Electric Boogerloo

by Mark Maciejewski

  “That is all,” she says, like she can’t believe we are still sitting there. She walks off the floor. Apparently part one of the assembly struck home, because everyone files out of the gym in too orderly of a fashion for a bunch of middle schoolers.

  “Well, that was scary,” I say once we are out of there.

  “Why?” Moby shuffles along with the crowd. “Just don’t do anything wrong and you’ll be fine.”

  “I hope so.”

  I spot a glimpse of Ronin Girl’s straight black hair cutting through the crowd toward her locker. This is finally my chance to get her alone and ask where she got an original-language edition of one of the rarest comics around.

  “I’ll see you at lunch, Mobe.” I peel off and push through the crowd after her.

  I take the stairs a little too fast and have to wait at the top to dry my scalp before I meet my destiny. When it’s dry enough, I stroll around the corner into the empty hallway.

  I look to her locker, and what I see rips my guts out through my belly button. Ronin Girl is already talking to someone else and giggling. The Arch leans on the locker next to hers. He smiles a little when he sees me. But the thing that crushes me is that she’s showing him the comic that’s meant for me.

  CHAPTER 5

  Sizzler sits at the lunch table inhaling two-dimensional slices of cafeteria pizza. Shelby enjoys a bag of dried apple slices, and Moby polishes off the one piece of moussaka we left in the pan so his mom wouldn’t get suspicious. I pick at a bag of Sour Patch Kids, but they don’t even make my eye twitch or anything. Ever since I saw the Arch reading Ronin Girl in the hallway, nothing has any flavor.

  “You mad, Chub?” Sizzler holds up a slice of the paper pie. “Have some pizza.”

  I wave it off. If candy doesn’t help, I doubt pizza will either. Sizzler doesn’t give me a chance to change my mind. The pizza disappears into his mouth like a stormtrooper down the sarlacc pit. He licks some Cheetos-colored grease off his fingers and turns to Moby. “What’s up with him?”

  Moby puts down his spork, wipes his hands on his napkin, and gives me a concerned look. “He’s been like this since he came out of Lockhart’s office yesterday.”

  Sizzler takes on Moby’s concerned look. “What’d she say to you in there?”

  I fish in the bag of candy to avoid eye contact. “Basically what she said in the assembly.” Not technically a lie.

  Sizzler rips out a burp that sounds like his pizza is going to make an encore appearance. “That lady is scary.”

  Moby nods. I look at Shelby, who hasn’t said a word since first period. She folds her hands on the table.

  Sizzler apparently doesn’t know better. “What do you think, Shelby?”

  She smiles at the acknowledgment, then pushes up her glasses and aims her stare at me. Here comes the lecture.

  “She knows you and Archer Norris were the two names on Mr. Mayer’s watch list last year. That’s why you’re already on the top of hers.”

  “I have no idea what Archer is up to, but I haven’t done anything to her.”

  She pushes up her glasses. “Think about it, Maciek. If she’s going to expel someone to show the rest of the students that she means business, who better than one of the kids that everyone knows almost burned down the school last year? You guys have practically volunteered as the perfect candidates.”

  My scalp gets hot. She’s probably right. This is all I need, on top of the Arch horning in on my rare-comic hookup.

  Sizzler washes down a bite of pizza with some milk, then wipes his mouth on his sleeve. “Man, Trondson’s gone. If you get kicked out of here you’re gonna have to move to another district!”

  Shelby gives him a dubious look. “Every child has a right to an education. They can’t make you move. There are other options, like private school.”

  My parents can barely afford to keep their shop open. There’s no way they are going to pay for me to go to a fancy school if I get kicked out of a perfectly good free one. The image of the Arch raising his eyebrows at me during the assembly flashes to mind. It didn’t mean anything to me then, but maybe he’d already done the math on what would happen if one of us got kicked out. Maybe that eyebrow was his way of saying game on.

  I jump up from the table and toss the rest of my candy to Sizzler. I have to find the Arch before he does anything stupid.

  I’m in the hall outside the cafeteria before I realize Moby is following me.

