The Cat Sitter's Nine Lives

by Clement, Blaize, Clement, John

I thought, If only Michael could see me now. We’d spent practically our entire childhoods fantasizing about what this house looked like on the inside, making up stories about ghosts and missing children locked inside its numerous underground torture chambers, and now here I was, smack-dab in the middle of it, about to meet with the infamous Mrs. Silverthorn, live and in person.

  So far, though, I hadn’t seen a single cat.

  As if on cue, a woman appeared at the top of the steps. She was long limbed and tan, with a scarlet wrap tied around her head, sky blue capri pants over a flesh-colored leotard, and a long flowery scarf tied around her tiny waist. She practically floated down the stairs and extended her hand to mine in one single fluid motion. She was barefoot.

  “Oh, Dixie Hemingway, how kind of you to come. I’m Alice Ann Silverthorn.”

  She was in her mid-seventies at least, but her skin was taut and shiny, and her hair was shimmering silver and beautifully coifed in sculpted waves. For a moment I wondered if all her money didn’t go to hairdressers and plastic surgeons, but then I noticed a thin wisp of straight, mousy gray hair peeking out the back.

  She was wearing a wig, and her hair underneath must have been pulled back so tightly it was pulling the skin of her face taut. I had to admit, she looked pretty damn good for a woman her age. I decided right then and there that the very moment my hair started thinning, I’d go out and get myself a couple of wigs. Her cheeks were lightly dusted with fine powder, and she’d freshly applied to her lips a thin layer of burgundy lip gloss.

  With a firm handshake, she said, “It’s a pleasure to meet you. Won’t you come in?”

  I wasn’t quite sure how to respond since I was already in, so I just smiled and said, “Oh, thank you.”

  She turned toward the mirrored sliding door and caught her own image. “Janet, we’ll take tea in the reading room.” She smoothed the scarf around her waist down with the tips of her fingers and then turned back to me. “I feel a day isn’t worth living without a cup of tea.”

  Before I could respond she turned and headed up the stairs. I didn’t know if Janet had heard her or not, nor was I sure it mattered, so I followed mutely, taking care not to step on the scarf trailing behind her. Parts of the stairs were crumbling and separated at the joints, and at one point she said softly, “Keep to the right, my dear.”

  The “reading room” turned out to be a massive ballroom, with fully stocked bookshelves lining every wall from the floor all the way up to the arched ceiling, which must have been at least twenty-five feet high at its peak. The perimeter of the room was fitted with an iron track and rolling ladders to reach the books on top, and hugging one wall was what looked like a gigantic Egyptian rug, rolled up and covered with layers of yellowing newspaper and thin plastic dry-cleaner bags.

  Mrs. Silverthorn pointed to the far corner of the room where there was a low coffee table and said, “We’ll sit by the window. The light is brilliant this time of day.”

  The entire room was crowded with chairs of all sizes, shapes and colors. Dining chairs, club chairs, hassocks, rocking chairs, even an old wheelchair with a woven cane back. There were so many chairs, in fact, that I wasn’t exactly sure how we’d navigate through them to the table in the corner. I thought perhaps they’d been stored here temporarily, maybe from other parts of the house that were being painted, but Mrs. Silverthorn acted as if they were a permanent fixture. I followed as she expertly weaved in and out of them in a predetermined path, like a ballerina in an obstacle course.

  Tucked in among the chairs here and there were old buckets and copper pans, each partly filled with dingy gray water. I looked up to find long strips of crumbling paper and green plaster hanging from the ceiling, like dripping stalactites in a cave. I wondered if perhaps all those woody vines on the outside weren’t actually holding everything up and keeping the whole house from collapsing in on itself.

  We finally reached the coffee table and sat down opposite each other in a pair of button-tufted armchairs covered in pale lemon silk and a fine layer of dust. I considered discreetly brushing some of it away, but I didn’t want to embarrass anybody, so I ignored it.

  Mrs. Silverthorn arranged her long trailing scarf into a little bouquet in her lap and then sighed with a charming smile. “Now. Dixie Hemingway, I do hope you won’t mind my little trick, but I worry that tongues will wag whenever the Silverthorn name is bandied about, so I’m afraid I wasn’t entirely honest when I spoke to you on the telephone.”

