Electric Boogerloo

by Mark Maciejewski

  Sizzler breaks up the awkward silence. “What’s going on, guys?”

  One of the McQueens rifles through his brother’s messenger bag. He finds the hat he’s looking for and stuffs it on his sopping head. “Sweet juggling Buddha!” He points at the Boogerloo.

  Shelby rubs a finger on the inside of her wet glasses and squints at it. “No way!” She spins to face the Arch.

  He instinctively puts up his hands to shield himself from her inquisition glare. “I didn’t do it!”

  She gives him the stare for a minute, then straightens the hem of her sweater and wags her finger at the two of us. “You know what I think? I think you two deserve each other.”

  The Arch and I look at each other, confused. Then he folds his arms. “I’m not taking the fall for this.”

  “Neither one of us will be taking the fall for this,” I say. “Isn’t that right, Megumi?”

  Everyone looks around, then back at me like I’m losing my mind. For a minute I think I might’ve been completely wrong. I don’t have to wait too long to see that I wasn’t.

  There’s a gasp as Megumi appears out of the deepest shadow in the back of the alcove. “How did you figure it out?”

  As coolly as I can, I reach into my bag and pull out my copy of Ronin Girl. When she sees it, defeat washes over her face. “I read a great story last night. It’s about an orphan girl who becomes a samurai. But then she decides that rather than use her skills to serve the evil Empress, she’ll use them to steal from the rich and give to the poor. But the best part is the end.”

  Megumi lets out a deep breath.

  “That’s where she fights off a swarm of samurai to reclaim a very special item stolen from a farmer by the Empress. When she returns it to the farmer he transforms back into the noble samurai he was before it was stolen and he had to leave his daughter at the orphanage.”

  “The farmer was her dad,” Moby says. “It took me a while to get it too.”

  The Arch gulps. “What was the thing—the thing she brought back to him?”

  I fix my eyes on Megumi. “That was the final piece of the puzzle. It was a vase. But not just any vase; the finest one in Japan. Moby’s grandpa thinks the vase symbolized the farmer’s honor, which was stolen from him. But I think it’s the Boogerloo.”

  I’ve never spiked a football, but if I had one, I’d spike it right now. I look around at the faces of the Cadre. They all look either shocked or confused.

  “I knew it!” Moby says.

  My eyes are locked on Megumi. She looks smaller than ever, like she wants to crumple in on herself like a piece of paper.

  “My dad’s whole life is about Ronin Girl. I guess I thought if I did the things she did, maybe he’d pay attention to me, too.”

  The hunch I had as the Colonel read to us last night was right. “Only instead of stealing a vase, you stole the most valuable thing you could find.”

  Realization spreads on the Arch’s face. “You had it in the backpack at Emerald Con.”

  She smiles. “Go big, right? I figured if the Boogerloo was worth enough, he’d either be impressed or freak out. Either way, he’d definitely notice me.”

  “Well, which was it?” Sizzler asks.

  Megumi looks up. “Neither one, really. He just got all serious and then we sorta . . . talked. I swear I was just going to show it to my dad at Emerald Con, then return it. I wasn’t going to get you guys in trouble.”

  I level my eyes at her. “You’re cutting it a little close, aren’t you?”

  Megumi makes a cheesy smile and shrugs.

  The Arch raises his hand. “So, how do we return this thing without Lockhart thinking we took it in the first place?”

  Everybody looks at me.

  My first thought is that we could all smuggle it in, wipe our fingerprints off it, and put it back in the case like nothing happened. If we get it in the case before Lockhart catches us, we can call the whole thing a prank and maybe get detention at the worst. I can live with that.

  Then Shelby clears her throat. “Guys—”

  But Megumi interrupts her. “I’m taking it back.” She reaches down and picks it up off the ground. “I did this. I’m not letting any of you take the fall for it. My dad understands me now. If I get in trouble with Lockhart, it’ll be okay.”

  The Arch clears his throat. “Wait a second. I thought the whole point of having a . . . um . . .” He sweeps his hand around.

  “Cadre,” Sizzler says.

  “. . . Cadre, was to stick together.” He walks over and takes the Boogerloo from Megumi. She looks stunned at first, but then a smile spreads on her face. My stomach drops. I solved this case, why should he get to swoop in and be the hero at the last minute?