  “Where are we going, Chub?”

  I know he won’t stop asking until I explain, so I do. “Archer Norris is the class president. There’s no way he’ll be the cull if he stays out of trouble.”

  “Uh-huh.”

  “If Shelby’s right and it’s either him or me, I only have two options. Either do something to make sure that it’s him and not me . . .”

  Moby smiles an eager smile.

  “. . . Or I call a truce to keep us both safe.”

  The grin disappears, replaced by the frown he gets when he doesn’t know where the closest bathroom is. “So what are you going to do?”

  “I have to assume he’s thinking the same thing I am.” I take a deep breath. “So I’m going to talk to him and figure out if he’s up to something. Then I’ll decide.”

  I walk again, but Moby doesn’t follow me. He’s standing in the same spot and looking at me like I’m crazy.

  “What, Mobe?”

  “You want a truce? With the Arch?”

  I walk back to where he’s standing so I don’t have to yell down the hall. “It would be better than having him working against me, wouldn’t it?”

  Moby thinks it over. “What about the first thing you said, about doing something to him first? You don’t trust him, do you?”

  The idea of striking first has a certain nostalgic appeal, but I need to figure out what he’s thinking before I decide to make a huge move. “I never said I trusted him.”

  Moby thinks about it for a second, then sighs. “Okay, but don’t say I didn’t warn you.”

  We start walking again. The Arch is probably eating lunch in the courtyard with the other jocks. When we pass the trophy case, a pale purple glow catches my eye.

  I’m face to face with the Boogerloo. Even up close, I don’t see a kangaroo. I shake my head at the thing. How are we supposed to feel pride over something that looks like a stalagmite of ogre loogies?

  I scan the hall. “You know what I think, Mobe?”

  “That we’re lucky to be able to enjoy such beautiful art in a public school?”

  I stare at him. “No! I think somebody should steal this stupid thing and teach old Lockhart a lesson.”

  He slowly turns his head toward me. “I thought you were trying to stay out of trouble.”

  I take one last look at the thing and then start walking again. “Not me, just someone. She can’t threaten us like this when we haven’t even done anything yet.”

  “And you want to steal a really expensive piece of art to show her she’s wrong about you being a troublemaker?”

  I laugh. “Probably not the best plot I ever invented.”

  Moby just shakes his head.

  The Arch isn’t in any of the usual spots with any of the usual suspects. There are only a few minutes left during lunch, when a sickening thought hits me. What if he’s somewhere alone with Ronin Girl reading the comic? I change course and cut up the old back stairs toward her locker. When I get to the second-floor landing I slow down so I don’t look crazy running around the corner. Moby catches up a second later, his V-neck T-shirt blotched with sweat. I creep to the corner and peek around it.

  There’s someone in the hall.

  “What do you see?” Moby whispers loud enough to start an avalanche.

  I wave my hand to keep him quiet, then take another look. It’s her, and this time the Arch is nowhere in sight.

  Her locker door is open, blocking her view, so we slip out of the landing and walk quietly down the hall toward her. The last thing I want to do is a
ct all weird and scare her away.

  We are a few feet from her locker when she moves the door and sees us. But she doesn’t run; she just smiles. I quickly check the books in her arms and see a familiar plastic sleeve between two textbooks.

  This is the moment I’ve been dreaming about.

  “I’m Chub.” I shove my hands in my pockets.

  She gives us a confused look.

  “This is Moby.”

  Ronin Girl looks at me, then at Moby. “No English.” She shakes her head.

  “We know English too,” Moby says.

  I resist the urge to smack my forehead. “She means she doesn’t speak English.” Maybe her and the Arch weren’t having a deep discussion after all.

  I pull my hands out of my pockets and show them to her.

  She gives me a suspicious look.

  Then I plaster a smile on my face and slowly point toward the plastic sleeve. She hugs her books tighter and takes a step back.

  “No, no. I just want to talk.”

  She looks back and forth between me and Moby.

  Moby tries to help. “Don’t worry, he’s not a weirdo or anything.”

  Ronin Girl looks at me as though I can interpret.