  I said, “I completely understand. It’s not a problem at all.”

  She smiled. “Good, and please pardon the mess. As you can see, the roof is on the fritz. My footman is in charge of repairs, but I’m afraid he’s gone missing.”

  I had never once heard anyone say the word “footman” in real life, but I just smiled nonchalantly as if it were the most normal thing in the world and said, “Oh no, not at all. It’s a very beautiful house. I’ve always wondered what it looked like, I mean, on the inside. I grew up here on the Key, so as kids we used to make up all kinds of stories about it.”

  She threw her head back and laughed. “Oh, how delightful. What kind of stories?”

  Luckily for me Janet came in carrying a tray. I didn’t think Mrs. Silverthorn would be too happy to hear how the whole town thought she was crazy and that her house was filled with hundreds of cats and ghosts and secret torture chambers. She stood up and waved her scarf in Janet’s direction. “We’re over here, darling.”

  Janet was wending her way slowly through the chairs, keeping her eyes on the tray so as not to spill anything, and I thought to myself that her name didn’t fit her at all. She didn’t look like a Janet one bit. I would have guessed something darker, like Gerta or Morticia. Without looking up she said glumly, “I see you.”

  Mrs. Silverthorn cleared a dirty ashtray and a stack of faded gossip magazines from the coffee table to the floor next to her chair. The cover of the top magazine had a blurry snapshot of a shirtless man on a yacht, with a caption that read, “Burton Finds Liz with Another Girl’s Hubby!!??”

  Janet set the tray down on the table. It held a small silver teakettle sitting next to a matching sugar bowl, with a couple of lace napkins, two mismatched porcelain cups filled to the brim with steaming tea, and a tiny plate with two chocolate wafers.

  Mrs. Silverthorn handed me one of the cups and said, “Dixie Hemingway, I do hope you won’t take cream in your tea, because I’m afraid we’re all out.”

  She had a funny way of saying my name, as though it were all one word—Dixahemingway. I wondered if I shouldn’t correct her, but at that point I was still trying to adjust to my new surroundings and I didn’t quite trust my own judgment. I finally understood what Alice must have felt like in Wonderland. I’d smoked pot a few times in my rebellious teenage years, but I avoided the harder drugs like the plague, so I don’t have firsthand experience of what a bona fide drug trip feels like, but this had to be pretty damn close.

  As I took a sip of my tea, I prayed that Janet hadn’t slipped some kind of potion in it, or at the very least had rinsed the cup out first. It was mint, with just a touch of lemon, and actually quite tasty.

  Mrs. Silverthorn settled back into her chair and nodded at the back of Janet’s head. She was already halfway across the room. “That will be all for now, Janet darling, thank you.”

  I heard Janet say, “I know.”

  Mrs. Silverthorn said, “And now, we can finally talk.”

  I had set my backpack down on the floor next to my chair, and I was pulling my notebook and pen out of the side pocket. I said, “Mrs. Silverthorn, I think I may already know why you called. And you’re right about those wagging tongues. I stopped in at the vet’s office right before I drove here. They mentioned you were looking for a missing cat.”

  She shook her head. “Mr. Peters?”

  “What?”

  Her eyes widened with alarm. “Janet, where is Mr. Peters?”

  Of course, Janet had already gone. Mrs. Silvertho
rn then raised one hand and solemnly held it in the air, like a student raising her hand to get the teacher’s attention.

  She said, “Never mind. Whenever I think a troubling thought, I am to raise my hand in the air and name it. We’ll call that one ‘Oh, bother.’”

  I nodded, relieved.

  “You see, Mr. Peters is my only cat with outdoor privileges, and I’m afraid I worry about him too much. Hadley tells me I’m going to put myself in an early grave. I’m sure wherever Mr. Peters is, he’s perfectly safe. He’s probably out hunting crickets in the garden.”

  I half expected her to tell me that Mr. Peters was a Cheshire cat. I said, “Oh, is Hadley your footman?”

  She waved her finger in the air as if to say “no no no” but instead said something completely different. “Dixie Hemingway, you may or may not know there’s been a terrible incident in town. It would appear that one of my tenants has gone missing, and the authorities suspect foul play.”

