were all hands, heated moans and groans, and heaved breaths as our bodies came together hard and possessively. Instinct drove us for what felt like hours, and my tears came hot and wet again, but for an entirely different reason now.