  “He’s right.” I grab it too. “We can figure out how to put it back.”

  The Arch pulls on the Boogerloo. “What are you doing, Chub?”

  “I’m being a good friend,” I say through gritted teeth.

  “No you’re not! You’re trying to be a hero.”

  “Why should you get to carry it for her?”

  “Guys!” Shelby says even louder this time. Neither of us take our hands off it, but we stop struggling and look at her. “There’s something I need to tell you.”

  As I’m distracted, the Arch yanks the Boogerloo out of my grasp. I scrabble for it but the only thing I can wrap my fingers around is the electrical cord hanging off the bottom of it. We make eye contact for a second, each of us telepathically ordering the other to let go. The Arch has a good grip on it, but as he gives it one more yank his foot slips and he falls backward into the recycling Dumpster with a loud gong. The Boogerloo slips from his hands.

  For a moment it hangs in the air.

  Then it falls to the ground and explodes into a million tiny pieces.

  No one speaks. We just stare at the shattered mess. I glance around the alcove. The only person who looks me in the eye is Shelby. She’s about to say something, but before she can, she’s interrupted by the last sound any of us wants to hear.

  Lockhart’s voice booms in the tiny space. “It looks like I’ll be needing more expulsion forms than I thought.”

  • • •

  We all sit in Lockhart’s office in stunned silence. The only sound is the growl of Moby’s empty stomach like a distant whale song. His guts are pretty active when he isn’t under any stress; I shudder to think what’s happening in there now. We all jump when Mr. Kraley drops a garbage bag containing the remains of the Boogerloo on Lockhart’s desk.

  She looks at the bag, then at each of us with a glare that could extinguish the sun. “The school district brought me here to clean up the mess that Mr. Mayer left behind. I thought getting rid of one or two troublemakers would do the trick.” She looks directly at me, then the Arch when she says this. “It always has in the past. But now I see the problems here are much deeper than just a few bad apples. It looks like I’ve inherited a . . .” She waves her hand around looking for the right word.

  “Cadre?” Moby offers.

  She narrows her eyes. “A crime syndicate.” She stands, walks to the cabinet in the corner, and puts hot water and a tea bag into her little mug. She sits again and takes a sip of the steaming tea. “Do any of you have anything to say before I start filling out paperwork and calling your parents?”

  I lean forward in my chair, but before I can speak Shelby says, “I have something I’d like to say.”

  An amused look appears on Lockhart’s face. “Yes, Miss Larkin.”

  “Shelby—” I try to stop her, but she ignores me.

  Shelby shoves her glasses up on her nose. “Well, since you asked. I think there’s—”

  “I did it.” Megumi says. “Nobody helped me; they didn’t even know I was doing it. For the last week they’ve all been trying to catch the real thief.”

  Like well-trained actors, everyone puts on their best innocent victim faces. Everyone except Shelby.

  She looks like Megumi stole her line. “Yeah, but—�
�

  Lockhart gives Shelby her own version of the inquisition stare. “Now might be a good time to keep your mouth shut and let Miss Kobayashi finish her confession.”

  Shelby ignores her, then cocks her head. “Your mug; is that a Wahoolie?”

  The corner of Lockhart’s eye twitches. “Why do you ask?”

  Shelby folds her arms over her chest. “I think you might want everyone else to wait outside for a minute.”

  CHAPTER 25

  None of us speak as we wait in the outer office. After the longest five minutes of my life, Lockhart’s door sweeps open. I stand up, fully expecting to be called in so she can finish the inquisition. But it’s not Lockhart who opens the door. Instead, Shelby steps through it, a huge smile on her face.

  “Thank you, Ms. Lockhart,” she says.

  I look at her for some sort of clue as to what the heck is happening, but the smug smile isn’t going anywhere. Then it feels like the temperature drops twenty degrees, and when I look, Lockhart fills the doorway. I’m not positive, but I think the crooked crack between her lips might be her own version of a smile.

  “Miss Kobayashi, will you step into my office for a moment.” It isn’t a question.

  I flop back down in my seat to wait my turn.