  “You mean Mr. Hoskins?”

  She arched one eyebrow and nodded slowly. “So you do know. I want you to help me find him.”

  As much as I would have liked to find Mr. Hoskins, I shook my head immediately. I’d promised myself I wouldn’t get more involved in the case than I already was, and anyway it would have been completely irresponsible for me to snoop around behind Detective McKenzie’s back when she was already conducting an official investigation of her own.

  I said, “Mrs. Silverthorn, I’m sorry, but I’m a cat sitter, not a missing persons detective. You’ll have to call someone else. I can’t help you.”

  She pursed her lips and swiveled her head toward me like a hoot owl. “Young lady! Mr. Hoskins’s cat is missing. Are you aware of that in your impertinent head?”

  I gulped. “Oh. I’m sorry, I … I didn’t mean to be rude. Yes, I do know his cat is missing. In fact—”

  “Good. Then it’s settled. You’ll help me find him.”

  “Huh?”

  “Moses Cosmo Thornwall—he’s a marvelous animal. The police tell me he’s lost, but I believe he can’t have gone far. In fact, I believe he might still be inside that bookstore. I want you to find him.”

  Sometimes I think we’re all just bags of molecules, randomly bouncing and bumping around the universe, and then other times I think somewhere, something or someone is in charge, pulling all the strings and making sense of all the chaos. Here I’d been sneaking around in the alley, looking for Cosmo and wondering how I could get inside that store, and now the universe was literally handing me the keys. Mrs. Silverthorn was pulling them out of a small blue velvet pouch.

  “I spent practically the entire night looking for these keys only to find them in the exact spot they were supposed to be. Of course I could have sworn I’d already looked there, but such is the burden of an aging mind. Now, this long one with the round head opens the front door. The smaller one opens the back. There are all kinds of nooks and crannies in that store, and cats are very quick and crafty, so he could be hiding anywhere.”

  I started to remind her that I did actually know a thing or two about cats, being a professional cat sitter and all, but she held one hand up to stop me. “Now, let’s not talk about money. It’s so vulgar. There is, however, one delicate matter that I feel I must ask of you.” She glanced toward the door and then lowered her voice.

  “I’ve explained to Mr. Silverthorn that you’re here to care for Mr. Peters. I’m afraid my reputation as a cat-obsessed recluse is not entirely unearned, and I’d prefer my husband think I’m not so far gone as to employ a professional to help track down a tenant’s cat. Anyway, it’s only a half-lie. Mr. Peters is a rascally tom and constantly gets into trouble, and without my footman I’m at a total loss. I can’t be out traipsing about the property at my age, and Mr. Silverthorn is no spring chicken himself. So I’ll spare no expense to keep my peace of mind about Mr. Peters. He’s my favorite, you know.”

  I tried not to sound too nosy. “So … you have other cats?”

  She made a gesture with her arm that seemed to encompass the entire mansion. “Oh, of course, dear, but not on this floor.”

  She dropped the keys back down in the pouch and held it out to me, but I still wasn’t convinced. If Cosmo was still inside the store, I didn’t think he’d be hiding. By now he’d be as hungry as a tiger, pacing in the window and trying to get out—someone would have seen him. Plus, I didn’t know the first thing about finding missing animals other than tacking up signs on telephone poles, and it seemed wrong to take money from a woman who was clearly a little off her rocker and broke to boot.

  She said, “I know what you’re thinking—the ravishing yet crazy cat lady has no money.”

  “No, I’m not thinking that at all. It’s just that if Cosmo was still inside the store—”

  She interrupted me. “No, dear. He won’t answer to just Cosmo any sooner than I’ll answer to just Alice. It’s Moses Cosmo Thornwall.”

  “Okay,” I said, “if he was still inside the store, I think I would have seen him. I’ve already looked in the window a couple of times, and there’s no sign of him. I think he might have gotten out of the store. In fact, I think he may be hiding in the street somewhere.”

  She tipped her chin and studied me. “And why were you looking in the window of the bookstore?”