  “Why don’t you try charades?” Moby offers.

  It might work. I don’t know any samurai moves to show her I’m talking about Ronin Girl, so I try the only martial art I know. I go into a tai chi pose called Crane Spreads Its Wings.

  Still holding the pose, I point toward the comic. “Kobayashi,” I say slowly. “Ronin Girl.”

  Her face softens and her shoulders relax. She pulls the book out of the stack and looks at it, then at me. “You know Kobayashi?” She has even less of an accent than I do.

  “Um, yeah.” I relax out of the pose and raise an eyebrow at her, confused. “Why did you pretend not to speak English?”

  She does a you caught me smile. “It’s easier to figure out what people are like if they think you don’t understand what they’re saying.”

  I shrug. “I see. What kind of accent do you have?”

  “Japanese. What’s yours?”

  “Polish.”

  “I like it. You sound like a James Bond villain.” She smiles. “I’m Megumi, but a lot of Americans pronounce it Mega Me.”

  “I’m Maciek Trzebiatowski. Americans call me Chub.”

  “Yeah, you said that.”

  My head gets a little warm, but she laughs and it goes away. “So, you’re new at Alanmoore?”

  She nods. “I went to Trondson last year, but it got shut down, as you know.”

  I wrinkle my mouth to show her what a shame I think that is. After a short, awkward silence, I go to introduce Moby, but he’s gone.

  “He . . . disappears sometimes. Don’t take it personally.”

  “I wasn’t going to. He looked kinda constipated.”

  “He’s actually the opposite of that.”

  She laughs. “So how do you even know about Ronin Girl?”

  “Are you kidding? It’s the Holy Grail. Tatsuo Kobayashi is a genius!”

  She glances at the book one more time and it almost looks like her eyes roll. “Yeah, he is.”

  “That’s a pretty rare comic to carry around at school.”

  She looks at the cover. “Yeah, I figured it might help me weed out my kind of people. Looks like it worked.” She offers me the book and I’m about to finally lay my hands on it when the bell rings.

  “Some other time, I guess.” She puts it in her locker and shuts the door as the hall fills with kids. “See you later, Chub.” She disappears into the crowd.

  I flip my hood over my head like Ben Kenobi disappearing into the crowd in Mos Eisley.

  I pass the Boogerloo two more times that afternoon. It stares back at me from where its eyes would be if it wasn’t such a hunk of crap.

  After school I go straight to Megumi’s locker, but she isn’t there. I dash to the parking lot to check the bus lines; she’s not there either. But Lockhart is, so I duck into the spot behind the Dumpsters to steer clear of her until she’s gone.

  I press my face between the wall of the school and the recycling Dumpster so I can watch her supervise the kids getting on the busses, then settle in to wait until the coast is clear.

  A voice from the shadows stops me cold. If I had any hair left on my neck it would stand up.

  “Still hanging out behind the Dumpsters, huh?” The Arch steps out of the darkest part of the shadows. “I’m just here until she leaves, then it’s all yours.”

  I don’t want my voice to crack, so I don’t respond.

  The instinct to flee is strong, but I stay where I am. His voice is different than it’s been the last couple of years. The too-cool tone is missing.

  “Did Lockhart get you?” I ask.

  He laughs. “Yep.”

  “She got me too.”

  “Did she show you the files?”

  My head gets hot. “Yeah. She’s really on a mission.”

  “Your file was pretty big.” He sounds impressed.

  It’s the first time in years I’ve had a conversation with my old friend that wasn’t a confrontation. I let myself smile a little. “Well, you kept me pretty busy.”

  He hangs his head. “I don’t play poker anymore.”

  It’s good to know the Cadre’s efforts weren’t for nothing. “That’s good.”

  He jams his hands in his pockets. “What have you been doing?”

  I try to come up with something cool so he doesn’t think I’ve spent the last couple of years obsessing over him. “Tai chi.”

  “Right, I saw you in the park. Are you still into comics?”

  I smile thinking about Ronin Girl. “When one catches my eye.”

  He looks like he’s going to say something else, but instead he goes to the crack and peeks out. “Man! She’s like the Predator.”