  Megumi slides past Lockhart and into the office. But instead of closing the door behind her, Lockhart pauses and looks at the rest of us. “Shouldn’t you all be getting to class?” The first bell of the day rings just as her door clicks shut.

  The halls are almost empty by the time we get our tardy passes from Mrs. Osborne and leave the office. We head toward the stairs in a loose pack. The passes mean there’s no hurry to get to homeroom, but we walk fast anyway, trying to get as far away from the office as possible. The second bell rings, leaving the halls abandoned except for us. When we get to the stairs I’ve had as much of Shelby’s silence as I can take.

  “What the heck was that all about?”

  She looks shocked. “Still haven’t learned not to be nosy, have you, Maciek?”

  There’s no way I’m leaving it alone. Instead I do my best to conjure my own version of her soul stare.

  Shelby laughs. “You’re doing it wrong.” Then she walks up a few steps above the rest of us and turns around. “But since you’re all so eager . . .”

  The Arch lets out an annoyed sigh. “Is she always like this?” The rest of us nod.

  Shelby ignores us. “Ask yourselves this: Did any of you really think that blob of glass was good enough to be a priceless piece of art?” No one answers; we know it will just draw it out even longer if we do. “Well, it smelled fishy to me, so while the rest of you were busy going to comic fest, or whatever, on Saturday I decided to do something useful. I got my Grammie to take me to the Wahoolie gallery downtown.” She has our attention and she’s loving every second of it. “He was there!”

  “Who?” Moby says.

  Shelby looks like she wants to pop with pride. “Wahoolie! I met him.” The human flamingo is in full flap; she won’t require any more prodding. “I told him what a dump this place is, and how the school can never afford anything, so the mascot he made for us really meant a lot. The only problem was he had no idea what I was talking about.” She pauses again, giving us time to do the math. “It was a fake!”

  “I knew it!” Moby says.

  The sight of the Boogerloo hanging in the air before shattering on the ground flashes in my mind.

  The Arch runs a hand through his hair, confusion twisting his face. “How?”

  Shelby folds her arms. “Apparently, Ms. Lockhart bought some private glassblowing lessons with Wahoolie at a charity auction last year. During the lessons she made the Boogerloo herself. He said she also made herself a teacup.”

  I run it through in my head. “So he’s not even her boyfriend?”

  Now the smug smile is back. “Well, not yet.”

  The Arch loses his patience. “What do you mean ‘not yet’?”

  “That’s what I was telling her when you guys were waiting outside. Wahoolie was so moved by my description of Alanmoore that he wants to make us a real Boogerloo. But that’s not all. Believe it or not, he remembered Lockhart. And here’s the really weird part: he told me he liked her.” I force back a gag. “He’s going to invite her back to help him make it.” She does one more dramatic pause. “Of course, I didn’t tell her that part until she agreed to only give Megumi in-school suspension for a week. Oh, and I almost forgot.” She fishes in her bag and pulls out a crumpled piece of fabric we all recognize. “I made her throw this in too.” She hands the closest McQueen the hat.

  Darwin, I think, puts it on his head, but he doesn’t say a word. Instead, all three of them take turns giving Shelby hugs of gratitude.

  I could probably give her a hug too, but there are too many people around for that, so I pat her shoulder instead. I’m trying to think of a way to apologize for the way I treated her, but she sees the look on my face and stops me.

  “I know, Maciek. You’re welcome.”

  At the second-floor landing Sizzler and the McQueens say good-bye, then head off for their homerooms. Moby, Shelby, the Arch, and I stand in the bricked-off landing by my locker.

  “I can’t believe it’s over,” the Arch says.

  I’m afraid to let myself believe it. I turn to him. “I’m sorry.”

  “For what?”

  “For thinking it was you.”

  He laughs. “I can’t blame you. I was sure it was you.”

  Moby clears his throat. “Well, I thought it was both of you.”

  Shelby folds her arms and cocks her hip. “Hello? Did anyone think it was me?”

  “No,” we all say in unison.

  • • •

  After school Sizzler, Shelby, the Arch, and I meet at the Dumpsters. The rain is over, and the warm sun reminds us that it’s been less than a week since summer ended. Normally I’d either be in detention or walking home with Moby right now. I’d been so sure I was going to take the fall that I hadn’t even bothered to imagine life after school today. “So, what are you guys going to do?” I ask.