  I said, “Mrs. Silverthorn, I was in the store the night Mr. Hoskins disappeared. It’s possible I was his last customer. The police are looking for him, but no one’s looking for his cat. He seemed like a very sweet man, and I felt it was the least I could do—and I know animals.”

  Her eyes narrowed. “Then you know exactly how I feel, and you’re clearly the right woman for the job.”

  She held the velvet pouch out again, and this time I took it.

  18

  I was standing in front of the big display window at Beezy’s, trying to look inconspicuous. The sun was low in the sky, threatening to plunge into the ocean, and the shops were all still open, so the street was busy. A couple of college kids, a boy and a girl, came meandering up the sidewalk holding hands. The girl was tall and slightly plump, with short frizzy hair and a flowing hippie skirt, and the boy was a good deal shorter, with black-framed glasses and a seventies-style goatee.

  They slowed, and the boy said, “Ma’am, are they still closed?”

  I nodded. “Yeah.”

  The girl said, “Bummer,” and then they made sad, grumpy faces at each other.

  I mad a sad, grumpy face at myself in the reflection of the window as they walked on. Since when did kids get so goddamned polite? I decided if one more person called me ma’am I would sock him in the mouth.

  I was a little worried about being seen going into the bookstore. I didn’t want to have to answer any questions about what I was doing there, or what had happened to Mr. Hoskins. Since Mrs. Silverthorn had asked that I not tell her husband about our arrangement or what I was doing, I was pretty sure she didn’t want me telling anybody else either.

  Also, I was a little scared.

  Even though I knew Detective McKenzie would have ordered a cleanup crew to get rid of the blood on the counter, just the fact that something terrible could have happened inside the store made me a little wary of going in alone. I took a walk down to the end of the block just to calm my nerves, but I didn’t want to linger on the sidewalk too long. The more I hung around the more likely it was that I’d run into somebody I knew.

  As I passed the butcher shop I saw Butch in the back, wearing a bloody apron and a white chef’s hat. I wondered if it was possible he’d seen that cat again. If he’d gotten a good look at it and could confirm it was Cosmo, maybe I wouldn’t need to go in the bookstore at all. I half hoped he’d tell me that he’d caught the cat he’d seen and taken it to the Kitty Haven, but that was probably asking for too much.

  I pushed the door open, and a blanket of cool air wafted over me, mixed with the pungent smell of raw meat and bleach. The whole place was probably about the same size as the book
store, but the front area, the part for customers, wasn’t much bigger than my kitchen. It had a white tile floor, with chalkboards on the walls listing prices and the day’s specials, and a long refrigerated display case separating it from the back, where all the meat was prepared for sale.

  The display case was filled with row upon row of fresh, glistening meat, lined up with artistic precision in neat, parallel rows. There were turkey breasts, ground beef, sirloin, pork chops, sausage, thick-cut bacon, Cornish hens, sliced ham, roasting chickens, and a whole slew of other cuts of meat I didn’t even recognize. I don’t much like going in butcher shops—all that raw flesh just reminds me that my hamburger patty used to be a living, breathing thing walking around in a field and munching on grass and dandelions. I like it much better when it’s laid out in front of me on a plate already cooked, and preferably by somebody else.

  Butch was behind the case, standing over a worktable and expertly sharpening a butcher’s knife that looked at least fifteen inches long. He was holding it out in front of him and slicing its edge along a honing steel, his hands flying with such speed and precision that he looked like a mad conductor leading an orchestra in the final frenzied moments of a symphony. The shimmering ring it made was so loud I didn’t think he heard me come in, and it turned out I was right, because when he finally saw me standing there he looked momentarily shocked.

  I said, “I was just in the neighborhood. I thought I’d stop in and see if maybe you’d seen that cat again?”

  He put the knife down and came over to the counter, wiping his hands on his apron. “Yeah, yeah, they found him already.”

  I said, “What? They did?”

  “Yeah. A lady came in here this afternoon asking if I’d lost a cat. She said they found him hiding in the alley out back. Big orange fella, right?”

  “Yes, that’s him! Did she say where she was taking him?”

  He shrugged and cocked his head to the side. “Nope. I told her about you, but since you didn’t give me your number…”