  We look at each other and at the exact moment say, “Get to the chopper!” in bad Arnold voice. I smile way more than I want to.

  When the giggles die out, Arch says, “I got in a lot of trouble from my parents for the uniforms and everything last year.”

  I never even considered that possibility. “Me too. My dad almost made me spend the summer in Poland to teach me a lesson.”

  The Arch’s face looks like he just smelled a fart. “That’s a little harsh.”

  “Yeah, you know my parents.”

  He shakes his head. “I guess they haven’t changed.” Then he takes a step closer and lowers his voice to a whisper. “Listen, I can’t get in trouble again. My parents were talking military school after last year.”

  “I can’t either. I can’t handle deportation.”

  He laughs, then gets serious again. “You know we’re the top two names on her list?”

  I nod.

  “So, what’s your plan?”

  I don’t want to trust him, but it’s time to see if he’s really changed. “I just have to keep my head down and not give her anything to expel me for.”

  He nods. “That’s pretty much my plan too.” He kicks at a flattened juice box with his sneaker. “But what if it doesn’t matter? What if she’s going to do it to one of us anyway? Do you have a Plan B?”

  My head starts to sweat. Since Plan B involves chucking him under the bus to save my own skin, it’s probably best to keep it to myself. “No,” I lie.

  He lets out a deep breath. “Me either.”

  I breathe a tiny sigh of relief. But then he continues.

  “All I know is if it comes down to it, it’s not going to be me.”

  My guts turn to lava. One of the buses revs its engine, ready for one of us to get thrown under its tires. Suddenly I’d rather be anywhere but here.

  “I gotta go.” I hitch up my pack and step out between the Dumpsters.

  Lockhart is lecturing one of the bus drivers about something, with her back to me. While she’s distracted I creep along the wall toward the back door of the school. I’ll leave through the front d
oor and take the long way around.

  Just as I touch the handle she calls, “Mr. Trzebiatowski.” But I pretend like I don’t hear her and duck through the door.

  My footsteps echo in the empty hall, along with the Arch’s words. It’s not going to be me.

  If a kid ever needed a Cadre to help him make a plan, now is the time.

  Right before the office, I pass the trophy case again. I expect to see the purple glow of the Boogerloo, but it must be switched off for the night. I move closer—to make one last attempt at seeing a kangaroo in the upright puddle of glass—but something is wrong.

  The door of the trophy case is open, and the Boogerloo is gone.

  CHAPTER 6

  I run out the front door of the school, down the steps, and up the sidewalk. There’s no way I’m turning around to look until I’m at least two blocks away. A vision of Lockhart chasing me like a liquid metal Terminator makes me ignore my burning lungs until I reach the safety of Mr. Hong’s market.

  I ask him if I can use the bathroom and he gives me the same suspicious look he always gives me before he says, “Okay, one time!” and jerks his thumb toward the back. I only use his bathroom when I need to ditch someone by crawling out the window into the alley. I wonder if he thinks it’s weird that I’ve gone into that bathroom a lot more times than I’ve come out of it.

  Once I’m in the alley I calm down enough to think. Had I been dumb to believe that the Arch had changed? The only thing that makes sense to me is that he figured it was either him or me, and he’d decided to go with his Plan B before I had a chance to use mine. He must’ve stolen the Boogerloo while I was distracted looking for Megumi. If he had, it was probably hidden in the shadows the whole time we were talking behind the Dumpsters! Why else would he be lurking back there right after it disappeared?

  None of that matters now. The only thing that matters is keeping him from framing me for the heist.

  I walk slowly to give my heart a break and to give me time to come up with a plan. But all I can think about is how epically my parents will lose it if I get kicked out of Alanmoore and have to go to school somewhere else. A punishment hasn’t been invented yet that will satisfy my dad’s thirst for parental vengeance if that happens. But other than exile me to Potatotopia, what’s really the worst they can do to me? My stomach spins like an off-balance washing machine when I think the word homeschool. I change course and run toward the safest place I can think of. I need to get to the Clairmont Theater.