  Sizzler jams his hands in his pockets like he has something to say but doesn’t know if he should.

  Shelby gives him a concerned look. “What is it, Julius?”

  “Nothing . . . I mean, I didn’t want to say anything but I’m . . .” His voice drops an octave, almost too quiet to hear. “I’m taking singing lessons. My mom signed me up.”

  Shelby lights up. “Where are your lessons?”

  “The music shop on twelfth. I need to get going. She’ll be mad if I’m late.”

  Shelby pushes up her glasses. “I know where that is. I can walk with you.”

  When he smiles, it reveals braces that look like he recently used them to grate a block of cheese. “Okay.”

  “Do you know anything about musical theater?” Shelby asks as the two of them head off together.

  The Arch watches them go, shaking his head. “I guess everyone’s full of surprises. Speaking of which, where’s Moby?”

  I quickly scan the parking lot. “I don’t know. He’s usually here by now. Probably needed to make a pit stop.”

  The Arch sucks air through gritted teeth. “Yikes.” We both laugh.

  “What’s so funny?” Moby says. When I turn, he’s standing there with Megumi.

  “So, I heard you only got a week of ISS?” I say.

  She looks down and nods. “I’m really sorry. I hope you know I never meant to get you guys in trouble.”

  I don’t know what to say to her. I understand that when you have something you need to make right, sometimes you just have to do what you have to do.

  The Arch isn’t short on words. “Hey, you’ve got a Cadre now. Maybe next time let us in on the plot from the beginning.”

  Megumi giggles. “I promise, I will from now on.”

  I laugh awkwardly, trying to think of something clever to say too. When nothing comes to me I say, “Are you guys ready
to get out of here?”

  “Actually,” Moby says, “Megumi and I are going to go . . . what are we going to do?”

  She giggles and pats his arm. “I don’t know. Do you like coffee?”

  Moby’s eyes go wide. “I’ll just have water.” He shoulders his gigantic backpack, then turns to me. “Remember, tomorrow’s the first Tuesday of the month.”

  Realization hits me like a bucket of ice water. “Tell the Colonel I’ll be there.”

  The Arch raises an eyebrow. “Who’s the Colonel?”

  I’m not quick enough to stop Moby. “My grandpa. Chub trims his toenails once a month.” Megumi and the Arch grimace. I slap my forehead. “It’s Chub’s payback for making me beat you in the poker tournament last year.”

  The Arch doubles over with laughter. “You guys are weird, do you know that?”

  Moby nods. “We know.” He turns to go and Megumi turns with him. “See you guys tomorrow.” The Arch and I watch them until they disappear around the fence at the end of the parking lot.

  The Arch sucks in a breath and blows it out loudly. “I gotta admit, I did not see that coming. I thought it would be one of us walking out of here with Megumi.”

  I nod. “I think I got so mad because I knew she would choose you.”

  “Yeah, but you had the whole comic book angle, so I was pretty sure she would choose you.”

  That makes my head sweat. “I guess we were both wrong about just about everything.”

  “So can we officially call this thing over?” He sticks out his hand, and for a moment I only stare at it.

  When I finally shake it, I feel something like a knot unraveling inside of me. “Done.”

  He puts his hands on his hips and surveys the empty parking lot. “So, what do we do now?”

  We start walking. I don’t have to think too long before I know exactly what we should do. “Have you ever done tai chi?”

  ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

  I’ll never be able to adequately express my gratitude to every single person in my writing family, but I’m going to try. The Papercuts: Maggie, Kayla (who named this book before it was even written), Jason, David, Cindy, Angie, and my smokin’-hot wife, Donna. You guys are the best thing to happen to Thursday since Thanksgiving. My kids: Max, Elena, Bethany, and Sophia. Super agent Sarah Davies. My wonderful, patient editor, Amy Cloud, publisher Mara Anastas, art director Laura DiSiena, managing editor Rebecca Vitkus, Julie Doebler in production, copy editor Beth Adelman, and all of the sales and marketing people at Aladdin who work so hard to turn ideas into real-life books. Dan Widdowson for another great cover illustration. And my friend Tronds, who gives his life for literature every day.